The ultrasound technician came into the waiting area and called Tasha’s name. But she and Jared just glared at each other. His jaw was tense. His eyes clouded with anger. The sparks between them were so thick she was surprised the air didn’t crackle. His eyes dropped briefly to her lips and despite herself, she licked them. It was enough to ignite the desire that always lingered when he was near.
“Come on, Tasha, let’s go back,” her mom said. She jumped up and pulled on Tasha’s arm.
Tasha slowly stood and Jared popped up behind her. They headed toward the ultrasound technician, who held up a hand. “Only one other person can come with you.”
Tasha turned to tell Jared to wait, but he took her elbow and pulled her forward. He turned to her mom with a determined look in his eye. “Wait here.”
Her mom’s mouth fell open before she snapped it closed. Tasha expected her to argue. Instead Virginia nodded stiffly and sat back down.
Tasha snatched her elbow out of Jared’s hand and turned toward the ultrasound tech, who smiled nervously and looked from Tasha to Jared. “I’m Jane, I’ll be doing your ultrasound. You can follow me.”
Tasha nodded and followed Jane from the waiting room. She didn’t have to turn to know he followed. As always, she sensed him behind her. Jane led them into a small room with a bed and an ultrasound. Pictures of the various stages of pregnancy lined the wall and a few hand drawn pictures, presumably from Jane’s children, were on the cabinets.
“If you’ll go in the bathroom and empty your bladder. Leave off your bottoms and wrap in one of the hospital gowns when you come back out,” Jane said.
Tasha nodded and followed her instructions. When she finished she avoided looking at Jared who stood stiffly beside the door. Jane smiled when she came out and motioned for her to sit on the bed. Anxiety crept up her spine. What if something was wrong with the baby?
Jared rushed over and took her hand. Her eyes met his and he smiled reassuringly. When he squeezed her hand, her anxiety fled. She forgot about their earlier argument and all of the reasons why she shouldn’t love him. If her mom had insisted on coming back, she would have wished Jared were there instead.
They didn’t speak as Jane squeezed the cold jelly on Tasha’s slightly rounded stomach. She tensed when Jane put the ultrasound on her belly. A relieved sigh rushed out of her lungs when the sound of the heartbeat filled the room.
Jared looked around. “What’s that?”
Jane smiled. “Your baby’s heartbeat.”
A goofy grin split his face. He looked at Tasha’s stomach in wonder before meeting her eyes. “You hear that?”
She smiled. “I do.”
He squeezed her hand again and looked at the screen. “What’s that?”
Jane explained what she looked for on the screen, how she checked the baby’s skeletal system and took measurements, and the blood flow in the heart. Jared was enraptured and asked a lot of questions. Jane smiled and answered his questions in stride. Tasha’s heart melted with each one of Jared’s grins, gasps of wonder, and swellings of pride.
Jane looked at them both with a grin. “Are you ready to know what you’re having?”
Tasha gulped. “I guess so.”
Jane turned to the screen and pointed. “It’s a girl!”
Happiness and love swelled within her. A girl. Her mom would be disappointed that she’d have to wait on a grandson, but she would easily get over it. Tasha hadn’t cared either way, as long as she was healthy.
Jared clutched her hand and she turned to him. “She’ll be as beautiful as her mother,” he said. He leaned over to kiss her forehead.
Tasha bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut. She wanted too much, she wanted him too much. She pulled away and turned to Jane. “Does everything look okay?” She took her hand from Jared’s. His body stiffened beside her, but she didn’t look his way. She was getting sucked into feeling this was a real relationship when it wasn’t.
“She looks beautiful,” Jane said. She printed out the pictures and made notes on her chart. Jared reached over to touch Tasha’s shoulder but she shifted away. Jane looked back at them oblivious to the tension. “I’ll take your chart to the nurse while you get dressed, then come back and take you out for your regular visit.”
Tasha smiled and nodded at Jane. “That sounds great, thanks.”
When Jane walked out, Tasha began to slide off the table but Jared moved to stand in front of her. He placed his hand on the ends of the bed, making it impossible for her to get up. “What’s wrong? I thought you’d be happy to find out it’s a girl.”
She avoided his gaze. “I am happy.”
“Then why did you pull away from me? I’m ecstatic and you’re stiff.” He grinned at her. “We’re having a girl.”
She sighed and met his eyes. “No, I’m having a girl.”
His smile twisted into a scowl. “Tasha, we are in this together.”
“No, we’re not. We aren’t together and we won’t be together.”
“That’s because you won’t let me back in. What else do you want me to do? I’ve apologized. I’ve told you over and over how much I love you. I’ve tried to learn everything I can about babies so I can help when she’s here.” He straightened and pulled the golf shirt from his pants. “Hell, I’m even dressing like a choir boy to prove I’m ready to be with you. But you keep pushing me away.”
“I never asked you to change.”
“I know. I want to change. I’m doing all of this because I want you to forgive me and take me back. Shit, Tasha, I’m not this guy. I don’t chase women and beg them to come back, but I’m willing to do that for you. I know I messed up. I know I didn’t believe you when I should have, but can’t you see how much I regret that? Can’t you see how much I love you?”
“You don’t love me enough, Jared.”
He looked at her as if she’d sprouted another head. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“You want a relationship on your terms. You don’t want to step out of your comfort zone. I have to compromise. I have to give up my wish to get married. I’ll have to face my parents’ disapproval about our relationship every Sunday. I’ll have to trust that your love, which is so fickle, will be strong enough to keep you with me without a commitment.” She pounded her chest with each statement. Tears burned the back of her eyes, and for the first time she was afraid she would actually spill them in front of him.
He scowled and put his hands back on the ends of the bed. “Do you think marriage is going to make me more committed to you? Married people cheat, get divorced, and leave. I know married guys who are far less committed to their wives than I am to you. I can’t jump off the deep end and change who I am in the blink of an eye. I’m offering you commitment, love, and security for as long as we want it.”
“But I want it forever.”
He spun away. “A piece of paper doesn’t equal forever, dammit!” He slammed his hand on the counter.
She slid off the table. “It’s more than a piece of paper, Jared.”
“Maybe to you, but not to me.”
She lifted her chin. “And that’s why we can’t be together.”
He clenched his jaw, rubbed his hand over his face, and took a deep breath. “I’ll let your mom finish this visit with you.”
Her throat constricted. Afraid to speak without crying she nodded. He looked at her once more before stalking out.
CHAPTER 38
“Jared, you ain’t finished with that tie yet?”
Jared turned from the mirror in the church basement and faced his brother. Malcolm looked comfortable and polished in his traditional tuxedo. Devin and Uncle Bruce were sitting on a couch in a corner laughing, while Mr. Carter sat nearby smiling. They were all fully dressed, while Jared was still trying to figure out the intricacies of a bowtie.<
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Malcolm had the same goofy grin on his face he’d sported when Jared had picked him up for the bachelor party the night before. Surprisingly, he’d enjoyed himself just sitting at a bar laughing and drinking with Malcolm, Devin, Uncle Bruce, and even Mr. Carter. Months ago, he would have bemoaned the lack of naked women involved. Now, the only woman he wanted to see naked asked for something he wasn’t sure he could give.
Jared scowled at Malcolm. “Who knows how to tie a damn bowtie?”
Malcolm laughed and walked over. “Most men who wear more than workout clothes every day.” He pushed Jared’s hands out of the way and took over.
“You would pick a bowtie instead of a regular tie. I know how to tie that,” he grumbled.
Malcolm shrugged. “Kenyatta and I wanted a simple and straightforward wedding. No frills, no extras. A traditional tux is as simple as you can get.” Malcolm finished and stepped back smiling.
Jared rolled his eyes. “Are you gonna grin like that all day? It’s sickening.” He turned back to the mirror. The tie was perfect, but he still tugged at it.
Malcolm laughed and sat on the arm of the couch next to the mirror. “Why shouldn’t I smile all day? I’m finally marrying the woman I love. After two years of waiting, I’m not ashamed to be happy.”
Jared looked over to make sure the other guys weren’t listening before turning to face Malcolm. “Why get married? Why does the piece of paper make what you two have real? I mean, you were perfect before and committed to each other. Marriage doesn’t change that.”
Malcolm rubbed his goatee and considered Jared. “I know marriage doesn’t mean much to you, but it does to me. I saw what Mom and Dad had before he got all messed up, and I want that. Kenyatta does too. She’s always wanted the same type of relationship her parents have.”
Jared shook his head. “But you can have that without being married. You can still be committed to each other without going through the pomp and circumstance of a wedding.”
“You could, but it’s more than that. When I almost lost Kenyatta, I knew I wanted to be with her forever. I can tell her every day, but I want to make it official. I want to stand before God, our family, and friends, and tell her I love her and will be there forever. No matter what comes our way, I want the world to know I’m with her until the end. I want to introduce her as my wife, not just my girl or my lady.” Malcolm stood and continued to grin. “I know it sounds crazy to you, bruh, but that’s just me. You’ll just have to permanently revoke my player card.” Malcolm hit Jared’s arm and walked over to join the rest of the guys.
Jared watched Malcolm as he joined the conversation with Devin and Uncle Bruce. Malcolm laughed and joked around a lot more. Before Kenyatta, it was always work; now he seemed happier, freer. There wasn’t a hint of anxiety or stress in his stance.
Jared looked at himself in the mirror. His shoulders were stiff. His jaw clenched. There was tension around his eyes. The only time he’d felt as relaxed and comfortable in life as Malcolm appeared was when he was with Tasha. She eased his fears about success, she made his burdens more bearable, she made his days brighter. He’d been tense and edgy since they’d parted ways. Even before her, he’d never been completely relaxed. It was always some sort of hustle: hustling to get client, hustling to start his line of food products, hustling to avoid relationships. That was what his life would go back to without Tasha.
He imagined life without her and his neck tightened. She deserved to have it all: husband, kids, the whole nine. But could he give her everything? He didn’t know if he was the type of man who could make her happy forever. She wanted the perfect life he’d never believed existed. Except it had for the months they were together.
He wanted that perfect life when he was with her. He wanted the sweet, honest, dependable woman who’d be there for him at the end of the day. He wanted to take care of her and make things easier when her job brought her down. That was why he couldn’t give her up — he had the perfect life with her, and he wanted it back.
Jared’s hands got clammy and his heart beat erratically. Damn, I can’t really be considering this.
“Jared, you all right? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Devin said from across the room.
Jared cleared his throat and wiped the sweat from his brow. “I’m good,” he said in a tight voice.
Malcolm and Uncle Bruce both looked over. He would have taken pleasure that the smile finally left Malcolm’s face when their eyes met, but Tasha’s dad came downstairs. Jared recognized the stern jaw and commanding posture from the pictures in Tasha’s house. Reverend Smith glanced briefly at Jared before going over to Malcolm.
“I hope you’re ready, son. The ladies have arrived and we’ll be starting soon.”
Malcolm’s smile returned full force. “I’ve been ready for years, Reverend Smith.”
Jared would have rolled his eyes if he weren’t so shaken by the realization that he wanted to marry Tasha.
Reverend Smith laughed and patted Malcolm’s shoulder. “That’s what I like to hear. Who’s your best man? I’d like to go over some things before the wedding.”
Malcolm called Jared over. Reverend Smith frowned at Jared before turning back to Malcolm with a smile. Jared barely heard the instructions, but it didn’t matter. Stand beside Malcolm, hand him the ring, walk down the aisle behind him and Kenyatta. It was pretty straightforward. The hard part would be not rushing over to Tasha the moment he saw her and telling her he thought he could handle marriage. They could elope, go somewhere just the two of them, and say simple vows. No big deal, no big fuss.
But he knew she’d want the church wedding with their family and friends surrounding them. A band, a large reception, and all the trimmings. He cleared his throat and tugged at his bowtie. He’d have to do it. Eloping would be her caving in to his terms again.
“Did you have something to add, Jared?” Devin asked.
Jared looked up. Everyone stared at him. He shook his head and wiped his hands on his pants. “Nah, just something in my throat. Is that all?”
Reverend Smith nodded. “That’s all for the wedding, but I would like to have a word with you.”
Jared looked at Malcolm, who gave him a warning look. They hadn’t discussed Tasha’s pregnancy as part of the pre-wedding peace agreement. It would have been too much to ask for the wedding day to go by without it coming up.
“Sure, where do you want to talk?”
Reverend Smith held up his hand. “There’s no need to sneak off for this discussion. We all know that my youngest daughter is … pregnant with your child.”
Devin and Uncle Bruce made faces and turned away. Mr. Carter sighed and sat on the couch. Malcolm didn’t move.
Jared nodded. “She is.”
“And we all know you two aren’t together. I’ve heard about you, and I know you’re not the type to make an honest woman out of her. So I’m asking you to step aside and let her be happy.”
Jared’s eyebrows shot together. “Excuse me?”
“It’ll be harder for her to find a husband with a baby, but times have changed and since it’s just one child it’s still possible for her to be happy. If you cared a little, step aside.”
“But sir … ”
Reverend Smith raised a hand. “I found the number of the guy who was interested in Tasha. He knows she’s pregnant and still offered to help. I believe he can make her happy, so I invited him to the wedding. Let’s make this day go smoothly, okay? No antics, no, as you kids say, blocking. Let her be happy.”
Jared’s eyes narrowed. Hitting the reverend before the wedding could only delay things by a half hour tops. “I can make her happy.”
Reverend Smith shook his head. “Please, she’s not here to see your dramatics. Just step aside.” He turned to Malcolm and smiled. “We’ll use the back stairs to go up so we don’t see the la
dies.” He turned and strolled toward the stairs.
Jared pointed and started after him, but Malcolm stopped him with a hand to the chest. “Not today, man.”
“But he just told me to step aside and let another man have Tasha and my baby.” Jared tried to push away but Malcolm pressed hard.
“Jared, this isn’t a competition. It’s real life. If she’d be happier with someone else … ”
“She loves me, she’d be happier with me.”
Malcolm rolled his eyes. “Don’t ruin this day, okay? Just let it go. You can fight this out later.”
Devin stood and walked over. “It’s time to go up.”
Jared and Malcolm stared at each other. He wanted to fight this battle now. He wanted everyone to know he was the right choice for Tasha. But Malcolm was right, today wasn’t the day. He nodded stiffly and Malcolm relaxed. Jared tried to control his breathing as Malcolm, Devin, and Mr. Carter followed Reverend Smith up the stairs.
Uncle Bruce came over. He narrowed his eyes and stared at Jared. “Do you love her?”
He straightened his shoulders and looked his uncle in the eye. “I do.”
Uncle Bruce smiled. “Then to hell with them. Make all the ruckus you want today, that’s what family does — ruin other people’s occasions.” He winked before turning to go up the stairs.
Jared followed slowly. He appreciated Uncle Bruce’s advice, but he wouldn’t ruin Malcolm’s day. He’d pull Tasha to the side, explain how he felt, and covertly work to keep this guy her dad mentioned — he’d bet money it was the good doctor — away from her.
All that was shot to hell when he entered the sanctuary. Tasha stood at the back of the church. Her tan skin glowed in the silver dress and her full lips were curved into a smile. His heart lightened and his crotch tightened. His gaze traveled over her still thin figure, lingering on her stomach. The roundness of her pregnancy was only slightly visible beneath the dress. Their child was there. His mouth curved into the same goofy grin Malcolm had worn all day.
Southern Love Page 49
