Shattered Emotions (Redwood Pack)

by Ryan, Carrie Ann

  He wanted to be the one who filled her belly with their child and watched her grow round.

  He wanted to be the one who made her smile, made her laugh, made her everything she wanted to be.

  Maddox swallowed hard. No, that couldn’t be him.

  He’d been foolish to think that it could be.

  Maybe if North hadn’t also been her mate, he would have been able to find a way, but when she had a perfectly good choice that wouldn’t break her, he didn’t stand a chance. There was no other reason that North and Ellie had taken to each other so well. They had to be mates.

  He couldn’t take that chance.

  “Maddox,” Ellie repeated. “Just talk to us, talk to me. We’ll get out of the storm soon, but can’t you see that you’re hurting us and yourself?”

  Maddox closed his eyes and let her words wash over him. “We need to go,” he said, his words vacant.

  “Talk to us, Mad,” North said as he placed his hand on Maddox’s uninjured shoulder.

  “You two are going to be fine. I’ll deal with everything on the outside to make sure nothing happens to you, but leave me be.”

  Let me be alone.

  “What are you talking about?” Ellie asked.

  Maddox gave a hollow chuckle. “You two can go and mate and live happily ever after. Stop waiting around to see what I will do. I know you’re not bonded yet because you’re afraid you’ll hurt me, but you’re only hurting each other. Cement that bond and be together. I’m fine with it.”

  Ellie gasped, and he turned to her, not able to hold back. Though the rain was hitting them in sheets, he could tell the tracks of rain running down her cheeks were mixed with tears.

  “How…how could you think that?” she asked, her voice shaking.

  “I see the way you two are together,” he said, ready to get it all out in the open so they could leave and he could find whatever semblance of peace possible.

  “No, you don’t,” Elle argued, her voice heating. “You don’t see anything. I can’t believe you’d think I’d do that. How could your wolf even think that? I knew you were pulling away for some reason, but I never thought it was because you thought I’d want anyone else but you. God, can’t you see we’re supposed to bond? I don’t get how you could do this.” She ran past him in the direction of the cabin, and he stood frozen.

  “Ellie!” North yelled. “Stay where you are. We don’t want to split up, even if my brother is a fucking idiot.”

  Ellie stopped about twenty feet head of them, her shoulders shaking.

  North turned toward Maddox and punched him in the face. Pain ricocheted in his cheek, and Maddox cursed, spitting out blood.

  “What the fuck?”

  “Why the hell didn’t you say anything?” North asked.

  “I thought it was obvious.”

  Hadn’t it been?

  “Ellie isn't my mate.”

  “What? No, you’re wrong. I’ve seen the way you two are. You’re always together. I stood back because you two need each other.”

  No, North had to be wrong.

  North shook his head. “We’ll get back to your actions in a minute. She's yours, Mad. My wolf feels for her.”

  Maddox growled. Hell, he’d been saying the same thing for months, but he didn’t need to hear it from North. His brother had just said Ellie wasn’t his mate, and now, he claimed his wolf had feelings for her?

  What the hell?

  North held up his hands. “No, not that way. My wolf wants to make sure she's protected, warm, while your wolf heals. He knows that you’re her mate and that you need her. But he doesn't want her to be alone.”

  “I don't understand,” he whispered over the wind, though his brother was close enough that he’d have heard him.

  Ellie wasn’t North’s?

  What did that mean?

  North have a hollow laugh. “We're connected, Mad. We're bothers, twins, two halves of a whole. I can't be happy unless you are. Your happiness lies within Ellie, and I can't sit back and watch the two of you hurt each other. That's why I was there. That's why I took her under my wing. Not because I loved her like you should or do, but because she makes you a better wolf.”

  “North…” Maddox didn’t know what to say, what to do.

  He’d just been thinking that if North hadn’t been with Ellie he would have tried to make it work, but was that really true?

  Fuck, nothing made sense.

  “Mad, just shut up. We’ll get to the cabin, and you and Ellie can talk—something we all should have done long before this. You’re going to have to deal with whatever shit is going on in your head because you’ve hurt that girl over there. Yes, she can hear us. She knows what’s going on, so get the fuck over yourself.”

  Maddox let out a breath, and no words came to mind.

  “Talk to her, Mad. Tell her why you think you can’t mate her because I sure as hell know all this shit you’re putting us through isn’t just because you think I’m in the way. Something else is hiding beneath the surface, and you just need to get it out.”

  North left him standing in the rain and ran to Ellie’s side. She didn’t look at his brother, but rather she met Maddox’s gaze, her dark eyes filled with something he couldn’t recognize…hope?

  No, it couldn’t be that.

  He’d broken that…hadn’t he?

  Nothing made sense anymore…nothing.

  Chapter 7

  Maddox thought she was North’s mate?

  Ellie couldn’t believe it. He’d never said anything like that. Never.

  All this time…lost…because of a misconception. That didn’t make any sense. There had to be something more to that. He wouldn’t have pushed her away without giving her the choice, would he?

  For North…he just might have.

  Goddess, none of this made sense. Her wolf whimpered at Ellie’s confusion, and Ellie wanted to break down with her—not that she’d do that.

  They were getting close to the cabin according to North, and she couldn’t wait to get out of her wet clothes—alone.

  The thought of Maddox wrapped around her as they bonded filled her mind and made her want to weep. She didn’t want to think about how his skin would feel heated against hers, how his calloused fingertips would trail along her body, sending shivers in their wake.

  She’d never had a night like that… She’d only felt pain where there should have been caresses.

  Now that Maddox knew that North wasn’t hers, the question was what he’d do with that.

  What if she still wasn’t good enough?

  She’d been told that her entire life, and even though the Jamensons had tried to show her she had value, she couldn’t quite believe them.

  They walked another mile or so, and the rain let up, as if it had only stormed to show the depth of their pain, their cluelessness.

  “Ellie,” North whispered as he came to her side, “I’m sorry you had to hear that, but it needed to be said.”

  She shrugged, not really in the mood to talk to him. No, her damned self wanted to talk to Maddox—the wolf who wanted nothing to do with her.

  Great going, Ellie.

  “Ellie, talk to me,” North implored. “You know you can always talk to me.”

  “I can’t, North.” She stopped and ran her hands through her too-long hair. It ran down to the middle of her back, and she hated it. It was something Corbin had loved, and he’d never let her cut it.

  She’d almost cut it once then she’d seen the way Maddox had looked at, and she’d kept it.

  God, why couldn’t she just do something for herself for once?

  She hated that she didn’t know anything, and that was why she was living in this cycle of self-doubt and pain. North had gotten at least part of the story out of Maddox, but it was damn time she got the rest from the wolf who didn’t want her.

  “Why can’t you, Ellie?” He reached out to hold her hand like he always did when he was trying to help her, and she pulled away, aware Maddox w
as watching them.

  The Pack had always watched her, as if they’d been afraid she’d turn on them at any moment. Considering where they were, and why they were there, it made sense, but she’d always known when one of those gazes was Maddox’s.

  His was different.

  It wasn’t filled with fear or contempt that made the fear crawl in her belly and threaten to take hold. No, his gaze was a slow burn that was mixed with the unknown and something she so desperately wanted to be a promise.

  She just didn’t know anymore.

  “Thank you so much for helping me, North, but you need to give me some space,” she whispered. “You understand, don’t you?”

  North gave her a sad smile and nodded. “It’ll all work out, don’t worry.”

  She tried to smile back, but failed. She didn’t quite believe it, but she’d go with it just to keep moving. They had to be approaching the cabin soon.

  “What is this place again?” Ellie asked, expecting North to answer and was surprised that Maddox did instead.

  “It’s a cabin owned by my family, but not in the den.”

  “You guys can have places outside the den?” She didn’t know how normal Packs worked considering where she’d grown up. The Redwoods had been a revelation in more ways than one.

  “Sure, Kade and Jasper own their own business that’s not for Pack only, but for humans and other wolves and witches as well. A lot of us do, actually. It’s hard to find a way to create an income within our own society, so we need the outside world to help us. With the war going on, though, we’ve been forced to put a lot of that on hold. Kade and Jasper’s business is being run by their assistants at the moment because they can’t leave the den for longer than necessary.”

  She couldn’t believe he’d spoken that much to her about anything, let alone something about the way the den worked. He’d always been so closed off from her. She couldn’t tell if this sudden change was because of their close proximity due to the danger surrounding them or North’s earlier declaration.

  Either way, she’d take it.

  Well, she’d take it after he figured out what the hell he wanted and apologize to her.

  Yes, she needed that too because she needed to heal. Lying back and being beaten verbally as well as physically was in her past.

  It was time to move on.

  “So, no one is in this cabin now?” she asked.

  Maddox shook his head, and she had to hold herself back from running her hand through those dirty blond locks. She knew it was partly because of the mating urge riding her, but the human in her wanted this man, as well.

  There was just something beyond his wolf that called to her.

  “Shouldn’t be. It’s a Jamenson holding, not the Pack’s, and considering all of us are either right here or back at the den, it should be empty.”

  “And we’ll be safe there?”

  Safety…goddess she wanted that word to mean something beyond being pain-free.

  “I’ll keep you safe, Ellie,” Maddox whispered, and Ellie had to turn her head away from him, afraid he’d see too much of her.

  He’s said I not we.

  That had to mean something.

  Right?

  They made their way toward the cabin, and North froze, his shoulders stiffening.

  “What is it?” Ellie whispered and pushed out her senses, trying to find evidence of the Centrals.

  “We’re not alone,” Maddox whispered as he pulled her closer to his side. Heat radiated off him, calming her ever so slightly, even as the tension grew heavy in the air.

  A wolf slid out of the bushes, his back arched, ready to pounce. His fur was dark, almost black, his eyes glowing gold around a hazel iris. He didn’t look tainted like the Centrals. No, he looked like a wolf defending his territory. Ellie took in a deep breath, not recognizing the scent, but knowing it was a werewolf, not a wild animal.

  What was he doing out here all alone?

  Ellie tore her gaze from the wolf, trusting the men to watch him. She searched the surrounding trees for movement. It was highly doubtful he was alone—especially with their luck.

  North growled and flexed his hands, his claws shifting. He took a step toward the wolf, his power washing over them all. Even though North wasn’t the Alpha, he was still higher in ranking than almost all of the wolves in the Pack. In fact, other than Edward and Kade, Ellie wasn’t even sure who ranked next on a daily basis. They seemed to have their own fragile hold on a hierarchy that worked for them.

  This wolf, however, was not part of that, and just the feel of his power set Ellie on edge.

  This was not a submissive wolf.

  In fact, Ellie wasn’t even sure he was lower in power than Maddox and North. This couldn’t end well, not unless they used words instead of teeth and claws. It didn’t matter, though, because, below it all, they still held the spirit of an animal, and sometimes words were not enough—much to her dismay.

  Maddox pulled her to his side, a subtle move that gave her a bare wisp of his scent. She might have been trained, but she was still the weak link in this game.

  The other wolf growled again, his head low, looking ready to pounce at any moment. North stood in front of her and Maddox, the power play not ending any time soon.

  Then the wolf jumped, his teeth bared. North turned and lowered his shoulder and rammed into the wolf’s flank, sending them both to the ground. North rolled off the wolf and, as he stood, threw off his pack, ripped his clothes from his body and turned.

  Hell.

  She’d never seen a turn that quick before, not even from the Alpha.

  North turned into a gray and tan wolf, as large as the black one he fought with. The attacked each other, teeth and claws digging into each other’s flanks as Maddox pulled her to his side.

  “Help North,” she said over the growls and yips.

  “I’m not leaving you alone. North can handle himself. We don’t know if he’s alone.”

  “As much as I like you thinking of me, your brother is the one in trouble right now. Plus, I don’t think he’s a Central.”

  Maddox shook his head. “I can’t smell that tangy scent on him either, but I don’t know.”

  Ellie bit her lip and held herself back from screaming. She didn’t want to do anything of the kind. She didn’t want to search within herself to see if there was the stain of her old Pack.

  She did it anyway though. North and Maddox were more important than her feelings. As it was, the wolves fighting in front of here weren’t fighting to the death. No, they seemed to be pulling back, only clawing and biting to discover who was tougher.

  She closed her eyes and reached out with her wolf, trying to see if there was anything of the Centrals entwined within the other wolf.

  This wolf was a lone wolf, Packless, though he had a taste of something that had once been, as if he’d been part of a Pack before.

  “He’s not Central. I think he’s just defending his territory,” she said after she pulled back.

  “This is our cabin, our territory,” Maddox growled.

  “Yes, but you weren’t here, and I think he’s a lone wolf, Maddox. Something bad must have happened.”

  Maddox gripped her tighter, and Ellie shook her head. “We have to stop them. They’re just battling for dominance now, and it won’t change a thing because all three of you have similar levels of power.”

  Maddox gave a nod but didn’t say anything. Damn, this would be up to her then.

  “Stop it, both of you!” she yelled. “We’re not settling anything here. Change back and talk it out like men. We’re not the animals your behavior is displaying.”

  Both wolves stopped mid strike and stared at her as though she’d lost her damned mind. Well, maybe she had. After that bout of confidence, she sank into Maddox’s hold, afraid of what they’d do to her since she’d mouthed off. Some behaviors couldn’t be broken.

  Maddox squeezed her, and she looked up. He gave her a slight smile that caused her heart to
leap into her throat.

  North and the other wolf broke apart, and magic washed over her as they both shifted back. Now, there were two very sexy and very naked men standing in front over. Slight nicks and cuts marred their otherwise perfect skin.

  North looked just like Maddox—sans scars—but still, he didn’t do anything for her. Neither did the other man, who looked like a built god. His thick chest heaved as he breathed hard, his muscles stretching and filling him out nicely. His brown hair was cut short, but still long enough for him to run his fingers though. As she was a wolf, she purposely didn’t look below their waists. Not that she didn’t want to—she was a woman after all.

  They might be nonchalant about nudity in most cases, but that didn’t mean she should stare at them.

  Maddox pinched her hip, and she looked up at him.

  Could that be jealousy on his face?

  Well, then.

  “Who are you, and why are you on our property?” North asked the other man.

  “Your property? You haven’t been here in over a year,” the other man growled.

  “Logan! Stop antagonizing them. Don’t you see they’re the Redwoods?” A woman with long blond hair and a thin build walked toward them from the cabin that was just near them, a boy of about eight or so behind her. He looked like both Logan and this woman but had tanner skin and shaggy hair. Either he was a brother or their son, Ellie didn’t know.

  “Lexi, what the hell did I say about coming out here? Go back to the cabin and take Parker with you,” Logan growled as he moved back toward her without turning away from North.

  Lexi rolled her eyes then stopped when she got a good look at North. Her gaze traveled over him—all of him—and she swallowed hard.

  Well, then. Interesting.

  Maddox walked forward and bent to pick up North’s pack. He pulled out some jeans and a shirt and threw them at North.

  “Put these on and stop acting like an ass,” Maddox ordered then looked toward Logan. “Since it seems you’ve been living here while we’ve been at war and away from our cabin, I’d assume you have your own clothes there?”

  Logan glared but gave a jerky nod.