by Roslyn Bane
Sam straightened the bike and felt a quick, violent tug on her leg that took her breath away. She fell to the ground, her bike disappearing and she lay in the dust and gravel and watched as her leg turned black and withered. She lay on the road and shouted for Kris, who couldn’t hear her over the roar of the engine and the sudden chaos of buzzers and beeps ringing in her ears and lights flashing before her. She dragged herself along the ground and called to Kris again, panic rising in her.
At last, Kris stopped and turned around to look at her. She smiled sadly at Sam before she pulled her visor down and rode off, a man sitting behind her on the bike. Sam screamed out “Kris don’t go!” and jumped up to chase her.
Sam lay on the floor half way across the room, confused and struggling to get her wind back. She flinched as Kris rolled her over.
“Sam! What are you doing?”
She heard the panic in Kris’ voice and felt her move away. A moment later the light came on, and she winced against the brightness.
“My God what happened?”
Sam shook her head, unable to talk. She rubbed at her gut and struggled to breathe. She tried to remember what had happened before she awoke on the floor.
Kris knelt in front of her. “Sam, look at me!” Her hand was gentle on Sam’s chin. “Relax. You had your wind knocked out. Take a deep breath, blow it out. There you go. A few more. It’ll come back. Here sit up, it’ll help.” She was pulled into a seated position. After several more tries, Sam was able to start breathing normally. “Are you okay?”
Sam nodded and whispered, “Yes.”
“What happened?”
“I’m not sure. I must have been dreaming.”
“Did you have a flashback?
“No. It was a weird dream.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Sam was quiet for a moment trying to remember. “I dreamed I crashed on my bike and lost my leg. But that wasn’t it entirely. Different parts of my life were blurred together. The lights and sounds of the chopper as it crashed were in there, and I heard gunfire. It was strange.”
She remembered more, but she didn’t say anything about seeing Kris ride off after the crash. Or the fact that she saw her father on the back of Kris’ bike as they left her behind. That was something she didn’t want to think too deeply about.
“Anything else?”
“My leg turned black, and I tried to run. I guess that’s when I hit the floor.”
“I heard you scream and heard you hit the floor. I thought you called my name. You’re not hurt are you?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Will you let me check? You hit awfully hard.”
“Sure. Let me get up.”
“Let me help you up.” Kris stood up and taking Sam’s hands helped to pull her up. She wrapped her arm around Sam’s waist and helped her back to the bed. “Did you hit your head?”
“I don’t think so.” Sam sat down on the bed.
“Does anything hurt? Are you dizzy? Are your ears ringing?”
“No, no, and no.”
Sam sat patiently and let Kris examine her. Kris checked her back, ribs and abdomen. She looked carefully at Sam’s stump until she was satisfied Sam was uninjured. “Everything looks good.”
“Thanks.”
“Why aren’t you looking at me?”
“I am.”
“No, you aren’t. Are you embarrassed that you fell?” Sam was silent. “Damn it, Sam. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. You had a nightmare and fell. How is that different than when I have taken off running in the middle of the night and banged off walls, knocked over furniture?”
“I guess it’s not.”
“Look at me. You guess it’s not?”
“It isn’t any different,” Sam muttered.
“I am glad you realize that. Now answer this truthfully, did riding on my bike scare you?”
Sam shook her head. “No. It was fun. It was good to be out again. But I look forward to getting my own bike back.”
“That I can understand. Are we good here?”
“Almost. I’m sorry about earlier today. I didn’t want to tell you that my medical board is coming up, and I’m worried. I’m not getting better in the simulator. I can’t get the feel of the rudder pedals with my leg. I thought I’d recognize how much pressure I was applying by how it felt in my knee. But it’s not there. I think I might be done as a pilot.”
Kris leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Sam. “I’m so sorry. Is there anything else you can try? Are there any adjustments they can make to Betty? Would a different foot piece help?”
Sam smiled. “No. We’ve tried several things, and it didn’t improve the results.”
“What are your options?”
“Kris, I’m a pilot. There isn’t much else out there for me.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. You have a degree in aerospace engineering from the Naval Academy. That’s nothing to scoff at.”
“I know. I guess I still have to figure out what I want to do. I might be able to get a position with one of the aeronautical firms.” I’d have to move away. Sam brushed her hand across Kris’ temple, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “Anyhow, thanks for checking me out and making sure everything is okay.”
“Sweetheart, I‘ve been checking you out for a long time.” She leaned forward and kissed Sam softly. “Let’s go back to bed.”
“That sounds good.”
Chapter Fifty-three
SAM LAY IN BED trying to get comfortable. She wondered how Kris was doing and if her night was busy. She’d never thought about it before that someone had to staff the hospitals at night. She knew it was done, she just hadn’t thought about it.
Kris said she would be home in the morning between seven and eight. Sam would make sure to have some breakfast for her when she got home. Nothing heavy because Kris was going to have to sleep and she would sleep better if she wasn’t full. Maybe some herbal tea to help her relax, not caffeine.
I feel better now, more complete then I ever have before. How is that even possible? I’m still learning how to do things again. I have therapy twice a week, and they continue to kick my ass, but I feel whole. I’m not going to fly again, I know it. I hope I can stay in. But doing what? Please God, not admin. Maybe an instructor position. Why haven’t I started giving serious thought to this? Why am I content to lie in bed and wait for morning, so I can cook Kris breakfast? Have I changed that much? Sam rolled over and pulled Kris’ pillow close. Her subtle scent lingered, and with a smile on her face, Sam drifted to sleep.
***
Sam awakened, and lay quietly, her thoughts immediately drifting to Kris. With a quick gut clench, she realized that she loved Kris. This giddy feeling that kept her on edge and feeling like she was upside down was love. This want for Kris. This desire, it wasn’t only lust. It was beyond that. It was bright and new and terrifying. Suddenly nervous she got up, dressed quickly, and went for a run. Thirty minutes later, significantly calmer and more in control she returned, looked at the clock and realized she had time for a quick shower.
Sam finished in the shower and was reaching to turn off the water when the curtain opened, and Kris poked her head in. “Morning sexy. Is there room for me in there?”
“Sure.” Sam shifted on the bench, repositioning to give Kris some room. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“That’s because you were singing.”
“No, I wasn’t.”
“Yes, you were. I kissed a girl.” Kris lifted the handheld shower head and directed it over her body before returning it to spray on Sam.
“I don’t think so.” Embarrassed she pushed the bottle of shampoo into Kris’ hands and enjoyed the view in front of her. Kris squirted some shampoo in her hands and started to wash her hair. Sam leaned forward, running her mouth across a firm, smooth abdomen. She heard Kris’ gasp and felt her stomach quiver, Kris stopped moving her arms for a second before her hands fluttered down to Sam’s head.
“Oh, that feels so good, but give me a chance to rinse.”
Sam pulled back as the shampoo bubbles ran down Kris’ lean body and were rinsed away, “Was I really singing?”
“Yes. It wasn’t bad either. So, is that what’s on the agenda today?”
“Is what on the agenda?”
“Kissing a girl?” Before she could answer Kris sunk to her knees in front of her and captured her mouth in a soft, sensual kiss that lasted until they were breathless. Sam pulled back, and held Kris’ face gently in her hands, “I love you.” She saw the emotion blaze into Kris’ eyes, and she trembled when she heard in return “I love you too.”
Chapter Fifty-four
SAM AND KRIS SAT in the parking lot across from the courthouse. Sam took Kris’ hand and held it gently. “Are you ready?”
“I am. Are you sure you don’t mind?” Kris searched Sam’s face for any sign of disapproval.
“Babe, this is your decision. We’ve discussed it, but it’s ultimately your choice. If I had known what she did to you, what she put you through, I wouldn’t have stopped.” Sam looked at Kris, smiled, and reached out tucking some wayward hair behind Kris’ ear before stroking her face. “I love you. Do what you think is right.”
Kris nodded. “Thank you.”
They walked across the street to the courthouse, entered and found the courtroom. Sam took a seat in the gallery and Kris huddled with the prosecuting attorney. Shelly sat at the table looking down as her lawyer spoke quietly to her. The bailiff called the court to order, and they stood as the judge entered.
The judge started the proceedings and called for the prosecution to start. The prosecuting attorney stood and announced, “Your honor we would like to offer a plea bargain. If the defendant, Ms. Shelly Delabrois pleads guilty to harassment and agrees to complete an inpatient alcohol treatment program, as well as agrees to have no further contact with Dr. Kristine Matthews, we will drop the assault and battery charge.”
Shelly’s lawyer conferred with her talking rapidly, and he stood. “Your honor, we agree to those conditions.”
Shelly stood and announced to the court that she pled guilty to harassment. The judge sentenced her in accordance with the plea agreement and dismissed them. As Kris and Sam walked out of the courtroom Shelly’s lawyer approached them. “Dr. Matthews, my client would like to speak with you for a moment. You too, Ms. Davies.”
With a nod, they agreed. Shelly approached, “Kris, I apologize for everything, the cheating, the lying, but most of all for hurting you. I don’t know exactly when I changed. I realize that none of it was your fault. It was all on me and my weakness for alcohol. I am an alcoholic. Thank you for giving me a chance to get my life together. It’s more than I deserve.” She looked at Sam, “Take care of her.” Shelly turned and walked away.
Chapter Fifty-five
ONE MONTH LATER
THE OFFICERS CLUB WAS packed with everyone in attendance dressed for the formal affair. Military personnel were in formal dress uniforms and civilians were in black tie or dresses. A large contingent of public relations staff were present, carefully guiding and kowtowing to the congresswoman and her entourage. The upper leadership of the base and the naval hospital were in abundance. Sam and Kris mingled with the crowd, moving in and out of conversations but were careful not to spend too much time together. Eventually, a group formed which was almost entirely comprised of the members of the Wounded Warrior battalion. As they caught up with each other, the congresswoman approached along with the commanding officer of the hospital.
The commanding officer took responsibility for making introductions to Congresswoman West. “This is Dr. Matthews. She’s one of our general surgeons. She has a few combat tours under her belt and is one of our more combat experienced docs. We’re happy to have her back and in the operating room again. She gave us quite a scare.”
Ms. West lifted her brow in surprise. “Oh really?”
“Our brave doc went out into the field to help free a Marine who was trapped in the wreckage of a helicopter crash. It turned out to be a Major from one of our local squadrons. While the doc was out there, she ended up taking a hit in the shoulder. What was it? A rocket-propelled grenade exploded close by peppered her with shrapnel. It took multiple surgeries to put our doc back together and lots of rehab. It took a while, but she finally got her arm back to full function.”
Congresswoman West shifted her gaze to Kris. “I didn’t realize medical personnel went out like that. Other than the medics.”
“They do when it is possible. If we can save someone en route by having a doc in the air, we’ll do it.”
“That’s remarkable. So, did the Marine make it too? Was the rescue successful?”
Kris swallowed hard, trying to hide the disbelief that her commanding officer had revealed her private medical history. Kris stammered, “Yes.” She took a breath and smoothed her voice. “I understand she’s doing well.”
Kris heard a quick intake of breath and turned to see Sam standing next to her. She saw Sam’s expression go from surprise to anger. Her eyes were narrowed, and she ground her teeth, setting her jaw. Her skin flushed starting at her neck and moving up to cover her face.
“She? That’s fantastic. What a story. Female Navy doc gets injured saving female Marine. That would be a great special interest story on female vets.”
Kris’ stomach clenched, and she struggled to take a deep breath. She turned to the congresswoman. “No. Please don’t do that. I was doing what any medical staff would do. We’re there to help the troops. That’s what we’re trained to do.”
The congresswoman turned to Sam, “Tell me something,” She looked at Sam’s uniform, saw the rank insignia, “Major, wouldn’t you love to hear more of the doctor’s story.”
Sam looked at the congresswoman. “As a matter of fact I would like to hear the entire story. With none of the important details left out. Like exactly how and where her injury occurred.” Sam turned and glared at Kris.
Kris heard the anger in Sam’s voice but before she could respond the congresswoman said, “Of course the details are important. I’d love to hear more of the story.”
“I’m sorry, ma’am, but it deals with my personal life, and that’s not up for public consumption,” Kris spoke, but her eyes stayed on Sam, noting her rigid posture and the firm set of her jaw. Oh Dear God. Not now. Not here.
Sam’s eyes were glinting with anger, “I’m sure what you share with other people about your injury is carefully guarded. A select few would need to know the details. If you would excuse me, I need to go. Good night, Ma’am, good night Captain.” Sam turned on her heel and walked away.
Kris excused herself from the group as quickly and unobtrusively as possible, and she scanned the crowd looking for Sam. She hurried out to the lobby in time to see Sam leave through the front door. She rushed outside to Sam and placed her hand on her wrist. “Sam, we need to talk.”
Sam glared at the hand on her wrist and then looked up, “Really? You think talking is important? What about the truth? Was that important, Kris?” She pulled her arm away. “Leave me alone. I’m going home.” A few people close by turned when they heard Sam’s voice.
“I’ll drive you home,” Kris whispered, trying to defuse the situation.
“Forget it. They’ve already called a cab for me.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
Sam hissed, “Ridiculous? Since when is the truth ridiculous?” Kris reached for her, and she backed away. “Leave me alone. Just leave me alone.” She walked away and raised her arm to hail one of the cabs that were pulling into the long driveway.
Kris followed her, caught up with her, “I’ll come by later.”
“Don’t bother.” Sam climbed into the cab and pulled the door shut.
Kris stood on the sidewalk and watched the cab pull away. SHIT!
***
Sam stood at the end of the pier listening to the waves roll past on their way to the beach. The sky beg
an to lighten, and she sat down, legs dangling over the edge, her chest pressed hard into the lower rail. Every breath hurt. She wiped at the tears that started without warning, and her breath hitched. As the sun peaked over the horizon, a small, animal-like sound emerged from deep within her. How could I have been so stupid? How could I believe that she would want me? It was all just sympathy, pity for what happened, guilt that she did it to me. God! I am so fucking stupid.
Rays from the sun blinded her. She stood abruptly, wiped the sand from her dress blue trousers, picked up her shoes, dress jacket and hat. She wiped her hands on her pristine white t-shirt and walked to the shore. Minutes after calling for a cab she climbed into the back seat. Giving the cabbie the address she leaned her head back and closed her eyes.
“Ma’am, we’re here.”
Sam’s eyes opened, and she looked at the meter. She handed him a wad of cash. “Keep the change.”
“Thanks. Are you okay, Ma’am? Do you need help getting inside?”
Sam shook her head and cleared her throat, “No. Thank you.”
Sam dropped her jacket the minute she got inside. She walked to the bathroom, turned on the shower and stripped. She sat down and removed the prosthesis, eyeing it closely, and squeezing it in her hands until they hurt.
She sat it aside and transferred into the shower. I’ve never felt this pain, this emptiness before. No, that’s wrong. I did when my father didn’t come back. Week after week as he stayed away and Brian, Jamie and Jenny were taken away. First my mom, then dad, and my siblings. One by one they all left.
Sam sat in the shower with the water beating down on her and washed absentmindedly. As the water sluiced down, her gut clenched and Sam watched vacantly as the suds spiraled down the drain. A choked sob escaped from her, and she leaned forward hugging herself and cried until the water turned cold and she shivered uncontrollably.
She shut off the water, dried quickly and hopped into the bedroom. Exhausted she climbed into bed and curled onto her side. She smelled Kris’ fragrance on a pillow and tossed it aside. Staring at the wall, she placed a hand over the twisting in her gut and fell into a deep sleep.
