Train Me

by Mia Ford

  “I’m looking forward to it. They pay well. Enough to make rent anyway. But I’m sad that we’ll be seeing each other less often,” he said and Belle pursed her lips.

  “That’s normal isn’t it? It’ll take some pressure off me,” she said and Jesse’s face darkened instantly.

  “I didn’t realize that you felt so pressurized,” he said and Belle shook her head.

  “No, I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that we could live a more comfortable life from now on,” she said and Jesse looked away from her and concentrated on eating his sandwich instead.

  “Well, yeah, whatever. I’ll not have to depend on you for subway money any more,” he said, a little bitterly and Belle reached out to touch his arm. He drew his arm away, and she took in a sharp breath.

  “I didn’t mean to offend you, Jesse. I’m just glad that you finally found something, and I hope it makes you happy,” she said, trying to sound kind. Jesse said nothing and Belle remained silent too. In silence they finished their sandwiches and then Belle looked at her watch.

  “I should head back. Best of luck with the interview. I know you’ll get the job,” she said and stared at him longingly. She wanted him to say something nice, to reassure her again that everything would be alright. She was anxious that she couldn’t rely on his mood.

  “Bye, see you later,” he said instead and turned around and walked away from her. Belle gulped, unsure of what the future of their relationship was going to look like. She wished he could be in a good mood more often, that she wouldn’t have to walk around on eggshells all the time; afraid of upsetting him.

  She shook her head as she watched him walking away from her, and when he was out of sight, she went back to the office and sat at her desk. Her only hope was that she could get past the next few weeks without having a breakdown, and then maybe, just maybe she could go on with her life without yearning to see Devon all the time.

  Devon

  He could sense that Alisha was watching him eat. He was taking his time with his food, pushing it around with his fork on the plate. They had been sitting at the restaurant for nearly an hour and she had already finished her meal.

  “You look like you’ve lost your appetite,” she said finally, and Devon looked up to find her sipping from her glass of white wine. It was only two in the afternoon and he wasn’t in the mood to have a drink yet.

  “Just not hungry,” he said and Alisha leaned towards him across the table with a wry smile on her face.

  “It’s about the girl isn’t it?” she said and Devon stared at her, a tomato stuck in his fork.

  “I’m trying to get over that,” he said and Alisha sat back in her chair and stared at him some more.

  “I’ve never seen you like this, Devon. She must be some kind of angel,” Alisha said with a disbelieving laugh and he washed down the food in his mouth with some water.

  “It’s nothing. I’m just getting old and sentimental probably,” he said and wiped his mouth with a napkin.

  Alisha licked her lips and looked suspiciously at him.

  “So, you slept with her. What more do you want?” she asked and Devon took in a sharp breath. He regretted telling Alisha everything now. The last thing he wanted was to dwell on the subject any more.

  “Nothing, Alisha. I don’t want anything more. I just want to forget about her and move on,” he said and Alisha arched her eyebrows.

  “Wait a minute, are you in love with her or something? Didn’t you say that she was a young thing?” Alisha said and he glared at her. Alisha wasn’t going to back down. She wanted an answer.

  “Yes, she’s young. In her early twenties and no I’m not in love. I don’t even know her that well,” he said irritably. Why couldn’t Alisha see that he just wanted to stop talking about it?

  “Granted that you don’t know her well, but that doesn’t mean you can’t develop feelings for her,” she continued and Devon slapped the napkin down on the table. Alisha didn’t seem affected by it.

  “I don’t have feelings for her, Alisha. I just like her. I enjoy her company. She’s smart and intelligent and the sex was good,” Devon said and sat back dejectedly in his chair. Just talking about Belle made him sad. He wasn’t used to feeling powerless, he wasn’t accustomed to not getting what he wanted. Alisha was still staring at him. Now her look was turning from curiosity to sympathy.

  “You know, Devon. Not in a million years would I have imagined seeing you this broken up over a woman,” she said finally, after a minute’s silence.

  “I’m not broken up over her!” he said, losing his patience now. Alisha ignored it. She was going to say what she wanted to say.

  “I’m sure you know that I spent the better part of our friendship being in love with you. Till I realized that you were impossible to love, or rather you yourself were incapable of the feeling,” she said and Devon stared at her in surprise. He hadn’t expected Alisha to ever speak this way.

  “Oh, don’t look so surprised. I have feelings too! I’m not made of stone. And you don’t have to feel sorry about me either, I got over you pretty quickly,” she added and Devon relaxed a little. He still didn’t know what to say to her.

  “But I was satisfied in knowing that nobody could have you, it wasn’t just me. But I’m starting to believe that you are capable of feelings after all, Devon,” she said and he looked away from her. He had his jaw clenched and his eyes focused on the view outside the restaurant. This was not the kind of conversation he wanted to have. The less he acknowledged Belle’s hold on him, the better it would be, but Alisha didn’t want to let it drop.

  “Don’t worry, darling,” she continued, “you won’t have to feel like this forever. I can attest for it from first hand experience.”

  Devon looked back at her without a word still. He regretted inviting her to lunch with him. He hoped that she would manage to distract him, but he had forgotten that she knew him better than anyone else.

  “You know what might work to cure these blues?” she asked and Devon raised an eyebrow at her.

  “What, Alisha?” he said and her face broke into a wide smile.

  “A good old fashioned romp in the bed with me. How many times have I managed to lift your mood?” she said and over the table she reached for his hand. Devon drew his hand away from her and stood up from the table.

  “I’m sorry, Alisha. I value our friendship and your advice, but that side of our relationship is over,” he said, probably a little harshly. Alisha was laughing again, and she stared at him with mockery in her eyes. Almost like she was enjoying herself, watching him suffer over a girl.

  “Why? Just because I confessed that I once had feelings for you?” she asked as Devon took out his wallet and counted the money.

  “No, because I know now what the real thing feels like and I don’t want to find an easy solution to my problem,” he said and placed the money on the table.

  Alisha sat back in her chair lazily and looked up at Devon, her smile had turned sour.

  “Suit yourself. I’m not the one who is a lonely bachelor living up in his ivory tower without any actual friends. Best of luck getting over your heartbreak,” she said and picked up her wine glass again.

  Devon said nothing but turned and walked away from her. He couldn’t believe that Alisha too, of all people, wasn’t the person he had thought she was.

  Belle

  When Belle returned to the apartment that evening, her eyes were burning and her shoulders were aching. She had spent the whole day trying to do her job well. As an intern, she was not only required to produce well researched market surveys, but she also had coffee runs to do and errands to run for others in the office. At the end of the day, Belle was tired and feeling heartbroken. But she still remembered that Jesse had a new job and she needed to support him.

  When she opened the door, she found Jesse in boxer shorts and an old t-shirt. She was surprised, but tried to hide it with a chirpy voice.

  “Hey! How’d it go?” she asked, shut
ting the door behind her.

  Jesse was on the couch, playing on the console again and he looked up at her with a bored expression in his eyes.

  “How’d what go?” he asked and Belle felt her heart sinking. She walked up towards him and softened her voice. It had obviously not gone well.

  “The job interview,” she said, trying to sound as neutral as possible. Jesse paused the game, placed the control on his lap and looked up at her like he detested her for asking him that question.

  “How do you think it went?” he asked and Belle shrugged and looked away from him. Of all the times he had been in a bad mood, this had to be the worst.

  “You said you were excited about it and they pay well, so I don’t know…” she said and met his gaze again. Jesse rolled his eyes and looked away from her, as though she had said something offensive.

  “They don’t want to hire me, alright?” he said and stood up from the couch. Belle followed him into the kitchen area.

  “Why not? What happened?” she asked and Jesse ignored her. He went over to the mini fridge and extracted a can of beer for himself. Belle looked at the beer in his hand quizzically. What was he turning into?

  “Nothing happened. I went for the interview. They interviewed me and said that they don’t want to hire me,” he said and walked past her again towards the couch. Belle whipped around to follow him back to the couch. She had her doubts about whether he did actually go to the interview.

  “What questions did they ask?” she asked, folding her arms over her breasts.

  “General questions. Why are you grilling me?” he said, spreading his arms wide. Belle stared at him and realized that her nostrils were flared. She was losing her patience with him.

  “What questions exactly, Jesse? I want to know what we can do to improve your interview skills,” she said, tightening her grip on her arms. Jesse was breathing hard and suddenly he dropped his arms and walked over towards Belle.

  He placed his can of beer on the floor beside her and then his hands on her arms.

  “Don’t worry about it, babe. I’ll find something else,” he said with a smile and leaned towards her. Belle didn’t move. She was fuming. She was doubly sure now that he hadn’t even gone for the interview. Why was he jeopardizing his career? Why did he assume that she could just provide for them both on her internship money? She didn’t even have the money to buy a coffee on her way to work. She was broke and miserable and feeling unloved and he just didn’t care.

  Without saying anything, Jesse leaned towards her and tried to kiss her lips. Belle moved her face away. She felt nothing when he was close. No spark. No electricity. No attraction. And it was beginning to scare her.

  “Hey,” Jesse whispered, a smile forming on his face. He kissed her cheek and then Belle sensed his hand reaching for her breasts.

  Belle moved away from him with a jerk.

  “What’s wrong babe? Isn’t this what you want?” Jesse asked and stepped towards her again. Belle froze as she stared at him. Jesse was beginning to disgust her. She felt like she was cheating on Devon now. Even though she was never going to see him again.

  Jesse stroked her cheeks with his hands and kissed her forehead. Then the bridge of her nose and finally her lips. The kiss did nothing for her, except make her hate him a little more.

  “Are you worried that I don’t know what I’m doing? Don’t worry babe, I’ve slept with girls before,” he said, looking at her with enthusiastic eyes.

  Belle pushed him away and glared at him.

  “You said you wanted to wait!” she screeched, now losing all control. Jesse looked surprised as he looked at her, trying to develop a look of innocence on his face.

  “Yeah. I wanted to wait with you, babe. I think all those girls I slept with are sluts. I don’t want you to become like one of them,” he said and Belle’s mouth fell open.

  “So why do you want to do it now?” she asked and Jesse took in a deep breath, like he was trying to explain something to a little child.

  “Because I love you, babe. Because I want to do this with you. Because I know we’ll be together forever,” he replied and Belle could do nothing but stare at him in shock. Hearing those words coming from him made her sick to her stomach. She wanted to throw something at him. Punch the wall if she had to. Scream and make a run for it. Instead, she was frozen to the spot and felt like she couldn’t move a muscle. The guy she thought would make the perfect boyfriend in college had turned out to be her worst nightmare and she wasn’t sure how long she could go on like this.

  Devon

  Devon was at his office, working late again and the next time he raised his head to look at the time, it was already nine. He pushed his file away and shut down his computer and took in a deep breath. The lunch with Alisha had affected him in a big way.

  It had been a week since he last saw Belle, and now he was beginning to recognize the heartache and loneliness settling in again. He didn’t want to arouse suspicion and hence hadn’t asked Susan or Jasmine how she was doing. He could only hope that she was happy at the Brooklyn office and that her life with her boyfriend was going well. He only wanted the best for her. He didn’t want to disrupt her peace of mind.

  Alisha was probably right, he figured, to assume that he was capable of actual feelings. Even though he didn’t want to discuss those feelings with anybody else, he knew that they existed. Belle had stirred them in him and he felt protective and possessive towards her. Which was why it was wise to send her away before anything else happened.

  The soft ping of the elevator outside snapped him out of his thoughts. His heart began to race because he couldn’t help but wonder if it was Belle again. A far fetched daydream, but he couldn’t help his mind from wandering.

  There was a sharp knock on the door and instead of saying anything, Devon stood up and walked over to it. He took in a deep breath, trying to calm his mind, and opened the door. Belle was standing on the other side. Her face looked pale, her eyes were widened and by the looks of it, she had been running again.

  “Belle!” he said her name aloud and she fell into his arms immediately.

  “I’m sorry, I had to come and see you,” she said and he stroked her head. She was still in her formal office clothes and her hair was braided elaborately in that fishtail plait that he remembered. She was in a slim gray dress with a wide black belt at her waist. She looked professional and beautiful.

  When she finally pulled away from him, she took a step back.

  “Come in,” he said in a quiet voice and he walked back towards his desk. She shut the door behind her and he could hear his heart thumping out of his chest. It was exciting to see her again. He knew very well what the possibility of her being there could lead to. He wanted to touch her again, take her into his arms…but it was still inappropriate.

  “I had to come, because I had nowhere else to go,” Belle was saying and he noticed that she looked nervous. She had clasped her hands together and was pressing her fingers tightly. Devon leaned against his desk as he looked at her.

  “My door is always open,” he said and she looked up at him sharply. Her brown eyes were large and looked bloodshot. She could have been crying, he thought and immediately, he had the urge to take her in his arms again.

  “I know you didn’t want to see me again. You wanted us to keep our distance. But I have nobody else in New York,” she continued and Devon shook his head. Her breasts were heaving, her lips looked as pouty and luscious as usual; and even though she seemed distraught, Devon couldn’t help but recall the moment when he first saw her naked.

  “Don’t worry about it, tell me what’s going on,” he said in a soft voice. Their eyes met again and Belle looked like she was beginning to relax a little.

  “You know how I told you that my boyfriend said he doesn’t want to have sex right now, that he wants to wait. He just told me that he’s had sex before. With other girls before me and he didn’t want to sleep with me because he thinks they are all sluts,” the words
came tumbling out of her and Devon couldn’t help but go closer to her. He wanted to take her into his arms, hug her close to his chest…but he was still afraid of touching her.

  “Belle, that is a horrible thing to say and do. I don’t know what to say to you, but it’s not unnatural that you’re upset,” he said, finding himself at a loss for words.

  “I don’t know if I want to be with a guy like that. Who thinks like that. Who thinks sex is dirty,” she said and Devon shook his head.

  “I know, I’m glad you came here,” he said and Belle rushed into his arms again.

  “And he keeps ditching his job interviews. He stays at home all day and plays on his playstation. I can’t afford the rent by myself any more,” she continued, looking up at him and he could tell that she was on the brink of a breakdown.

  Devon touched her face lightly and stroked her chin.

  “I can’t tell you what to do, Belle. But he doesn’t seem like a supportive boyfriend to have,” he said, choosing his words carefully. The last thing he wanted to do was break up a relationship. He would have done anything to have her, but it would have to be her choice.

  Belle gulped as she stared at him.

  “I don’t think we’re good together. I feel like I did it too quickly. We’ve only been together four months, and I keep thinking that he deserves another chance,” she said and Devon nodded.

  “I understand, but if he doesn’t make you happy, you can’t keep giving him chances,” he said and Belle drew closer to him. She was slowly raising her hand so she could touch his face. Devon stood still, breathing in her scent.

  “I want to stop feeling guilty about what we did, Devon,” she said.

  Belle

  Devon didn’t look surprised when Belle said the words, instead he brought his face closer to her. His dark hair was neatly brushed to the side, she could see the gray at his temples, the firm set of his thin lips. He looked powerful and wise as he held her face. Their noses were almost touching now and Belle drew in a deep breath.