Fall Gently (Red Light: Silver Girls series)

by Debra Kayn

  Except, her body continued to hum, and she wanted to have sex. What she didn't want was to have sex without him touching her. It was his attraction to her, that can't stop feeling, that set him apart from everyone else and aroused her.

  "Dawson?" She swung her leg over him, sat on the bed beside him, and took her hands off him. "This isn't what I want."

  "What isn't?"

  "This. You and me." She wrapped her arms around her middle. "Everything."

  Her heartbeat filled the silence in the room. Her head throbbed with the pent-up feelings gathering in her stomach. Physically, she could have sex.

  Emotionally, trying to distract Dawson from who she was—a prostitute—drained all the enjoyment out of the moment.

  Chapter Twenty Six

  Dawson sat up and kicked his shoes and jeans off to bend his knees. His balls ached. He wasn't sure how many days and nights he could go through wanting her and walking away.

  Roni was into touching him. He could feel the warmth coming from her pussy and onto him. She couldn't fake that shit.

  "What is it you want me to do?" he asked.

  Roni rubbed her eyes and crossed her legs. "You're going to think I'm completely nuts. We've spent the last half hour going back and forth for nothing and still haven't had sex."

  He remained quiet. At a loss on how to help her or convince her everything would be okay, he picked up her hand and held on. He'd expected her to have problems letting herself open to him. Used to men abusing her, hurting her, taking from her, he believed letting her call the shots would let her regain the power she'd lost.

  "I do appreciate you holding back and giving me the opportunity to experience what it could be like in a normal situation." She shrugged and shook her head. "I'm messed up in more ways than I realized, Dawson."

  He lifted her hand and kissed her knuckles.

  She sighed, and her gaze landed on him full of sadness. "Totally messed up."

  "You're too hard on yourself. Give yourself—"

  "You don't understand." She groaned. "You want the truth?"

  "Yeah."

  She pulled her hand away from his grasp. "I've only known how to be the recipient of a man's sexual needs. I've never been a participant. I've spent years living in fear, losing myself, because I was afraid to speak out for what I wanted or to say no. Especially, no. There were times in my situation and what I needed to do about getting away was so clear in my head and other times where I gave up. I gave up all the time because leaving was more dangerous. Then, you walked into my life and offered me the exact opposite of what every other man has done for me and on the outside, it felt wonderful. It still feels wonderful. On the inside, in my head, there's something about me—maybe my past, I don't know—that doesn't want to be in the position where I'm the one taking sex from you. It makes me feel...no different than the powerful head trip I watched my stepdad and Vince go through when they forced me to have sex."

  "That's not how I wanted to make you feel."

  "I know, and that breaks my heart that in the process you're trying everything to please me and forgetting about yourself. I've been there. It's not the right way. Even when I was abused, there was always a buildup and a letdown. It was during those letdowns that I found it easier to be stronger because the violence was over. Except, my being strong only added on to the tension until it grew insurmountable and he snapped." She stroked his jaw. "And, I’m here making things difficult for you, making you tense, while you've been perfect in every way. Do you know that?"

  He stood from the bed. Stripped of all his clothing and scalded with her opinion of him, he wanted her to take back what she'd said.

  She had no fucking clue how wrong her assessment of him was or how he wanted to have sex with her knowing he was the last man who should be in her life.

  "I've upset you," she said.

  He stopped and faced the bed and her. "No."

  She untangled her legs and stood from the bed in front of him. "I truly believe that what I feel for you doesn't come from any sense of payment for rescuing me. Back at Red Light, what you represented scared me. But it was you, the man who kept coming and sitting in my room, talking with me, showing me each time that it was okay to relax and trust that you had my best interest at heart, that got my attention. It was then that I started feeling excitement knowing you were coming to my room. When you touched me, I let myself imagine what it would be to have your hands on other places on my body. I could imagine how wonderful it would be and every time that craving to find out more about you, see more, touch more, only became stronger until I couldn't ignore what was happening anymore. Does that make me sick to want you to have sex with me after everything I've been through?"

  He hooked her neck with his hand. "No, sweetheart. It makes you normal."

  She gasped for breath, staring up into his eyes. Her vulnerability at an all-time high as she pushed through the shield she'd built around herself and discovered inside that her heart beat in her chest with the same desires as everyone else.

  She wanted to be loved and needed. He wanted to love her and show her every damn day how completely normal and lovable she was.

  He had to have her spell it out because he wanted no misunderstandings. His hands shook. "You tell me to stop. I'll stop. I don't care if I have my cock inside you."

  She nodded leaning toward him.

  He captured her mouth, pulling her into him, and she kissed him like she hadn't been with him every second of the day since they arrived in Seattle. He backed her to the bed, until her legs hit the mattress, and then he scooped her up and laid her down.

  Without stopping, he rolled between her legs and continued kissing her. The only part of him touching her, besides his mouth, were his thighs holding up the back of her legs. Pinned to the bed, she had one thing to focus on. Him.

  He pulled out of the kiss gently, reached over to the nightstand, and grabbed a condom out of the drawer. Hopeful he could go longer, he set the protection on the bed and put his mouth on her neck.

  A soft 'whoa' came from Roni. He would've chalked it up to a gust of exhaled air if not for the fact her chest quivered underneath him. She liked what he was doing. She liked it so much; he wanted to give everything he had to offer her.

  Trailing a path of kisses down her neck, her shoulder, he rubbed his cheek and mouth against the plushness of her breast. His cock recovered from the serious talk and hardened against her thigh.

  He shifted onto one hand and lowered his right hand down her hip, testing her reaction. She lifted her ass, pushing into his touch, and he caressed her stomach going down to her pussy he knew was shaved, wet, waiting for him.

  Raising his mouth from her breast, he kissed her while he slid a finger between her lower lips and spread her moisture over her pussy. His cock, harder than a rock, pulsed, and he parted his lips and thrust his tongue inside her mouth.

  Fuck, yeah. She latched on sucking, dueling, kissing, tasting him.

  A growl erupted from deep in his chest. He took the kiss further while he plunged his finger inside her pussy. Aware of every little move and sound, even Roni's breathing, his urge to thrust inside her body overrode everything. Even his need to go slow and let her get used to him.

  He found the small nub between her legs and rubbed her clit softly. Around and around, until her hips moved up and down seeking the pressure she needed. His cock throbbed. Almost painfully good he wanted to grab the condom. He had no idea how long he'd last before he exploded, he only wanted Roni to come before he tried to enter her.

  He kissed the side of her mouth, lowered his head while arching his back, and latched on to her breast. He sucked, drawing her peaked nipple into his mouth, stroking her tit with his tongue.

  Roni shuddered underneath him, and her hand found his shoulder. Encouraged that she was losing herself in pleasure, he scooted down, placing kisses on her belly before putting his mouth on her pussy.

  He closed his eyes, unprepared for how fucking unbelievable it
was to be between her legs, making her his. He cupped her ass, drawing her up to his mouth. She widened her legs, and he plunged his tongue inside of her. Her inner muscles squeezed on to him. The base of his spine pulsed drawing his balls tight to his body. It'd been so fucking long since he'd had any pleasure, having it with Roni was almost too much to bear.

  He drew her clit between his lips until she bucked against his face. Losing his control, knowing he'd blow his load with the slightest touch, he circled her nub with his tongue and concentrated on bringing her release.

  Roni flung her hands out to her side and grabbed the comforter. He brought his knees up higher and got his cock off the bed. Any motion only tormented him more.

  "Oh, God," she whispered. "Dawson?"

  He couldn't answer her without losing contact with her pussy. Instead, he grunted against her flesh.

  The added vibration increased Roni's gasp, and he groaned without stopping the steady strokes of his tongue.

  Roni's hips danced underneath him. Her thighs tightened on his head, holding him captive. Fuck no, she had no worries about him stopping.

  Then, she arched her back, holding her ass off the bed, and quivered hard with her release. He slowed his tongue, soothing her down, and let her take every second of pleasure until her butt dropped back on the bed and her knees widened and fell to the mattress.

  He lifted his head, wiped his face on his bicep, and grabbed the condom. In a hurry, his hands shook, and he lifted the wrapper to his teeth and ripped it open.

  Roni's hand landed on his wrist, and she sat up. "Let me," she whispered.

  He couldn't look. He wouldn't look.

  He looked.

  Her slim hands fumbled with the condom, and he wondered if he could hold it together long enough for him to get inside of her and he quickly lost the thought when she rolled the latex down his length. His hips thrust sending his cock toward her.

  Roni placed her hands on his thighs and leaned in and kissed his stomach. His cock pulsed at her warm, wet lips on his skin.

  Confident she was relaxed and open to him continuing, he leaned forward, guiding her down on her back without giving her time to think.

  She stared up into his face. A gorgeous smile, more relaxed and aroused than he'd ever seen on her. Her encouragement gave him all the confidence that he'd done everything right.

  "Hi," she whispered, followed by a laugh.

  Her silliness squeezed his heart.

  He'd done that.

  He'd put a smile in her soul and swore on his life, right then, he would do everything possible to keep her looking at him that way. As if he was the purpose of her living.

  He glanced down the length of his body, and his cock bobbed, searching for the sweet spot. "Sweetheart, hold on."

  Roni wrapped her arms around his neck. He lowered his hips and found her entrance on instinct. His balls tightened, and he pitched forward, sliding easily into the tightest, wettest, most exotic pussy of his fucking life.

  Her eyes rolled back before she moaned. Her tightness gripped him, and he slowly withdrew and thrust, retracted and plunged.

  His lungs squeezed, and he sucked in air, working like a piston, back and forth. Lost in the pleasure spreading throughout his whole body before gathering between his legs, he soaked in every moan, every writhe, every gasp, every look Roni gave hinting that she would come again.

  "That's it, sweetheart." He dropped down to his elbows rocking against her.

  His dick spasmed deep in her body and Roni muffled her squeal of pleasure against his shoulder, and he lost it.

  Right there.

  Inside her.

  His toes curled, and he pressed down, shooting the motherlode of cum. The pulses in the base of his cock kept going. One after another. He grunted in swift release and lost his strength. Rolling to his side, he took her with him, not ready to leave her body yet or ever.

  Roni laid her head on his chest. He breathed in deep, trying to catch enough air to do more than lay there and smile like a fucking idiot.

  He cupped the back of her neck. "Are you okay?"

  She nodded against him. "I knew you were perfect," she whispered.

  A heaviness settled in his chest at her statement, and he closed his eyes. In his hope to help her. To help himself. Having sex with Roni only set her up for disappointment.

  He could go to his grave keeping his secret and never let her be the wiser, but she deserved more. She needed to know what he brought with him to a relationship. A relationship he'd started when he'd walked into Red Light and refused to be chased away.

  Chapter Twenty Seven

  The Seattle Times crinkled in Roni's hands. She set the newspaper down on the table and circled an employment ad.

  "How's this one sound?" She glanced over at Dawson on the couch, met his gaze, and smiled. "Internship at a prestigious law firm. Five days a week. Will train. Must be professional and dependable."

  He set down the remote control to the television and shook his head. "Internship is another word for no pay."

  "No, it isn't." She laughed. "It means entry level. They'll train a person who doesn't have the experience or skills for the regular job, and look for someone who they believe has the possibilities of moving further up the ladder once they learn the ropes."

  "Nope." Dawson walked to the refrigerator. "They're looking for a college kid who is going to school to become an attorney. It benefits the company to have a helper and the student gains experience they need for their schooling."

  "Seriously?" She groaned. "What if I tell them I'm a student? Are they going to check the colleges in the area to see if I’m enrolled in school?"

  Dawson carried two Diet Pepsi cans to the table and sat one on top of the newspaper. "Yeah, they'll do a background check on you."

  She let her head fall to the table and banged her forehead against the wood. With a groan of disappointment, she looked up at him. "Do I even have a background?"

  Dawson leaned over the table and kissed her sensitive head. "Unless you have a criminal record, they probably won't find anything on you."

  "But I can't write down that I worked for the Network for a year. I have no history of employment, and I'm twenty-six years old. That's going to make me look bad." She hummed in despair. "I don't even know if my stepdad reported me as a runaway, and if I have a police record. I was only seventeen when I split, so he had a legal right as my guardian to contact the police. Something that I was aware of years ago, but once I turned eighteen I never worried about because they couldn't force me to go home."

  "I doubt if he reported you missing." Dawson shook his head. "Think about it, sweetheart. He was molesting you under his roof. Would he take the chance of the police bringing you back home and you telling the truth about him to the authorities? He'd be arrested and serve prison time."

  She scrunched up her mouth. "Yeah, he probably wouldn't do that, then."

  "There's probably nothing on your records that would hurt your chances at getting a job." Dawson leaned his head back and drank from the can.

  She stared at his hands, amazed that someone so big and strong could be gentle. Never once had he hit her or thrown her to the floor. Besides when they practiced the defense moves he was teaching her every evening, he never showed his strength in a bad way. He was a powerful man. Not only in his dark looks and the way he dressed, but in intensity, too.

  At first glance, if she hadn't got to know him, he'd scare her—he had scared her. Like all men, his size intimidated her. Her stepfather was big. Vince was big.

  She shook her head, stopping herself from comparing him to the others. He was nothing like the men who'd abused her.

  "So, I guess he didn't want me if he couldn't use me," she muttered.

  Dawson frowned. "Who?"

  "Mike. My stepdad. I guess he's nothing to me anymore." She stared at the Diet Pepsi and watched a droplet of condensation run down the side of the can and wet the paper. "I should've known there was nothing between us�
�no father/daughter relationship—even though he raised me from the age of four when he married my mom. He was more worried about himself than a responsible adult."

  Dawson set down his pop. "Sweetheart, guys like him, they don’t deserve anything, especially you thinking about him and wondering if he cared. He's sick. You're better off without him, and you did the right thing running away."

  She nodded. "Yeah, I know."

  Dawson tilted his head to the side. "What happened to your real dad?"

  "I didn't know him." She looked down at her non-existing fingernails and put her hands underneath the tabletop. "I don't think my mom ever told whoever he is that she was having a baby. I doubt he even knows I exist, and I have no interest in trying to figure out who my father is at this point in my life."

  "Maybe it was for the better," he muttered.

  "No maybe about it. I don't need another man connected to me." She shrugged. "What about your dad? You talked about your mom and how you lost her, but never mentioned a father in the picture."

  Dawson leaned forward against the table and cleared his throat. "He left when mom was pregnant with Jacqueline."

  "But you're eight years older than your sister, so you were able to get to know him and bond?"

  He ran his hand over his jaw. The shff shff of his broad hand rubbing his whiskers sent a shiver down her spine. She swallowed. Maybe talking about their families came too soon after him losing Jacqueline.

  "He left because he got arrested for murder." Dawson exhaled loudly. "He received a life sentence with no chance of parole."

  "Oh," she whispered. "I'm sorry."

  He shook his head. "Nothing to be sorry about. It is what it is. I don't have anything to do with him, and he's never tried to contact us...me."

  "Your mom was lovely," she said, wanting to change the subject. "I can see you and Jacqueline in her picture on your wall. It's the eyes and hair, I think."

  Dawson stood from the table and picked up his can of pop. "I'm going to run out and grab us dinner and swing by a friend's house. Will you be okay here?"