The Case of the Missing Cats

by Gareth P. Jones

  ‘Come on,’ said the familiar voice of Dirk Dilly. ‘I don’t think this structure is very stable.’

  Looking up at him, the relief she felt instantly seeped away as, behind him, the creature’s head was hurtling towards them at great speed.

  ‘Jump on,’ said Dirk, helping her on to his back. ‘Hold on tight.’

  The head was almost upon them.

  ‘Go!’ screamed Holly.

  Dirk leapt off the raft and flew into the air. Holly looked behind her and saw the creature grab hold of the raft and crush it between its teeth, splinters flying everywhere.

  Her body was soaking wet. She ached all over and tears of fear and relief were streaming down her face. The only words she could manage were, ‘I thought I was going to die.’

  ‘Never,’ said Dirk. ‘I wouldn’t let anything happen to my partner.’

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Dirk touched down on the riverbank by the van and Holly climbed off his back, grateful to feel solid ground beneath her feet. The Amphiptere howled and thrashed wildly in the water.

  ‘What’s it doing?’ asked Holly.

  ‘They’ve chained her to the river bed,’ said Dirk. ‘She’s trapped.’

  ‘She could have eaten me, but she didn’t.’

  ‘Eating meat would have the same effect on her as it would on me.’

  ‘Why? What is it?’ she asked.

  ‘An Amphiptere. Limbless dragons from an ancient time before dinosaurs,’ said Dirk. ‘She’s called Mandy.’

  ‘Well, Mandy’s attracting a lot of attention,’ said Holly.

  Lights had come on in the flats and houses all around. People were standing at the windows, staring in horror or gesticulating at the monstrous creature hissing and snarling in the water. The sound of panic filled the air and Holly could hear approaching sirens.

  ‘The police,’ she said.

  ‘Racing rats from Rickmansworth!’ exclaimed Dirk, slapping himself hard in the face. ‘That’s it. That’s what they’re up to. We’ve got to save her.’

  ‘Save her?’ asked Holly. ‘From what?’

  ‘Mandy may look scary,’ explained Dirk, ‘but her skin is as thin as paper. Her main defence against attack is her poisonous blood. Look what happened when I bit into her. I was unconscious for three days and I’m a healthy young dragon. But poisonous blood is no defence against bullets.’ Dirk picked up the rope that had held him captive and tied one end of it round his waist.

  ‘So what about the cats?’ asked Holly.

  ‘Fresh meat. They’ve been forcing her to eat the cats.’

  ‘But that will kill her,’ she said.

  ‘Yes, but first her blood will boil and more importantly turn to gas.’ He tied the other end of the rope to the post and checked the length. ‘Then they put you out as bait and unleash the monster, so when the police arrive they find Mandy apparently attacking you. They open fire and BOOM.’

  ‘The knights in shining armour slay the monster.’

  ‘Yes. They put more holes into Mandy than it would take to fill the Albert Hall, releasing enough poisonous gas into the atmosphere to wipe out every living creature in a ten-mile radius.’

  ‘So Mandy’s a bomb?’

  ‘Exactly,’ said Dirk. ‘And the boys in blue here are loaded up with the detonators.’

  White headlights were shining through the trees. Cars were driving down the path to the clearing.

  ‘Can you bite through the chains?’ said Holly.

  ‘No, it’s black metal forged in the fire of the Outer Core. It’s twenty times stronger than any human metal,’ said Dirk. ‘I’ll have to bite through the thinnest part of Mandy I can find.’

  ‘But won’t that release the gas?’

  ‘Some, yes, but Amphiptere skin grows back pretty quickly near the tail. It’ll be enough to knock me out, but this rope should make sure I can find my way back. Try to stop them shooting at it,’ said Dirk, diving head first into the water with a splash just as a headlight swung across the darkness, illuminating Holly.

  She watched the coiled rope unravel as Dirk pulled on the other end.

  A car screeched to a halt. She turned round, squinting into the lights. More appeared. Police cars and vans stopped in front of her. Blinded by the brightness, Holly heard car doors open, crackling police radios, people shouting orders, a spotlight coming on and shining up at the Amphiptere and the sound of guns being cocked.

  ‘No!’ yelled Holly. ‘Don’t shoot. Don’t shoot.’

  A silhouetted figure emerged from the bright lights. ‘Hold your fire,’ he said, walking forward. As he got nearer, Holly could make out the policeman’s bearded face, his eyes staring up in bewilderment at the huge creature in front of him.

  ‘What . . . is . . . it?’ he said quietly.

  ‘Don’t let them shoot,’ Holly pleaded.

  ‘What is it?’ he asked again, his gaze fixed firmly on the beast.

  ‘It’s an Amphiptere,’ said Holly. ‘Her blood is poisonous and it’s turned to gas because she’s been eating meat, and if you shoot her you’ll release it and wipe out the entire city.’

  The policeman looked down at Holly, then back up again. ‘What is it?’ he said.

  A second policeman joined them and said, ‘Do you want us to open fire, sir? Sir? Detective Inspector Hughes, sir? Are you all right, sir?’ he said.

  ‘Sergeant?’ said the stunned policeman.

  ‘Yes, sir.’

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘I would describe it as a huge winged serpent of the variety that hitherto was only thought to have existed in the mythological writings of the ancient Egyptians and such like,’ said the sergeant.

  ‘It’s a bomb,’ said Holly. ‘Don’t shoot it.’

  ‘A bomb?’ said the sergeant. ‘No, bombs are a lot smaller than that and rarely have wings or heads. That’s your basic winged serpent, that is. Should we shoot it, sir?’

  The bearded policeman looked at him, blinked and said, ‘What? Yes, shoot it. Shoot it down.’

  ‘No,’ said Holly. ‘You’ll kill us all.’

  ‘Sorry, miss, we’re just following protocol,’ said the sergeant. ‘Anything seen by officers of the law that does not conform to the conventional understanding of the world as we know it is to be shot on sight.’

  ‘But it’s not attacking. Look.’

  ‘Just because it’s not attacking, doesn’t mean it’s not going to attack,’ he said, grabbing her arm and dragging her behind the cars, followed by the dazed detective inspector. Struggling to get free Holly saw a line of guns raised up, aiming at the Amphiptere’s head.

  ‘No!’ she cried. ‘Don’t.’

  ‘Shall we fire now, sir?’

  ‘What?’ said the detective inspector, still transfixed. ‘Yes, fire. Shoot. Kill it.’

  ‘Ready,’ shouted the sergeant at the top of his voice. ‘Aim for the head, lads . . . And fire!’

  Holly shielded her ears as an explosion of bullets took to the air, sounding like thunder.

  Dirk swam through the murky water, fighting against the strong undercurrent. I’m swimming in the Mediterranean, he thought. It’s a lovely sunny day and I’ve gone for a swim to cool off. It certainly isn’t the River Thames and I am certainly not about to bite into something that will poison me and possibly kill me. Oh no, I’m on holiday.

  There were lights swirling over the river’s surface and Dirk could make out the end of the Amphiptere’s long body, snaking down through the water. He tried to swim towards it but felt a tug on his belly. The rope wasn’t long enough. He had no choice. He untied it and let it go. It floated away into the darkness. He would have to find his own way back.

  Dirk followed the tail down to the bottom of the river, where it was at its thinnest. He stood on the river bed and looked up. It looked as if the body went on for ever, but Dirk knew that somewhere up there it did have an end and at that end was the head of a scared, long-maned, female Amphiptere called Mandy, with the potential to wi
pe out every living creature in London.

  Here goes, he thought, grabbing the tail to hold it still. He opened his mouth, letting in the foul river water.

  I’m on holiday, he thought, I’m in the Med enjoying a lovely bit of celery. Mmm, celery. He bit down. His teeth sliced through the tail, splitting it in clean in two. He felt the rancid taste on his tongue and the water darkened.

  Lethargy washed over him.

  His eyelids grew heavy.

  His body felt weak.

  Bubbles, he thought, there are no bubbles.

  Then he blacked out.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  The gunfire stopped but the noise reverberated around Holly’s ears. A cloud of smoke wafted in front of them. This is it, she thought. They had failed. The bullets had penetrated the skin and the poison was spreading through the atmosphere. The Kinghorns had won.

  She waited.

  But nothing happened.

  The smoke from the gunfire cleared to reveal the empty river in front of them, calm again.

  ‘Did we hit it?’ asked the detective inspector.

  ‘Spotlight,’ shouted the sergeant and a spotlight on the back of a van swung its beam across the surface of the water. There was no sign of the Amphiptere. ‘Should we send in the divers, sir?’

  ‘What? Yes, good idea. Send in the divers.’

  ‘Get the divers!’ shouted the sergeant.

  ‘You must have missed it,’ said Holly.

  ‘That’s very unlikely,’ said the sergeant. ‘We have some excellent marksmen in the force. Wilkins over there won a prize last year, didn’t you,Wilkins?’

  Another policeman gave a little wave and shouted proudly, ‘Best shot in Barking three years in a row, sir.’

  ‘But we’d all be dead if you’d hit it,’ she said.

  ‘You seem to know a lot about this,’ said the bearded policeman, who had snapped out of his trance. ‘My name is Detective Inspector Hughes. And what, may I ask, is your name?’ he demanded.

  ‘Holly.’

  ‘And how do you profess to know so much, Holly?’

  ‘I . . .’ Holly stopped herself from bursting out with everything she knew. The Kinghorns. The cats. The plan to blow up London. Dirk had said that if humans knew dragons existed then there would be a war.

  ‘Are you alone?’ asked Detective Inspector Hughes.

  ‘Yes,’ said Holly.

  She glanced at the rope which led into the river then quickly looked away, but the policeman followed her gaze and asked, ‘What’s on the end of this, then?’

  ‘Nothing,’ she replied. ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘Sergeant, haul in that rope,’ ordered Hughes.

  The sergeant grabbed it and pulled it in easily. Dirk was no longer tied to the other end. Holly’s relief that they hadn’t found him was measured by thoughts of what might have happened to him.

  ‘OK, little girl,’ said the detective inspector, ‘start talking,’

  Holly opened her mouth to speak, but before she could utter one word her attention was drawn by the sound of a slow handclap. She and both policemen turned to see a man in a long coat and a wide-brimmed hat walking slowly towards them, clapping his hands together.

  ‘Bravo! Bravissimo! Well done. Tallulah you are an a-genius. Even when the camera is not a-pointing at you, you continue.’ The man spoke in an Italian accent, gesticulating flamboyantly.

  ‘This is real method acting. You make De Niro look like an am dram theatre ham. I will call him tomorrow and tell him as much.’

  ‘Who are you?’ barked Detective Inspector Hughes.

  ‘My name is Alfonso Firenze. I am a great film director. This is my card.’ The man pulled out a card from his top pocket and the sergeant took it.

  ‘Alfonzo Firenze,’ he read aloud, ‘director, producer, writer and genius.’

  ‘Oh, ha ha, a little joke.’The man laughed again. ‘I never write.’

  ‘And you know this girl?’ said Detective Inspector Hughes.

  ‘Is it a-possible that you do not know this girl?’ demanded the man. ‘Look at her. Do you not arecognise her? She is Tallulah Manderville, the greatest child actor of our time. You should see her cry. It is a-beautiful. Cry for the policeman, Tallulah. Cry.’

  ‘Er . . .’ Holly was unsure how to react. She recognised him as the man who had been following Dirk. She had no idea who he was, but something in his kind, well-worn face made her want to trust him.

  ‘Cry. Show the officer how good you are,’ insisted the man, with a subtle wink in her direction.

  So Holly made herself cry as convincingly as she could.

  ‘Yes, well. That’s very good,’ said Hughes.

  ‘Thank you,’ said Holly, smiling.

  ‘You a-see,’ said the strange man. ‘She was still in a-character when you met her. Poison blood, very good, Tallulah. Such improvisation. Such a talent.’

  Another policeman whispered something in the sergeant’s ear and he said, ‘Sir, the divers are ready. Should we send them in?’

  ‘Divers?’ said the man in the wide-brimmed hat. ‘Oh, ha ha,’ he laughed. ‘I am so sorry, officers, there is no need for your . . . as you call them, a-divers.’

  ‘You mean that creature had something to do with you?’ said the detective inspector.

  ‘Oh yes. We are a-making a film. A very important film. A film about people and emotions and struggle and love. It is called The Big Scary Beast and the Poor Little Orphan. Working title, of course. You’ve met the orphan, Miss Manderville. And you have obviously a-seen the big scary beast.’

  The policeman eyed him suspiciously. ‘Where are the cameras, then?’

  ‘All over there,’ said the man. ‘All on the other side of the river and I am furious with them all.’ He looked across the river, where crowds of people had gathered, and shouted, ‘Furious! You hear that, Matteo?’ Speaking again to the policeman he said, ‘It’s going to set us back days.’Then he shouted again, ‘Matteo, you are a nincompoop! I said do not start the creature up until my a-say so.’ ‘So that creature was . . .’

  ‘A model, yes. That’s right. Magnificent, isn’t she? Built entirely from a-plasticine. Isn’t it amazing what they can do these days?’

  ʹ‘But how come we didn’t know about it? Have you got a permit to film?’

  ‘A permit? Yes, of course we have a permit. My assistant Matteo has it. I will make him fax it to you first thing tomorrow morning then I will fire the fool.’

  ‘Now, sir, you’ve cost us a lot of wasted time, not to mention terrifying half the local residents.’

  The man turned to address the people on the other side of the bank and yelled, ‘You hear that, Matteo, you idiot? You’ll be making catfood commercials for the rest of your short career!’

  ‘Right, I see. Well, Mr . . . er . . .’

  ‘Firenze. Alfonso Firenze! Are you sure you have not a-heard of me? I am very a-talented.’

  ‘Er, I don’t know. Did you do that one with the giant centipede?’

  ‘Giant Centipede? How dare you, that was Alfredo Fintenze. I would never stoop to such low-budget tat. Centipede . . . pah!’

  ‘OK, come on, sergeant,’ said Detective Inspector Hughes. ‘Let’s go. False alarm.’

  ‘What about the divers, sir?’ asked the sergeant.

  ‘Never mind that. We better go and dispel the panic, explain to everyone it was just a movie prop. Just as I suspected.’

  ‘Right, sir,’ replied the sergeant, and then shouted, ‘Everyone out. False alarm.’

  Detective Inspector Hughes bowed and said, ‘It’s a pleasure to have met you, Miss Manderville.’ He shook the hand of the man in the wide-brimmed hat and said, ‘I look forward to the movie, sir. The Big Scary Beast and the ... er ...’

  ‘The Poor Little Orphan, yes. Just a working title. A-thank you! A-thank you. So sorry for the inconvenience. So sorry,’ said the man, and the policemen got back into their cars and drove away, leaving Holly and the man alone.

&n
bsp; ‘Who are you?’ she said.

  ‘My name’s Ladbroke Blake,’ he said in a low gravelly voice. ‘I was hired by your mother to follow you.’

  ‘My dad’s wife,’ corrected Holly. ‘Are you going to tell her about all this?’

  ‘You think she’d believe me? No, I’ll tell her something. I just haven’t figured out just what yet.’

  From the river came a splash and a gasp for breath. Holly looked and saw Dirk crawl on to the bank and collapse on the ground.

  ‘Dirk!’ exclaimed Holly, diving to his side.

  ‘A dragon,’ said Ladbroke, unable to hide his surprise.

  ‘You did it, Dirk. You did it,’ she said, but Dirk didn’t respond. She turned to Ladbroke. ‘Please, we need to get him home.’

  ‘I’ll get the car,’ said the detective.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Dirk Dilly was awoken from his fitful sleep by something damp and rough rubbing itself on his face. He forced his eyes open to find a black cat with a white face and a black smudge on its nose licking him. He picked Willow off his belly and put her down.

  He was in his office. His head thumped. He groaned in pain.

  He crawled to the desk and looked at the piles of newspapers there. He picked up one and read.

  MOVIE MONSTER WREAKS HAVOC

  In scenes that could have come straight from the latest Hollywood blockbuster, terrified East London residents thought a gigantic sea monster had emerged from the River Thames last night. The local constabulary were called and even shot at the monster before it was revealed that it was nothing more than a movie model that had got out of control. Detective Inspector Jack Hughes, one of the first to arrive on the scene said, ‘The local residents were panicking, but as soon as I got a good look at it I could tell that it was in fact a mechanical device. When you’ve worked on the force as long as I have there’s not much that you haven’t seen. There was never any doubt in my mind that this was some sort of stunt gone wrong.’

  Dirk picked up another and read:

  MISSING CATS FOUND