by Dinah Harper
“True feelings?” she echoed in a strangled voice. “My true feeling is that I hate you! Loathe you. If I never saw you again, I—”
“You begged me to never leave you.”
He conjured up memories too painful to revisit. “Stop.”
“You said we were a unit.”
She shrank in her seat and stared straight ahead. “That was a long time ago.”
“Feels like yesterday to me.”
“That was before…”
“Before I caught you with Tucker? He had his hand down your shorts. I lost it.”
“We’re not talking about that!”
Her hands were clammy with panic. He was bringing it all back—her worst memories and the moment everything changed. She searched for an exit, but there was none. She was locked in this suffocating cab with a man intent on emotionally stripping her.
She could still remember Tucker being ripped away from her and the look on Jesse’s face as he pinned Tucker to the pavement and beat the shit out of him. It sent a chill down her spine. He could have killed him. If she hadn’t thrown herself at Jesse, who knew how far he would have gone? He shoved her into his car, drove her home, and... She shut her eyes against the memories bombarding her. That was the day her world turned gray.
“You haven’t changed. You’re still throwing yourself away on men who will never satisfy you.”
“You think you’re the only one who can get me off? You’re delusional. You’re lucky I remember your name. You’re just another dick to me. Nothing special.”
He turned his head and stared at her for so long that she reached for the wheel.
“Jesse!”
When he returned his gaze to the road, the cab was once again enfolded in silence, but this time the tension was so thick she couldn’t breathe. She watched him out of the corner of her eye, waiting for him to say more or explode. He did neither. He slowed his speed to match the other cars, sat back, and resumed the journey as if nothing had happened. The fact that he could swallow up his emotions like that unnerved her.
She tried to mimic his unruffled poise. It took every ounce of control she had not to rail at him as he deserved. He got her worked up and then switched off again while she was at the boiling point. Who was he to judge her choices? She turned her face away so he wouldn’t see her furious tears.
By the time they covered another hundred miles, most of her rage had seeped out of her, leaving her drained and wishing this was over. Crazy ideas passed through her head of catching a flight home, but they were in the middle of nowhere and their parents would know something was wrong. Mom assumed they were having quality bonding time. If she only knew… Lynne sent her a steady stream of images from the resort they would be staying at in Florida. Knowing every minute brought them closer to Austin kept her sane. She could handle this. Just another thirteen hours…
She had sunken into a glum daze when Jesse cursed and lurched forward. She jolted and watched as he messed with his phone. She glanced at him, the road, and back.
“What’s going on?” she asked warily, ready to make a grab for the wheel.
“I should have stopped at the last gas station. I thought we’d make it to the next town, but I don’t think we can. I need to refuel quick.”
“Here.” She held out her hand and was relieved when he handed the phone to her. It took her a few seconds to figure out how to find the nearest gas station. “In ten miles take the exit.”
She held his phone and fed him directions. She couldn’t see the gas gauge from where she was sitting, but if he was worried, it must be alarmingly low. Because they were towing the trailer, the truck needed to refueled frequently. Every time they filled the tank it cost around one hundred and fifty dollars. She wouldn’t have been able to make it halfway home before her credit card maxed out.
They were the only vehicle to take this exit. They were in the middle of nowhere. There were no signs for a town, just a lone service station that couldn’t be seen from the interstate. It was late in the afternoon and her non-existent energy was at an all-time low. She hoped this gas station had a store with sugary goodies in it. That hope died quickly when she saw not one vehicle at the four available pumps.
“Is this place abandoned?” she asked.
“I hope not. We’re not going to make it far if it is.”
As he hopped out, she set his phone in the cradle and paused when she saw a message flash across the screen.
Tanya: I miss you.
She felt an odd dipping sensation in her stomach. He told her he wasn’t fucking anyone else, but he was a compulsive liar. She couldn’t believe a damn thing he said. But, at least he didn’t have any STDs. He could play with whoever he wanted. Maybe she would push Marissa on him once they got home. He could fuck her for the duration of his leave.
As she slid out of the truck, she raised a hand to block her eyes from the hot breeze that blew sand and dirt everywhere. She watched as he stuck his card in the machine and was relieved when the screen lit up and beeped.
“I’m gonna check it out,” she said without meeting his eyes.
She spotted bathrooms to the left, but walked into the tiny store first. There was no one behind the counter and all they had to offer was one case of assorted sodas, a smattering of candy bars that were faded with age, and corned nuts. She exited as quickly as she came in. She wasn’t looking forward to the state of the restrooms, but she had to take what she could get. Who knew when they’d stop again?
There were old beer bottles and trash scattered here and there and she spotted some trucks parked in the distance. Presumably, the drivers were taking a nap. Odd place to stop.
Despite how small the station was, there were separate male and female bathrooms and when she pushed the door open to the women’s side, she found two stalls. They were covered in graffiti and there was no light aside from the sun streaming through the wooden louvers high up on the wall. Only one of the stalls had a door, but there was no lock. Of course, it didn’t. She was relieved to see toilet paper and vowed that on her next road trip she was going to bring several rolls with her. She squatted over the toilet, sure her ass would break out in a rash if she made contact with that nasty seat. This place was hella creepy. She wanted to get the hell out of here as soon as possible.
She had just finished washing her hands when the door opened behind her. In the cracked, dingy mirror she saw Jesse standing there. She whirled around with dripping hands.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, ready to run, sure he was about to tell her some crazy shit was going down outside.
She blinked when he stepped in, letting the door swing shut, once again enclosing her in semi-darkness.
“What—?” she began, but her voice died when she heard the snick of the lock being turned.
He stood in the shadows, not saying a thing. Her heartbeat accelerated. She took a step back and bumped into the sink.
“Jesse?”
He erupted from the darkness. Hard hands gripped her shoulders and shoved her against the grimy tiles. Her scream was cut off by a large hand clamping over her mouth.
“Don’t.” His voice shook with rage. “You think you can say I’m just another dick and I’ll let that pass?”
She moaned into his hand. Oh, God. He had been stewing over this for the past hour?
He unbuttoned her jeans and shoved his hand in her pants, easily bypassing her silky underwear and sinking his blunt middle finger into her. She gasped, jumped, and thumped his chest with her fists, but he was an immovable brick wall in front of her. Outside, the wind picked up, making the louvers sing.
“You want me to be just another dick to you, but I’m not. You’re in my blood, just as I’m in yours. Those men you threw yourself away with didn’t last long because they weren’t me.”
She went on her tiptoes as he slipped another finger in her. He applied pressure on her G spot and she shrieked and shoved at him, but he leaned into her, making anything she did with her hands ineff
ective. She was smothered by him and at his mercy. He smelled of sweat and himself. It was so familiar, a smell she associated with her childhood and the good old days before he smothered those memories with debauchery.
“I claimed you at seventeen,” he said harshly. “I took your virginity and imprinted myself on you. You’ll never be free of me.”
She tried to shake her head, but she couldn’t with his hand pinning her to the tiles. She wasn’t sure if it was fear or her body reacting instinctively to his intrusion, but her body secreted, coating his fingers in natural lube. He dropped his face into her hair and groaned.
“You feel that, baby? Your body yearns for mine. How can you deny what’s between us? You were made for me, Violet. Why won’t you admit it?”
“Noph!”
Her denial came out garbled through his hand, but he heard and understood because he tensed. He lifted his head and examined her face, which was illuminated by slivers of sunlight while his was cast in shadow.
“You fight me, but you fight yourself harder,” he murmured.
His fingers began to caress. Fear morphed into pleasure. She clawed his wrist, but he didn’t let up.
“You’re so worried about what people will say that you would deprive us both.”
He did something with his fingers that made her whimper.
“I’m not so self-sacrificing. I suffered, Vi. Five years without you. I can’t do it anymore. I’m taking my fill.”
He scissored his fingers, making her jerk like a puppet on a string.
“You’re trying to be a good Christian girl but you like it rough and dirty. How can anything that feels so good be a sin? Feel me. Yes. You like that, don’t you? I remember everything that makes you tick. I taught you to crave me.”
She gripped his wrist with both hands and rocked her hips before she caught herself and stilled. She saw the glint of white as he smiled.
“That’s my girl.”
Abruptly, his hand disappeared from between her legs. He pressed a hand against her chest to brace her against the wall as he dragged her pants down. She widened her stance to stop him from pulling them off completely. He tipped her off balance and roughly yanked her jeans off one ankle before he shuffled her toward the sink.
“Jesse!”
Her voice echoed loudly around the restroom and traveled easily now that the wind had died down, but that didn’t stop him. She heard the hiss of his zipper and then he bent her over with a hand on her back, flattening her against the sink. She gripped both sides of the grimy porcelain and opened her mouth to shout, but she wasn’t paying attention to what he was doing. He slammed into her with such force, she nearly crashed into the mirror. She yelped and slapped a hand on the dusty surface as he let loose.
She didn’t have the breath to call for help, not when he was fucking her so hard, she could barely think straight. It was no holds barred. He gripped her hair and yanked her head to the side as he scraped his teeth on her shoulder and then bit down. His other hand coasted down her front before he grabbed her breast and then pinched her nipple. She screamed and bucked as he lapped at his bite and then moved to her ear lobe and bit again.
“Stop!”
The hand on her breast went to her mouth and squeezed so hard, she panicked and clawed at him. His grip eased enough for her to breathe. Both hands splayed on the mirror as he fucked her. Their reflection was alarming—a large, clothed man demanding submission from a smaller form. Her nipples stood at attention while her shirt rode up because of the veined arm wrapped around her middle, holding her in place. Her gaze collided with his. He was watching her. His eyes seemed to glow with manic, animal lust. She closed her eyes and tried to shut off her mind and distance herself from what was happening. Her eyes flew open as he pulled out and once more, pushed her back against the wall. He hefted her up and slid into her as she tried to get her bearings.
She wasn’t prepared for his tongue to steal into her mouth. He tasted of the grape Gatorade he had been nursing from their last pit stop. He let out a low groan as he rocked against her. She could feel him vibrating against her, trying to hold himself back. For what?
He kissed her cheek, the bite on her shoulder, and sucked on her neck before he came back to her parted lips. She couldn’t comprehend what was happening so she lay there pliant, body throbbing, mind in shambles.
“I need you with me,” he whispered.
She tried to turn her face away, but his hand came up and held her still as he assaulted her mouth. He stole her breath and gave her his. It was carnal and tinged with desperation. He stirred up emotions in her she didn’t understand or want to feel. Her nails sank into his chest as his other slid down and touched her clit. Oh, shit. She let out a mewl of angry pleasure and felt his lips curve against hers. When she fought him, he focused on keeping her mouth busy, a double assault that short-circuited her brain. The orgasm caught her off guard. One moment she was fine and the next, she exploded, bucking forward and nearly unseating him. He growled as he fought her back against the tiles and thrust, making her orgasm painfully pleasurable. As she spasmed, he buried his face in her hair and roared, pounding her ass into the wall as he came.
Her ears rang as she came down from the high. She was aware of his hot breath fanning her cheek and the wind, which had picked up again. Her legs, which had wrapped around his waist at some point, dropped heavily to the ground. His hand skated over her throbbing ass and gripped, pulling her more firmly against him. When she moaned, he hummed contentedly. His calloused hand stroked her hip as he pulled out of her. She sucked in a breath as his hand slid inside her, bathing his fingers in his cum and spreading it over her belly as he rested his forehead against hers.
“I’m capable of anything when it comes to you,” he said in a low, gravelly voice. “But you already know that. Don’t push me.”
She stared at him. She didn’t know what to say or how to feel. He must not have liked her expression because the hand coated in cum came to her face. His stained fingers drifted over her lips. When she opened her mouth to protest, he slipped them in her mouth.
“Taste us,” he ordered.
Her mouth watered as his fingers stroked her tongue.
“Suck.”
She had no choice but to swallow or let her saliva dribble out of her mouth. When his hand threatened to sink deeper, she gripped his wrist and dutifully suckled.
“As the years passed, I convinced myself that you couldn’t be what I remembered,” he said hoarsely. “That what you roused in me was adolescent nonsense and I’d be over it by now.”
He retracted his fingers from her mouth and held her still as he sampled her lips and sent his tongue into her moist cavern. His tongue explored with aching slowness. Her breathing was ragged when he pulled away. He stared at her for a long minute. She waited.
“It wasn’t an adolescent obsession,” he said quietly.
She shivered as his fingers traveled down to her breast and cupped her with a tenderness he hadn’t shown a minute ago. She braced her hand on his chest.
“Stop,” she whispered. She didn’t want him petting to make up for what just happened between them.
His hand massaged as his head dipped down. He latched their lips together even as she pushed for space and tried to sidle away. A hand on her hip kept her where he wanted her. He kissed her with such absorption, she started trembling. He made a noise in the back of his throat and stroked her back as he gentled the kiss.
“Maybe I deserve to burn in hell for what I’ve done,” he said against her lips, “but it’ll be worth it.”
When he stepped back, her legs nearly gave out. He steadied her before he moved to the stall without a door. She slumped against the tiles and stared at the windows and the flickering light as clouds passed overhead. The wind was raging once. Dust drifted over her bare legs. She stumbled to the sink and washed her face, pieces of her hair, and scooped what she could of him out of her. She used her underwear to pat herself dry since there were no pape
r towels and pulled up her jeans.
Jesse came up to the sink beside her. She turned away and strode for the door. She unlocked it and burst through, desperate for air and precious seconds without his suffocating presence.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw an old man sitting in front of the store smoking a pipe. He hadn’t been there earlier. She skidded to a stop and stared at him before she felt a hand on her lower back.
“Let’s get out of here,” Jesse said.
She smacked his hand away and marched toward the truck. “Don’t touch me.”
She stood outside of the passenger door as he climbed in from the opposite side. The truck rumbled when he turned the key. She waited until the last possible second before she climbed in. He didn’t say a word as they pulled away from the service station. She glanced at the GPS and felt her eyes burn with tears. They had eight hundred miles to go, which would take another twelve hours. Their estimated time of arrival in Austin was four in the morning. She wanted to give up already. Fuck all her stuff. Leave it in the middle of the desert. Nothing was worth this.
Her head throbbed with an oncoming migraine. Not a surprise when she was under stress, had no sleep, and was being physically and emotionally fucked by her step-brother. She fumbled through her purse and said a silent prayer of thanks when she found aspirin. It would take the edge off. She shook out two pills and gulped down water before she huddled against the door and prayed that God would save her from this hell.
She couldn’t wrap her mind around what happened in that restroom. Or last night. Or the other times he forced her since he had come home. She felt just as lost, dazed, and shell-shocked as she had when he turned the tables on her when she was seventeen. One day, he was her brother and the next he was a stranger. There were long stretches of time when everything seemed normal. So much so, she wondered if she was going crazy and doubted her sanity until it happened again. And again. And again. Her junior year of high school she felt like she was walking on a tightrope. One misstep and her world would crumble. It was happening all over again. No matter how much time passed, no matter how much she fortified her walls, he would lay siege. And he would win. He didn’t recognize any barriers, which made him dangerous and terrifying.
