Horse

by Talley English

  Teagan stopped listening. She looked at the prints of stylized horses in dark wooden frames on the walls of the restaurant. They were horses with skinny necks and spindly legs and bulging eyes, centered on a backdrop of muddy yellow-green grass and blue-gray sky. There were some black-and-white photographs of foxhunts, the dark jackets of the huntsmen were really red, she knew. Everything in the restaurant looked old. The floorboards were stained darker in some places, and large knots in the wide pine boards stood out. She looked at her sandwich on her plate and felt sick.

  “Excuse me. I have to go to the bathroom,” she said.

  “I had yours wrapped up,” Robert said when she got back, and he handed her a little square Styrofoam box. She cradled it gently in her lap on the drive back to school.

  Girls’ School

  Rule: Guide, manage, control, moderate, restrain (oneself, one’s desires, actions).

  * * *

  —

  Rules, exactly worded in handbooks, are guidelines for a girl, to influence her to manage her behavior, and to control her choices, so that she moderates her time, and restrains from a desire to act in conflict with guidelines written down in a handbook. Girls’ schools are imbued with rules to keep a girl doing what she should, and not what she shouldn’t, but if she hopes to make a Discovery: the action or an act of revealing something secret or not generally known, then she acts on her desire.

  Night (Memory)

  I remember when Sarah wanted to go smoke a cigarette, because she had gotten some, somehow, and she had revealed the valuable contraband to me. I didn’t smoke, wasn’t a smoker, but when she asked me to help her sneak out of the dorm, just before lights-out, I was honored to be chosen as sidekick, and I did my best. We couldn’t go out the front door, so I suggested the window, and maybe impressed her by taking out my small pocketknife, and slicing the edge and bottom of the screen, as precisely as I could manage, while she hovered near the door, to be a distraction in case my roommate walked in.

  When the cut was large enough to admit our bodies, slim enough to pass through, I peeled back the screen. The room was on the first floor, at ground level. There was still enough of a drop that going headfirst wasn’t a good option. I remember that Sarah came up with the way to do it. She turned around, put her hands on the floor, and propped a toe on the window sill. For a moment she balanced on her stomach, smiling at me, then dropped out of sight. I copied her. I recall a feeling of suspense when I was upside-down, my feet poking through the screen, because I was hoping that Julie would not walk in at that moment, and, by some luck, she didn’t.

  There was a door on either side of the dorm, and although it seemed unlikely that anyone would walk by, we tried to keep to shadows. Looking out of place, a tall black streetlamp glowed above the grass. Beyond the poor lamplight was the corrugated side of the gym building. Beyond the gym was the School Road, a paved narrow road that looped the campus. We would have to wait for the white security Jeep that cruised the loop after dark to pass by on its round. Where we wanted to get to was to the fields beyond. One field was mowed, but the other was still covered in tall wheat. What we did: we slid through the lamplight to the corner of the corrugated wall and waited, listening. The Jeep with its silent blue strobe light creeped past us. We backed against the brick wall. When it was too far away to cast light back to us, we ran as fast as we could for the field. Cold air slapped my face, the hem of my T-shirt rose up my body. I felt the brush of coarse stalks; heavy heads of wheat tipped and swayed as I moved among them. We lay down on the ground, wrapped in heavy smell of sweet grain, and looked into a deep black sky with stars flickering white, our cigarette smoke curled upward, the ghosts of doves.

  One Night

  Teagan and Sarah convinced Julie and Aleah to come with them, now that they were good at sneaking out. Sarah suggested the simple goal of walking as far as possible without being seen. She put Teagan in charge of keeping track of time because she wore a watch with a face that glowed when she pushed a button. The four of them made it all the way to the barn. Teagan wanted to see Ian, but the barn doors were padlocked. It was nine-thirty, and cold, and they were excited to feel out-of-bounds, even though they could have taken the same walk in the daytime and not been in trouble. Julie said they should walk back, since there was no place else to go, but Teagan put a foot on the fence that bordered the field and made up a game: they would all line up on the other side of the fence and run across the field in the dark, and whoever fell over last was the winner. Sarah laughed out loud at the idea. Teagan appreciated what a good sport Julie was, really, because she climbed over the fence, too. They spaced themselves along the fence, leaning forward, each in her own ready-to-run position, with one hand touching the top rail. Teagan said, “Go.”

  The ground was uneven, and each time Teagan almost stumbled she leapt, trying to outdistance her own inevitable fall. She had impressions of the others to either side of her, and then a tangle of grass caught her toe and she went down, rolling over to her back and laughing. She could hear the others laughing and shouting. Aleah had run diagonally and ended up far away. Julie found this hilarious and kept laughing while trying to wave at Aleah in the darkness. No one could say who had stayed on her feet the longest, although since Aleah seemed to have ended up the farthest away, they named her the winner. They jogged part of the School Road and made it to the dorm in plenty of time, and although they burst in, breathless, cold, and full of energy, no one asked where they had been.

  A Ghost

  Julie and Teagan were sitting on Julie’s bed, looking at her photo album. Aleah knocked on the door, even though it was open. Her curly dark hair was pulled back. It was close to bedtime, but she hadn’t taken off her usual bright lipstick, eyeliner, and mascara. Aleah sat with them and looked at the pictures for a minute. Julie pointed out her sister and mother, her dogs, her yard in Oklahoma.

  Aleah said, “Let’s go ask Ms. Ganski to tell us the story about Miss Guinevere. Remember she said she’d tell us? I just saw her in the common room.”

  “You mean you’d rather do that than look at my photos?” Julie said, shutting her album.

  “The woman Miss Guinevere’s Garden is named after?” Teagan asked.

  “She’s supposed to haunt the school. Come on,” Aleah said, standing up. They followed her and collected Sarah along the way.

  “Why does she haunt the school?” Teagan asked.

  “Maybe she likes it,” Julie said.

  Ms. Ganski was sitting at the table, talking with the prefects, her gray-blond hair in perfect curls, her wire-frame glasses folded and tucked into the neck of her sweater. She didn’t hurry to finish her conversation, but then she turned in her chair and gave them her attention.

  Aleah was their self-appointed spokeswoman. “Ms. Ganski, we were wondering if you had time tonight to tell us the story of Miss Guinevere?”

  One of the girls at the table was Sen. “Oh, they’re excited. Look at them.”

  “Don’t you want to hear it?” Sarah asked.

  “I already know it,” Sen said.

  “Why didn’t you tell us?” Teagan said.

  “I don’t remember you asking.” Sen said.

  The other senior prefect, Erin, pushed back from the table. “I already know it, too. Good night, everyone.”

  Teagan muttered good night with the others.

  Ms. Ganski smiled at Sen. “Why don’t you tell it?”

  “Me? Okay.”

  The girls settled on the floor in a half circle, facing Sen, like little girls who knew they had to be still and not talk before they would be told the story. Sen leaned forward in her chair, her hands clasped on her knees, playing the part of the storyteller. “Before Hunting Hill was a school, it was a private house and property, owned by a wealthy man. He fought in the Civil War.”

  “Was he Union or Confederate?” Teagan asked.

  �
��Think about where we are,” Julie said.

  Sen hushed them, holding up one finger. “After the war, he returned to live with his wife and children. In the house also lived a maid.”

  “That was Guinevere?” Teagan asked.

  “Shut up, Teagan,” Julie said.

  Teagan shrugged at her.

  “Something happened. The wife got sick, and so did the maid, who was Miss Guinevere. The story goes that the maid lost her mind, and so she was locked in an attic room, and maybe she was even chained there. Whatever happened, one day Miss Guinevere ran out of the room, fell down the stairs, broke her neck, and died.”

  There was a small silence from all of them.

  “Sick with what?” Teagan said.

  “Is she buried here?” Sarah asked.

  “Shh,” Julie hissed.

  Sen continued. “I’ll tell you that part, too. In the early nineteen hundreds, a day school for girls was founded by a couple.”

  “A couple of what?” Teagan asked, turning up both palms.

  Aleah laughed.

  Sen narrowed her eyes and regained her audience. “A husband and wife,” she said.

  “Herbert and Clarissa Knowles,” Ms. Ganski interjected, softly.

  Sen said, “Herbert and Clarissa Knowles moved into the house. They lived upstairs and the downstairs rooms were used for classrooms.”

  “Which house is it?” Sarah asked.

  “It’s not here anymore, right?” Sen asked Ms. Ganski.

  “It burned,” Ms. Ganski said, in her quiet voice.

  Sen continued. “One day, Clarissa was upstairs in the house, and she saw a woman standing in front of the window, but she could also see the view out of the window, through the woman.”

  Sen paused and looked at them.

  Teagan and Julie grabbed each other’s hand, and Sarah and Aleah scooted closer together.

  Sen and Ms. Ganski laughed.

  “Maybe it was her own reflection in the window?” Teagan suggested, hopefully.

  Sen ignored her and said, “Clarissa researched the history of the house and discovered that a maid who had lived in the house had died young. Clarissa also found out that she had been buried on the property.”

  “There wasn’t a tombstone?” Julie said.

  “Shh,” Teagan said.

  Julie raised her eyebrows at Teagan in disbelief.

  Sen said, “Clarissa figured out where Guinevere might be buried, and when she and her husband and some older students dug in that spot, they discovered human bones inside an old leather trunk.”

  The girls gasped.

  “That’s gross,” Sarah whispered, with her hand over her mouth.

  Aleah frowned. Teagan wondered how Guinevere would fit in a trunk, but she didn’t want to ask.

  Sen continued. “They found the skull with a hole in it. Clarissa sent the skull away to be examined, and it was determined that the hole was made by a Civil War–era bullet.”

  “She didn’t fall down the stairs,” Teagan said.

  Julie said, “Obviously. Who shot her?”

  “Do you want to hear the rest?” Sen demanded.

  They were quiet and looked at her.

  “Clarissa had Miss Guinevere’s remains reinterred at Hunting Hill and had a grave marker made for her. And she’s still buried here.” Sen sat back and looked at Ms. Ganski, who smiled.

  “What’s re-entered?” Teagan asked.

  “It means she was buried again,” Ms. Ganski said.

  “She was buried in a trunk,” Sarah said. She made a face.

  They were all quiet for a minute, then Julie sat up straight and said, “Aleah, you have a trunk.”

  “Let’s see who fits in it,” Sarah said, scrambling to her feet.

  “Me first,” Teagan said.

  They ran for the door, Aleah waving at them, saying, “Wait, I have to unpack it.”

  Ms. Ganski’s voice stopped them. “Girls, the bell is in fifteen minutes.”

  “We can make it,” Teagan said.

  They all hurried down the hall.

  * * *

  —

  In bed with the lights out, Teagan whispered to Julie, “We forgot to ask where the grave is.”

  Julie didn’t respond.

  “Do you think Miss Guinevere really haunts the campus?” Teagan asked.

  “She only haunts you,” Julie said.

  Teagan felt a little strange. Hearing the story of Miss Guinevere seemed to make her real. Drifting into sleep, Teagan tried to imagine Miss Guinevere. She wondered if her family had known that she had been killed. Teagan tried to picture an old attic room and saw that it looked down on the school barn. She turned in her bed and felt she had summoned a ghost: a light-filled figure, wordless.

  Grave Site

  Julie wasn’t speaking to Teagan. Teagan had discovered that Julie owned a pink bra, and as a joke she pinned it up on the message board in the hallway. The bra was a real bra. It was padded and had underwire. Teagan’s bras were plain white cotton things, with no padding or wire, so the pink bra was a thing of fascination for her. She never guessed that Julie would be so sensitive about her underwear. Teagan was pretty sure no one had seen it anyway. Teagan had simply slipped the thing under the hem of her shirt and walked down the hall. As soon as she was back to the room, she suggested that Julie go look at the message board, because someone had left her a message. Julie was furious with Teagan, but Teagan considered that maybe Julie was really just disappointed that there hadn’t been a real message.

  * * *

  —

  Teagan came back from the barn in the afternoon and found Julie reading on her bed. She tried to apologize, but Julie wouldn’t even look at her. Teagan thought she was taking it too seriously. She left her alone and went to search for Aleah. Her roommate said she’d gone to a friend’s for the weekend. Teagan knocked on Sarah’s door, but there was no answer. She thought maybe she was at the dining hall, eating late. It couldn’t hurt to walk over, especially since Julie didn’t want her around and she didn’t feel like doing homework. She found Sarah walking and eating a cheese sandwich.

  “You missed dinner?” Sarah asked.

  “No. I was looking for you.”

  “What’s up?”

  “Julie’s mad at me again.”

  “Is she often mad at you?”

  “I stuck her bra on the message board.”

  “Why did you do that?” Sarah asked.

  Teagan was surprised that Sarah hadn’t laughed. “It was funny.” Teagan shrugged.

  “Maybe not that funny.”

  “Yes it was. Do you want to look for the grave?”

  “You found it?” Sarah said.

  Teagan had gotten her attention. “No, that’s why I said let’s look for it.”

  “I don’t think I want to,” Sarah said.

  “Why not?” Teagan stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. “Sarah?”

  “It’s creepy. Why do you care about it?” Sarah pushed past her and they kept walking.

  “We’re Hunting Hill girls. I think we should know where Miss Guinevere’s grave is.”

  “Ms. Ganski probably knows,” Sarah said.

  “But she’s not telling us. We have to find it ourselves. I think you’re supposed to.”

  “And then what?” Sarah said.

  “And then we know.”

  “You want to see the ghost, don’t you?”

  After a moment Teagan said, “I wouldn’t mind, really.”

  “If you start being haunted, I’m not hanging out with you anymore,” Sarah said.

  “I think Miss Guinevere is probably pretty nice,” Teagan said.

  “What, you think she’s going to do your homework for you? Make your bed?” Sarah said.<
br />
  “Maybe. Maybe she looks after Hunting Hill girls.”

  “Like she’s Mamma ghost?”

  “Maybe,” Teagan said.

  “I don’t want a Mamma ghost, thanks.”

  “But you want to look for the grave, don’t you?” Teagan said.

  “I’ll go with you, but I’m not touching it,” Sarah said.

  “You don’t have to,” Teagan said.

  * * *

  —

  It took a little persuading to get Julie to talk to Teagan again. Teagan thought it was ridiculous that anyone would hold a grudge over underwear, but she finally made Julie laugh by wearing her own underwear on her head and walking up and down the hallway right before bedtime, when lots of girls could see her. Julie seemed satisfied, so they finally picked an afternoon to go looking for the grave.

  “It could be anywhere on campus,” Sarah said.

  “We’re not actually going to find it,” Julie said.

  “So why are we looking?” Sarah said.

  “Hunting Hill,” Teagan said.

  “Very good. You’ve learned the name of our school,” Julie said.

  “No, the actual Hunting Hill,” Teagan said.

  “That’s right. There is an actual Hunting Hill,” Sarah said, tossing up her hands. “Behind the barns, where the foxhunts always start from.”

  “Horse people are weird,” Julie said.

  “I bet you anything it’s there,” Teagan said.

  “So instead of flowers on her grave, Miss Guinevere gets horse poop?” Julie said.

  Teagan gave her a look but didn’t say anything because she had just won Julie back and didn’t want to lose her again.

  “Horse poop makes flowers grow,” Sarah said, standing up. “If we’re gonna go, we better go,” she said, swooping her arm to get them to walk through the door.

  * * *

  —