Surrender

by Rhiannon Paille

  “Our friend Kaliel needs a partner. Perhaps you could step in?” the elven girl said. She was older, long brown hair and bright blue eyes. Krishani found her plain and unattractive, but with the mention of Kaliel’s name, he realized the elven girl was from Evennses, probably from Kaliel’s childhood. “Someone must save her from the younglings.” She giggled, glanced in their direction and looked back at Benir, who was still motioning for Krishani to go.

  The song ended, the bards stopped playing, and the girl stood there for a moment. Benir shook his head and took towards the Brotherhood, while Krishani looked ahead at the fountain, attempting to find the strength to move. He wanted to leave, but something told him to stay. The elven girl was pulled away by the other kinfolk as the bards struck up a slow tune.

  Krishani tried to turn away, escape into the courtyards, but as the dance floor cleared, Kaliel came into view. She was a vision. She wore a deep purple gown that clung to her body and a purple mask edged with silver tear drops. She twirled with the last of the kinfolk and her white hair danced around her. She smiled and laughed, but when she saw him, she stopped, letting her hands drop from those of the kinfolk. She nodded for them to go to the tables and ran her hands down her dress, trying to smooth out imaginary wrinkles. As the song hit a sorrowful lull she stepped towards him.

  “Krishani.” She sounded surprised and confused.

  Krishani searched the crowds beyond her for Benir. The scent of her was like freshly-cut herbs and grass and apples. Beautiful, he thought. Knots formed in his stomach as he longed to pull her into his embrace. He knew she would protest. “I apologize. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

  “It’s fine,” she said. Her eyes had a pleading look to them, like she wanted something else but couldn’t say it. Krishani thought she must have seen the Brotherhood arrive. They were intimidating with their full robes and ignorant attitudes.

  Krishani let out a sigh. He knew how much it might hurt, but he couldn’t take the tension any longer. He wanted to hold her closer, to smell her hair, and to feel her body pressed against his. “Would you …”

  She stared at him, curious, her green eyes meeting his. They were cloudy and full of despair.

  Krishani let out a nervous sigh as he cleared his throat and tried again. “Would you like to dance?”

  She glanced over at the kinfolk at the tables. Krishani followed her gaze. One of the elvens had her hands full with them and none of them seemed to be paying attention to her. She took a deep breath.

  “Okay.”

  He caught her hand and pulled her into his embrace, rocking back and forth to the song. At first she was inches from him, but as the song swelled he found himself against her tight, her head buried in his chest. It seemed so natural that everything but her faded away. Whatever the Brotherhood would say didn’t matter. He hoped it was the same for her, that her kinfolk wouldn’t notice her dancing. Krishani carefully moved his feet in a small circle as the song reached its apogee. The only question he wanted to ask pounded at the front of his mind.

  Why?

  “I’m afraid,” she whispered as though he had spoken his thoughts aloud. Krishani wound his fingers through her hair, caressing her neck and sliding them down her back. He wanted the moment to last forever. The song neared its end, the notes dwindling. As the last notes were struck, he twirled her under his arm once and dropped her hand.

  She took a wide step away from him. “Thank you,” she said with a wan smile.

  Krishani went to speak, but she turned and fled towards the lower west wing. He looked to his right, the elven girl staring at him with a fiery blaze. He passed it off and tried looking for the Brotherhood. Benir had taken off in that direction, the Brotherhood’s table on the other side of the fountain. He took a deep breath and moved towards the west wing, determined to face Kaliel in private.

  * * *

  15-The Cave Behind the Falls

  Kaliel pulled off the mask, tracing the faint outlines of her splotchy cheeks and red eyes in the crystal water basin. She was in the lavatory, the only place close enough for her to be alone. She clutched either side of the basin and stared into her green eyes. Her heart thumped aberrantly, palms sweaty, an uncontrollable urge to melt into Krishani’s embrace pulsing through her.

  Stop it! she tried to command herself. Temptation, temptation, temptation. She recalled the nights she spent resisting the urge to end the silence between her and Krishani and allow herself to do what she wanted to do. She heard someone in the hallway behind the door. Luenelle or Pux, she assumed. One of them would come to tell her just how wrong this was, but she didn’t need their scrutiny. She wiped her face and tried to find her strength. Someone entered the room and she stiffened. The earthy scent wafted through the air and she knew who it was. She turned and Krishani stood there, looking defeated and broken. She pressed her back against the basin and clutched it with both hands.

  Her eyes hardened. “Why did you follow me? I wish to be alone.” Her voice was high-pitched and shrill and she hadn’t meant to sound so cruel. She cringed on the inside as his expression twisted into further anguish.

  “Please, Kaliel,” he whispered.

  She wanted to press herself against him and feel his lips on her hair, on her temple, on her cheek, on her lips. She gulped and tried to control the emotions thrashing in her. It hurt so much to keep her distance and his plea was making it worse. “You shouldn’t be here,” she managed.

  Krishani boldly stepped forward. She was terrified, and she knew it was written all over her expression. He loved her, that was clear, but she couldn’t accept it, wouldn’t accept it. “I can’t do this,” he said.

  A tremor rippled through her. She fought for control, but the thing inside begged to come forward. Please, let go. She closed her eyes and felt them changing color, her aura pulsated and she wondered if he saw it. She bit her lip and her fingers ached as she gripped the basin harder.

  “You can’t be with me, the Brotherhood won’t allow it,” she muttered, trying to gain some ground, something to make him leave. She opened her eyes.

  He took another step forward, and she tasted his earthiness on her tongue. Her hand slipped off the basin and she faltered, trying to find her balance.

  Instead, his hand slid into hers and he pulled her to him, crushing her against his chest to steady her. His eyes were wide as she stared at him. And then he brushed his lips against hers. All her barriers fell. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she sank into his kiss with longing as tears slid down her cheeks.

  His hands moved along her back as he pulled her away from the basin, trying to move to the music echoing through the walls. She broke off, and doubled over; clutching her torso as she sunk to her knees.

  Krishani crouched next to her, his expression all compassion. “This is madness, I can’t stop feeling what I feel.” He brushed his finger down her face, wiping away another tear.

  She buried her face in her hands. “I can’t stop feeling it either.”

  Krishani slipped his hand into hers and pulled her up. He went to kiss her again, but she pulled away and moved towards the door.

  “You will marry the land.” The words barely came out. She covered her mouth and left the room.

  • • •

  Luenelle headed towards the powder room, determined to have a word with Kaliel about what she had seen on the dance floor.

  “Where are you going?” Pux asked as she approached the west wing.

  “Leave it,” Luenelle snapped. She turned to face him. “This business does not concern you.”

  Pux playfully narrowed his eyes at her. “Business never concerns me. Come on, I need a dance partner.”

  She sighed as she realized everyone else was in good spirits and nobody seemed to have noticed the vibes between Kaliel and that boy from Amersil. She looked beyond Pux towards a group of younger kinfolk. “Eurida will dance. I can’t at this moment.”

  Pux frowned. “Kaliel!”

  Luenelle followed his
gaze and noted the girl fleeing from the lavatory. She gave the feorn a hard look. The girl was fast as she neared the staircase and ran up the steps. Luenelle followed as she turned down the ninth hallway and closed the door behind her. She paused for a moment then knocked. No matter what her gut told her, she couldn’t let this go.

  “Leave me alone, I have nothing more to say,” Kaliel said, her words choked with sobs.

  Luenelle softened. “It’s Luenelle. Will you speak to me?”

  The door opened and Luenelle came inside, closing the door behind her.

  “How are the kinfolk in Evennses?” Kaliel asked as she tried to hide her face.

  Luenelle surveyed the room. “They’re fine. I have been told I will be called soon.”

  “I wish I could go back there.”

  Luenelle gave her a stern look. “And pass up an opportunity to learn from the greatest elder on Avristar?”

  Kaliel sighed and sat on the bed. She grabbed the journal on the end table and opened it.

  Luenelle idly eavesdropped on the images Kaliel had sketched—two people with elaborate crowns and the sun shining down on them. It didn’t make sense to her, but she didn’t question what it meant to Kaliel.

  “That isn’t the reason I wish to return,” Kaliel said.

  “The elven boy you danced with tonight …”

  Kaliel looked at the floor. “Aye.”

  Luenelle paced, uncomfortable. “Love is a dangerous thing,” she began, though she was at a loss for words herself.

  “Love is meant to be when it is given by the land or the elders. Or so it has been in every story I have ever read.”

  “You’re right about that. It still doesn’t answer why you’d disobey the land so carelessly. You know what has happened to others who did.” Luenelle crossed her arms.

  “I don’t understand what you mean.”

  “Desaunius.” Luenelle sighed. “You spent more time with her than I did, didn’t she tell you?”

  Recognition dawned on Kaliel’s face. “Yes, she is in solitude.”

  “Exactly, she wasn’t given to him and look at where it led.”

  Kaliel seemed sick and Luenelle felt guilty for approaching her like this. “She said it wasn’t like that on Tempia.”

  “It doesn’t matter, history matters,” she said like a true lorekeeper.

  Kaliel furrowed her brow and twisted her hands in her lap. She looked agitated by something more than just the elven boy, but Luenelle was hesitant to pry.

  “Who is he?”

  “He’s Lord Istar’s apprentice and a member of the Brotherhood of Amersil.”

  “How does he feel about you?”

  “I think he loves me.” The look in her eyes was sincere, happy but forlorn. “He hates this as much as I do, but I’ll resist it. I must obey the laws of the land. When Avristar is ready she’ll allow me a mate.” Kaliel spoke the words as though they were out of some history textbook in the library.

  Luenelle felt uncertain and cautious at the same time. She nodded in approval. “You don’t believe you’ll marry the land?”

  Kaliel looked at her as the other girl curled herself around the foot of the bed and sat down beside her. “Why would I?”

  Luenelle knew it was a very real possibility, but the frivolous idea of settling down in one of the villages in Orlondir or Nandaro seemed more comforting.

  “Desaunius is convinced you’ll go to the Lands of Men. She hasn’t said why.”

  Kaliel looked worse. Her forehead knitted in grief as she ran her hands along her torso. “My parable.”

  “Whatever do you mean?”

  “Bloom the weed of temptation and expire the great garden of life. Bloom the flower of sacrifice and sustain the great garden in strife,” Kaliel whispered.

  Luenelle assessed the waif of a girl who looked like she had seen better days. What had happened to her since she left Evennses? She averted her gaze, looking at the window while sorting out her thoughts about the parable. She had only heard parables which were similar to her own and most were light and fluffy. However, Kaliel’s parable carried a weight with it that perplexed her. She considered the words. Kaliel was so broken and she wanted to fix her. “So? Don’t ‘bloom the weed of temptation,’ it’s not hard is it?”

  Kaliel looked at her, worry etched on her face, crossed with a certain peculiar confusion. “I don’t know.”

  “You have misinterpreted the parable,” Luenelle said. She stood with the eminence of an Avristar Elder and took towards the door. “I would be very careful about that elven boy. You don’t want Avristar to get involved.” She opened the door and left Kaliel to her thoughts.

  • • •

  Krishani stood in the lavatory, stunned by Kaliel’s departure and her strong words. He reluctantly left the room that had grown stale and entered the Grand Hall. Most of the dancing had continued, but he noticed the elders were gone. He wondered if they had left to Mount Tirion to meet with the Gatekeeper. Istar, who had invited him to come for this portion of the festival, was also gone.

  “Have the elders gone forth already?” he asked one of the kin from Araraema.

  “Aye, and the festivities will continue for a while longer yet.” The girl paused. “Would you care to dance?”

  “No,” Krishani spat. He brushed her off and wended his way through the empty tables and chairs, emerging in the courtyard. He smelled the crisp smoky scent of campfires, however, none of this mattered as he solemnly walked the path to the waterfall. He needed a place to be alone to think, to be, to wonder, and to find some glimmer of hope.

  He tilted his chin towards the sky and looked at Mount Tirion. Istar would be disappointed with him for not attending, but he couldn’t pass up the opportunity to be with Kaliel. He heard the rushing waters of the falls ahead of him and then shrieks of kinfolk. He frowned when he arrived. Around the edges of the pool were dozens of kinfolk milling about, stretching their legs into the water and darting in and out of the bushes on the other side. Krishani felt uneasy. This was his place, the kinfolk weren’t supposed to be there.

  Who told them of this place? he wondered as he scanned the kinfolk, hoping to find someone he knew. He recognized the elven girl on the other side with her arms crossed. She was eyeing the younger ones and seemed to be glaring at a feorn in particular. Krishani’s mouth gaped as the feorn’s eyes met his and he began to cross the forest brush to confront him. He didn’t look happy.

  “Are you the elven boy, Lord Istar’s apprentice?” the feorn asked.

  Krishani narrowed his eyes to slits and glanced over at the elven girl who was trying not to watch them. He realized this feorn must be one of Kaliel’s kinfolk from Evennses. “Yes. And yourself?”

  “Pux,” he answered. He shifted, obviously nervous and looked back towards the elven girl for help, but she was still refusing to pay attention to their conversation.

  “Who told you?” Krishani tried not to glower at him, but the feorn had trespassed.

  “I found it long ago,” Pux answered, an air of defiance in his tone. He seemed agitated about something, and Krishani assumed it had to do with Kaliel, but he couldn’t be sure. He looked past Pux at the waterfall and shook his head.

  “The waterfall is forbidden,” he said. He so desperately wanted to retreat into the cave behind the falls and forget about the kinfolk defiling what he considered his secret.

  “Aye, many things on Avristar are forbidden. Or so the elders have told me.”

  Krishani sighed. “Please leave.” He shook his head as thoughts of Kaliel made him feel hollow. He moved towards the stone staircase and gave Pux a hard stare.

  Pux smiled as though he had said something amusing. “Aye!” He looked at Luenelle and nodded. Glancing back at Krishani he tipped an imaginary hat to confirm their understanding. He bounded off through the forest, Luenelle and the kinfolk trailing behind him.

  Krishani watched them go and sighed. It wasn’t the same waterfall without Kaliel, seeing the kinfolk th
ere made his insides tighten with anger. He doubted Kaliel would have told, but he wondered.

  He stepped into the cave and continued until the darkness consumed him entirely. He ran through the memories of Kaliel—the times they had met at the waterfall, the kisses they had shared. So much had changed in less than two summers on Avristar. From the moment he saw her, he knew he wouldn’t follow in the footsteps of the Brotherhood of Amersil. A life without a mate was no life for him, married to the land, a servant to the cycle of its life. Even if Kaliel chose to ignore him for a thousand years he would never fall out of love with her. That was something he barely understood, and something that scared him. He loved her, even if it was blind. He couldn’t help himself. He heaved a sigh and opened his eyes only to find darkness. Moonlight illuminated the first few feet, but the rest faded into blackness.

  A rock tumbled down the stony path and Krishani moved into a crouch. He expected to see the feorn again, and planned on having it out with him. He couldn’t control how he felt; the feorn would have to understand. It was the same way the feorn couldn’t help being hairy or smelly.

  A silhouette crossed the mouth of the cave, blocking the falls with its form. Krishani froze; he would recognize her shape no matter how dark it was. She made it hard to concentrate. She moved into the cave and sat on the grass, pulling her knees to her chest.

  He waited, but she stayed, her head buried in her knees. His heart swelled. She hadn’t been to the waterfall since they kissed. He gulped and cautiously inched closer, waiting to hear what she had to say.

  • • •

  Kaliel’s shoulders shook as she felt the sting of regret. She wanted to apologize to Krishani, tell him she felt something for him so profound that it was unimaginable. She was embarrassed at the depth of her feelings for him. He was just as good at avoiding her as she was of him. It would be easier to believe she was a silly girl that disappointed him. She tilted her chin up and rested it on her knees, staring at the falls.

  “I probably lost him,” she whispered. “The Great Oak warned me about temptation and I stayed away for as long as I could.” Somehow saying it made her feel better. Luenelle was wrong. Avristar was a utopian paradise. There was almost nothing to fear and she acted like her relationship with Krishani would make the trees rot from the inside out. She smiled and gave a short laugh at how impossible that seemed. Love wouldn’t expire the great garden of life, so why would the tree scare her like that? She giggled and dropped her arms to her sides. She fell backward into the grass and traced the patterns of rock above her.