Thrill Me

by Susan Mallery

  “Chase was lucky to get in,” Maya said, heading toward the goat pens nearest the main house. “Apparently there’s a long waiting list. But a spot opened up in the second session and Zane pulled some strings. I decided not to ask. I was thrilled that Zane was being so supportive.”

  “Wasn’t he always?”

  “Yes and no. Zane worried that Chase didn’t take life seriously enough. Chase isn’t that guy. He’s gifted when it comes to electronics and inventing things, but not one for following the well-traveled path in life. Zane saw him as a screwup and Chase kind of was. They both had the best of intentions but neither could see the other’s side.”

  They paused by a pen of adolescent goats. She looked at Del, liking how he was watching her. She wanted to read desire in his gaze, but even if they were just going to be friends, she was happy. Being around him always made her feel better.

  “Over the summer that changed,” she continued. “They had a couple of big fights, then had to pull together to save the cattle on that trip I told you about. Along the way Zane fell in love. It changed him in the best way possible. He’ll always worry about Chase, but he’s learning to trust a little. And Chase is acting more responsibly.”

  “A win-win?”

  “Exactly.”

  He pointed at the goats in the pen. “Want to talk about these guys?”

  “They’re goats.”

  “I can see that.”

  “Cashmere goats and they bite.”

  He grinned. “You know that from personal experience?”

  “I’ve been nipped a time or two. They’re being kept close to the house while they’re still young. They’ll head out with the herd soon.”

  “There’s a herd?”

  “More than one.” She pointed to the small animals. “The females are probably close to forty pounds now. The males a little bigger. Technically there’s no purebred cashmere goat. All goats can have the gene to produce down.” She paused. “How much goat information are you looking for?”

  He leaned against a fence post and crossed his arms over his chest. “How much you got?”

  He was tall and broad-shouldered, she thought, doing her best not to swoon. Handsome. There were tingles whenever she looked at him. Foolish, but unavoidable. She wanted to step closer and have him hold her. Kiss her. Touch her. Sure, it would give the goats something to talk about but these ones were teenagers. No doubt they could relate to the need to get into trouble.

  “Solid-color goats are preferable to multicolored. As you can see, Zane has all solids here. Their coats have a coarse outer layer, with the down underneath. Each adult goat will produce three to four ounces of down.”

  He frowned. “That’s it? Three ounces?”

  “Uh-huh. That’s enough to knit about a third of a sweater. Which is why high-quality cashmere is so expensive.”

  “You know a lot about goats.”

  “I lived here for two years and I paid attention. I can tell you about the cattle, too, if you want.” She held in a laugh. “Zane sells bull sperm.”

  Del took a step back. “I don’t think I want to know about that.”

  “Most men don’t.” She looked at the big house, the tent set up for the wedding, the mountains in the distance. “It’s beautiful here.”

  “Different from Las Vegas?”

  She nodded, remembering her shock the first time she’d seen the ranch. “I didn’t know places existed like this. Not real places. I thought they were only on TV or in the movies.” She looked at him. “I’d never seen snow before we moved here. Not piled up on the ground.”

  “You’d probably never seen a goat before.”

  “Maybe once at a petting zoo.” She looked past him. “I liked how green everything was. And the quiet. It was safe here.”

  Because things hadn’t always been safe with her mother, she thought. As she’d gotten older, a few of her mother’s boyfriends had started paying attention to her. While it wasn’t anything she’d wanted or sought out, her mother had always blamed her.

  “Gotta love the town,” she said, rather than go down a dark path to her past. “You, on the other hand, probably took the charm for granted.”

  “Sure. I was a kid. That was my job.”

  They started toward the barn. “I remember when we used to come out here,” Del said as they approached the large, red building. “Remember going up into the hayloft?”

  She nodded. Hay hadn’t been stored up there in years, so it was mostly open and empty, with some old ranch equipment and a bunch of boxes containing who knew what. But for her and Del, it had been quiet and private. Something they’d been interested in a lot that summer.

  They stepped into the barn. It was cool and dim. Light filtered in through the door and a couple of windows. Memories jostled with shadows.

  “Zane would have killed us both if he’d found us,” she said, automatically lowering her voice. Because back then they’d been careful to be quiet.

  “He cared about you,” Del told her. “Despite how you two didn’t get along.”

  “He did. I just couldn’t see it that way. He was so annoying back then.” She looked at Del. “Do you know the only reason he met Phoebe is because I begged her to come on the cattle drive? I was worried about Chase and couldn’t get up here right after their big fight. Phoebe had some time so I asked her to come protect Chase. It was a completely selfish motive.”

  “Not selfish if you were looking out for your brother.”

  “Looking out for one at the expense of the other.” She sat down on a bench. Del settled next to her.

  “It all worked out in the end,” he said.

  “It did. I even joked with her about being a distraction for Zane. We both thought I was kidding. But she turned out to be the one.” Life was funny that way, she thought. “If Zane hadn’t been such a stick up the butt, I wouldn’t have sent Phoebe here and he might never have met her. Looking at them together, I know that would have been a really sad thing. They’re a great couple.”

  She hoped her envy didn’t color her voice. She was thrilled they’d found each other, but she would like a little of that magic, too. Being happy with someone. Knowing you’d found the one. She wanted permanent.

  Strange how she’d never found that. She’d dated some, but really hadn’t found anyone who interested her. Not in a significant way. That combination of friendship and sexual attraction seemed elusive.

  “Love is strange,” Del said. “Look at my parents. They’ve been together for thirty-five years. I can honestly say, I don’t know what my mom sees in my dad. He’s not the nicest guy.”

  “She loves him and he’s good to her.”

  Del looked at her. “You’re leaving out the most important part of that sentence.”

  “Which is?”

  “He’s good to her, in his way.”

  Maya exhaled. “I knows it seems like that, from your perspective,” she began.

  “Not from yours?”

  They were treading on dangerous territory. Elaine was her friend, but she was also Del’s mother. “I know he’s the only man she’s ever loved. I know she’s never regretted any part of their marriage. I know she loves him and he loves her. Is it a relationship I would be happy with?” She shook her head. “No. I’d want more of a partnership.”

  “Equals,” he said firmly. “I agree. My dad stopped by a couple of days ago. He wanted to talk about Mom. He thinks there’s something going on with her, but doesn’t know what. I would applaud him being aware enough of her to notice, except the context of his concern was all about him. How she knows her place is taking care of him for his art.” He leaned back against the wall. “Maybe it’s an age thing.”

  Maya was less concerned about that than what was going on with Elaine. She wasn’t surprised Ceallac
h had noticed something was wrong with his wife. The woman was fighting cancer. She had to be acting differently at home.

  Loyalty to her friend battled with her dislike of keeping such a huge secret. If she thought about it too long, she got a knot in her stomach.

  “Did your dad say what he thought was the problem?”

  “No. He was pretty vague about it.”

  “If he’s worried, he should talk to her.”

  Del stood. “That’s not the Mitchell way,” he reminded her, holding out his hand and then pulling her to his feet. “You know we love our secrets.”

  “Yes, I do.” She tilted her head. “So what secrets are you keeping?”

  “None that are interesting.”

  “I suspect there are a few that would raise some eyebrows.”

  He chuckled. “My life is an open book.”

  “Even when it comes to Hyacinth?”

  She hadn’t planned the question. She hadn’t even been thinking about the other woman. At least not consciously. But apparently she had been on her mind.

  “That wasn’t the most subtle transition,” he said. “What do you want to know?”

  “How did you meet?”

  “Through friends. We were at the same party. It was one of those things.”

  “I can imagine. She’s very beautiful.”

  Hyacinth was a petite firecracker on skates—Maya would guess she was even more impressive in person. She had a bubbly, slightly irreverent personality that made her a favorite subject for interviews.

  “You were in love with her.” Maya made the words a statement rather than a question.

  “I was.”

  “And now?”

  Del studied her for a second. “No. It’s long over. We wanted different things. I was too traditional for her.”

  “Traditional as in marriage and kids?”

  “Traditional as in one man, one woman.”

  “Oh.”

  Del shrugged. “It happens. She liked variety. A lot of variety. I realized I either had to accept that or move on. It’s not in my nature to share the woman in my life.”

  She never would have guessed that was what broke them up. “You know that for most people, being a one-woman man is a really good thing.”

  “I’ve heard rumors.” His dark gaze settled on her face. “What about you? Any embarrassing secrets in your past?”

  “I’m oddly boring that way. There was that one night with the wrestler, but you don’t want to know about that.”

  He grinned and put his arm around her, then guided her out of the barn. “Even though I know you’re making it up, tell me the story, anyway. Good-guy wrestler or bad-guy wrestler?”

  “Bad guy, of course.”

  “That’s my girl.”

  * * *

  THE DINING ROOM in the ranch house was awash with twinkle lights. Large displays of flowers filled the corners and marched down the center of the table. Every place setting had a stemless wineglass with Zane and Phoebe’s names engraved, along with the wedding date. The traditional dining room chairs had been covered with pale blue linen toppers, and soft music played from portable speakers.

  “You outdid yourself,” Maya said. “I’m feeling a strong combination of wow and envy.”

  Dellina, the pretty brunette who had planned both the wedding and the rehearsal dinner, sighed. “Thank you. Envy compliments are my favorite. When it’s your time to do the marriage thing, call me.”

  “Sure,” Maya said, thinking she needed a relationship first.

  The rehearsal had gone smoothly. It helped that the wedding party was small. Now they were going to enjoy a nice dinner before all the craziness started in the morning.

  Maya followed Dellina back to the living room, where the small group had gathered. Phoebe was talking to Chase and Del. Dellina moved to her husband’s side, while Zane approached Maya.

  “She’s throwing me out,” he complained as he handed her a glass of champagne.

  “Just for the night. Tomorrow you’ll be married and with each other forever.”

  Zane watched his bride for a second, before looking at Maya. “Thanks to you.”

  “Yes, you owe me. Remember that the next time I annoy you. That should be in about five minutes.”

  He didn’t smile at the joke. “I do owe you. You’re the one who brought Phoebe into my life. Without you, I probably wouldn’t have met her.”

  Maya swallowed against a sudden rush of emotion. “Don’t you dare break the tear seal,” she told him. “If I start crying, you know Phoebe will be next.”

  Zane winced. “Good point. How about those 49ers? I think they have a real shot at the Super Bowl this year. What about you?”

  Maya chuckled. “I’m sure they’ll go all the way.”

  Zane moved close and lowered his voice. “I’m going to risk the tear seal and say you know you’re always welcome here, right? You’re family. I know we’ve had our differences, but they’re behind us now and you’ll always be a part of things.”

  “I know.” She swallowed, fighting tears. “I wish we’d had this talk ten years ago. I might not have stayed away for so long.”

  “Me, too. But maybe we both needed to grow up. You more than me, of course.”

  The need to cry evaporated as she laughed. “I can always count on you to put me in my place.”

  He kissed her cheek. “No. You can always count on me. Period.” He nodded at Del as he approached, then went off to talk to Phoebe.

  “You doing okay?” Del asked.

  She tucked her arm around his. “Yes. Just bonding with family and trying not to cry. You?”

  “I’ve sobbed at least twice since we arrived. Did you see the flowers in the dining room? They’re so beautiful.” He waved his free hand in front of his face. “I just love weddings.”

  “Mock me all you want,” she told him. “I’m having a moment here.”

  “You should enjoy it. Zane’s a good guy. I’m glad he found the right woman.”

  “Me, too.” She sipped her champagne. “I hope this isn’t too intense for you.”

  “It’s nothing. At my house there was lots of yelling and the occasional fight broke out.”

  “I guess that comes with having five boys so close in age.”

  “My mom was doing most of the fighting.”

  Maya laughed. “I’m serious.”

  “Okay, serious it is. We fought a lot. And then we made up.”

  “Are things better with Aidan?”

  Del considered the question. “Some. He’s avoiding me less.”

  “You helped him out. That has to mean something.”

  “So you’d think.” Del pointed to where Chase and Zane were talking. The two brothers were laughing, obviously at ease with each other.

  “I want that,” Del admitted. “Before I leave, I want to have one good conversation with Aidan. I want to know things are okay between us.”

  He kept on talking, but Maya had stopped listening. All she could hear was his phrase, “Before I leave.”

  Because that was what was going to happen. Del was going to leave. He’d come back for his father’s birthday party. Once that was over, he had no reason to stay.

  While she’d always known his stay wasn’t permanent, somehow she’d forgotten. Del was a part of her days now. A part of her work. Having him gone was going to be awful. But he was a man who needed to be on the move, and getting him to stay, well, that wasn’t going to happen.

  Last time she’d been the one taking off. This time it was him. But the end result was going to be the same. Once again, she and Del would be apart. She knew she was going to miss him. The question was, how much?

  * * *

  AS EXPECTED, MUCH of the
town turned out for Phoebe and Zane’s wedding. Del mingled with the other guests before the ceremony started. Maya was busy helping the bride do whatever it was brides did before they got married. He spotted his brothers and headed over to talk to them.

  “Nice suit,” he said to Nick, then turned to Aidan. “You, too.”

  Both brothers had on dark suits with ties. Aidan tugged at his collar. “Damned social conventions.”

  Nick looked comfortable in his fancy clothes. “I like getting dressed up every now and then. Besides, it’s for Zane.”

  Aidan grumbled something under his breath, but Del suspected he was a lot less annoyed than he let on. Aidan and Nick had been friends with Zane since grade school.

  “Big turnout,” Del said. “The folks here?”

  “Naw,” Nick said. “Dad’s got a commission and Mom’s not feeling well.”

  Del remembered his conversation with Ceallach a few days before. “You think she’s okay?” he asked.

  Aidan frowned. “Why do you ask?”

  Del told them about their father’s visit. “He was worried.”

  “You mean he thought about someone other than himself?” Aidan asked bitterly. “Let’s put a star on this day on the calendar.”

  Del wanted to chide his brother for being cynical, but he’d had the same thought himself.

  Nick grimaced. “Yeah, you have a point. If Dad’s noticing, it must be bad. I’ll stop by and talk to her. Maybe getting the party together is too much for her. We can all help.”

  “Already offered,” Aidan said. “She told me she was handling it.”

  “I’ll make sure I go by, too,” Del told them.

  “That will make everything right,” Aidan muttered.

  “You’re in a mood.” Del stared at his brother. “What’s your problem?”

  “This isn’t the time,” Nick said, his voice calm. “Both of you, stop it. Zane’s getting married. Zip it.”

  Del nodded. His brother had a point. Whatever Aidan’s issue was, Del wasn’t going to get into it now. He turned and walked toward the big tent in the backyard.