Shadows of Love

by Gail MacMillan

  Chapter Seven

  Three mornings later, a shaved and fully dressed Colin aroused me from my sleep.

  “Come to the window,” he said, his face bright with anticipation.

  I allowed him to draw me from the bed and turn me to look out the casement at the left of the headboard.

  Below, one of the grooms held a beautiful doe-eyed mare whose shining coat was the color of dark burnished gold. Her full mane and flowing tail shone silver-white in the sun and set off four ivory-stockinged feet. When she tossed her head, her snowy forelock flew aside to reveal a perfect five-pointed star.

  “She’s magnificent!” My sleepiness dissolved into admiration.

  “She’s yours.” Colin grinned. “A belated wedding gift. I had a deuce of a time finding a mare with a coat the color of your hair and a star on her face. Her name is Lady. Now you can ride with me.”

  “Oh, Colin, I couldn’t accept such a present. She must have cost a fortune.”

  He shrugged aside my protest and opened the window.

  “Michael, saddle her, will you? And get Bach ready. My wife and I will be riding after breakfast.”

  ****

  I took to riding as the proverbial duck to water. Within a week I was able to acquit myself well enough in a sidesaddle to accompany Colin along trails into the bush, sometimes for sheer enjoyment but more often to get away from his father’s constant badgering and the pressures of the work he hated. Sometimes we rode out to fish in one of the many fine trout streams near the village.

  My husband loved to fish. I found my elegant riding habits ill fitted for pushing through alders and wading into streams. An excursion to the Douglas Mercantile was in order, I decided. Under the scrutiny of Ben Smith, Abraham’s store manager, I purchased boy’s breeches, shirt, and cap.

  “You’ll look like a young man in that get-up,” the white-haired gentleman said, his eyes twinkling as he bundled up my purchases. “But it’s what you’ll need for fishing. And young Colin does love to fish. I used to take him myself, before my knees started troubling me.”

  “Didn’t Colin’s father take him fishing?”

  “Abe is always too busy settin’ the world on fire,” Ben Smith replied, handing me the bundle of new clothes. “He has little time for pleasure…or his sons.”

  ****

  “Your fishing companion, sire, fittingly attired at last.” I swept Colin an elaborate bow when I joined him at the stables later that morning.

  “Who put you up to this?” Outrage hardened his face. Seizing me by an arm, he shook me violently. “Tell me, damn you, tell me!”

  “Colin, you’re hurting me,” I gasped. “No one put me up to anything. I wanted clothes that would be suitable for fishing. I purchased them at your father’s store this morning. Colin, let me go!”

  His hand fell from my arm.

  “I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he mumbled. “Forgive me. Please forgive me. Did I hurt you?”

  “No.” I backed away from him and rubbed my arm where he’d seized me.

  “Forgive me,” he begged again, his voice breaking. He adjusted the cap covering my curls. “I’ve had a rough morning in my father’s office, but you didn’t deserve to suffer as a result.”

  “It’s all right, Colin,” I murmured against his chest. “I understand.”

  But I didn’t, not at all. My knees were still weak from his frightening behavior.

  ****

  A half hour later, we were enjoying one of Cook’s excellent lunches on the bank of Colin’s favorite fishing stream.

  “Ah, what a perfect day,” Colin sighed, unbuttoning his shirt and stretching out on his back to gaze up at the clear July sky. He was once again the kind, thoughtful young man I’d married. The incident in the stable yard seemed only a bad dream, a hallucination of some sort.

  “Yes, it is,” I agreed, stooping to take a handful of water from the stream. “But we’ve got serious trout fishing to do. I won’t allow you to get lazy.”

  I tossed the cold water onto his bare chest. With a yelp of surprise, he bolted upright, then lunged for me, intent on revenge.

  I jumped sideways to avoid him, slipped, and both of us plunged into the shallow stream. Laughing uproariously, we struggled to our feet and stumbled, thoroughly soaked, to shore.

  “Witch!” Colin yelled as we sank down on the grass beside our picnic basket.

  “Bully!” I taunted back. “Big, blond bully!”

  “Foul-mouthed wench!” he cried, and grabbed me as though to throw me back into the stream.

  Laughing and wrestling, we fell to the ground and rolled about for a few moments before Colin, on top, halted and looked down at me in sudden seriousness. My wet clothing clung to me; since I’d had no feminine undergarments that would fit under my boy’s outfit, my naked body beneath was clearly outlined.

  “Starr,” he said softly, “you know we must try to have a child. My father has ordered it. If we don’t, I’m afraid I might lose you. He’s a dangerous man. Starr, sweetheart, will you let me…lay with you…as a husband?”

  “Colin.” I reached up and touched his tense face.

  “I’ll be gentle, Starr. As God is my witness. Please, Starr.”

  I put trembling fingers to his belt buckle and released it. His fingers shook as he began to unfasten my trousers.

  “Please, dear God, please!” I was startled to hear him praying as he moved to lie on me.

  He was carefully easing my legs apart when he was wrenched from me. I stared up to see a big, black silhouette blanking out the hot sun and hauling Colin to his feet by his shirt collar.

  “God damn you, Colin! A boy in a meadow? Have you no common sense?”

  As I struggled to close my clothing, I recognized Captain Madison’s voice.

  “That’s no boy, you idiot!” Colin roared, struggling in his grasp. “It’s Starr. We were…making love. Damn you, Barret Madison! Damn you, you’ve spoiled it for us again.”

  He turned and ran to his horse. He scrambled into the saddle and slapped the gelding into a mad gallop.

  “You insensitive cur!” I cried as my husband thundered away. Pulling off my cap to free my hair, I stumbled to my feet. “You miserable brute! Are you blind?”

  “Sweet Jesus!” he muttered, his bravado dissolving. “I had no idea… What are you doing in those clothes? Did Colin ask you to wear them?”

  “No, of course not. I bought them for fishing. That’s what we were doing here. Why did you come?”

  “Abe wants Colin at home at once. I came to fetch him.”

  “Well, once again, you’ve done your master’s bidding,” I snapped. I turned and started toward my mare, curls flouncing over my shoulders. “Now you can feel free to visit your tavern wench. I’m sure she’ll amuse you for the remainder of the afternoon.”

  “Damn you!” He caught up to me, grabbed me by the arm, and spun me about to face him. "Do you think I enjoyed coming upon you with that boy sprawled over you? Climb aboard that little yellow horse and get away from me before—”

  He flung me in the direction of Lady and strode off toward the waiting Lucifer. I was left with a pounding heart and the frightening knowledge that the strange alchemy that existed between the captain and me was intensifying at an alarming rate.

  ****

  After Barret Madison left me that infamous noon hour at the trout stream, I mounted Lady and was trotting her back toward Peacock House when I saw a carriage stopped ahead of me. Half hidden by the summer foliage, it might have escaped my interest had I not recognized the pair of bays harnessed to it. They were from my father-in-law’s stable. My curiosity piqued, I reined my mount off the trail, dismounted, and stifled her whinnies to her stablemates with a hand over her nostrils.

  I didn’t have long to wait. Within a few minutes the carriage moved back into the road and stopped again. I recognized the driver as Caroline Douglas. My breath caught when I saw her companion was Marie. What could that pair possibly have to meet about?

/>   I had not seen the young maidservant since the Sunday she’d taken ill at breakfast. While I watched, Marie got down from the carriage and followed a path into the trees. Caroline observed her for a moment, then clucked her team to a trot and drove off in the direction of Peacock House.

  I rode back to the mansion’s stable yard, my mind a turmoil of confusion. Was Marie perhaps, as Caroline had hinted, pregnant? If so, who was the father? Randall had been deeply distressed by her illness, and now here was his wife clandestinely meeting the girl. Had Caroline perhaps been attempting to secure her silence about an affair with her husband? Randall had had at least one affair during his unhappy marriage. Had he perhaps had several?

  And then there was Captain Barret Madison, who seemed a confidant of the serving girl and whose morals with women left a great deal to be desired. Was he her lover?

  Finally there was Colin; Colin, my handsome young husband who could not make love to me because he had loved—perhaps still loved—someone else.

  I left Lady with a groom. As I walked to the house, Marie’s distressed words when she’d regained consciousness on the Sunday morning of her illness came back into my mind. The words had been unintelligible to me but understandable to Barret and Caroline, who counted a knowledge of French among her accomplishments.

  Two days later, Captain Madison had an opportunity to revisit his wrath on me. It was one of the few days Colin had had no time for me. I’d missed our luncheon ride and his presence by my side at supper.

  Caroline and Gram had gone to a church meeting directly after the evening meal, and Abraham had ridden out on business. With Randall at the House of Assembly in Fredericton, I was alone in the mansion, save for the servants. Restless, I ordered Lady saddled and went for a short ride alone along the river.

  It was a beautiful summer’s evening, calm and quiet, like the backdrop for one of Darcy’s poems. An urge to share it with him enveloped me, and I headed down the trail to the cabin that was to have been ours.

  When I entered the clearing where it stood, I was surprised to see Captain Madison, mounted on Lucifer, perusing the little log house. In the deepening shadows of the tall trees, he and his horse cut a darkly handsome yet ominous image. My heartbeat quickened.

  “Good evening, Captain.” I reined my mare to a halt and tried to assume the detached, lofty air of a lady.

  Before he could reply, the stallion snorted and made a bolt toward Lady and me. The captain proved an excellent rider, quick and agile. Although the thwarted animal had risen on its hind legs, shaking and bellowing, in a matter of seconds he’d brought him back under control.

  “Easy, my lad.” He surprised me by chuckling as he brought the horse to a pawing, snorting stance. “These ladies belong to Colin and are both off limits to us. Good evening, Mrs. Douglas. My apologies for the lad’s behavior.”

  “Of course,” I said haughtily, ignoring the obvious double meaning in his words. “One must excuse an animal.”

  Unfortunately Lady chose that moment to respond to the stallion. With a soft whinny, she tossed her snowy mane and sidled toward him.

  “Stop it, Lady!” I jerked on her bit.

  “It appears your mare is not unaffected by my lad.” The captain grinned, holding the snorting stallion in check. “I think we’d best return them to their stable before they fall more deeply in love.”

  “Don’t you mean lust?” Annoyed, I swung Lady about and started back toward Peacock House at a brisk trot.

  Captain Madison brought Lucifer into step beside me. For a time we rode in silence. Finally the question I’d been longing to ask bubbled from my lips.

  “Why were you at Darcy’s cabin?”

  “It’s a nice little property,” he said. “I’ve been looking for a place to call my own. I thought perhaps you might want to sell it.”

  “Me?”

  “It’s yours, I understand. Your fiancé had the good sense to register a deed in both your names with the county clerk. That means, even if your young man left no will, the property is yours. Weren’t you aware of the fact?”

  “I had no idea. But why this sudden interest in acquiring your own house? I thought you were quite comfortable at the mansion. Or did my father-in-law’s anger the other Sunday strike a responsive chord?”

  He burst out laughing.

  “Hardly. I’m accustomed to Abe’s ranting and raving. I know when to take him seriously and when to dismiss his threats as dramatic posturing.”

  “Then you’re not afraid of him?” I asked, recalling Colin’s and even Randall’s submission to their father’s will.

  “Afraid, no. But I don’t take him lightly, either. I’m fully aware of his ruthlessness and ambition. Now about your property, are you interested in selling?”

  “You haven’t given me a satisfactory reason for your desire to purchase,” I said. “You say you don’t believe Abe means to evict you from Peacock House.”

  He halted his horse and caught Lady’s bridle to bring her to a stop beside Lucifer. Then he faced me, gray eyes intense.

  “It’s no longer wise for me to lie in a bed across the hall from you,” he said, gray eyes piercing in their intensity. “I’m not a stallion. I don’t have anyone to jerk my bit when I feel certain urges.”

  We sat staring at each other in the deepening twilight, his words sending strange tremors through my body. Then I came to my senses, struck his hand from Lady’s bridle with my quirt, and galloped away. I was flushed and trembling.

  ****

  The following afternoon Colin and I found ourselves alone in the house except for a few unobtrusive servants. Since it was too hot to go riding, we opted to retire to the drawing room, where Colin could practice at the piano. I curled up in a wing chair near the open French doors to listen and enjoy.

  That afternoon he played as a master of the keyboard, the pianist without peer I had heard on my second day in the mansion. My husband was a magician, a spellbinder who had the power to whisk his audience into an enchanted world of awesome beauty.

  When he paused for rest, he looked over at me and smiled. “You make that pale green gown beautiful. You should always wear your hair down, tied with ribbon and falling over your bare shoulders.”

  “Nothing could be as beautiful as your music,” I said.

  A muffled giggle from the hallway made us both turn toward the open door.

  “Rose, Jenny? Is that you?” Colin asked. “Come, show yourselves.”

  Crimson-faced and furtive, the two young maidservants appeared on the threshold.

  “We wasn’t eavesdropping, Mr. Colin,” Jenny the scullery maid stammered. “We was only enjoyin’ your music. Please don’t tell the master. He’d dismiss me, sure, if he found out I was in this part of the house.”

  “You know me better than that.” Colin smiled at the pair. “Come in, come in. It’s not often I’m granted an audience. What would you like to hear?”

  The two young women exchanged glances, then Rose, the parlor maid, spoke.

  “Would you be knowin’ any Irish jigs, sir?”

  “But of course.” Colin grinned, flexed his fingers, winked at me, and broke into a rollicking piece. His mastery and joy flowed into the bouncing tune and set my feet tapping. Jenny and Rose, enthralled, clapped their hands in time. When he had finished, all three of us burst into hearty applause.

  “Oh, sir, if Michael the groom and Patrick the stable boy could only have heard!” Rose breathed. “They’re both dreadful homesick, and to hear the music of the old sod again would soothe their achin’ hearts.”

  “Go fetch them,” I exclaimed, caught up in the gaiety of Colin’s devil-may-care tune. “We’ll dance and sing and have a grand time. Go, go!”

  Spurred by my enthusiasm, the two dashed off.

  “We’ll have a party, Colin,” I cried, whirling happily about the room. “Rose and Jenny and Michael and Patrick and you and I. It will be such fun!”

  “Starr, they’re servants.” Colin turned to me, a f
rown creasing his forehead. “Father doesn’t allow servants and family to fraternize. If he comes home…”

  “But he won’t. He’s gone with Barret Madison on a fleet inspection for the entire day. And after all, isn’t this America, where there’s supposed to be no class distinction?”

  He hesitated only a moment longer.

  “Very well, Starr. Let’s have a little party.”

  ****

  Michael was swinging me gaily about while Colin pounded out a polka when his voice halted our dance and froze my husband’s fingers.

  “Dear God in Heaven, what’s going on here?”

  As the groom’s arms sprang from about me, I whirled to face the enraged countenance of my father-in-law. Behind him in the doorway stood Barret Madison, his expression inscrutable.

  The four servants shrank away from him in horror. Colin stood and turned to his father, his countenance blanching.

  “Get out!” Abraham roared at our four guests. “Get back to your posts! By God, I should dismiss the lot of you. Indeed, I may even yet, after I get to the bottom of this debauchery!”

  Stumbling in their haste, the quartet scrambled from the room. Abraham turned his wrath on Colin.

  “I left this house to you and your wife today for one purpose only,” he said his voice trembling with repressed rage. “I had silk sheets put on your bed and a bottle of champagne placed on ice in your room. Now why in God’s name aren’t you upstairs getting her with child?”

  “Father…” Sweat beaded Colin’s forehead “I… We… That is…”

  “Get out!” Abraham roared. “Get out and don’t come near me again until you need to inform me of your wife’s pregnancy!”

  Colin hesitated a moment longer, glanced from his father to me, then dashed from the room, his expression one of excruciating humiliation.

  “How could you!” I gasped, confronting my father-in-law. Fear held no place in my fury at his outrageous treatment of my husband. “How could you speak to Colin like that, especially in front of him!”

  I pointed a finger at Barret Madison. The mocking bow he bestowed on me in return made me want to fly into his face like an enraged feline.