02 Seekers

by Lynnie Purcell

  Daniel didn’t try to follow me or stop me. He didn’t do anything. It hurt worse than the lies. The side door I had kicked open remained shut. Angry tears started tracking down my face. Half of me wanted to turn back and yell at him some more, but the part of me that loved Daniel wanted him to follow me, to declare his undying love, and tell me the truth I was hunting for. It was the part of me that cried when it realized that perhaps our love really had never been true. He had used me like he was using Damian to get to Marcus. He had used me and thrown me out when he didn’t need me anymore. The logical, reasonable, part of my emotions tried to tell me it was more than that, but I wasn’t in the mood for logic or reason.

  I turned a corner, putting the church behind me as fast as I could, not wanting the reminder any longer. At another intersection I stopped walking, realizing I was headed toward the cemetery I had been entombed in. I was about to turn away, to find another way, when I noticed something I had morbidly wanted to witness since I had learned New Orleans was our destination.

  A large funeral procession walked down the street, away from the cemetery. Police officers walked ahead of them, blocking the streets, so the mourners could mourn in true New Orleans fashion. As I watched, the musicians in front of the mourners used their instruments to create a low dirge of sorrow. It was sad, sweet, and all encompassing. It quickly turned into a celebratory goodbye of faster jazz, as they celebrated a life well-spent. The friends and family members sang along to the number with sorrowful voices as second-liners danced around them, enjoying the jazz even as they felt sympathy for the mourners’ pain. I leaned against the wall and watched them pass, impressed with the ritual, sadder than I thought I would be at witnessing a funeral for someone I had never known. Whoever had died had been well-loved, and well-respected. I was sad their family had to live without them. Too, there was a beauty to their goodbyes to the dead.

  It was sad, but amazingly joyful.

  I wished their song, and their skillful playing of music I loved, could also take away the pain in my chest. For a moment I felt as if it was my funeral, and I was a waking mourner to the death of part of me. All the worries I had been carrying around with me intensified as the part of me I had only recently become aware of dropped away. Love was dead. And the only real things I had as remembrance of the life I had lived was Daniel’s lies, the constant threat of Marcus and his Seekers, the secret war that hunted us all, and a world without Alex.

  I watched as an elderly woman walked on the arm of her grandson her head held eye, though her eyes were full of pain. She was erect and proud, even in her darkest moment. I knew that love had never died for her. I suddenly envied her.

  All too soon, the musicians were down the street and out of sight. The music lingered for

  moments more, teasing me with its hints at peace, and a beautiful world of balance beyond the current. I let out a low, long sigh and pushed off the wall again. There was still one person I could help: Alex. She was still in the city somewhere. I didn’t care if she never wanted to see me again. I wanted to be sure she was safe, even if she, too, didn’t love me the same.

  I spent a long day searching places I’d ever been in New Orleans. I avoided the theater but, as I ducked under a balcony to wait for an afternoon storm to pass, I overheard a man and woman talking about the noon news report. The cops were looking into sightings of a large bear-dog creature, and the sudden hole in the theater but were perplexed at the reports. Only someone involved in my world would know what the sighting really meant. I just hoped someone involved in my world wouldn’t look closer.

  I told myself I didn’t want to see Daniel ever again, that he had missed his chance, but I circled the church every couple of hours, hoping he would appear, that I would see him morosely

  waiting for signs of my return. I didn’t dare go inside again.

  The night was longer and lonelier than the previous one. This time I had nothing to look forward to. No meeting. No hint that light would come again. I kept up my restless wandering, despite knowing it was useless. Daniel was right about one thing – I would have to wait for Alex to come to me. Walking was better than sitting in one place, though. It kept me focused in the present, instead of dwelling on the past.

  The constant activity didn’t stop me from coming to several hasty conclusions during the night. I promised myself a million times that I would sneak back into the nest and make Daniel tell me the truth…or slap him until I felt better. Then I would think of Alex, and how angry she would be at that foolishness, and changed my mind again. Risking my neck again was just asking for trouble. I knew I must have looked odd as I kept up a constant war against two contrasting urges, because even the bad characters on the streets gave me a wide berth. It was probably because I kept talking to myself, running through the things I had forgotten to say to Daniel, my hands flying out in agitation as I muttered unspoken sentences.

  It was past dawn when the one decision I could make safely directed my feet in a different way other than Club Paradise. There was one person who would support me in this madness: Ellen. I fished out two quarters from my pocket, and found an old pay phone on the corner of a gas

  station. I dialed the familiar number for home and waited impatiently.

  “Hi-” Ellen’s voice said.

  “Mom! It’s Clare. I am so-”

  “-I’m not here right now, or I’ve forgot my phone, or Clare is punishing me for not cleaning my dishes again. Anyways, leave your name and number, and I’ll call you back.”

  A dead weight settled in my heart, and I hung up without leaving a message. Feeling worse, I started walking again, somehow ending up at the boardwalk. I wasn’t conscious of the decision to go there, but between one thought and the next I looked up and realized I was there. Dawn kept even the most serious tourists from the benches, so I sat on one and stared over the water.

  Minutes stretched by, counting down the time until darkness left the city. I watched the minutes express itself through gradual light across the water, vaguely realizing I hadn’t slept or eaten in two days. I wasn’t sure if it was another symptom of being a Watcher, or a symptom of my

  distraction.

  Sounds from the city gradually filled my ears to the point of painful. Blocking the sounds out like Margaret had taught me was beyond me in the emotional state I was dwelling on, so I

  endured the sound, taking the pain as punishment for the situation I had created for myself. I shut my eyes against the waking dawn and felt grateful for the way the pain erased thought.

  “There you are, doll.”

  I jumped at the unexpected voice. Spider sat down on the bench next to me. There were more patches of grime on his face, and his green eyes were full of strange emotion, but I didn’t linger on the changes.

  I shut my eyes again with a sigh. “Spider…you shouldn’t be here.”

  “When I hear ‘shouldn’t’ I do exactly that,” he said.

  “You shouldn’t get up and walk away,” I said.

  “Man, that came so close to working. My feet are fighting to stay here as we speak,” he said.

  “You should listen to them,” I replied, opening my eyes. “What are you doing here again?”

  “I’ve got a life outside you, doll. Lots of things to do, places to see, people to steal from…you know.”

  “It’s dawn, there’s no one out,” I pointed out.

  “You have a gift for the obvious,” he said. “Are you okay?”

  “That almost sounded sincere. I’m touched.”

  “Well, Ethan said you were supposed to meet him here yesterday, but you never showed. He was worried and kept nagging me. You know how it goes…”

  “I forgot I promised to meet him. I didn’t mean to worry him.”

  “What have you been doing? I’ve searched the whole city for you…I didn’t think you’d be this hard to find.”

  “I’ve been looking for Alex,” I reminded him. “Did Ethan find anything?”

  Spider squirme
d a little, but the reason behind his sudden nervousness was beyond me. The only thoughts I could hear from him were technical, mechanical things. His block was almost

  impenetrable. “Yeah…that’s why I’ve been looking for you. We found her.”

  I jumped off the bench. “Why didn’t you say so right away?!”

  “I thought you were enjoying our witty banter.”

  “It was just banter, Spider,” I said, pulling him off the bench by his elbow. “Come on! Take me to her! Where is she?” I pushed him a little to get him walking.

  He made a face at me, but uncharacteristically didn’t comment. “She’s at Eli’s building,” he said quietly.

  I started walking faster, my course set. “How long has she been there? Has she said anything?”

  “She’s…uh…been asleep since we found her,” he said.

  “Asleep?” I asked.

  “Yeah…she’s been out cold.”

  “Oh.”

  I remembered the last time she had changed. She had passed out after she had turned back to a human, but that had only lasted an hour or so. Was her condition worse than he was letting on?

  Had she been attacked?

  “Where’s everyone else at?” I asked. “Are they okay?”

  “They’re okay…for now,” he said.

  “For now?”

  “This city is a dangerous place,” he said quickly. “We’re at risk everyday we’re alive.”

  “That’s a lovely thought.”

  “True, though,” he replied.

  “I know,” I agreed.

  Early morning workers and shop owners started appearing on the streets while newspaper trucks delivered the daily paper and an occasional car peppered the narrow streets. The smells of restaurants preparing breakfast, and the sounds I had noticed earlier were stronger now, but I could finally block them out. All I had room for in my mind was Alex.

  “Clare…” Spider said after a moment.

  “Yeah?”

  “You said there was a war going on, and that this Marcus guy sold recruits to both sides in order to make a profit, right?” he asked.

  “Right,” I said.

  “How does he find people?”

  “His Seekers are trained to search out Watchers. I was told one there’s a way to train people to be aware of a Watcher’s presence,” I said.

  “Do you know how to do that?”

  “No…”

  As I said it, I felt eyes upon me. It was a feeling I was starting to get used to. Was I being watched? Or was our conversation leaking over into my subconscious and making me paranoid?

  The feeling stopped as I thought about it, and I shrugged it off with a roll of my shoulders.

  “But, what happens if you’re found by one of the sides at war, instead of Marcus. What do you think they’d do?” Spider asked.

  “You sure are curious all of a sudden,” I said.

  “I’ve had some time to think it about this past couple of days,” he replied. “I realized you never said.”

  “Well, I imagine they would either kill me, like Watchers tend to do. Or, if they wanted the recruit, they’d probably take me and force me to work for them, which I wouldn’t. So…I would probably end up dead. A different Watcher might decide to join them. It’s really up to the individual, I suppose.”

  “You wouldn’t help them even if they threatened to kill you?” he asked.

  “No.”

  “What if they had someone you cared about? Would you help them then?” he asked.

  He had found my weakness. “I don’t know,” I admitted.

  “What if it were Alex or Daniel? Would you do bad things to help them out, to possibly save them?”

  His eyes were impossibly bright, and I could tell my answer meant a lot to him. His intensity freaked me out a little, but I figured he was just curious. Maybe Alex turning into a demon had made him finally realize that the life of a Watcher wasn’t just cool super powers and fun danger.

  It was scary; the kind of scary I had been warning him of all along. His intensity made me forget that I probably wasn’t going to see Daniel again. I answered as if we were still together.

  “I…would do what it takes to make sure they’re safe.”

  “And if they were forced to do something, because they thought it would keep you safe, or

  someone else they cared about safe….would you forgive them?”

  I stopped walking and turned to him, my hands on my hips. His question mirrored one of the first conversations I had with Daniel. He was asking me about intentions over actions. I already knew my answer. “Yes.”

  “No matter the betrayal?”

  “I guess so…You’re starting to freak me out, Spider,” I said. “What’s wrong?”

  His smile was quick, his sarcastic, all-too-wise, expression of mocking, firmly back on his face.

  “No, nothing is wrong. Except for your face…and, you know, for the fact that we’re walking toward a person that can turn into a demon, instead of away.”

  I smiled wryly. “There’s my life for you.”

  I put my arm around his boney shoulders, suddenly wanting the comfort of another person. Our conversation had left me feeling jittery, and more lonesome than before. I kept thinking about Spider’s questions and somehow kept circling back to my conversation with Daniel. Could I

  forgive Daniel’s lies? Had he lied for another reason? What if I had overreacted? What if he had lied to save someone else? He had said it “went beyond me”. Even if he didn’t love me, or had simply been following orders, he had been doing it to stop someone bad from hurting others. If I ever saw Daniel again, I would find a way to let him know I understood, even if I didn’t like the lie of his love. It was possible I would have done the same, if it meant stopping Marcus. The sinking feeling in my stomach, and the weight in my heart, let me know that saying those words would be difficult. It would be easier if I didn’t love him so much. But, because I did, I would forgive him and move on. It was the adult thing to do. Plus, I had so much to worry about that hating him would be too difficult. I simply couldn’t do it.

  At the base of Eli’s building I stopped Spider again. “Spider…I want to say thank you.”

  “Thank you?” he questioned.

  “Yes, it’s what polite people say to one another when they are appreciative.”

  “For what?” He stepped around me and started climbing the fire escape.

  I followed him up. “For finding Alex for one, for going way beyond whatever debt you thought you owed me for another. You’ve been a good friend to us…I don’t think we could have lasted so long without you. So, thank you.”

  He turned around as I stepped up the last stair. His face was panicked. I’ve made a mistake. He grabbed me on either arm, and looked into my eyes, his eyes full of burning emotion. “Run!”

  “Wha…”

  “Damn it! Run! This is a trap!” He started pushing me to the stairs.

  “Spider…what did you do?” I asked, resisting his hands.

  “Yes, Spider, what did you do?”

  Spider’s shoulders slumped at the voice. We both turned to stare at the tall figure, who had appeared on the roof as if she were mist and vapor. I knew her almost magical appearance had little to do with magic; it was simply a result of years of training to blend in with the shadows. I sensed her training even before I sensed the fact that we had met before. As she stepped closer, I was able to stare into her midnight eyes, which were curious and amused. Her red hair was

  tucked under her baseball cap, the same way it had been when I had seen her on another roof fighting a man to the death. I sucked in a ragged breath at seeing her again and tried to look beyond her to the glass study. It was empty, the light casting shadows on the dusty books instead of Alex.

  “Alex?” I asked without looking at Spider.

  “Oh, that was a bit of a deception, I’m afraid,” the woman answered for me. “I heard about what happened. It’s a pity really. M
ost Nightstalkers who take a wild path, outside of an organization like mine, usually end up dead in a matter of days. Poor things can’t help themselves. They’re a menace if not controlled.”

  “Like you, you mean?” I asked.

  The woman shrugged. “Perhaps.”

  Spider was freaking out. He tried to explain through his thoughts why he had betrayed me. I’m sorry! She has the kids. She said if I didn’t-

  “That’s quite enough out of you,” the woman said. She frowned in concentration, and his

  thoughts were suddenly cut off. She tilted her head, and he lifted into the air, just enough to where he couldn’t run away. Then, she turned to focus her full attention on me. “I’m Anna. I work for Lorian, the brother who will one day rule us all.”

  “If there’s anyone left to rule, you mean,” I corrected.

  She ignored me. “You took something that belongs to my organization. I won that sword fairly.

  It is mine, not yours.”

  “You want the sword?” I asked to be sure, almost laughing in relief. I had thought she had figured out who I was. I had thought she had come to sell me to Marcus. A sword seemed like such a silly reason to track me down.

  “It is proof I killed him. It adds to our arsenal for the final victory. To go back to the mansion without it is to admit to cowardice and defeat. It is a death sentence.”

  “Well, that sounds like a personal problem,” I said, crossing my arms in the appearance of calm.

  Really, I was panicking. Even though she hadn’t been sent by Marcus I knew I was in a tough spot. Was it true she had the kids? I didn’t think Spider would betray me unless she did. He was a lot of things, things most people would have a problem with, but he would never betray a friend without just cause. He was loyal to a fault.