The Long Way Home

by Roslyn Bane

  “Did you ever hold the children?”

  “Yes, to comfort them.”

  “How would you do that if you don’t speak the language?”

  “The same as we do here. A gentle touch, soft words, soothing tone. I used to like to stroke their hair, rub their heads.” Her right hand continued to move rhythmically.

  “You’re doing well. Kris, I want you to think back. Did anything else happen the day after the bus carrying the school children came in?”

  Kris was silent for several seconds before she whimpered, “No.”

  “Kris? What happened? Did a young woman approach you?”

  “No.”

  “Tell me about what happened with the woman, Kris.”

  “No, no.” Kris squirmed and rubbed at her throat.

  “What did you do, Dr. Matthews? What did the woman hand you?” Renee watched as Kris’ breathing increased and she pushed back against the chair, trying to force herself away. Her knuckles were white, her neck muscles straining. “The day after the bus came in. What else happened? A woman approached you. She gave you something, Kris.”

  “Blankets. It was a blanket, rolled in a ball.”

  “Are you sure? Tell me, Kris. You’ll feel better. Who was the woman? What was in the blanket?”

  Kris was rocking back and forth in the chair, her right hand tight across her left elbow. She cried out, “It was Waseema.” She took several strangled breaths. “Inside the blankets was Yagana. She was dead. Her legs had been crushed.” Kris rolled onto her side in the chair and wrapped her arms around herself. “She was gone. It was too late. Babies shouldn’t die. No…babies shouldn’t die.”

  “Kris, I want you to take a few deep breaths and try to relax. You’re safe here in North Carolina. You’ve done well. I am going to have you wake up now. You’ll remember what we spoke about. Now you’ll be able to get the help you need to deal with these memories. I want you to count to five and open your eyes. When you reach five, you’ll be wide awake, with full memory and recall of what we talked about.”

  Kris’ eyes opened, she took off the glasses and looked about the room. She took several quick breaths and leaned over and cried. “Oh my God! Those kids, those kids. Those poor beautiful children! Babies raising younger babies.”

  Renee offered encouragement to Kris as she fought to gain control of her emotions. As Kris calmed, Renee spoke. “I know that was painful and that you’re feeling pretty fragile right now. I promise you, we can help you with these memories. You’ll learn to deal with them.”

  “Why am I so weak? I’m an emotional wreck. I’m a surgeon for God sake. I deal with illness and injury all the time. I was trained to do this, to take care of people. You learn how to deal with death.”

  “You’re not weak. Your training and your years of practice did prepare you how to be a surgeon. Your response to what happened over both your tours and especially with what we talked about today is a normal response to an abnormal situation. You dealt with the bus incident and Yagana, the only way you could at the time by forcing it down and forgetting it. Today we used hypnosis to help you recall it. The goal here is to try to get you to let it out in a controlled manner and in such a way that you learn to deal with what happened.”

  “It makes me feel shaky, lost.” Kris rubbed her left arm.

  “That’s understandable, Kris. Finding someone to talk to will help you heal your wounds…maybe another combat medical veteran. The more you go over it, the more confidence you’ll feel.”

  “I don’t see how talking to someone helps. It only tears open the wound.”

  “Kris, while you were in your residency did you ever lose a patient.”

  “Yes.”

  “Did you talk about it with anyone?”

  “Yes. My classmates, and my roommate.”

  “And how did you feel afterward?”

  Kris was quiet for several seconds. “It helped.”

  “That’s what we’re aiming for. Or write down your memories, and how they make you feel.”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “Good. I’ll see you next week. Call if you want to talk before then.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Chapter Twenty-one

  KRIS SAT AT THE table sipping coffee, her plate pushed aside. “Did you see this story? A community near the airfield is petitioning to have a noise ordinance put in place, so the aircraft don’t make so much noise. Why did city zoning allow homes to be built so close to the airfield? Aircraft are noisy, that’s no surprise. They need a buffer zone for noise and for potential accidents.” When Shelly failed to answer, Kris lowered the paper and watched Shelly text furiously.

  She’s doing a lot of texting and always has her phone with her now. It used to be she would have to try to find the darn thing. Now it’s almost an appendage. Folding the newspaper closed, she took another sip and watched Shelly. She was grinning while she responded to a text, and immediately the phone buzzed back, and Shelly snickered.

  “What’s so funny?”

  Shelly looked up, surprise evident on her face, “Oh, one of my pals was telling me about her date last night. Sounds like it was the date from hell. They had absolutely nothing in common. It took her two hours to end the evening.”

  “That’s too bad.”

  “Yeah, I guess so. But it is funny.” Shelly stood up, filled her coffee, looked at Kris’ cup and topped it off. Leaning down she nuzzled her neck. “What are you going to do today?”

  “Mm. I thought we could go for a hike.”

  “I already have plans,” Shelly replied quickly.

  “You do?”

  “I usually meet for a round of golf with some friends. Remember I wrote to you about it. I’ve missed a couple weeks since you got back.”

  “Oh, okay.”

  “Is there something wrong?” Shelly furrowed her brows.

  “No. You need to have time with your friends. Go, have a good time.” Kris smiled at her.

  “Thanks, babe.” Shelly gave her a quick peck on the cheek and grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. “You’ll get the dishes right? I’ll see you later.”

  “Okay. Bye.”

  Kris watched the door close and scowled slightly. After a minute she stood, loaded the few dishes into the dishwasher, and went outside. She walked around the yard several times wondering what to do. Wondering why she couldn’t think of what she wanted to do. While she was in Afghanistan, she could think of plenty of things she couldn’t wait to do when she was back home. Now it didn’t seem important.

  Kris walked out to the garage, and to the far corner. Carefully she worked on lifting a large tarp. Eventually managing to lift it completely, she stood admiring her motorcycles. One bright red, the other metallic blue. She ran her hand lovingly over the red bike and stroked the leather seat. She looked it over carefully, checking wires and cables. With a little effort, she opened the gas tank and peaked inside. She closed the tank, carefully folded the tarp and stored it. She squeezed the brake lever and gently kicked the tire on the blue and chrome bike she had bought from her brother. She hadn’t wanted to modify her bike, so she bought his for when Shelly wanted to go for a ride.

  “Soon. I’ll be riding again soon.” She stroked the red bike again and walked inside. She found the phone number of her favorite bike shop and called for them to come by and pick up the bikes to have them serviced.

  She logged into the computer, did a quick search and found a nature trail through a local park. She rummaged through her closet until she found her old leather knapsack that she used on the bike and adjusted the straps so it would be easy to get on and off single handed. She grabbed a peach, a granola bar and a bottle of water placing them in the pack along with her wallet. She waved to one of her neighbors who was out mowing the grass. He turned off the mower and came over.

  “Hey Kris, how are you doing?”

  “Hi, Rick. I’m doing well, trying to get adjusted to being back.”

  “I
bet. How’s the arm doing? That brace looks wicked.”

  Kris looked momentarily at the brace, “Not much has changed. I am scheduled for more testing and still go to therapy. They’re keeping it moving and have given me plenty of exercises to do for it.”

  “That’s good. Have you gotten into any type of routine yet, or are you winging it?”

  “Ah, I’m still winging it. They have me doing administrative work at the hospital. Otherwise, I’m taking things one day at a time.”

  “I did too when I first got back. It drove Janice nuts after a few weeks. I needed to do something, you know, like have a daily mission. Once I got a routine, it helped.”

  “It did?” Kris asked with doubt evident on her face.

  “Definitely. I’d wander around looking for something to do otherwise. It took a while to settle back down, sleep through the night. I would come outside and pace at night for hours at a time. I’ve seen you outside doing the same. I was surprised at first. I didn’t think docs walked the perimeter like a sentry. It’ll get better. I got back into my hobbies and picked up some new ones through the Wounded Warrior Regiment. I guess you’re looking forward to getting back on the bike.”

  Kris looked at him, “Funny you should mention that. I was just looking at them. I called a shop to come pick them up and get both ready. I had them serviced for storage before I left. I can’t wait to ride.”

  “You’re thinking positive now.”

  “Yes. I’ll be riding again. I know it.”

  “I hope so. Let me know if you want to ride sometime. I got one while you were gone. Janice is enrolled in a rider safety course now too.”

  “Good for her. She’ll love it.”

  “I hope so.”

  Kris turned toward the sound of a truck coming down the street, “Looks like they’re here for the bikes. I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Sure thing. Hey, Kris?” She turned back around. “If you ever want to talk, you know, about over there, I’ll listen. It helps you know.”

  “Thanks, Rick. Tell Janice I said hello.”

  Half an hour later she watched the truck loaded with her bikes disappear. She looked up at the bright blue sky and made a decision. I’m going hiking like I wanted to do, with or without Shelly. She climbed in her car, reached across to close the door and pulled away from the curb.

  ***

  Early in the evening Kris and Shelly sat outside in a chaise lounge finishing a bottle of wine as Shelly relayed the details about her golf match that day. How much longer can she talk about this golf match? Is she going to ask me what I did today?

  Unable to listen to Shelly talk any more about golf she straddled Shelly and started to nuzzle her neck and fondle her breasts. Sitting across her legs, she traced a finger down from her neck to the waistband of her shorts and slipped her hand inside to feel her wetness. “Should we go inside?”

  They stumbled into the bedroom, Kris grunted as she was pushed back against the wall, her mouth captured instantly in a hard kiss. She returned it with equal vigor and fumbled one-handed with the buttons on Shelly’s shirt. Leaning her neck to the side, she gave Shelly access to her neck and enjoyed the sensations of lips and tongue drifting along her skin. Her heart thudded in her chest, and her clit awakened as teeth closed on her collarbone for several seconds before a soft wet tongue soothed. Kris tugged Shelly’s shirt free from her waistband and slid her hand up over her chest pushing the blouse free from one shoulder. Shelly pulled back slightly and shrugged out of her blouse, unhooked her bra, and quickly removed Kris’ brace.

  Kris wrapped her arm around Shelly’s neck and nudged her backward toward the bed. Strong arms wrapped around her waist, and she was turned and wrestled across the room to the bed, where they fell, panting and mumbling as they finished undressing each other. Shelly straddled over Kris’ waist and tugged her shirt upward, stopping before exposing her chest. Kris moaned in pleasure as Shelly kissed and caressed, before drifting lower. She reached between them and unsnapped her jeans and lifted her hips as Shelly tugged them off and tossed them aside.

  She moved her legs apart as Shelly nudged them, and shivered as soft fingers slid up her legs toward her core. Fingers ran through her hair before stroking along her labia, slowly teasing her open before fluttering along her inner folds. Kris moaned and lifted her hips trying to direct Shelly’s touch. “Please Shelly.” Her hand grasped at Shelly’s head, guiding her down “Your mouth, please.”

  Shelly stopped, knelt straight up, “Did you forget you don’t tell me what to do?”

  Kris watched in stunned disbelief as Shelly hopped out of bed and moved away, “Shelly, come back…” She stopped when Shelly turned to face her, a mischievous grin on her face, as handcuffs dangled from her fingers. A surge of anticipation ignited deep inside her, “Ooh please.”

  Shelly stepped quickly to the bed and jerked Kris’ arms overhead securing the cuff around one wrist, behind a wrought iron spindle and locking it onto her other wrist. Grasping Kris’ chin, she lowered her mouth, plundering and demanding. Deft fingers released buttons and Kris felt her skin ignite under Shelly’s mouth as each inch of skin was exposed and consumed. Shelly pushed her bra up exposing her chest and focused her attention on her right breast. Kris writhed with pleasure as her nipple was teased and tortured with teeth and tongue, before Shelly roughly sucked it into her mouth. Fingernails dragged along the swell of her breast, and ignited her further. “God. Shelly that’s so good.”

  Kris moaned as Shelly released her nipple with a noisy plop, and her eyes flew open when she heard Shelly hiss. She watched as Shelly cringed as she looked at what was left of her breast. Suddenly, fingers dug into her tender flesh, and she cried out in pain. “Not so hard Shel—” Her words were cut off when Shelly captured her mouth again and bit hard on her lip. Kris jolted and tried to pull away. She yelped when Shelly squeezed her damaged flesh viciously. Kris pushed with her feet to move away, “Stop. It’s too rough.”

  Shelly murmured an apology into her neck and lifted Kris’ hips. Kris gasped as her clit was stroked and flicked and fingers thrust into her.

  “You like that baby? God you’re so fucking wet.”

  “You do that to me,” Kris groaned.

  “That’s right. I do this to you. I can turn you into a hot panting, begging mess.”

  Kris shuddered as Shelly whispered the harsh words in her ears, and shouted out when her clit was pinched, before being released and flicked vigorously. Fingers thrust into her again, probing and she moaned with pleasure. Her hips thrust to meet the rhythm of the strokes and warmth spread up her body.

  “That’s right baby, ride my hand. Show me how much you want me to fuck you. Tell me how much you need to come.”

  “Yes. Yes. I need to come.” She cried out when Shelly withdrew her hand, her hips gyrating seeking friction to drive her over the edge. “Please, Shelly help me.”

  “What do you want? Tell me.”

  “I want you to take me. Make me come.”

  “Do you want me to fuck you?”

  “Yes!” she panted and writhed against Shelly’s leg.

  Shelly thrust her fingers back inside Kris’ wet sex and fingered her vigorously. The pressure on her clit had Kris erupting violently, and she clenched around Shelly’s fingers. Gasping for breath, she looked down in surprise as Shelly jerked her higher and slapped down on her inner thigh twice before lowering her mouth to her and demanding with her aggressive tongue several more earth-shattering orgasms. Finally, she could take no more. Her clit ached with pain and she cried out. “Please, Shelly no more. I can’t take any more.”

  “Good now it’s my turn.”

  “Let me go. I want to touch you.”

  Shelly moved up, positioned herself over Kris’ shoulders, “No. I want your mouth.” She pulled Kris’ head up slightly and growled, “That’s right, baby. Make me come. Show me how much you missed me.”

  It didn’t take long before Kris heard Shelly shout out in release. She fro
ze however when the name Shelly called out didn’t sound like hers.

  Shelly fumbled for the handcuffs, finding the key, and released her arms. She lowered Kris’ arms and rolled onto her side. Drawing Kris close, she nibbled along the back of her shoulder, “I’m so glad you’re home. I missed you, baby.” As Shelly’s breathing slowed and she fell asleep Kris lay quietly next to her and wondered if she had heard wrong. After a long time she drifted into a restless sleep.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  “SAM YOU SEEM A bit agitated today. Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” Renee asked.

  “Not really.”

  “Well, why don’t you try anyhow? We have the next thirty minutes together, and it will get mighty boring if we have nothing to talk about. How is physical therapy going?”

  “It’s fine.”

  “I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone say that before. Usually there’s some comment about the therapists being sadists.”

  Sam almost smiled. “Well, sometimes I wonder…”

  “Wonder what?”

  “Nothing. It’s not important,” Sam muttered.

  “Sure it is. If you’re thinking about it, it’s important.”

  “I wonder if…if I’ll ever be in a relationship again?” Sam felt the heat rise on her cheeks.

  “You will, Sam. Life isn’t over. You’ll find someone, and the right person will love you. The loss of your leg won’t keep them away.”

  ***

  Kris awakened slowly, and opened her eyes. Despite the glow of the moonlight through the windows, much of the room remained in shadows. The window was wide open, and the sounds of owls and the scent of pine drifted in on the breeze. Surprisingly she was unafraid. She sensed she was being watched and rolled over slowly. A woman stood in the doorway, her face hidden in shadows. She slowly walked toward Kris and smiled, her white teeth flashing in the darkened room. Kris started to speak but stopped as the shadowy figure approached.

  “Don’t say anything. Let me look at you. Please take the sheet down.”