Being Invisible

by Penny Baldwin

  After Liz drives away, I walk to the front of the pub..

  It's getting dark outside, so its less likely I will be seen, but it's also making it difficult to keep my eye out for what lies ahead of me.

  I don't want anyone from the diner to see me, so instead of crossing the street in front of the diner, I stay on the same side of the street and walk in the opposite direction.

  Once I feel like I am far enough away, I cross the street but pass the sidewalk that will take me to the front of the diner. Instead I continue to the alley that runs behind it.

  As I get closer to the back door, my nerves kick in full throttle. I don't know what worries me more, walking right into the middle of a sting, or seeing Colin. Liz is right. He's not gonna be happy.

  I wait behind the dumpster, relieved that at least no one's waiting for me there. As soon as I see a waitress bringing trash out, I swiftly move around to the front of the dumpster and sneak through the door she propped open with the trashcan.

  Once inside, I take in my surroundings. I am in a hallway with a couple doors on the right and one on the left. When I hear the voices of a couple people coming from the kitchen, I pick a door and head into the room.

  It looks like I am standing in a supply closet. I wait until the voices fade, then sneak back out. I want to be out in the open enough for Colin to see me, but near enough to a place to hide just in case someone comes back here.

  I can hear people in the kitchen calling out orders, and a couple of the waitresses talking about child support. Nothing seems out of the ordinary. Luckily, there's no sign of the guys we saw walk in earlier.

  Just as I'm about to relax a little, I hear two male voices coming from what appears to be the Men’s bathroom.

  "If you think for one second I won't kill you, then you don't know me as well as I thought. I will do whatever it takes to get this deal done. Do you understand me?" The voice, which is eerily calm one second, turns to rage at his last sentence.

  Although the shouting seems to go unnoticed by the kitchen staff, I have to cover my mouth to avoid making a sound.

  I can’t freak out this time. I have to stay on my toes.

  Just as I am talking myself into staying calm, I feel a hand cover my mouth, and I am pulled into the supply closet.

  Before I can react, Colin appears in front of me.

  “What the hell are you doing here, Lucy? Are you insane?” Even though Colin is speaking in hushed tones, his voice is laced with outrage. He’s even angrier than I expected.

  “Colin, I know you are pissed, but…”

  “Pissed? I’m furious. One thing I ask you to do. One. Never be near me when I am invisible. Are you trying to punish me for leaving you tonight?”

  “No! I came here because I saw that guy you told me about. The Exterminator. He’s here in the diner, and he has a superpower. He just touched a guy, and the guy fell to the ground, doubled over in pain.”

  “Carl Nagy is here?”

  “If that’s The Exterminator then yes.”

  “And he made a guy collapse in pain?”

  “Yes.”

  “Shit. This could be bad.” Colin turns away from me for a moment, deep in thought.

  “Colin, when he touched the guy, the flowers behind him died. You have to get out of here.”

  “Damn it, Lucy. I can handle myself. It’s you I have to worry about. I don’t know what kind of stupid stunt you’re pulling…”

  “I just needed to warn you, I-”

  “I don’t want to hear it. I am getting you out of here now. This is the last thing I need.”

  “Screw you Colin. I got myself in. I can get myself out. You can go finish getting yourself killed without me.”

  Colin doesn’t say anything. He just opens the door a crack, checks to see if anyone’s coming, then grabs me and throws me over his shoulder. I want to yell at him and tell him to put me down, but of course we have to go unnoticed. I am silently furious.

  He swiftly carries me through the hall to the back of the diner. At the back door he puts me down, and checks to see if anyone is outside. Once he sees that no one is there, he picks me up off of my feet, and drops me outside. I turn to say something to him, but he has become invisible.

  I feel Colin near my cheek before I hear his voice, whispering in my ear. “We can’t walk to my car, because it’s too far away, but we need to get away from this place. As soon as we are far enough away, call a cab.” He grabs my wrist, dragging me with him. He’s walking so fast I can barely keep from tripping.

  After about fifteen minutes of walking, Colin abruptly stops, and I run into him. Within seconds he becomes visible.

  “Now call.” His voice is cold and distant. The angrier he seems to be, the worse I feel.

  “I had Liz call Rob to come to the diner. He can pick us up.” I answer him in the same pissed off tone that he did.

  “Liz was with you? Are you freaking kidding me?” He throws his arms up in frustration, and turns away from me again. I am guessing he is trying to calm himself down. “Did you think it might be fun to go to a drug raid for girls’ night out?”

  I am so upset at this point that I choose to completely ignore Colin and call Rob.

  “Hey, Rob. Did you talk to Liz?”

  “Lucy, Thank God. We’ve been worried sick. Hold on.” I hear Rob talking to someone in the background. “It’s Lucy. She’s alive. That’s as much as I know.”

  “Is Colin with you?” He directs his question back to me.

  “Yes.”

  “Good. Where are you guys?”

  I look around briefly before responding. “You know where the old middle school is?”

  “Yeah.”

  “We’re in front of it.”

  “Okay. Stay there. I will pick you up. Can you give the phone to Colin?”

  I hand Colin the phone then walk over to the school’s playground and sit on the swing. I don’t want to be near Colin anymore than I have to be.

  A few minutes later, Colin comes over to the playground, but chooses to sit at a picnic table and face away from me. The silence continues for what seems to be minutes, before Colin speaks.

  “Just tell me this. How did you know about Carl? Why were you there in the first place?” He’s still not looking at me, and he’s barely reining in his anger.

  “You’re never going to give up an opportunity to save the world. And I am never going to be okay with being second to the rest of the world- that’s a lot of people. I thought if I could be a part of it, even by watching from across the street, then maybe we could have a chance.” I’m slowly pushing the swing back and forth with my feet, while looking at the ground. Our bad just got worse...and before we were bordering on a break up. Nothing good can come from this.

  “So I was right. You don’t get to see me when you want, so you just show up in a restaurant full of criminals so that, what? We can get closer?”

  “Okay. I get why you’re mad. But, I was across the street Colin. I was at a restaurant where a lot of other people were. I only went in because I thought there was a good chance you might die. But you’re right. I shouldn’t have come. I should have known that everything has to go your way.”

  “Oh, so because I don’t want you to screw up a sting operation that will stop drug dealers from selling heroin and killing people, I’m the bad guy.”

  “All this time I thought you didn’t want me to be around you because you were worried about me. But you were just afraid that I would jack-up your plans, weren't you? I have been wrong this entire time. I thought this weekend was for me, I thought your rules were for me, I thought at Insomnia that you were actually…” My tears keep me from being able to continue.

  “What? What did I do wrong at Insomnia? Because I left? You said it was fine. Is this the part where you dredge up every wrong thing I have ever done?"

  That’s it. I’m done with this night. I am done with the super-asshole. I’m just done.

  “It’s over, Colin. I am
not going to feel bad for one more second about you. You want to be the good guy. The hero. You want to feel like being invisible means the whole world counts on you. But you know what? I can’t count on you. You make me feel unimportant. You make me feel invisible.”

  Colin gets up and kicks the picnic table. “Shit!”

  His outburst startles me enough that I stop talking for a second, but I have resolved myself that I need to do this.

  “You know what? You can feel good that you deserve to have this power, but at the end of the day, you don’t deserve to be my boyfriend. Those people you save? They don’t listen to you talk after a bad day. They won’t take care of you when you are hurt or sick. They don’t know that your favorite food is pancakes, or that you you’re secretly afraid of wolf spiders. If you don’t take care of the people who love you, then you will be an amazing and successful, yet completely empty superhero. And I don’t want to be his completely empty girlfriend.” With that, I get up and walk away. Thank God he doesn’t follow me this time.

  My mind is full of scattering thoughts of Colin and me. What I said. What he said. Who we used to be. Who we are now.

  It's not until I realize that nothing looks familiar anymore that my mind comes back to the present. I'm nowhere near the middle school. I walk a couple more blocks until I see a gas station, where I won't be alone in the dark or near a major road. After buying a coffee, I call Liz. She answers on the first ring.

  “Lucy, thank God. Rob said that when he went to pick you guys up, Colin told him to go look for you, but they couldn’t find you. They are freaking out. I have to call them and tell them you’re okay before they call the police. Wait a sec. Lucy you sound like you’re crying. Are you okay?”

  “Are you still at the cabin?”

  “Yes. Why?”

  “Get all of my stuff and pick me up. I don’t want to go back there. I want to go home.”

  “Where are you?”

  “Don’t tell the guys, but I am at a gas station on,” I look to see where I am, “the corner of Morgan and Crestview.”

  Okay. Just hang tight. I won’t tell the guys where you are, but have to tell them that I talked to you. I don’t want to have the search and rescue team pissed off at me for not calling off the dogs when I had the chance.”

  “Okay. And, Liz? Thanks.”

  “I am so relieved that you’re okay, I would drive to Mexico to get you, Luce.”

  “And that’s why I love you.”

  Twenty minutes later I am in Liz’s car, ready to head home. Liz immediately leans over the console to pull me into a hug. The moment I feel her arms around me I dissolve into tears.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Liz asks me when my sobs have faded into silent tears.

  “Yeah. Just give me a few minutes to decompress.”

  “Sure.”

  We ride in silence for several miles, the sound of the car engine lulling me into a sort of calmness that feels more like a dull ache. I lean back in my seat and enjoy the quiet.

  Finally, when Liz can no longer take it, she breaks the silence. “Can I just say one thing?” Liz waits for my nod. “When Colin came back to the cabin, he looked terrible. I could tell he had been crying. I think he’s taking it as hard as you. I don’t know if that makes you feel any better or not, but I thought you might want to know.”

  She glances in my direction and notices my fresh tears. “I’m sorry. You don’t need that right now. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  “No. It’s fine. I still love him, so it makes me sad that he’s sad. But nothing he does can change things anymore.”

  “So this isn’t just a fight? You guys...you broke up?” She says the last part in almost a whisper.

  I shake my head yes, unable to form the words.

  “Lucy, I know I said stuff earlier about you two, but I was just worried about you. I never thought in a million years that he would actually break up with you.”

  “I know. And he didn’t. I did. I finally realized that nothing was ever going to change. And I can’t pretend that I can live with that anymore.”

  “Shit, Lucy. What happened tonight?”

  By the time I am done with the story, we are home, in our pajamas eating cookie dough on the couch.

  “Wow, Lucy. That sucks. I don’t even know what to say.”

  “You don’t have to say anything. Right now, and until future reference, your job is to bring me cookie dough and tissues, and either keep all things hero related out of the house, or help me come up with ways to destroy all hero related paraphernalia that makes it in.”

  “I can do that.”

  “Good. Now fire up the TV. I’m sure there’s a Law and Order marathon on somewhere.”

  Chapter Twenty

  The Invincible Mix

  It’s been two weeks. Fourteen days. Four of which I actually slept through the night. And that’s counting the past four nights, when I started taking sleeping pills. I kind of thought I would be over him by now.

  As soon as Annie found out about the break up, she came over and stayed the night with Liz and me at our apartment. She’s been here pretty much ever since.

  She and Liz are worried about me. The not sleeping much concerned them. The eating very little made them anxious. But it was the fact that I couldn’t bring myself to make a break-up playlist that caused them to stage an intervention.

  Today, they have decided that it’s time to take the first steps in the healing process.

  “So, today we are taking you out to get mani-pedis. Then, we are going to go shopping to pick you out some amazing clothes, fit for a night out. By then, we're hoping you will be ready for us to ease you into the next part of our plan.” Annie looks to Liz to continue.

  “Lucy, I know you haven’t been up for much, but I think a night out with the girls could be just what you need.” The way Liz says it, I think she's afraid I'm going to snap.

  “You want to go to the gym?” I know I should probably get out, but doing stomach crunches and leg presses sounds about as much fun as eating nails.

  “Nope. No gym tonight. We are going for some real fun. Tonight we’re taking you out for drinks at Ruby's and, if you’re up for it, a little karaoke.” Annie looks at me, waiting for me to protest. Knowing my friends, they probably made a list of possible objections I could give and how to respond to each of them, so I decide to put them out of their misery.

  “I think you guys are right. I need to get out. I’m not entirely on board with singing, but the rest sounds like fun. I’m in.”

  “Wait. You’re in?” Liz raises her eyebrows at Annie. I think they were expecting their plan to require duct tape and a trunk.

  “Yep. I'm pretty over myself these days. I need to have a night away from my thoughts. I’m sure they will be here when I get back.”

  The girls scream and hug me while jumping up and down.

  After they pull away, Annie gently squeezes my arm. “I remember those thoughts when James and I broke up. Trust me, you won’t miss them.”

  I nod my head in understanding before heading upstairs to get dressed. Maybe tonight will help me put my thoughts of Colin to rest for good.

  It’s eight o’clock, and I am already three shots in. Over the years, Liz and I have stayed true to our rule to never drink to the point of being drunk. Tonight, Liz is changing the rule to “don’t puke in my car.”

  After a relaxing day of pampering and shopping, I am starting to feel like a little bit of weight has lifted from my heart. I’m not gonna lie, the Atomic Fireballs help.

  We are in Liz’s car listening to the playlist that she and Annie made for me. They named it ‘Invincibility,’ because they want me to know that I am strong. And powerful. And to remind me that breaking up with Colin isn’t going to break me.

  Is that true? I feel a little broken. Maybe not completely broken. I guess that's something.

  By the time we arrive at Ruby's, we are singing “Do I Wanna Know” by Arctic Monkeys at the top
of our lungs, and I have only thought of Colin three and half times. I think that's a sign that it's going to be a pretty good night.

  As we walk into the bar, Annie assures me that they don’t want me to feel any pressure to sing. But she also casually mentions that they picked Ruby’s because it’s small, so I shouldn’t feel embarrassed to go onstage. She also says that I should pick out a song “just in case”, since having a few drinks in me might loosen me up a bit.

  I’m not sure why, but for some reason I get the feeling they might really want me to sing.

  But sure, no pressure.

  Liz brings over drinks for Annie and me. Since she is the designated driver, she also put herself in charge of making all alcohol related decisions. That way we won’t drink to the point of oblivion, or mix drinks that will cause us to “disrespect Minnie by puking on, in or near her.” Minnie being her VW Bug that she paid for with babysitting money she has been saving since she was twelve. At least that’s the story we hear every time someone even thinks about eating in her car.

  We are sitting in the back corner of the bar, listening to Annie sing “Need You Tonight” by INXS when I see Ruth walk in, along with Robin and Jane, two of our friends from college.

  Liz leans over and whispers in my ear. “We wanted to make sure you have all the girl power you need.”

  I look at Liz, then at Annie who is smiling at me from the stage. I mouth “thank you” to her before extending my thanks to Liz. “You guys are so awesome.”

  ‘I know.” Liz bumps my shoulder with hers. My friends all lean in for hugs, before heading to the bar for drinks.

  I take a moment to look around. Like my friends said, the place is pretty small. On one side, a bar takes up half the length of the room. On the side opposite the bar there are two pool tables, where a few guys are deep into an intense game. My mind briefly drifts to playing pool with Colin at the old house, but before my memories take total control of me, I force myself back to the present.

  As soon as the girls come back to the table, everyone starts discussing their song picks. Liz starts the night with a really corny version of “Desperado” while Ruth spends the next three songs trying to decide which Taylor Swift song she wants to croon. And even though I don’t feel like singing yet, I am enjoying watching everyone else and cheering them on.