The Long Way Home

by Roslyn Bane

  “I did a few cases. There were no surprises in the operating room, that’s always good news. I have a fourth-year medical student for the next month.”

  “A student? For what?”

  “So they learn their way around the hospital, and get more hands-on experience with the electronic medical records. There is a method to the madness of the hospital. It is intimidating when you first start to experience it as a student.”

  “Do you ever teach? I mean in a classroom?”

  “No. Maybe someday, when I get older. Right now I am thrilled to be back in the OR doing what I am trained to do.”

  “I bet you are.”

  The waiter returned with the meals. While they ate they talked about current events, including the latest shark sightings at the beach. They sampled each other’s food. Sam offered Kris a taste of swordfish from her fork, and their eyes met and held. Sam watched Kris’ mouth as she took a sip of her wine. She licked a drop from the rim of the glass that threatened to run down the side. Sam nearly quivered imagining that tongue on her skin.

  “Are you okay? You look flushed.”

  “I’m fine. It’s a little warm in here.” Sam took another bite, and then placed her knife and fork on the plate, and used her napkin.

  Kris looked up and smiled. She reached over and touched Sam’s face. “Missed a spot, here.” Her fingers lingered and slid along Sam’s jaw before she withdrew them. When the waiter returned and asked if they wanted dessert they declined.

  After paying the bill they left. They walked to a nearby art gallery, side by side, hands brushing when no one was near. After standing in line for a few minutes they entered the gallery. The exhibit was crowded but they were able to steal a quick kiss or an enticing stroke across sensitive exposed skin.

  After forty-five minutes of looking at the bizarre collection of abstracts, including a particularly horrid self-portrait, Sam whispered to Kris, “Please tell me you want to leave.”

  Kris whispered back, “Absolutely.” They placed their plastic glasses filled with overly sweet wine on a tray and hurried out the door.

  When they returned to Sam’s, she opened a bottle of wine. Kris selected some blues from the playlist, and its smoky sound started to play softly. Sam handed her a glass of wine and they both sipped while staring at each other. Sam sat their glasses down and pulled Kris close. They danced in each other’s arms, slowly circling the room. Kris snuggled into Sam’s neck.

  “I love the way you smell.”

  Sam slid her hand up Kris’ jaw, tipping her head up and lowered her lips. “I love the way you taste.” Soon they both were heated. Sam lifted Kris’ hand to her mouth, kissed her knuckles. “Come to bed with me.”

  Kris stroked a hand along Sam’s cheek and smiled. “I thought you would never ask.”

  They moved into the bedroom where they kissed without urgency, enjoying a slow sensual exploration. Kris wanted to show Sam what she saw in her…her beauty, her strength. She stroked her hands through her short black hair, kissed her on the brow, the cheek, and finally on the mouth. A gentle caress of lips that touched briefly together before she drifted to the corners of her mouth and her tongue flicked out, tracing their outline. Sam pulled her closer, so their lips joined again.

  They caressed through clothing. Kris lifted Sam’s shirt off and released her bra. Sam unsnapped Kris’ pants and lowered them to the floor. She kissed along her abdomen as she straightened, and tugged her own pants down. She ran the tip of her tongue along Kris’ neck and started to unbutton her blouse.

  Sam reached to remove Kris’ shirt. Kris stopped her and removed Sam’s hand from her shirt. “Wait. When I was hurt…I lost my breast. There’s nothing there but scars. It—” Her breath hitched, and she glanced away before returning to meet Sam’s intense green eyes. “It’s bad. But I want you. Please let me lead. This time, this first time, please let me lead. Let me take you where you need to go.”

  “Yes.”

  Kris left a trail of soft wet kisses along the column of Sam’s throat. The smell of her soap, spicy with a hint of vanilla enticed. She guided Sam to the bed and rubbed her shoulders and nibbled her neck.

  “Give me a sec.” Sam removed her prosthesis. She stared at her leg, now fully exposed, and sighed. Her jaw clenched. “I’m sorry I’m not…I wish…”

  “Sam, don’t. I’m here because it’s you I want to be with. Come here and let me love you.”

  Sam sighed and turned toward Kris.

  Kris nudged Sam onto her back and continued her exploration. She kissed the pulse on Sam’s neck, its rhythm accelerating against her lips. Her hands traced along soft skin, ran lightly along collarbone, as her mouth continued its slow discovery. Sam’s fingers tangled in her hair and she was pulled back toward Sam’s mouth again. The kiss remained unhurried. Kris would not rush this. She wanted Sam breathless and trembling, and she wanted Sam to moan and quiver beneath her. She wanted that sense of power that would come from pleasuring a strong woman. She moved higher and kissed Sam’s eyelids, her cheeks, and for a split second the tip of her nose.

  Kris ran a finger across Sam’s lips, barely touching until Sam smiled and whispered, “That tickles.” She lowered her mouth tracing along Sam’s lips and finally sought entry with her tongue. Their mouths stayed joined, and Kris feathered her fingers down the sides of Sam’s neck and finally down over the tops of her breasts. She slid down, her tongue leaving a damp trail along her skin, while her fingers explored, staying soft and caressing gently. Her mouth drifted down the sides of Sam’s breasts, and she heard her soft gasp as she finally took a nipple into her mouth and flicked it softly, before releasing it to lavish attention on the other.

  Kris moaned as she explored, relishing the way Sam’s heart stuttered under her mouth. She moved back to her throat, exploring the skin, and drifting up under her jaw to suckle gently on an earlobe. She moved lower, stopping briefly at Sam’s mouth again before kissing her chin and the hollow at the base of her neck. Her hands swept down over Sam’s firm flat abdomen, tracing across the subtle curve of her hips. Sam’s stomach quivered under her touch, and when she groaned, the vibration from her throat, soft and delicate against her lips empowered Kris. Sam’s eyes were closed, and her breathing ragged as sighs of pleasure filled the night air.

  ***

  Sam was overwhelmed with Kris’ tenderness. There was passion but no urgency. Kris left no skin untouched by her caresses or kisses. She murmured to Sam, describing what she was feeling. “I love how soft you are here This spot is my favorite to kiss…it tastes so sweet.” Kris’ fingers danced lightly over her skin, awakening Sam and leaving her desperate for another caress, and another. She had never experienced this gentle exploration. She had always led. She had given this attention but never received it in return. This languid pace of discovery was something she’d never known, and it left her shaking with emotion, with desire. Kris made her gasp time and again as she discovered and exposed sensitive places that Sam didn’t know she had.

  Kris’ hands drifted low over her abdomen and across her hips. Sam’s stomach quivered, and she gasped as her skin grew hot. She felt her own wetness pooling between her legs and smelled their mutual arousal. Kris placed a line of kisses across her abdomen and flicked her tongue lightly against her navel. Kris’ hair tickled as it brushed across her abs as she ran her hands through it. It felt fine and soft. She gripped Kris’ shoulders and pressed her fingers into the soft slope of Kris’ flesh.

  Kris’ fingers drifted lower in no particular hurry, igniting her skin and leaving her near breathless in anticipation of where her burning touch would next ignite her skin. Moving toward her thigh, Kris’ hand slid down across Sam’s mound and played momentarily with her hair before continuing, making the skin tingle and burn hot beneath the light touch. She loved it, she hated it, and she tensed as fingers crossed the crease to where her leg joined her torso. Kris slid lower, nibbling along her thigh and her hands drifted down close to her knee.

 
Sam flinched.“Don’t touch that leg.”

  Kris whispered something unintelligible against her abdomen, and Sam felt her hand pull away, and slide back up along her side as Kris shifted slightly. She gasped as teeth closed gently on her nipple, and instantly soft tongue laved and soothed the quick flash of pain. She thrust her head back arching her neck, and lifted her breasts toward Kris’ mouth. Sam shifted and reached for Kris’ head to hold pressure against her breasts. She tried to dig her heels into the mattress and slipped off balance, collapsing back down. “Stop,” Sam whispered. Embarrassed that she had collapsed. “Please stop.” Her hands against Kris, she pushed her away. “I can’t do this. I’m not ready. Please.”

  Kris moved off of her, a confused look on her face. “What’s wrong? I thought you wanted this? Did I hurt you?”

  Sam sat up on the bed, reached to grab her shirt off the table from where it had landed. “I’m not ready. I thought I was, but…I can’t.” She tugged the shirt over her head, pulled the sheets up to cover her legs. “Please, will you go?”

  Kris’ hand swept across her cheek, cupped her chin, holding her face until she met her eyes. “What’s going on in there, Sam? What’s happening in your head?”

  “I…um…I thought I was ready, but I’m not.”

  “Let’s talk about this.”

  “I’d rather not,” Sam whispered.

  “Well, we need to. I’m going downstairs to fix us something to drink. And when you’re ready I sure hope you’ll come down and talk to me. You need to tell me what happened, because something clicked off in your head so loudly, I could practically hear it. Let me help you, Sam.” She leaned over and kissed Sam on the cheek. She pulled Sam’s robe from the back of the door and handed it to her. Kris picked her pants up off the floor and pulled them on. As she walked out the door, she looked back over her shoulder. “Don’t keep me waiting.”

  Sam waited and tried to clear her head. Her body was alive and quivering. As she ached for release, her mind had interfered and shut off the moment Kris approached her leg. She looked down at the stump, ran her hands over the skin and was suddenly aware of how soft and sensitive that skin was. She bent over and retrieved the prosthesis from the floor next to the bed. She looked at it, and after a deep sigh she pushed herself into it, stood up, slipped into the robe, and walked to the kitchen.

  Kris stood over the sink and looked out the window into the blackness of night. Sam came into the kitchen and she turned and smiled at her. She brought Sam a hot mug of tea. “Don’t look so surprised. It’s tea, but I did put a splash of bourbon in it. I didn’t look to see if you have any honey.”

  “No, this is fine.” Sam sat down and sipped at the tea. The burn from the whiskey had her inhale sharply as it made its way down to her stomach.

  “Sam, tell me what happened. You were right there with me. We were together emotionally, physically, and poof. Did I do something wrong?”

  “No. Not at all. Everything was right.”

  Kris reached out and took Sam’s hand, interlacing their fingers, “So what happened?” Kris asked gently.

  Sam felt her cheeks heat. “I wanted more. I tried to lift up. To push up into you and I couldn’t. I slipped. I tried to push with my legs and fell.”

  “I didn’t notice.”

  Sam looked at her and saw that she spoke the truth. “You didn’t notice?”

  “I was getting pretty excited, feeling you respond, watching you let yourself go.”

  “But I slipped.”

  “I don’t know who you’ve been with in the past, but I don’t expect perfection. I don’t keep a score sheet.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You didn’t like me touching your leg.”

  “No, I didn’t. I’m…I don’t know. I wasn’t ready. I hadn’t thought about you touching it. It’s a big flaw, an imperfection that I’m still learning to deal with. I hope you can understand that.”

  Sam noticed the quick flash of something in Kris’ eyes but before she could say anything Kris smiled. “I’ll be patient, but remember imperfections can be hidden and concealed. We all have imperfections. Some are physical, and some are mental, but most are an unequal blend of both.”

  “Yeah, but this is pretty obvious. I can’t conceal this. I wondered how I would be if I ever got to the point of wanting to be intimate with someone again, you know. If I’d be able to. I don’t think I’m ready.”

  “I understand. More than you realize. I still want you. Let me come back to bed with you. Let me hold you. Let me be with you while you sleep and it’ll be enough.”

  “That sounds nice,” Sam said, a slow smile appearing on her face.

  Sam turned off the kitchen lights and led Kris to the bedroom. Kris slid her pants off and climbed into bed while Sam removed her prosthesis and placed it gently on the floor. She dimmed the light but did not turn it off all way. “I leave it on low, I wake up confused sometimes.”

  “I know the feeling.”

  They lay on their backs not touching each other. Kris reached over and took Sam’s hand. “Thanks for letting me stay.”

  After a minute, Kris rolled onto her side and soon felt Sam roll against her spooning her. Sam shifted, stroked her shoulder and pressed a kiss to it. Kris rolled back over and lifted her mouth to Sam’s. Slow and sensual the kiss spun out as their desire slowly rekindled.

  Sam slid her hands under Kris’ shirt and caressed up her sides. She stroked the smooth skin puckered and roughened near her shoulder, gently released the buttons and pushed Kris’ blouse aside. Kris tensed momentarily. “Shh. Let me touch you.” Sam pressed her mouth against the long column of Kris’ neck, smelling the subtle scent of her soap. Her tongue flicked gently, and she felt Kris shudder and moan.

  Sam moved her hands slowly over the silky bra. The smooth globes of her fabric covered breasts, and felt the uneven heaviness of them in her hands. She stroked across a taut nipple and found the closure in the front of the bra. She gently opened it, brushing the bra off as her hands stroked backward. Their mouths pressed together, tongues exploring, moving against each other. Sam stroked against the soft, smooth skin which suddenly roughened under her fingers. She moved her fingers further, finding a firm knot along the side of breast, and a deep depression, she broke the kiss and looked.

  A rectangle of thickened skin ran along Kris’ chest where her breast should be. Dark pink scars ran along the edge of the patch and towards her collarbone. Scattered, scars trailed along her ribs and her arm. Sam felt her fingers fumble and realized she had stopped moving. Time passed, three-four–five seconds. She looked up and saw Kris was watching her closely, her eyes filled with tears. Sam grabbed her hand when Kris tried to scoot away. Sam tried to speak and heard her voice crack. She cleared her throat, tried again. “Does it hurt?”

  “No,” Kris whispered blinking rapidly against the tears.

  Sam lowered her head, ran her lips along the damaged tissue, and stroked the tip of her tongue along the scar following it up until it ended where arm joined chest. She heard Kris gasp and felt the air rush out of her lungs. She nibbled along collarbone, to the pulse point where she felt the beating with her tongue. She rose up, placed a hand on Kris’ chin and cupped it. “You’re beautiful. God, so beautiful.” Sam lowered her mouth and kissed her, soft and sensual.

  “Tell me if it’s too much. If you’re too sensitive.” Her mouth slid slowly down the newly exposed flesh, and she heard Kris gasp softly and arch slightly toward her mouth. Sam ran her fingers over unbelievably soft skin. Down over her torso, along her hips, and down her legs. She touched everywhere finding sensitive spots that had Kris trembling. She was unrushed in her discovery and made her way back to Kris’ mouth. They kissed deeply, their hands caressing each other. Sam drifted back to Kris’ breast and laved attention on both of them until Kris was panting. Her hand slowly drifted down until she felt the soft hair. Kris moaned a soft “Yes,” as Sam cupped her.

  Sam continued to explore although she was now
trembling with desire. Her hand slipped through the wet folds, and she slowly entered Kris. She slid down leaving a trail of moist kisses along Kris’ abdomen and along the inside of each thigh. Sam moved higher back toward her heated core and Kris’ scent filled her, and she softly kissed her. Kris’ moan filled the room, and Sam quickened her pace. She used her mouth and hands to bring Kris up and finally over.

  Kris lay in Sam’s arms, trying to catch her breath. As her breathing slowed, she whispered, “Let me touch you.”

  “Please.”

  Kris rolled over and knelt between Sam’s legs. Her hands caressed the smooth skin, and she appreciated the strong firm muscles beneath. Skin quivered under her hands, and Sam’s breathing increased. Kris lowered her mouth to Sam’s abdomen and layered it with kisses. She leaned forward taking a breast in her mouth and placed her thigh firmly against Sam’s sex. She playfully tormented each breast as she slowly flexed her leg against Sam. Soon Sam was moving against her leg as Kris slipped a hand between them and slid fingers inside. “That’s right, let go. Let go.” Kris nuzzled Sam’s swollen breasts with increasing intensity as Sam rocked faster beneath her until Sam lifted her head and shouted, her fingers digging into Kris’ shoulders.

  They lay breathless, draped across each other. Their skin glistening with sweat as their heart rates slowed. After a few minutes, Sam sat up.

  Kris rolled over, propping herself up on an elbow, “Where are you going?”

  “I need to do something.” Sam had turned her back to Kris and was looking around, not looking at her.

  “Hmm, okay.” Kris stood and reached for her shirt on the floor, a little stab in her heart. Never had she had a lover so quick to leave the bed. Did Sam not want to see her? Was she really that hideous? She turned away from Sam, tried to put her bra on, but her arms started to tremble. Unable to fasten the clasps due to her shaking, she quickly pulled her blouse over her head instead. She held back a sob, and picked her jeans off the floor, tugging them on. She shoved her bra into her back pocket the best she could and wiped her hands across her wet cheeks.