“Nah, but she said he graduated from NC State and he’s coaching at a high school somewhere near here so it shouldn’t be hard to find him.”
“Have you looked yet?”
“Nah, I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to.”
I sat up, “Well lets google him?”
He grabbed me around the waist and pulled me back towards him. “Not now, I’ve got something better in mind.”
“I have to leave soon.”
He rolled over on top of me and balanced his weight on his arms. “Is that a no?” He asked and then smiled at me. I hate you, you know I can’t say no even if I want to and trust me, I do not want to.
“It’s not a no, it’s an I have to get ready or I won’t make it to my lab.”
He lowered his body and picked up the remote and then pressed a button to check the time. “You have an hour that’s plenty of time.”
“I…” he kissed me before I could finish.
“So that’s a yes.” He pressed his body against mine to let me know that he was already halfway there. I placed my hand on the back of his neck and then pulled him into another kiss. No sense in wasting the moment.
Xavier Lee
I was sitting in my Math class about two seconds from falling asleep when my professor decided that we would have an impromptu quiz over a lesson that was just explained. A lesson that I had not been paying attention two because my mind was stuck on last night and this morning. Kya and I never had issues with our physical relationship it was the commitment part that suffered. Mostly because of me well all because of me but I’ll own that I’m the first to admit that I have had serious issues with being exclusive, but I knew for certain that Kya was my one. Even if my actions don’t always show it, she was it for me.
I hadn’t quite figured out why I did the things that I did when it came to her like the cheating and lack of commitment but one thing I knew for sure was that she owned a part of me that would always belong to her. Maybe my problem was that I was still young or possibly it was that the only so called commitment that I had ever known was painful and dangerous. Either way I just didn’t seem to have it in me no matter how hard I tried.
But last night was a reality check, I was reminded that there was always a possibility that if I pushed her hard enough that one day she might just walk away and never look back. Just thinking about her being with someone else sent the feeling of fire through my veins but the only person I could blame was myself. If I had been the man that she needed me to be I had no doubt in my mind that I would have been the only person that she ever gave herself to.
I guess that was one of the reasons why I’m so different with her verses all the others. It was like I drew a line in my head when I was with other girls, no matter who they were or what they offered I shut down and with them it was just sex, no emotional connection. I would tell Ky that every time I got caught cheating or she found out about me being with someone else but I knew that she didn’t really understand what that meant. If I was with anybody other than Ky it was definitely all about me and what I needed and as cruel as that sounded I really didn’t care how they feel about it. I know that made me seem like a real ass hole but it’s the only way that I knew how to keep that separation clearly defined.
With Kya I get lost I in her, she had a way of drawing me in and pulling things out of me that no one else could. Every touch, every movement, every kiss mattered and she was the only one who made that happen. Maybe it was just all in my head or maybe it was just how I felt but it was something that belonged to just the two of us. That was love to me. It was physical but it was love and I knew that I loved her, as much as I could love someone. The thing was, happy endings didn’t exist in my world so while I was sure Ky was thinking about forever I honestly didn’t know if I even believed that it was possible. All I knew was that I needed her and me thinking like that it was selfish but I it was just the way it was for me. It’s all I was capable of.
“Mr. Adams, please join the rest of the class and come answer number seven on the board. It’s worth 100 points extra credit. I’m feeling generous today.” My professor and half the class were staring at me because apparently I had been called on and hadn’t been paying attention. Thank goodness math is like breathing to me. I glanced at the board and then stood up. As I walked to the front of the class I mentally worked the problem so that when I reached the board and grabbed the dry erase marker I was already prepared to scribble out the answer.
“Looks like Mr. Adams is getting extra credit today. Thank you for finally joining us.” My professor said as I turned to walk back to my seat.
I skated by with that one fortunately it was something I already knew because I hadn’t paid attention to one word that had been going on in class.
-----
About twenty minutes later I was in my jeep on my way back to my dorm hopefully about to catch a nap before practice but when I got to my room there were about eight people in there laughing, talking loud and sitting in front of our TV. There were cups and empty wrappers from fast food all over the counters and tables which immediately pissed me off. Our room was typically always the hang out room since it was just me and Chaz instead of having four resident like most of the other suites, but it was starting to get old. People were in and out of our dorm so much that they felt like it was a right instead of a privilege. This often led them to believe that what was ours was theirs from our game system, movies not excluding our food. There had even been several times that I had come back to our suite and found random people shacked up with girls in the two empty rooms once everyone found out that you could easily pick the locks.
“Aye, where’s Chaz.”
One of them who I had never even seen before turned and looked at me. “Who’s asking?”
“That’s his roommate fool, he lives here.” Allen said.
“My bad bruh, what’s good?”
“We haven’t seen him since about an hour ago, he might be in class.”
So why the hell are you in my dorm? I didn’t say a word, I walked over to the TV, turned it off, went back to the kitchen picked up the trash can and began pushing the trash off the counters into it. After a minute or so Allen said, “Alright man, we’re heading out.” I still didn’t say a word while they all stood up and collected their things none of which was the trash that belonged to them and then left. At least they hand enough sense not to say anything to me and besides I was pretty sure they my mood was definitely a clear warning for them to keep it moving. I hated sorry, disrespectful people, this was one of the main reasons why I flew solo most of the time. People are all about self and they keep inching until they cross the line or until somebody puts them in check and as far as I was concerned things around here were definitely about to change.
By the time I finished cleaning up the mess that they left I was fuming so I figured that it was best for me to wait until I had calmed down to talk to Chaz. He was my boy but was too free hearted and let people take advantage of that. Me on the other hand, I didn’t really give a shit if people liked me or not so I had a tendency to say and do whatever I wanted even if it meant pissing people off. I stepped out of my shoes and then laid on my stomach with my arms bent in front of me and then buried my face in them, hopefully sleep would calm me down.
When I left for practice Chaz still hadn’t made it back yet which was good because I had overslept and barely made it to practice on time but I needed to talk to him as soon as possible because we were done with all the random traffic that we had been seeing lately. It was getting out of hand and besides if one of them said or did the wrong thing when it came to Ky, things weren’t going to go well. I was not much of a people person as it was so I was already over having these idiots constantly in and out of our dorm but since Ky had been spending more time here I was definitely about to put an end to it. She was a line that didn’t get crossed without some serious repercussions so it was best if I fixed the problem before it got to that point.
&nb
sp; I parked my Jeep and got up noticing that most of the team’s cars were already there so I grabbed my practice bag, locked my doors and took off toward the gym. Almost everyone was changed and some of them were actually already shooting around so I changed as quickly as I could and joined my team on the floor. Coach walked in and every one gathered around him to find out what damage he had in mind for the day.
“We play Central tomorrow and if you guys can keep your heads out your asses long enough to actually play some ball we should walk away from that game pretty easily so if you give me one good solid hour today then I’ll cut it short today.”
Thank goodness I thought because I wasn’t really in the mood to spend three hours full of pointless suffering.
“What up Zay.” Ethan said and then extended a closed fist towards me followed my Trey who did the same.
“Yeah, what’s good bruh?” Trey said.
We lined up under the goal to begin our warm up and then took off sprinting to half court on coach’s whistle.
“Man, I’m so ready for this season to be done.” I said when we reached our starting point again.
“You? This has been the longest season ever.” Trey said.
We took off sprinting again.
“I’m just tired of traveling.” Ethan said “My professors couldn’t careless and this semester is killing me.”
“I’m actually failing two classes right now because I have two weeks’ worth of makeup work to turn in. When the hell am I supposed to find time to write three research papers and annotate six boring ass poems?” Trey said.
“I feel you. I’m not failing but its killing me to keep up. I sleep in just about every class and its catching up with me.” I added.
“And a brother’s sex life is starting to suffer.” Trey said when finished our last sprint.
“You’re on your own with that one. Didn’t coach tell us about priorities and responsibilities? It is a priority that we make it our responsibility to service those in need.” Ethan said.
“I second that. Where there is a will there is a way.” I said.
“Easier said than done, both of you have a definite yes on standby. I need time to each day find a willing and able participant which is almost impossible to do because I’m either at a game, at practice, on a way to a game or on the way home from game.” Trey said.
“Damn man that’s why you’re failing, I didn’t here class or studying anywhere in that line up.” I said and laughed.
“Like coach said priorities man. Priorities.” Trey said and then laughed.
“Adams, let’s go. This practice isn’t going to run itself.” Coach yelled and then turned to walk off and a few minutes later I was at the top of the key calling out a play and counting down the minutes until practice was over.
When practice was finally done I decided to stay and take an ice bath because my muscles were aching and it had been awhile so Ethan decided to stay and do the same. Everyone else was gone so it was quiet in the locker room aside from the water running in the metal tubs. We used buckets to fill them with ice from the machine that was outside the locker room and when they were both full we sank down into them cussing until or bodies were so numb that the initial shock had worn off. My sleeveless drifit shirt and practice shorts weren’t doing me much justice because it still felt like the ice was piercing my skin but I had gotten used to it and after about a minute or so I settled into the pain.
“Do did you ever decide whether or not you’re going to look for your dad?” Ethan asked and then looked around as if he was expecting to see someone walk into the room. I sure it was because he respected the fact that I wasn’t big on letting people into my personal business and was trying to make sure no one else was around.
I had forgotten that I hadn’t talk to him about the fact that I had decided to try and find my dad.
“Yeah, I figure what the hell. He’ll either see me or he won’t. If nothing else he should at least have a conversation with me since I don’t want anything from him.”
“Yeah I can’t see why not.”
“It’s weird though, it kind of makes me feel like I don’t know who I am. I mean I know who I am but I don’t know it’s hard to explain.”
“I get it. I feel that like that sometimes. I love my parents but it like there’s another me out there somewhere. The one that would have existed if my bio parents hadn’t died and would have actually raised me.”
“Exactly. I spent so much time trying my to make sure I didn’t end up like Johnny that I feel like I never really focused on the person that I should really be. Hell I don’t even know who that is.”
“You’re still you and I really don’t think that would change much but I get it.”
“I’m like him in so many ways and that’s the thing that I guess pisses me off the most. I’m that way because he was around, he was the one I watched and learned from and even though everything in me fought the urge to wanna be like him I couldn’t help but to be like him because it’s all I knew.”
“Bruh, don’t let that asshole define you. You’re good peoples and you would never be who he is.”
“Easier said than done. No matter how hard I try sometimes I’m a pro at messing up a good thing. It’s like I can’t help.”
“Ky?”
“Yep, I swear it’s like I just can’t get it right.”
“What’s to get right, bruh you’re twenty? You’ve got a long way to go and a hell of a lot more to figure out. Girls are just different. They can plan your whole wedding and tell you what they’re going to name your two point five kids after your first kiss. That shit is in their DNA.”
I laughed so loud it echoed throughout the whole room. “True.”
“I’m just saying, you’ve got time and that girl loves you like nobody’s business, she’s not going anywhere. Trust me.”
“Dude you’re stupid.” I laughed.
“It’s true and you know it so don’t sweat it too much. That’s like me and Toni, she got me on some settle down type of stuff but It is what it is. I’m not buying engagement rings or anything but Imma rock with her to see where it goes but it doesn’t mean that I won’t mess up. I’ll just worry about that if or when it happens but for now I’m just chillin’, no pressure no exceptions. Just chillin’, and I suggest you do the same.”
“Easier said than done. You don’t have any strikes against you with Toni but with me a Ky, I’m already on the ledge. One more and trust me she’s sending me over.”
“I feel ya but when it all said and done you can only be who you are and you can only do what you can do. Just remember that. And with that, I’m getting my ass out of this ice box before they have to amputate my legs. I don’t see how you do this.” Ethan stood up and grabbed the towel that was folded over the side of the tin that he was sitting in. I decided to stay in mine a few minutes so that I would be ready for the game tomorrow. Every little bit helped.
Chapter 17
Kya Renee
It had been a few weeks since Xavier had located his father and when he finally did take the time to contact him he was actually glad that Xavier had reached out to him. He even invited us to spend the weekend at his house but Xavier declined and said that he would stay at a hotel since he I would be with him and he didn’t want to be disrespectful. So we decided to make a weekend of it and the four of us me, Xavier, Ethan and Toni were all going to Apex NC for the weekend so that Xavier could meet his biological father.
I was currently in my dorm room with Toni trying to finish packing so that we could meet the guys and hit the road while Toni on the other hand was searching Instagram for dirt on our high school classmates.
“Are you finished packing?”
I looked on my shoulder towards Toni who was currently sitting in the center of my bed scrolling through her iPad.
“Almost, I just have a few more things to pack but I’m pretty much done.”
“I’m so excited about this weekend. I finally get to chill wit
h Zay for a whole weekend without him having to leave for practice or a game. I swear basketball is worse than a side chick.”
“Boo basketball is his side chick.” Toni and I both laughed.
“Thank goodness for family emergencies, no practice for two days.”
“That’s cold Ky, what if someone died or something.”
“Girl nobody died, their coach’s mother broke her hip.”
“I’m just saying.” Toni said and then laughed.
Toni’s phone vibrated on my desk and I could see that it was a message from Ant. The guy she was with before she started kicking it with Ethan.
“Uh why is Ant texting you?” I turned around and looked at Toni waiting for an answer but she jumped off my bed and picked up her phone to read the message. “Hello.” I said still waiting.
“It’s nothing.” She said, sent a reply and then dropped her phone on the bed. She hopped back on my bed and then picked up her iPad again.
I wasn’t buying it. “Come on Tee, don’t do anything stupid. You’ve gotta a good thing going with Ethan.”
“I said its nothing, don’t stress Ky.”
Her phone vibrated again so she picked it up and then read the message. She obviously forgot that I was in the room because she was grinning from ear to ear.
I walked over and snatched her phone out of her hand.
“What the hell Ky.” She yelled and jumped up. She tried to snatch the phone back from me but I turned my back to her, ran into my bathroom, slammed the door and locked it.
“I just want to see what nothing is.” I yelled through the bathroom door.
“Ky that’s messed up.” Toni yelled back.
I scrolled through the messages from Ant and immediately knew that Toni was playing with fire. The two of them were going back and forth about what they missed about each other and how he missed her lying next to him and night. So much for its nothing. I had to put a stop to this before she did something stupid. Toni didn’t always make the best decisions when it came to guys and I know I didn’t really have room to talk because of my past with Xavier but at least I knew that he genuinely cared about me. Not like this half behind thug wanna be that Toni had gotten caught up with. Ant was bad news and even if he didn’t have anything to lose Toni sure did and I wasn’t letting that happen.
Kya & Xavier: It's Always Been You (Life As We Know It Book 1) Page 20
