Tunnel Vision

by H. R. Kitte-Rojas

  Sitting down to watch Mulholland Falls, Frank felt the long week catching up to him. He joked around with Miles to keep awake.

  By the time Miles and Shauna bid their goodbyes, Frank had decided to just catch up on what sleep he could, then get back to work after putting in his hours for Avcom the next day. But there was a surprising development— Celeste remained in the recliner as their friends left.

  He returned to the living room and sat on the couch, facing her. “Did you like the movie?”

  She nodded. “Your videos, too.”

  “Thanks.” He yawned. “Sorry „bout that.”

  “No problem. You do look tired.” She rose and gathered her purse and jacket. “I…um, have a way to put our friendship to the test.”

  “Oh, really.”

  “We"re having an awards ceremony at my school,” she said. “At the end of the semester we try to encourage the students by giving them awards for whatever they do well. And teachers get awards, too. You"re invited.”

  “You"re getting an award?” he asked.

  “Who knows. But it"s a long, boring night with hundreds of parents eyeballing us all the time and I could use some moral support.”

  “You certainly paint a charming picture,” he said. But he couldn"t turn her down. This was the sort of thing friends did for each other and he had rather forced his friendship on her, hadn"t he? Besides, depending on what kind of mood she was in on the given night, it would be nice to talk and spend time with her. “When and where for this thing?”

  *** The next day went by in a blur. Frank rushed through his Avcom obligations so he could get back to work on the storyboard. The weekend and following week also flashed by as he finalized his cast and began shooting scenes on locations around town. He was in a great mood by the night of Celeste"s awards ceremony.

  The awards were being held at the school, which was well inside the inner city. Frank parked his Mustang and was glad to notice a security guard patrolling the parking lot.

  Just inside the entrance, he saw Celeste waiting. She recognized him and smiled a greeting. It jolted him. How could he have forgotten how beautiful she was? She was dressed business-casual and had done something to her hair. But that smile would have smacked him upside the head no matter how she was fixed up.

  When he drew near, she hugged him and said, “Thanks for coming.” The hug felt good. Too good.

  Friends, he reminded himself. We’re just friends and that’s all we can

  be . “You"re welcome. Do we have seats assigned or something?” “I"ve got seats for us. I"m just waiting for…there he is!” She moved her

  head to see around Frank and waved her hand in the air. Frank stepped aside

  and turned to scan for the object of her interest.

  A handsome, well-dressed black man approached. When he drew within

  arm"s length, Celeste closed the distance. Their arms went around each other

  and they kissed.

  The rush of Frank"s own embrace with her faded quickly. So did his

  cheery mood.

  Celeste swung away from the man, their arms still linked, so that they

  both faced Frank. “Frank, this is Larry. Larry; Frank.”

  She didn"t need to say more. Their body language told him all he needed

  to know. More than he wanted to know, honestly.

  He shook hands with Larry, lied about how nice it was to meet him, and

  forced a smile. “Looks like you"ve got the moral support covered,” he heard

  himself say.

  Celeste laughed off his comment and led them both to the gymnasium,

  where the floor was covered with rows of folding chairs. Only a third of them

  were occupied, though more people were straggling in. The seats she

  reserved for them were toward the front on the right. Celeste seated herself

  between Larry and Frank.

  It hit Frank how out-ofplace he was, here. He wasn"t a parent, or a

  teacher, and only knew one person here. That person seemed to be just fine

  without his company.

  The proceedings began, and Frank tried to pay attention. Several

  teachers were honored, including Celeste, whose students placed highest on the reading portion of the standardized tests last year. When she returned from the stage with her certificate, he gave her the best smile and the

  warmest congratulations he could manage, right then.

  Larry kissed her cheek when she dropped into the seat next to him. After

  the applause died down and the assistant principal had everyone"s attention

  babbling on about something or other, Larry kissed her again. This time, she

  turned to meet the kiss on the mouth.

  Frank hadn"t experienced this sensation in a long time—like a World

  Cup soccer player had just kicked him in the stomach.

  They broke off the kiss but Larry"s arm went around her and she leaned

  into him.

  Frank kept his eyes fixed on the stage. Some of the students were

  presented awards based on academic achievements, while others won

  distinctions like “most outgoing,” “most helpful” and so on. Social

  recognition so everybody felt like a winner. This whole dog and pony show

  was lame. He didn"t know any of these kids and, at the moment,couldn"t

  care less how validated they felt by the presentation of certificates. Frank was intensely aware of Celeste leaning into Larry, and his arm

  around her. He stared harder straight ahead, wishing he were anywhere but

  there.

  He only realized Celeste had spoken to him after she elbowed him

  gently in the arm. He faced her. “I"m sorry. What?”

  “I asked if you noticed what little hams so many of them are,” she said. “Oh, sure. Kids love to ham it up.”

  “I think they"d love to learn aboutvideo,” Celeste said. “They"re

  fascinated by celebrities. And even though most of them won"t crack a book

  without being forced at gunpoint, they can give a scene-by-scene summary of

  their favoritemovies.”

  Frank nodded, trying not to feel the jealousy eating at him. “I"d like to give them a field trip,” Celeste said. “Do you think Avcom

  would be receptive to something like that?”

  He tried to clear his thoughts. “You mean a field trip to the production

  suites?”

  “Right.”

  “They"d probably be willing. They"re big on community involvement.

  As long as all the legal forms are signed and all that.”

  “How would I go about arranging it?”

  Frank sighed. “Let me look into it for you.”

  “Really? Thank-you so much.”

  “That"s what friends are for, right?” He struggled to keep the resentment

  out of his voice.

  His cell phone rang. He looked at the number. It was one of the actors

  he"d been trying to get ahold of. The cavalry, he thought. Thank God. He

  picked up.

  The voice on the line said something he didn"t catch, but he placed his

  palm over the mouthpiece and said, “I"m sorry. Gotta" go. But congrats. And

  nice to meet you, Larry.”

  Larry nodded and waved with a rotation of the wrist. Celeste looked

  taken aback.

  “We didn"t even get a chance to talk,” she said.

  That"s because your mouth was otherwise engaged, he thought. “Sorry.

  Maybe some other time.”

  He beat a hasty retreat, and couldn"t get back to his car fast enough. All

  the way home the thought of Celeste giving her kisses to another man

  plagued him until he wanted to scream out loud.They hadn"t been lewd

  about it. It wasn"t a make-out session or anything, but it still felt like he"d
r />   been stabbed in the stomach.

  He was ashamed of himself for being so jealous. Not just jealous—

  consumed by jealousy. This kind of emotional turmoil took him back to high

  school. It was like all the self-confidence and maturity he earned over the

  years was shaken to the foundations now that Celeste had entered his field of

  vision. He planned to jump right back into his work, so he could avoid

  dealing with all this.

  When he finally sat at his editing desk again, he realized it was futile.

  His tunnel vision had been ripped away from his creative efforts and focused

  tightly on Celeste.

  With a cry of frustration he left the office, changed into his sweats and

  hit the weight room. He worked his back and shoulders that night. Between

  every set, his gaze gravitated toward a certain grouping of photographs. By the time he hit the showers, he had a plan. It wouldn"t restore his

  muse…at least not right away…but it would help him get Celeste out of his

  mind. Somewhere he had a yellow Post-it with the name and phone number

  for one of those women. It was time to use it.

  17 At first, Celeste "s plan seemed to be a decent one. Larry was more than willing to be affectionate and possessive during the awards night. Celeste offered no resistance, emphasizing how off-limits she was to Frank. She also had a degree of fun doing it. She had enjoyed no romantic contact since Coach and had missed it. If she hadn"t been in a room full of students, parents and co-workers, she might have necked with Larry right there.

  Then, before she could drop the bomb on him, Frank bounced. And though he was friendly enough all night, there was something funny about his eyes. He seemed rather somber.

  Her instincts told her it was jealousy. She had laid it on rather thick with Larry. That was probably a very insensitive thing to do.

  Whatever his problem had been in college, Celeste suspected Shauna was right about Frank: that he was a good, decent man. Her warning about boundaries had probably been enough. The performance she put on with Larry was just salt in Frank"s wounds.

  If he was jealous, that meant he definitely had a romantic interest in her. Okay. That was finally settled, then. Now how did she feel about that?

  When the awards night was done, Larry invited her to his place. The poor guy had his hopes raised by all the intimate contact, no doubt. But Celeste wasn"t in the mood anymore and wasn"t ready yet for her relationship with Larry to turn sexual.

  She liked him well enough, but there was still something missing that perhaps needed more time.

  “It"s kind of late and I have to get up early tomorrow,” she said. “But thanks so much for coming.” As a consolation prize, she gave Larry a long, deep kiss while massaging his nape.

  She drove home with a whole catalog of conflicting emotions—none of them related to the recognition she and others did or didn"t get at the awards night. The kissing had been nice, but tainted by guilt. But guilt wasn"t the only feeling evoked by Frank"s jealousy—there was satisfaction, too. More satisfaction than just knowing a man was attracted to her.

  She wanted Frank to be jealous. And despite freshman year so long ago, her motives weren"t entirely vengeful.

  Larry called her non-stop after that. One time she interrupted her current paperback to pick up.

  “Whatcha" doin"?” Larry asked.

  “Reading.”

  “Oh. You taking" night classes or something?”

  This question gave her just a minor twinge of irritation. “No, Larry. I"m reading of my own free will. It"s something I enjoy. This and sleep are two of life"s greatest pleasures.”

  “I can think of one that"s better than both of those combined,” he said, chuckling at his own wit.

  That was how their conversations tended to go.

  Frank didn"t call even once. In fact, Frank hadn"t called her since that time when she was home, sick.

  She gave this some thought and decided it made perfect sense. If he had feelings for her, but was trying to be a gentleman and respect the boundaries she had set, the smartest thing for him to do was limit his contact with her.

  Celeste was questioning a lot these days. Not the least of them were those boundaries she had insisted on.

  Boundaries are a good thing, she told herself. One of your own kind; stick to your own kind.

  She called Frank.

  “I haven"t heard from you in a while,” she said.

  “You just saw me at that school thing a few nights ago,” he said.

  “Yeah, but we haven"t really talkedfor a minute, now.”

  Nothing replied but silence.

  “We"re still friends, right?”

  “Sure,” he said. “Oh, and I checked with the big wigs: the field trip is fine. Just tell me when you want to do it and I"ll make arrangements.”

  “Great!” she enthused. “But I"m not calling to nag about that. I"m just…keeping in touch.”

  “Oh. Well, thanks. It"s good to hear from you.”

  “Hey, when do I get invited to one of those movie parties I keep hearing about?”

  He chuckled. “Are they famous?”

  “Or maybe infamous.”

  “Well, I invited you before. Offer still stands.”

  “When"s the next one?”

  “Friday. But Miles and Shauna won"t be there. He"s working stand-by this week.”

  “That"s okay. I"d still like to come. What"s playing?”

  “Crouching Tiger and The Last Dragon.”

  “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon? I love that movie,” she said.

  “It"s a good one,” he said. “Larry"s welcome, too. How is he, by the way?”

  She didn"t hear jealousy in his voice. More like cold indifference. She didn"t like that.

  “He"s fine,” she said.

  “Okay,” he said. “You know where my house is. I open for business about seven. Try to start the first flick no later than eight-thirty. I think I got burgers and buns covered, but still need chips, pickles, lettuce and desserts, if you can bring one of those.”

  “Sure. I can bring lettuce.”

  “And it"s BYOB if you"re drinking.”

  “Gotcha,” she said. “What if I"m not drinking?”

  “I got plenty of water and Kool-Aid.”

  “Sounds like a plan. So I"ll see you then?” “See you then,” he said, and hung up.

  Celeste debated with herself whether she should go alone or with Larry, and finally decided to go with him, but to refrain from the public displays of affection this time.

  Larry picked her up on time, but looked a little perturbed when she slid into the passenger seat of his Camry. It didn"t take long for him to say what was on his mind.

  “So what"s up with you?”

  “What"s up with me?” she echoed. “What do you mean?”

  “Most of the time you don"t answer my calls. Then when you do, it

  seems like it"s only because you already decided to go somewhere and just need me there so you"re not alone. One night you"re all over me, then it"s like you don"t want me to touch you. What"s up, Celeste?”

  “All over you?” she asked. “When was that?”

  “At your school that night. Usually girls will act like that in the back row of a movie theater. But it"s like you wanted to put on a show for all your teacher friends. Then once the audience is gone, I"m at arm"s length again.”

  “You"re not at arm"s length,” she replied, dismissively. “And I wasn"t „putting on a show." I can"t believe you said that.”

  “That"s how it seemed,” he said.

  “Because I didn"t sleep with you? Well excuse me for hurting your delicate ego.”

  Their first argument. It raged all the way to Frank"s house, then continued while they sat in the parked car, not wanting to bring it inside with them. After a while, Celeste realized she was overly defensive and contrary, just like her mother. She
denied everything, admitted nothing, belittled Larry"s feelings and found fault with random things he said in order to change subjects when she became uncomfortable with the present one.

  Even after becoming aware of what she was doing, she found it very difficult to stop. It was even harder to admit she was wrong. She didn"t quite go that far, but she did muster up the courage to apologize, which he could take as an admission of guilt if he so desired. Afterwards, they made out for ten minutes. Another consolation prize.

  Because of their altercation, and its resolution, the first movie had started by the time they went inside. One of Frank"s guests let them in. The couch, recliners and beanbag chairs were all full, so Celeste and Larry claimed two bar stools at the kitchen counter behind the couch. She and Larry fixed themselves plates as quietly as they could, then sat down to catch up on the show.

  Once her eyes adjusted to the darkness in the room, and the contrasting blaze of light projected on the screen, Celeste noticed that Frank was on the middle of the couch, directly in front of her. Seated next to him…all up on his nuts, in fact…was a woman with long, jet black hair. She ran a bejeweled hand through his hair and, every so often, pulled his head toward hers for a wet, smacking kiss.

  Celeste was paralyzed. She hadn"t been ready for this. Frank was pining away for her, she thought, insanely jealous about her and Larry. Not letting some gaudy ho suck half his face off.

  Frank"s silhouette was easy to recognize, but in the light it was hard to make out any details on the girl besides the gleam from her jewelry shining through the dark hair on the back of Frank"s head.

  Celeste seethed. Was this a rebound girl, or had she completely misread Frank? Again.

  Rebound or no rebound, she liked this new development not at all.

  How long was this damn movie, anyway? Would it never end? Again and again the raven-haired slut pulled him to her to stick her tongue into his mouth. And Frank didn"t put up any kind of fight, either. In fact, he wrapped his arms around her.

  This was really tasteless behavior in a room full of people who were trying to watch a movie.

  After one of their many deep-throated exercises, Frank nibbled on the woman"s neck. She giggled and Celeste caught the glint of a huge silver hoop earring jiggling as she did.