He came and opened the door. She swallowed hard before getting out. He didn’t speak as he looked over her face and body. Feeling his gaze as much as a touch she took a step back.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
She nodded and turned away to get the storage containers from the back of her car. “I’m fine, but why do you care?”
He took the containers from her. “I called your job, and they said you called in sick. I came to make sure you were okay.”
Tasha looked at the roses growing along her porch, the tree in the yard, and the sky. Anything was better than looking in his eyes. “You’ve already told me how you feel. You think I’m a lying, scheming, conniving bitch that’s trying to trap you into … something by having this baby. You don’t want me or this baby and you’re moving back to L.A. where I can’t expect to get anything from you.” Her voice grew shaky as she spoke and she had to stop and take a deep breath. She wouldn’t cry in front of him. “So again, I ask why you care.”
Jared groaned. “Dammit, Tasha, I can’t just shut off what I feel for you. Regardless of what happened.”
Her eyes flew to meet his and her lip twisted in anger. “You don’t feel anything for me. You said it in Atlanta, you only told me you loved me so I’d come with you.”
He put the containers on top of her car. “No, that’s what I let Malcolm believe. I’m the one who always said I’d never fall in love. I’m the one who doesn’t trust women. I was going to be a bachelor forever. I couldn’t say out loud to everyone something I’d only just admitted to myself.”
She crossed her arms. “So you were too proud to admit you loved me. I wasn’t thrilled about falling for you either, Jared. But I admitted it to Kenyatta. I took the sad pitiful way she looked at me because I believed what we had was real.”
He stepped toward her. “It was real until you … ” He sighed, looked away, then turned back to her. “Can we talk about this inside?”
She shook her head. “Shouldn’t you be training or somewhere? I’ve got a lot to do today, and I don’t have time to beg you to believe me.”
She reached for the containers on her car, but he was faster and grabbed them before her. “Look, I’ve already missed my flight waiting on you.”
She froze. “You’re leaving today?” She’d known he was going back, he’d even told her it would be this week. But that didn’t make it hurt less to know he was really leaving her in a matter of hours.
He nodded. “We need to talk before I go.”
She walked around him toward her front door. His footsteps followed. What was left to say? Even though he said he’d really loved her, he couldn’t have. You trusted those you loved, and it was obvious he hadn’t trusted her.
He followed her into the living room and placed the containers on the couch. The couch had too many good memories. Pushing back her anxiety, she turned to go into the kitchen. He followed.
“Were you sleeping with Monica when you were sleeping with me?” She blurted out the first thing she wanted to know. Someone had to have ruined his condoms other than her.
“No. I did sleep with Monica, but it was a few weeks before you and I hooked up.”
“Were the condoms messed up when you bought them?”
He ran his hand over his face. “No, the package was sealed.”
“How many women did you sleep with while using those condoms?”
Jared cringed and looked away. “Tasha, stop it.”
“No, I won’t stop it. I didn’t do this, but you’re determined to think I did. You said you really did love me, but you couldn’t have. If you did you would know this isn’t something I would do.”
He rushed over and took her hands in his. “Don’t you understand that because I loved you I don’t want to believe it?”
Pain sliced through her when he said “loved.” He didn’t love her anymore, and, idiotically, she still loved him. “Then believe it. Believe me.”
She stared in his eyes, begging him to trust her. It didn’t take long for her to become aware of the heat from his body and the intoxicating smell of him. Her eyes traveled to his lips and memories of them together flooded her system. She leaned closer to him and his head lowered. She tried to ignore the hot frenzy within her, but his eyes became soft and she licked her lips in anticipation. He dropped her hands and stepped away.
He put his back to her and she watched his shoulders rise and fall as he took several deep breaths. “I can’t think straight when I’m around you. I never could, otherwise I would have turned down your offer in the first place.” He slowly turned to face her. “I’ve got to get away and going to L.A. is what I need. Regardless of how it happened, it happened. You’re pregnant, and because I care about you, I take back what I said earlier. I’ll help with the baby.”
Anger shot through her like a lightning rod. “Don’t give me that crap. You don’t care.”
He tensed. “Obviously I do or I wouldn’t offer to help after what happened.”
“Either you love me or you don’t. Either you believe me or you don’t. I don’t want some half assed attempt to do what’s right.”
“I can’t do that right now.”
“Do it now, or don’t do it at all. Don’t come back into my life if you don’t believe me. We don’t need that.”
He flinched. “Tasha, I will take care of my child.”
“As far as I’m concerned this isn’t your child. Unless you admit right now that you believe me, I don’t want anything to do with you.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“It is for me.”
She stared at him and silently prayed he would believe her. It was reverting back to her foolish ways to hope for love to conquer all. That he would look in his heart and realize the Tasha he loved would never do something so awful to him. He walked toward her and reached out to brush his hand lightly over her cheek. He splayed his hands in her hair and pulled her close. Happiness washed over her when he pressed his lips against hers. It was a brief, fleeting kiss. He buried his nose in her hair before inhaling deeply.
“I’m sorry, Tasha, but I can’t. Not right now.” He stepped away. “If you need anything, let Malcolm or Devin know. They’ll be sure to tell me.” He turned and walked out of the kitchen.
She didn’t know how long she stood there after her front door closed. He couldn’t trust her. No. He wouldn’t allow himself to trust her. She saw it in his eyes.
She slowly walked from the kitchen to the living room. She picked up one of the storage containers and walked over to her bookshelf. One swift stroke of her hand and one shelf was empty. Then the next, and the next. She dumped everything into the box until the shelf was clear. She marched into her room, pulled the box from underneath her bed, and carried it out the back door. She didn’t look through it before she dumped first the contents, then the box directly into the trash. She was tired of letting Jared Patterson break her heart. She would clear her mind of him and everything that reminded her of love, happiness, and fairy tales. It was all a lie. Love didn’t conquer a damn thing.
CHAPTER 35
The acrid smell of strong coffee woke Jared. He groaned as he pulled a pillow over his head and rolled over, burying his face in the satin sheets on the bed. There was a dull ache behind his ears and his stomach rolled from the coffee scent he couldn’t muffle. He knew Cassandra liked her coffee strong, but that didn’t make it any easier getting used to waking up to the smell. He’d avoided looking for a place to stay in the three weeks he’d been in Los Angeles, but after suffering this particular wakeup call for too long it was time to make a decision. Either find a place in L.A., or go home.
He peeked from beneath the pillow at the clock beside the bed. The red numbers glowed, announcing that it was eight A.M. He swore and jumped from the bed, but paid for it with another wave of queasiness
. Cassandra’s birthday party was today, but the celebration had started the night before. Her ex-boyfriend insisted on throwing a party in her honor at a club. Jared had known he’d pay for the tequila shots he’d drowned like Kool-Aid, and his sick stomach was testimony to that.
Ignoring the urge to lie back in bed, he pulled on a pair basketball shorts and a t-shirt before leaving the bedroom. Cassandra hadn’t asked why he’d insisted on coming early for her birthday and he hadn’t offered. He’d thought about Tasha and the baby constantly since leaving Columbia.
The look in her eyes when she’d begged him to believe her that day in her kitchen haunted him. He had believed her, and that scared him more than anything. He’d felt his suspicion slipping away when she’d insisted yet again that she hadn’t tricked him. Her sincerity pierced through all his defenses and cut him in the gut.
His love for her said she wasn’t lying, but logic said she was. He wasn’t used to trusting emotions when it came to relationships. What if his love for her was clouding his judgment? He’d never been in love before. It was scary to think love would have him trust her so deeply. So he’d run. Malcolm, Devin, his mom, they all were right. When he didn’t know how to handle things he took off. That was why he’d taken tequila shots like a frat boy on spring break — he knew he’d run from Tasha and he wanted to drown his shame.
Bright sunlight bombarded his senses when he opened the door to the bedroom. Cassandra’s apartment could only be described as bright. Everything was white: the walls, the carpet, her furniture. The monochrome theme was broken up by bright splashes of red, orange, green, or yellow in the form of pillows, throw rugs, or paintings. Floor to ceiling windows let sunlight in and the effect on his senses was overwhelming.
He squinted as he jogged down the stairs into the kitchen. Cassandra sat at the bar with a white coffee mug in her hand. She was another blotch of color in her all white paradise in a hot pink camisole and shorts pajama set. She had on full make up, which meant she’d already showered but planned to lounge around all day before her party that evening. Despite his annoyance with the coffee, he smiled inwardly. Cassandra couldn’t even be comfortable in her own apartment without looking as if she’d stepped out of a makeup studio.
Her perfectly arched eyebrows rose when he entered the kitchen. “Well, I see you finally decided to climb out of bed.”
Jared opened the fridge and pulled out a glass pitcher of orange juice. “Eight in the morning isn’t late.”
“Maybe for some, but it is for you. You’ve gotten up at four every morning since you’ve been here to go jogging before working out. I thought you were training for something, or trying to kill yourself.”
He poured juice into a glass. “I work out every morning.”
“But you also work out for a few hours in the afternoon.”
He shrugged. “I’m a trainer.”
She cupped the mug in her hand and placed her elbows on the bar. “But you’re not training anyone.”
He downed the juice. “I’m back in L.A. If I want clients out here then I need to make sure my body is tight.”
The corner of her mouth lifted in a smile. “Your body looks pretty tight to me.”
She winked and he laughed. “I think the tequila is still in your system.” He walked over to sit across from her at the bar.
She laughed. “It’s in everybody’s system. Ramon knows how to throw a party.”
Jared groaned. “Please tell me tonight won’t be as wild as last night.”
She bit the tip of her tongue and grinned. “Tonight’s going to be wilder than last night. It’s my birthday. We have to celebrate it in style.”
Jared dropped his head to the bar. “I’m too old for this.”
Cassandra sucked her teeth. Her hand, still warm from holding the coffee mug, rubbed the back of his head. “Poor baby, you stayed in the country too long. Now you can’t hang with us city folks.”
Jared lifted his head and glared. “You’re getting too old for this too, Cassandra.”
She tossed her head. “You must be crazy, I’m twenty-four.”
Jared laughed. “Okay, keep telling yourself that.” He stood. “I’m going to jog off some of this alcohol.” He went back over to the fridge and pulled out a Gatorade and one of his protein bars.
She took a sip of her coffee. “Come on, lova, take today off. Whip up one of your hangover remedies and lounge on the couch with me.”
“If I don’t run this morning I’ll be jumpy all day. I have a lot of built up energy I need to get out.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Are you running to get in shape, or are you running from something?”
“That’s foolishness.” He ripped open the protein bar and took a bite.
“When are you going to tell me about the woman that drove you back here? Don’t look so surprised — you ran to South Carolina when I hinted at us getting back together, it only makes sense that a woman made you run back to California.” She drank the last of her coffee, stood, and walked over to put the mug in the sink. When she turned to face him her arms were crossed. “What happened?”
Jared shook his head. “Nothing happened.”
“Jared, don’t play me for a fool. What’s going on? I know you promised to come out for my birthday, but showing up three weeks early for it and having no solid plans for when you’ll return is a bit much.”
He grinned. “What, a guy can’t spend some time with his homegirl?”
She raised an eyebrow. “Jared.”
He sighed. He might as well tell her, although he hated to hear the different ways she would curse him out for running. He’d been cursing himself out since walking out of Tasha’s door. He opened his mouth when his cell phone rang.
Cassandra sighed and pointed at him. “I’m not forgetting this,” she said as she walked out of the kitchen.
Jared picked up his phone from the counter and checked the caller ID. It was Devin. “How is she?”
“She looked the same, but you’d know that if you were here.” Disappointment colored Devin’s tone. Devin was updating him as best he could, but he only saw her during his Wednesday night games.
Guilt pressed down on Jared. “I know. Look, I’m coming back next week.”
“When did you decide that?”
Jared could hear the surprise in Devin’s voice. Hell, he’d surprised himself. He couldn’t keep this up much longer. Cassandra was right, he was working out like a crazy person. But it wasn’t for clients, it was to pound out his guilt for leaving Tasha. It was time to go home and face this situation.
“I’ve been out here busting my ass working out or drinking trying to forget this situation with Tasha and I’m tired of doing it. It’s time to come home and work things out.”
“Can you really handle knowing what she did to you?”
Jared pinched the bridge of his nose. “I don’t know if I believe she really did it. I mean, I saw her in my bag that night, but Tasha wouldn’t poke holes in my condoms.”
“Are you sure?”
Jared remembered the devastation in her eyes when he said he couldn’t trust her. “I’m sure. She’s having my child. We can work something out.”
He heard Devin sigh on his end. “Well, it may be harder than you think.”
Jared gripped the phone. “What do you mean?”
“Kevis is still in the picture. He’s coming to games early and helping her get the equipment set up. It’s obvious he’s still feeling her. If you don’t want someone else calling your kid Daddy, you better get back here quick.”
Crazy thoughts invaded his mind: Tasha sleeping with Kevis, passing her pregnancy off on him, Kevis doing the honorable thing and marrying her. Him watching another man live a life with the woman and child he’d left behind because like a fool he’d run to L.A. He didn’t need to wait
to get back to Columbia, he needed to go home today. “That baby’s not calling anyone Daddy but me. Thanks for looking out, man.”
“No problem. I’ll see you soon.”
“All right, bye.”
He ended the call and stared at the phone. “Cassandra!” he yelled. He spun around and was startled to see her ducking behind the door. “I saw you.”
She came around the corner and eyed him guiltily. He wasn’t upset about her eavesdropping — she was his friend and she wanted to know why he’d run. But, she had the same deer in the headlights look Monica wore. Right after he’d caught her ruffling through his nightstand for a condom and then stepped on a pin.
“Monica.”
Cassandra scowled. “I’m Cassandra.”
He shook his head. “No, Monica did it. She was in my nightstand. She poked the holes in my condoms.” He balled his hands into fists. “That bitch. It was right in front of me and I accused Tasha.”
It came to him as simply as if he’d always known. The reason he’d thrown Monica out in the first place was because of her snooping in his nightstand. The same nightstand where he kept his condoms. It was so obvious, but he’d only considered Monica a nuisance after he’d fallen for Tasha. Her constant popping up now made sense. She’d been trying to trick him. Shame and guilt brewed nastily in his gut. He’d blamed Tasha when the answer had been right in front of his face.
Cassandra took a tentative step toward him. “What’s going on? Is Monica the pregnant one?”
“No, Tasha’s pregnant. Monica poked the holes.”
“You were sleeping with both of them?”
“No, Monica did it before I started with Tasha. Tasha didn’t do it.”
Cassandra gave a weak smile. “But she’s still pregnant.”
“I don’t care. I love her,” he said. Cassandra’s eyes grew wide as saucers. He waited for the regret to hit him for saying it out loud. But it didn’t come. It was liberating to say it and not be afraid to admit it. He’d been afraid to accept how much he trusted her. Afraid to admit he believed her when she said she hadn’t tricked him based on her word alone. Now that he realized the truth had been staring him in the face the entire time he felt like a royal idiot.
Southern Love Page 47
