All Fall Down

by Jean Little

  I believe they are Miss Wellington’s and they are always on pages that have brought tears to my eyes too.

  I planned not to write about the weather in Frank, but the wind here is not something you can ignore. Frank doesn’t have breezes. It has gales. You have to hold onto your hat at all times or you would lose it for sure. It also blows your skirt up, which is embarrassing. If I don’t have Davy in my arms and it is not too cold, it feels exciting sometimes. When I do have him, though, I’m afraid it may knock us flat. He isn’t afraid. He shrieks with glee when it slams into us.

  Four Winds is a perfect name for a hotel in this town.

  Friday, September 12, 1902

  Bird is reading the Alice book now. She’s at the part where the playing cards come to life. Her mother won’t have any playing cards at their place. Bird says it has something to do with her father, but she is not sure what. We have lots at the hotel. When people stay overnight, they often play cards all evening. Olivia has learned to play pool and several card games. “A veritable card shark,” Uncle Martin called her. Mother is not sure it is something a young lady should do, but Olivia thinks she is just being old-fashioned. Uncle Martin stands up for my sister. I think the guests like it when she plays because she is not just pretty but she has such fun. She never showed this side of herself in Montreal.

  Jeremiah likes playing games too. He and John are great friends even though John is so much younger, but I think, in his heart of hearts, it is Olivia that Jeremiah comes to see. I have watched his eyes follow her wherever she goes. I just wish Olivia appreciated him, but she is bowled over by a boy from outside Frank. He’s named Tony Minelli. He is too old for her and he’s incredibly conceited. Whenever nobody is watching, he poses in front of the hall mirror and combs his hair. Then he gives his head a little toss and smirks. It’s disgusting.

  Olivia does not speak of him if Mother is nearby. She pretends to be busy with small chores, putting away napkins or straightening out the cutlery drawer. When Mother is not looking, though, Olivia slips out the back door and doesn’t come back for ages.

  Mary Ruth told me that she has seen Tony taking other girls out when Olivia is doing dishes or hanging out laundry. She saw him kissing Mabel once.

  I told John that and asked if I ought to tell Mother. But he just said to mind my own business. Yet I don’t think he knows Tony all that well. If he did, he might change his tune. I don’t like tattletales, but sometimes it is important that people know the truth.

  Sunday, September 14, 1902

  I went to church with Aunt Susan this morning. The singing was grand. It practically lifted the roof off. And I get a break from Davy. I shouldn’t say so, but I do need to escape once in a while. It is a relief just to be me instead of always the big sister.

  Saturday, September 20, 1902

  I’ve been too busy with school to keep you caught up. Also I wrote Miss Radcliffe a long letter. It took me three days to finish. She says she likes to know all the details of our life here.

  I taught Bird to play Gin Rummy today. She feels guilty when she plays cards, but she does like playing and we don’t play for money, not even pennies.

  Sunday, September 21, 1902

  John told me today that he is getting a job in the mine. He has not liked doing fetch and carry kind of work at Four Winds. The guests order him around as though he isn’t a person or even a servant, so I don’t blame him for wanting to get away. But I wish he was not planning to try working in the mine. He’s only sixteen, but some of the miners are as young as that. The very idea scares me. I tried to talk him out of it, but he told me again to mind my own affairs. He can be maddening.

  It is strange, but I can’t help worrying about him and Olivia, even though they don’t care about me much. He has started drinking. He does it because that’s what the men do. Not Jeremiah though.

  I have heard Aunt Susan telling John what alcohol can do to a boy, but although he is polite to her, he goes right ahead when she isn’t paying attention. “It’s my life,” he mutters under his breath.

  But yesterday there was a moment that made me forgive him. That woman with the obnoxious boys is staying here again and the really nasty one began to tease Davy.

  He reached out when Davy was taking a teetering step and pushed him over on purpose. It was a real shove and Davy landed heavily and whacked his head on the floor.

  I saw the whole thing happen and I wanted to smack the boy, but I couldn’t hit one of the guests. I picked Davy up and comforted him. He had never been treated so roughly and he was in tears.

  Then all at once, in the middle of laughing loudly, the boy let out a yell, clapped his hand to his bottom and glared at John. “You kicked me!” he shouted.

  John swung around and put on a so-sorry look. “I don’t believe I could have done such a thing,” he said. “It wouldn’t have been fair, not when you’re so much smaller than I am.”

  I couldn’t help grinning. The rotten boy is over twice as big as Davy! Then John winked at me. And Davy, seeing me grin, laughed. It was perfect.

  Monday, September 22, 1902

  Tonight Uncle Martin said a strange thing to Aunt Susan. Mother had just called me to bring Davy to her to have his fingernails cut. I was halfway there when Uncle Martin glanced down over the banister and smiled at us. Then he went into the room where Aunt Susan was sorting out the clean laundry and I heard him say, “The day my father rescued that child was surely a lucky day for Eleanor.”

  “Keep your voice down, Martin, for mercy’s sake,” Aunt Susan said.

  Then one of them closed the door opening into the upstairs hall, and I could not hear their words any longer. I had gone up a few steps to try to listen, when Mother stuck her head out of her room and spotted us.

  “Are you coming here so I can trim your brother’s nails or have you and he taken root out there?” she asked.

  “We’re coming,” I said. I felt as though she had caught me eavesdropping. Well, she had.

  Once I reached her, I wanted to ask what Uncle Martin meant about his father rescuing someone. But I didn’t. I don’t know why. I suppose it was because of the way Aunt Susan had closed the door and hushed him.

  I watched Mother cutting Davy’s nails, and I pushed Uncle Martin’s words out of my mind until now that I’m by myself. It is still mysterious. Aunt Susan acted as if there were a secret they were supposed to keep. Secrets seem to pile up around me.

  Saturday, September 27, 1902

  I know, I skipped a few days. I am so busy right now. There are heaps of schoolwork. I write to Miss Radcliffe too. I help more in the kitchen now. I am becoming a good bread maker. Then there is Black Beauty waiting for me. Miss Wellington has another one I really want to read too. It’s called Nobody’s Boy. I don’t know why I like sad books so much, sad books with happy endings.

  October 1902

  Thursday, October 2, 1902

  Autumn is here. It even feels like winter. The snow stays on the ground most of the time and the mountains are crowned with it, even the lower ones. The wind cuts into you like a butcher knife. It makes my face ache.

  Davy likes playing in the snow until he gets too cold and wet. Then he starts to wail. This happens in no time flat. It is infuriating to get him into warm clothes and take him out and then, in about five minutes, he puts his arms up to be taken back in.

  He is walking a little better every day. He totters two or three steps and then down he plunks. But he never hurts himself and he gets up and staggers on again. He’s saying more, but it is still hard to understand him.

  I do wish Olivia would help me with him sometimes. I love him but he is a nuisance all the same. Now he is walking a bit, it is much harder. You can’t count on his staying where you left him. And he is growing heavy. Father said he would.

  Tuesday, October 7, 1902

  Somebody mentioned Christmas today. It gives me a funny feeling thinking of spending Christmas here in Frank. It is less than three months away, though.r />
  Mrs. Mutton is starting to plan her Christmas baking. She told me that she makes certain things every year, but always makes one dish she has never tried before. She has not yet decided what it will be this time. Last year, she made a fancy kind of braided bread.

  Thursday, October 9, 1902

  At school today I spelled down the whole class in our spelling bee. Bird says I should have seen the look on Priscilla’s face. She has been the champion up to now. Bird heard the others talking about it. Mary Ruth was not thrilled either. But she does not like Priscilla much, so she did not mind her losing out.

  Do I sound smug? It is because I am!

  Tonight I was reading my poetry book and I found a funny little poem I loved. I read it out loud to Mother. It is by Emily Dickinson and it goes something like this.

  I’m Nobody. Who are you?

  Are you – Nobody – too?

  How dreadful – to be – Somebody

  How public – like a Frog –

  Telling his name – the livelong June –

  To an admiring Bog.

  When I finished reciting it, John burst out laughing. “That’s pretty funny, coming from you, Abby,” he said. Then he went banging out the door.

  “What does he mean?” I asked Mother.

  She shot an angry look after John and shook her head. I waited for her to answer my question but she didn’t. “The part about the frog is lovely,” she said instead. “Emily Dickinson always says so much in so few words. Do you know the one that starts, ‘I never saw a Moor …’?”

  I didn’t so she recited it to me. Then I told her how Miss Wellington had asked Olivia to play the organ at the Christmas concert and she said she would. Mother was pleased as punch. “She’s starting to belong here,” she murmured. I guess she is, but I still wonder what John meant. I was going to ask Mother again, but she got up and left the room, so I had to let it go.

  Friday, October 10, 1902

  Davy is more independent now. He does not need me for everything. For instance, he can take off his socks without any help. He can feed himself bread and butter too, although he smears the butter all over his funny face.

  Harvest Home, October 12, 1902

  Mrs. Mutton has made pumpkin pies. Thirteen of them! Pumpkin is my very favourite pie. The other thing I love is not the turkey but the dressing that goes inside it. Yummm!

  Monday, October 13, 1902

  Hallowe’en will be coming up before too long. I wonder if they do the same things here that we did in Montreal. Davy might be old enough to enjoy it more if they have jack-o’-lanterns and candy. Back in Montreal we ducked for apples too. He was in bed and didn’t know about it. We couldn’t make a big celebration out of it because of Father not liking that kind of thing. He didn’t mind our making fudge and taffy one bit, though. Mother said he had a sweet tooth, and that was certainly true.

  Friday, October 17, 1902

  There’s a lot of studying to do at school these days. I don’t have anything much I want to write about. Dulcey just came up and licked my hand in a comforting way. She seems to sense our moods. Her tail waving is extremely cheering.

  Sunday, October 19, 1902

  Miss Wellington has started making plans for December. She told us today that our class will put on a Christmas play. The other students will be singing carols and giving recitations. But she wants us to act out a Christmas story. It is a nice one about a cobbler who wants Jesus to come to his house for supper. We have to start thinking about it because there will be costumes to make or find and parts to memorize. It seems early to start planning, but it is easy to see that Miss Wellington loves putting on plays and decorating and so on. The class is as pleased as she is.

  Connor is going to play the part of the cobbler. I am going to be a beggar woman he helps. It is lovely.

  Mother will make my costume. She says she is glad I am not an angel this time. Beggar women are much easier. No wings. In Montreal, our Sunday School dressed up as an angel choir and Olivia’s wings were a big problem. They kept falling off.

  Friday, October 24, 1902

  I couldn’t write in my notebook the last few days. I had to write an essay for Miss Wellington. There are rules to writing an essay. I usually enjoy writing, but not this time. Maybe it was because I did not like the topic. It was supposed to be about the difference between Pity and Sympathy. Whatever I wrote sounded dull.

  Monday, October 27, 1902

  Mrs. Mutton is teaching me to cook. Mostly I have enjoyed it, but this time it seemed like hard work. We were making Christmas puddings. By the time we were halfway through, I felt worn out. Last time, we had fun.

  To tell you the truth, I am feeling limp lately. When I wake up, I just lie there and ache. And I start wanting to go to bed in the middle of the afternoon.

  I haven’t told Mother. I do hope I get over feeling this way. It is as though I am dragging a big burden along wherever I go, only the burden is myself.

  Tuesday, October 28, 1902

  Today it really feels like winter. Much colder for October than it was in Montreal. We have a lot of people coming for the next couple of days. I wish so many of them wouldn’t decide to stay here at once. I don’t suppose they ever think of the beds to be made and the food to prepare and the dishes we have to do. When there’s a crowd of them, they have a fine time, but we are worked off our aching feet. And Aunt Susan says we have to keep smiling however irritating they are!

  I do feel sick.

  Wednesday, October 29, 1902

  I don’t feel like writing anything. I think I might be getting a cold. I hope I am wrong about this.

  Friday, October 31, 1902

  It’s Hallowe’en but I’m in bed already and it is only half past eight. Yesterday Bird and I made Davy a jack-o’-lantern, which he loves. But tonight I can’t do more. Maybe John will do one of the other pumpkins. There are four faceless ones lined up on the verandah. I feel as blank as they look.

  Also my throat is really sore and I can hear a rattling in my chest. I am rumbling like Turtle Mountain. Bird has noticed, of course, but nobody else. She says I must tell Mother, or she will. Sometimes she is almost as pushy as Mary Ruth.

  November 1902

  Saturday, November 1, 1902

  I have such a sore throat that I am hoarse today and, of course, Mother did notice. So I am in bed with a strip of flannel wrapped around my throat and she is going to make me a mustard plaster. Bird is supposed to keep Davy away from me, but I think he might have already caught it. He is too quiet and he comes and leans against me. Bird tried to coax him away, but he just put his head down on my shoulder and started to whimper. She brought a picture book to show him, but he fell asleep before she’d turned the page.

  Sunday, November 2, 1902

  I do feel very sick, too sick to write. They’ve moved Davy in with Mother. My chest hurts when I take a deep breath. John told me to stop making a fuss over nothing. I wanted to hit him but I hadn’t the strength. I think I heard Mother scolding him a few minutes later. Good!

  Tuesday, November 11, 1902

  I have something called bronchitis. I hope I will soon start getting better. I feel wretched. Even my pencil is too heavy to hold.

  December 1902

  Monday, December 1, 1902

  I am up at last. I have had bronchitis and then pneumonia. It was horrible. I thought I would never be me again. But today I can tell that I am starting to get over it. I still feel weak, but not as though I might die. I know I was being ridiculous, but I was scared I was going to perish like Beth in Little Women. I suppose I should fill in what I missed, but I just can’t. I haven’t the strength of a cobweb.

  Tuesday, December 2, 1902

  I went to school, but after lunch I fell asleep with my head on the desk. When he heard this, John said some people will do anything to get attention. I hate him.

  Olivia whispered to me that as soon as I feel better, she has an idea of how we can punish him. I wonder what it is. She
used to back him up every time. He seems more obnoxious lately and she seems nicer. It is mysterious.

  It is so cold outside. The wind seems to blow right through the walls and windows. You can’t put your nose out the door without your teeth chattering.

  Wednesday, December 3, 1902

  I am back at school. I got 100 on my Grammar test. I always know the right word to choose but often I don’t know why. This time, I did. It could be that reading through the grammar rules helped. I never tried studying before.

  I am doing fine in every other subject too, in spite of being so sick. Miss Wellington says it is because I am a true scholar. She also told me that I would have a well-furnished mind when I grew up

  It will soon be time for the concert. I know all my lines.

  After supper, while John was out with his pals, Olivia and I made him an apple-pie bed. That was her brilliant idea. Now I am in my own bed waiting to hear what will happen when he comes home.

  Later

  I fell asleep but John roared loudly enough to wake the dead. He put his big feet right through the short sheet! Aunt Susan and Mother were not pleased, but Olivia and I laughed until our stomachs ached.

  That will teach him to make mean remarks about his sisters.

  I told Connor what we had done and he doubled up laughing. He said his sisters had better not get any such ideas.

  It was lovely being in cahoots with Olivia.

  Thursday, December 4, 1902

  Less than a month until Christmas. I am SO excited about it. It will be a very different Christmas, spent in a hotel. Mrs. Mutton is making carrot cake and lots of cookies too. She sings while she bakes. I think she knows the words to every Christmas carol.

  When she does “Good King Wenceslas” she sings in a little high voice for the page and a big booming one for the king. It is great. I don’t have a beautiful singing voice like my sister, but I sing for fun when I am in a singing mood and I don’t let it worry me if I go flat sometimes.