Natalia Takes the Lead

by Clare Hutton

  “You’re saying things you don’t mean,” Emma told them. “Natalia, Zoe’s just frustrated because she wants to make sure you’re okay. And, Zoe, you’re hurting Natalia’s feelings, and that’s the last thing you want to do.”

  The sisters stared at each other for a moment. “Come on,” Emma said coaxingly. “You know I’m right.”

  Zoe’s lips turned up in a tiny, reluctant smile. “I didn’t really mean to blow up at you,” she said. “I’m sorry.”

  “Whatever,” Natalia said, still feeling hurt. Zoe’s smile disappeared, and Natalia looked away. There was a sick, empty feeling inside her. Zoe thought Natalia couldn’t handle stuff, thought she needed help to handle her audition and her commitments. As she turned to walk on, Jasper tugging lightly at the leash, one thought ran through Natalia’s mind.

  I’m not going to ask them for help again. Either of them. I’ll do it on my own.

  On Monday, Natalia stifled a yawn as she dug through her folder for her math homework. She’d spent all weekend walking the dogs, playing with the dogs, and cleaning up after the dogs—she was more tired than she’d ever been before. Her eyelids felt heavy with weariness, and all morning she had dragged her feet down the hall from class to class, her teachers’ words mostly only a buzz in her ears.

  Natalia wasn’t used to feeling this way, and she didn’t like it.

  “Are you okay?” Caitlin asked, pausing in her routine of lining up the pencils on her desk.

  “Totally fine,” Natalia said, fixing a bright smile on her face. “Sleepy, I guess.”

  At least she’d gotten all her math homework assignments done. She’d struggled over them Sunday night and finally scrawled what were almost definitely the wrong answers. Natalia had been able to feel Zoe watching her from across the room, but had been absolutely unwilling to ask her for help. But the important thing was having something to turn in.

  Natalia pulled out the papers and handed them to Ms. Patel, getting an approving smile in return. She won’t look so pleased after she grades them, Natalia thought.

  Relieved to have handed her stuff in, Natalia leaned forward as Ms. Patel moved toward the whiteboard. She was determined to pay close attention. Whatever Zoe thought, Natalia was sure she could figure out the math herself, if she just tried hard enough. It was true, she’d been so busy she hadn’t paid enough attention, but now that was going to change.

  “Okay, class,” Ms. Patel said cheerfully, picking up a dry-erase marker. “Today we’re going to review how we write a word problem as an algebraic equation, and then we’re going to solve the equations to get our answers.” She wrote on the board. “Say that Jessica has eleven sets of …”

  She kept talking, and Natalia honestly tried to listen. But she was so tired. Her head felt heavier and heavier and it drooped forward on her neck, her eyelids falling …

  Suddenly, a sharp elbow jabbed into her side. Natalia jerked upright, her heart pounding hard. Confused, she looked at Caitlin, who had pulled her elbow back and was gazing studiously at the board.

  “Do you know the answer, Natalia?” Ms. Patel sounded irritated, as if this wasn’t the first time she had asked the question.

  “Six?” Natalia guessed, saying the first thing that popped into her head.

  “Very good.” Ms. Patel turned to the other side of the classroom. “Dan, could you explain how Natalia got that answer?”

  Natalia flopped back in her chair, incredulous. A warm tingle spread through her chest and down through her arms to her fingers. For the rest of class, she floated along, basking in her own good luck.

  By the time she got to the cafeteria for lunch, Natalia had woken up a bit more, but she still felt tired and hollow. She made her way between the tables full of chattering kids, feeling like it was taking a lot more effort than usual, and sat down next to Emma at their usual lunch table.

  “Good job in math today,” Emma said casually, peeking into her lunch tote.

  Natalia ducked her head, embarrassed. It had been amazing to guess the right answer without even hearing the question in class, but she felt weird hearing Emma’s praise.

  “Let’s see what my dad packed for us today,” Emma said, wiggling her eyebrows.

  Since Uncle Brian had left the restaurant in Seattle where he had been head chef and come out to cook at Seaview House, Natalia hadn’t bought a single lunch in the cafeteria. He made amazing food, and he always packed enough for all three of them. Zoe and a couple of her friends had started sitting with them instead of at their own table, lured over by Uncle Brian’s food.

  “I’m starving,” Zoe said now, slipping into a seat across the table next to her friend Ava. She and Natalia exchanged a glance, but neither said anything about math class or walking the dogs. They’d been avoiding the subjects since their argument, and Natalia was glad. She hated fighting with Zoe. And I don’t need her thinking I can’t handle things myself, she thought.

  “Okay,” Emma said, pulling neat little containers of food out of the tote. “Today we have individual quiches made with chanterelle mushrooms and leeks.”

  “Ooh, yum,” Natalia said, opening a box to find the tiny eggy dish, its crust golden brown. She loved Uncle Brian’s quiches. They were tender enough to melt in her mouth, with just a little crispness from the crust.

  “And?” Zoe asked expectantly.

  Emma opened another container. “Avocado, mango, and strawberry salad,” she announced. “And I know there are big chocolate chip cookies for dessert, because I helped make them yesterday.”

  “I love mangoes,” Zoe commented, reaching for a fork.

  Ava stared at them. “Your lunches are always so weird,” she said. “I can’t decide if they sound good, but they’re definitely more interesting than mine.” She waved half of her peanut butter and jelly at them, then let it flop back onto her napkin.

  “You can try a bite of this,” Zoe offered, and then looked up as Caitlin came to a halt by their table. Instead of sitting down in her regular seat, she stood poised, obviously with something important to say.

  “What’s up?” Natalia asked.

  Caitlin widened her eyes and spoke slowly and with great emphasis. “The cast list is up.”

  Natalia’s breath caught and she pressed her hands against her chest. I didn’t make it. I couldn’t have made it. Ms. Andrews hated my audition, she thought, all very quickly. But she couldn’t help hoping, just a little bit. “And?” she asked.

  “I made it.” Caitlin grinned a huge, sparkling grin. “I’m going to be Glinda.”

  Natalia jumped up and hugged her. “That’s so great! Congratulations!”

  “Thanks!” Caitlin hugged her back, but when they let go of each other, she had stopped smiling. “But, um …”

  “I didn’t get the Wicked Witch, did I?” Natalia asked, and Caitlin shook her head. Natalia swallowed hard, once, and then forced another smile onto her face. It felt a lot stiffer than the one from a couple minutes before, but it was there. “Oh, well,” she said. “I figured that. I mean, I totally blew the audition, didn’t I?” She laughed a little, awkwardly.

  Caitlin smoothed her skirt over her hips and sat down. “Next year,” she said. “You’re in the cast, though—you should check it out.”

  Natalia looked over toward the far end of the cafeteria, where a small crowd was congregating around the cast list. The last thing she wanted to do was worm her way through to look at the list in front of everyone who had seen her blow the audition. She was probably, like, a flying monkey or something. “Just tell me.”

  Caitlin took a sip of her juice before answering. “You’re Second Apple Tree,” she said finally.

  Second Apple Tree? That was worse than a flying monkey.

  Emma patted her on the shoulder. “I’m sorry. But that’ll be fun, right? You’ll get to throw apples at Dorothy.”

  “Sure,” Natalia muttered. “Who got the Witch?”

  “Darcy Williams,” Caitlin said. “She’s that tall girl?”r />
  Zoe had been looking back and forth between them throughout the whole conversation, and she finally broke in. “What about me? Did I get Dorothy?”

  Caitlin looked thoughtful. “Hmm,” she said, tapping a long finger against her chin. “I’m sorry, I didn’t notice. You’d better go see.”

  Zoe huffed a frustrated breath through her nose as she stood up. She hurried off toward the cast list. Caitlin grinned.

  “You totally know if she got it or not,” Natalia realized.

  “Of course I do,” Caitlin said, a smile still lurking at the corners of her mouth. “She’ll be more excited if sees it herself. She’s going to be Dorothy.”

  Natalia swallowed again. It felt like there was a hard lump in the back of her throat. “That’s great,” she said, forcing a cheerful tone into her voice. Both Caitlin and Emma were looking at her worriedly, but Natalia went on, smiling broadly. “She worked really hard. She absolutely deserves it.”

  And it was true. Zoe had worked really hard, and Natalia hadn’t. Zoe deserved to get the part she wanted, and Natalia didn’t. Natalia was even happy for Zoe, mostly. Her sister was going to make a great Dorothy.

  But Natalia still really, really wished she had gotten the part of the Wicked Witch.

  “It’s not like I’m not happy for Zoe and Caitlin,” Natalia said, keeping a firm hold on Daisy’s leash as the little dog tried to charge across the lawn after a squirrel.

  “I know,” Emma said comfortingly. Jasper was being good, trotting along obediently at her side.

  “It’s just …” Natalia let her voice trail off. She knew that Emma knew what she meant. It was hard to watch her sister and her friend be so happy about their important parts, even though they deserved them, when she had blown her own audition.

  “Yeah, I understand how you feel,” Emma told her. “You would have made a great Wicked Witch.”

  “Yeah,” Natalia agreed. There was a sharp ache in the center of her chest. It was humiliating to have such a small part, when her twin and her friend had some of the biggest parts in the show, but she didn’t want to actually say that.

  “We’d better head back to catch the bus,” she said instead, looking up at the sky. It was still tinted with early-morning pink, but the sun was well above the horizon now. Out on the bay, line after line of waves broke, white-tipped, and washed toward the shore. Small white boats scudded, their sails puffed out by the wind. “Thanks for walking Ruby and Bandit earlier.” Emma had gotten up at dawn to walk the first pair of dogs so that Natalia could sleep just a little longer, and Natalia appreciated it. She didn’t feel as fuzzy-minded and sleepy as she had the day before.

  “No problem,” Emma said. “I can’t help after school, though. I have practice.”

  “It’s okay,” Natalia said, tugging Daisy gently around to head back toward Seaview House. “Zoe said she’d help before theater club.” Now that the the show had been cast, they were meeting more often.

  Both Emma and Zoe had volunteered to take turns walking the dogs without Natalia having to ask them. Natalia suspected that they had noticed how sleepy and distracted she was in school the day before and thought she needed their help. She still felt a hot resentment at the things Zoe had said, and she wouldn’t have asked them for help, but she couldn’t help admitting to herself that it was nice to have them both pitching in.

  All day at school, Natalia felt bright and alert, the way she was used to feeling but hadn’t felt lately.

  “Hey!” Zoe said, catching up to her in the hall near the end of the day. “How’s it going? Where were you at lunch?”

  The slight distance she’d felt from Zoe since the cast list went up didn’t seem to matter right then, not after the good day she’d been having, and Natalia smiled at her. “Ava and Caitlin and I had a service club leaders’ meeting,” she said. “We need to start planning the canned food drive.”

  “Cool, count me in for helping with the collection.” Zoe smoothed her bob, tucking the ends of her hair neatly behind her ears. “Listen, I know I said I would come walk the dogs before theater club, but now a couple of us are supposed to come early to run over some songs.”

  “Oh.” Natalia thought for a minute. She had to be at theater club by 4:30. She’d be home by 3:15, would have to drop off her bag and walk over to Seaview House, which would probably take her until almost 3:30. It would take her twenty minutes to walk to the theater from Seaview House, so she needed to finish with the dogs by ten after four. Maybe she could eat a snack while she walked the dogs.

  Zoe was beginning to look uncomfortable. “Is that okay? I mean, maybe I could explain to Ms. Andrews that I have to be late. If you need me. I know it takes a while to walk both pairs of dogs, but I figured Emma would help.”

  Natalia remembered Zoe saying, You don’t need help? That’s a laugh! and smiled, gritting her teeth. “No, it’s totally fine,” she said brightly. “Emma and I will do it together.”

  At 4:55, Natalia rushed into the theater, panting from running most of the way from Seaview House. Bandit had dragged his feet during his and Ruby’s walk, while Daisy had pulled her leash out of Natalia’s hand so she could chase squirrels, and it had taken Natalia more than five minutes to catch her.

  And then her mom had stopped her as Natalia was hurrying to take the dogs back to their rooms. “They’d like you to be here all day on the day of the wedding,” she said. “Check with the other girls, okay?” Natalia had reassured her that it would be fine. I’ll have to make sure Emma and Zoe are free on Saturday, she reminded herself.

  On the stage, Zoe, the girl who was playing the Cowardly Lion, the boys who were playing the Tin Man and the Scarecrow, and Ms. Andrews all looked up, startled by her entrance. The rest of the cast was sprawled across the seats in the audience, whispering to each other or working on homework or watching the action on the stage, and they all looked at Natalia, too. Self-consciously, Natalia straightened her T-shirt, aware that she was red-faced and sweaty.

  “You’re a little late, Natalia,” Ms. Andrews said.

  “Sorry,” Natalia said, her cheeks getting hot. “I had to finish something first, and it took longer than I thought it would.” Zoe was looking away, and Natalia felt a hot flare of irritation—Zoe hadn’t helped because she didn’t want to be late, and now Natalia was late. Of course, Zoe’s part was an important one. Not like an apple tree.

  “Next time, please come in more quietly,” Ms. Andrews said mildly.

  “I’m sorry,” Natalia said. Lately, she’d just been doing everything wrong. Maybe I don’t even deserve to be an apple tree, she thought.

  Ms. Andrews nodded in acknowledgment. “Take a seat until we get to your scene, Natalia.”

  Seeing Caitlin halfway down a row, Natalia picked her way past other kids and sat down next to her.

  “That was so embarrassing,” Natalia breathed.

  “Seriously.” Caitlin was reading and eating chips. She held the bag out to Natalia. “Where were you?”

  Natalia took a chip and popped it into her mouth, crunching it between her teeth. It was salty and delicious; she hadn’t even had time for a snack. “I had to walk the dogs,” she said.

  “Bleh.” Caitlin made a face. “Aren’t you tired of taking care of other people’s dogs?”

  “No, I’m not,” Natalia said, realizing it was true. She was tired of being tired, and she thought she might have taken on more dogs than she could handle, but she still liked doing it. She tried to explain. “They’re so sweet and funny, and each one has a personality that’s totally their own. Like, Jasper wants to take care of everybody—he’s always checking on Daisy, and if you stop when you’re walking him, he’ll come over and look up at you like he’s asking if you’re all right. And Daisy is just totally obsessed with squirrels. And Ruby loves people, so, so much, but she hates other dogs. And Bandit just wants everyone to take it easy and let him nap. If you sit down, he’ll put his paws on your lap and try to cuddle with you, even though he’s way too
big.”

  Caitlin gave her a little smile and ate another chip. “They sound cute,” she admitted. “But it still sounds like a lot of work.”

  “Well, yeah,” Natalia said. “I love the dogs and I’ll miss them, but I won’t be totally sorry when their owners leave Seaview House and I get a break.”

  “Me neither,” Caitlin said, handing Natalia the last chip and crumpling up the empty bag. “I never get to see you lately. When the dogs leave, you should join me and Emma’s study group.”

  “Your and Emma’s study group?” Natalia said in surprise. Caitlin didn’t dislike Emma the way she used to, but their hanging out together was new.

  Caitlin shrugged. “I’ve learned some excellent study tricks from Emma.”

  “Huh,” Natalia said. It would be great if Caitlin and Emma ended up being really good friends, she thought.

  Up on the stage, Zoe and the others began to sing. “We’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz.” Zoe’s voice rang out clear and strong, and Natalia felt a sort of reluctant pride. She was still kind of mad that Zoe had skipped dog walking and made Natalia late, but the extra singing practice had paid off. Her sister sounded good up there. Ms. Andrews stopped them and demonstrated a skipping dance step. Zoe swung right into the dance, her arms firmly linked with the kids playing the Scarecrow and the Tin Man, and Natalia felt even prouder and, weirdly, more irritated, too. Zoe had always been good at stuff. There were so many things she was better at than Natalia.

  But Zoe had been kind of standoffish with other kids, an observer instead of a doer. Natalia had been the one who performed, who might be up onstage dancing around, or hanging out with other kids, practicing. Did Zoe have to be good at that, too?

  It was ages later that Natalia finally got called up to the stage. She’d lost interest in seeing Zoe do the same thing over and over, and she’d gotten Caitlin and a bunch of other girls to fold fortune-tellers instead. The last one Natalia had made told Caitlin she was going to grow up to be a private detective and live in a mansion. Natalia’s had said she was going to grow up to be a car salesman and live in a shack.