by J. L. Drake
I rolled over to enjoy watching Keith again, but he had disappeared from view. Damn. I leaned back and closed my eyes.
“I think you should lose the dress,” he said from somewhere behind me.
“You should lose the shorts.”
He stopped my hammock and carefully crawled in next to me.
“Yikes!” I jumped and nearly spilled both of us into the sand. He had been swimming, “You’re freezing!”
He rolled into me more. “Warm me, then.” He started to kiss my chest and his hand roamed my leg. “God, you taste amazing.”
“Keith,” I laughed. “We’re going to tip!”
He swung his leg over mine and flipped us so I landed on his chest with a thud. All I could do was laugh harder until he flipped me again and he was on top. He grabbed my arms and held them above my head as he rubbed his wet hair over my stomach. I squealed and begged for mercy.
Pulling back, he leaned his weight on his forearm. Brushing my hair out of my face, his liquid dark eyes stared into mine. I swore I could see our future in there, all mapped out with a neat little bow. Keith was my first and my last love. I didn’t care what anyone said; falling in love young didn’t always have to be a bad thing. It could just mean we were lucky enough to crash headlong into our one and only soulmate and would live as one from then on.
“How can something so beautiful be real?” He always made me feel like I was the only one for him. Like no one else mattered. Dipping down, he caught my lips and gave me a soft peck. It was all I could do not to rip his shorts off.
Keith might ravish me when were alone, but he was respectful when others were around us.
“Come.” He stood and brought me to my feet. “I need you alone now.”
Practically dragging me behind him, we headed down a path through thick palm trees. Once we were halfway through, he stopped and pulled me into a tiny clearing that could only be seen from the water.
“What are you doing?” I looked over my shoulder but saw we were completely alone.
“I found this place the other day, when we were kayaking.” He yanked off his shorts, giving me a grin right before he dove in the crystal clear water. His head popped up, and he shook the water from his eyes. “Come, Lexi, lose the dress.”
How could I say no to that? Ditching my clothes, I dove naked into the warm water. When I surfaced, Keith pulled me into his arms and gathered me tightly.
“Mmm, your body feels so smooth against mine,” he muttered into my lips.
I squeezed my legs around his waist and gave a little wiggle. He granted me a sexy smile before he stood straight up and walked me out of the water and laid me on top of my dress.
Dripping wet, we made love right there on that tiny beach. At that moment, we were the only two who mattered in the whole, wide world.
I knew I was awake. I just had to will my eyes open. I wondered how many pills he put in my drink this time. Oh! This was one of the times I was glad we didn’t have windows. No light to hurt the achy eyes.
It took me a moment to realize I was in Elliot’s room. He was slumped over in his chair with his black work boots still on. He always was ready to run. I couldn’t blame him. You never knew when you might have to look for a quick escape.
I did a brief assessment of my body, and nothing seemed to hurt. The relief that spread through me was quickly replaced with fear.
Where was Antonio?
Suddenly, there was a sound of heavy footsteps, loud bangs along the hall wall, and then an eerie silence that had me scrambling to my feet.
My world tilted; my hands went to my head.
Oh Lord, my head!
I saw movement from the corner of the room. Oh no! It was Keith. He had jumped to his feet at the sound as well. I quickly froze as he held up his hand and put a finger to his lips.
Shit!
“Don’t,” I pleaded in a whisper. Oh my God, we were all going to be killed! Think fast! “If you feel anything for me, please go in the closet and don’t come out!” It was a dirty thing to use to stop him, I knew, but I couldn’t risk him getting killed over me and my screwed up life.
He started to argue, but my face must have convinced him otherwise. Right before he closed the door, Elliot opened the bedroom door to Antonio’s furious face.
His flew into the room, and he yanked me into him hard, his grip hurting my arm.
“Where the fuck have you been?”
“She was with me.” Elliot moved to show him his bed. “I went to the bathroom and your door was open.” His voice started to shake while I fought to breathe. “I knew it was our pick-up night and she looked really still. I was worried. I…I was just looking out for her…and for you. I went to look, but I couldn’t find you. I’m sorry if I stepped over a line, but she is family.”
Antonio’s chest heaved, but I felt his grip loosen a little.
“Alone the whole night?”
“No.” He shook his head, and I glared at him. He wouldn’t…
“Renny came by, tried to play a bit. She’s been pissing me off lately, and I didn’t want to see her face.”
Antonio let me go, and I staggered back. I prayed Keith wouldn’t open the door, knowing he was watching and that it wouldn’t take much.
“Get showered and meet me back in my room,” he ordered before he left. He slammed the door hard behind him.
Crying with relief, all thoughts of the sleepiness that had consumed me now gone, my hands shook as I ran them along my arm. Small black spots were already appearing where his fingers had held me.
“Hey.” A pair of strong hands wrapped around my waist. “Let me look.” Keith stood in front of me, his dark, angry gaze slowly moving from my eyes, to my lips, then my sore arm.
“I’m fine.” I batted him away and stumbled around his massive frame. “Thank you for listening to me,” I said, beyond grateful.
“It won’t happen again, so there better not be a next time. I’m not a guy to cower in closets, Lexi.”
Elliot began patting my back, checking to see if I was all right. I knew I only had a short amount of time before I was expected to be clean and naked in Antonio’s room.
Stumbling on weak knees, I held the desk for support as I tried to clear my head. I hated when my mind was like this, but knew it was the damn drugs he liked to feed me when he needed me out of his way. They left me feeling like a swimmer underwater at night, unable to find a way out in an endless, murky sea.
In a quick moment, he was in front of me again and bent down to get a good look at my face. I knew he was fighting for control. He did that when he was worried, and it was why I let him talk to me that way. Keith carried a lot of love.
“I’m going to kill him, you know. It’s only a matter of when.”
“Don’t. Please.” A fresh tear slipped down my cheek. “I’ve got this.”
“I can’t let him hurt you anymore, Lexi. It goes against anything I believe in, everything I am.”
“I know.” I sniffed, closing my eyes. “I know how much you care, but I need this, Keith. I need to do this.”
“I want so much to interfere. I want to kill Antonio. I want to watch the life go out of him while I choke him with my bare hands. But I understand, Lexi. You see how hard this is for me? But I do understand.”
I nodded and my gaze flickered to Elliot, who was trying to follow our conversation. Keith gave me a nod in return. He knew I didn’t want my brother to know yet. He might try to do something on his own, and I needed him to stay out of trouble. He was in over his head as it was.
“Okay…” he grunted as he examined my bruised arm for another beat. “I think we should…”
My stomach sank as old emotions came dancing back. I let my gaze drop to his chest, and up popped my wall.
“Excuse me? You think? We?” I let my icy layer return. This was where I felt safe; this was my mask. “I don’t think so. Back off, Keith!”
His hands rose in the air and he stepped backward, then he did a pivot a
nd left.
Stop! I yelled at my emotions. Just don’t.
“He still cares about you, Lexi.” Elliot sank onto the bed. “He wouldn’t have spent the night here ready to kill anyone who came near you if there weren’t feelings there.”
I grabbed my clothes and headed for the bathroom, but I stopped at the door. Keeping my eyes locked on his round mirror, I spoke to my reflection.
“It’s just guilt, El. Don’t let him trick you into doing something stupid.”
***
I suspected Keith somehow had a hand in making Antonio leave on an unexpected road trip for a few days, but either way, I was more than thankful. Only thing was it gave Will the green light to move in.
My stomach twisted as I waited for the phone line to connect. My palms were sweaty, and my head hurt.
“What?” His tone was always the same, annoyed.
“Hey, so, since you’re away, I thought I might be able to go visit my parents’ grave and maybe get some food and stuff? I won’t be gone long, and you know I’ll be here when you get back.”
“No.”
My eyes stung with disappointment. I needed to get out of here so badly. So, I tried a different angle.
“Um, it’s just that Will is being a bit aggressive. He makes me uneasy, Antonio.”
“Just give him what he wants, and he’ll move on to the next whore.”
I had to ease onto a bar stool and pour myself a double whiskey to hold back my tongue. When he made comments like that, I wanted to chop off his penis. I imagined tossing the nasty, useless little thing into a blender, then making him drink it.
“Lovely way to look at your girlfriend.” My lips formed into a hard line. “I thought you didn’t share me.”
“I don’t, but there are always exceptions to the rule.”
“Hmm, good to know.”
“Don’t make this into something, Lexi.”
“Or I could just go visit my parents?”
A long measure of silence followed. I really wasn’t sure what was about to happen.
“Did you just question me?”
My mouth went dry.
“The answer is no. Get your fuckin’ ass behind that bar and do what you’re told.”
I hate you.
“Got it.” I didn’t mean to sound sarcastic, but my bitchy side was clawing at the surface.
“I think I need to remind you who is in charge here.”
“I guess between the drugs and booze, it must have slipped my mind.” My eyes shut as my mouth kept going. This would for sure earn me the beating of a lifetime. “When you treat someone like a blow up doll, all you get is hot air.”
“Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to, bitch?”
“Someone who once told me he cared for me, that I was special and worthy of something better. Interesting way of showing it. All I wanted, Antonio, was to go visit my parents, and because I am really sick and tired of being chased around by Will’s dick. Sorry for not wanting to sleep with the boys while you were gone. What an asshole I must be.”
Before I knew what I was doing, I hung up and headed for our room.
Breathe, breathe, breathe. I pushed the panic aside and tried to focus.
My phone rang, and each ring felt like a punch to the gut. Quickly packing my bag, I hurried out the back into the blinding sun to my car. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Will sitting on the hood.
“Yeah, man, she’s right here, bags packed, keys in hand.” Dammit! Antonio! “Whatever you say, boss.” He grinned as he tucked his phone away.
“Move,” I hissed, terrified at what might happen.
“Sorry, doll, boss wants you to stay put.” He looked over my head with a delighted smile. “He left me in charge.” He stepped forward, and I stepped back. My heart pounded in my chest as Will approached.
“Don’t touch me.”
“Or what?” He yanked on the strap, my bag fell to the ground, and I stumbled. He took that moment to grab me around the waist. One moment I was in his grasp, and the next I was in someone else’s.
The tenderness of his hold told me who it was, and relief rushed through me.
Keith turned his body to shield me as he yelled at Will.
“I thought I had made myself clear. If I ever see you touch her, I will kill you and your brother.”
Brother? Oh, that’s right. He was much younger than Will and was still in college. Yikes, it was scary that Keith even went there.
“I don’t belong to your crew, Will, which means I don’t have to play by your rules. I warned you once, and I’m not in the habit of repeating myself. Get in your car, Lexi, and go.”
Will flinched, but when his eyes found mine, he grinned.
“You better enjoy yourself, Lexi. I can guarantee you’ll regret this.”
That I was sure of.
I reached for my keys, scooped up my bag, and headed for my car while Keith acted like my shield.
Once inside the safety of my car, I turned over the engine and roared down the alleyway toward the open road.
I fumbled with my phone as I sent a quick voice text to Elliot explaining what was going on. Tossing it aside, I let my mind slip back to a different time.
“You okay?” Elliot sat on the edge of my bed as I stared out at the falling snow. I loved the winters in Toronto. You could almost guarantee there wouldn’t be school the next day. I was really banking on that this time around.
“Did he hurt you?”
I pulled back my sleeve and showed him the bruise. Amazing that at fifteen I actually had a boyfriend who hurt me physically. Needless to say, I nipped that real quick.
“I’ll kill him!”
“Don’t worry about it, Elliot. I punched him in the nose.”
He couldn’t help but smirk, which made me do the same.
“Man, did I ever get a kick-ass twin.” He laughed harder.
“I’m not someone’s punching bag.”
“Damn straight, you’re not. You’re perfect. You have to be…you’re half of me.” His eyes lit up as a big grin spread across his face, and he pulled me into a hug. “I love you, Lexi. Anyone hurts you, they hurt me, and I don’t want to be hurting. You’re so much better than that! You remember that, okay?”
I wiped a tear and tucked that memory away. There was more to it this time—much more.
Smoke swirled around my fingers. It dipped and dived between my knuckles along with the breeze from the vent. With my nail, I flicked the end and let the ash tumble down over the steering wheel. Pot calmed my nerves, but nothing could remove the fear from my chest. I knew better than to think this would all work out.
Checking my blind spot, I exited on Lake Drive and mindlessly drove down the surface streets.
My phone lit up, and I glanced over to see who it was this time.
Calling: Yellow
My stomach sank as I flipped it over. Not now.
I turned my brain off and tried to remember better times.
The sun was starting to set, and I had nowhere to go. That was part of my problem. I had no friends, no family, and no home. We had to sell the house because we couldn’t afford to keep it. That was almost as painful as the funeral. Just one more tear in the thin fabric holding what was left of me together.
I found myself pulling into my favorite spot at the lake. It was the one place that brought me any kind of comfort. Reaching behind me, I pulled my blanket and a bottle of wine free and headed down to the dock.
Warmth spread through me at the sound of my combat boots on the red cedar planks. Sounds had a big part in my memory, and this was one of them.
The dock lamp was low and only lit up a small area, but it was enough to feel safe. Removing my shoe, I hit the bottom of the wine bottle, and after some good, hard smacks the cork was free. Sadly, I mastered this technique years ago when life was good.
I wrapped my blanket over my shoulders and sat with my legs around a big, round post high enough it came up to my chest. In earlier
times, I loved to lean forward and dangle my legs and arms above the water, pretending I was flying. The calm water skimmed the pillars as it cruised by at a lazy pace.
My tongue pushed back in the top of my mouth. Cold red wine was not a favorite of mine. Why didn’t I grab a white?
Chugging more, I soon felt the effects I had been waiting for. Warmth lapped around my belly like a small fire on a stormy night. I got up and hopped from post to post like a child at a playground. Yes, it was incredibly unsafe, but it was fun and made my heart beat faster when I almost lost my balance.
My feet wiggled, trying to curve to the shape of the rounded post. It wasn’t easy in my boots. Everything suddenly tilted, and I fell sideways. The cold water felt like a punch to the stomach as I landed. My jacket clung to me like a dead weight attached to the bottom of a buoy. It was almost like my brain was stuck a few seconds behind in time. Then it hit me. Move! I kicked toward the surface as hard as I could while the cold water tried its best to pull me back down. My lungs burned until my head broke the surface and I sucked in a deep, wonderful breath. My muscles stung as I clawed at the ladder with numb hands. It took every ounce of strength to haul myself up onto the edge of the dock, then to climb over and onto the top. I gasped and let out a high pitched yelp before I caught my breath. What the hell was I thinking? I knew I needed to get dry fast.
I struggled to my feet and grabbed my blanket and started up the small hill toward my car. My feet felt so heavy, like frozen blocks of ice water. It made my socks squeak uncomfortably. My fingers were so cold, they seemed to be locked around the soft fabric of my blanket. Damn painful.
Headlights blinded me, then a truck stopped a moment later, and out jumped Keith.
Christ! Does he have a tracker on my damn car or something?
“What the hell happened to you?” He seemed pissed off, which put my back up.
“Went for a swim.”
His fist hit down on the hood, making me jump. I could see he was past his normal tolerance. So I went with the truth.
“I slipped.”
“Slipped?” His lips pressed into a hard line. Oh, that look made my blood thaw a little, but not in a good way.
