To Have and to Harley

by Regina Cole

  Trey rested his fist against the door, head hanging down.

  Every time. Every goddamn time. Whenever he was ready to give up on everything for the good of the group, they’d rush right underneath him and hold him up.

  “Boss?”

  Wolf had opened the door, causing Trey’s hand to fall. Trey just looked at him for a long, hard moment.

  “Everybody’s here.”

  “Wolf,” Trey said, his voice even rougher than usual. “Step outside.”

  Wolf glanced over his shoulder, then let the front door close behind him. They were alone on Wolf’s front porch, the painted white railings and dusky-gray boards surrounding them.

  “I’m thinking about…” Trey coughed. “Sorry. I’m going to call off the wedding project.”

  Wolf’s nostrils flared, the only indication of his surprise. “Why, Boss?”

  Trey looked past Wolf, down toward the gravel path that led the way off their property, toward the highway. The road he’d take to her—Bethany.

  God, he was going to miss her.

  “Because I’ve put too much on you guys. Last night wouldn’t have gone down the way it had if Jameson hadn’t been on edge from the wedding.”

  Wolf shook his head, crossing his big arms over his chest.

  “No way. You wouldn’t have been able to stop him from snapping when Vinnie said that. You know he’s sensitive about kids.”

  Trey looked down at his second. “Whether or not I could have, my decision is made. I wanted you to know first.”

  The corners of Wolf’s mouth turned down, difficult as they were to see with his majestic beard. “Of course it’s your call, Boss. But they’ve really been enjoying all this.”

  Trey scoffed, but Wolf continued. “Really. It’s given them something new to do. A challenge. Hell, I’ve enjoyed it myself. And honestly”—the volume of Wolf’s voice lowered as he stepped closer—“I think it’s been good for you too.”

  Trey bared his teeth. “Don’t play armchair psychologist with me.”

  “As long as I’ve known you, you’ve never smiled the way you have the last few weeks. I’ve noticed it. We’ve all noticed it. And that’s why we’ve thrown ourselves into this wedding crap. We care about you, Boss. And if this makes you happy, then that’s what we want to do.”

  Trey shook his head. The burden of this… It was too much. Feeling was too much. He wished he could go back to before that investigator waltzed in and capsized his life.

  But he couldn’t wind back the clock, and he couldn’t undo the damage. Especially those little dents in his heart that had been given by a certain girl with blond hair, blue eyes, and the sweetest smile he’d ever seen.

  “My mind’s made up. The wedding planning is over.”

  “Aw, come on, Boss! I was just getting good at it! Come on, I brought a freaking vision board!”

  Trey started, then whirled on his heel. Ace was standing there in the open front door, an intense frown on his normally jovial face.

  “Seriously.”

  “What the hell is a vision board?”

  Ace grinned, then ducked into the house. Trey followed, Wolf at his heels.

  “Look. See, fabric swatches, patterns… Look, I even did a mock-up of the cake.”

  “I told him that design wouldn’t work,” Doc interjected. “Look at the way those tiers are stacked. It’ll never hold up under all that fondant.”

  “If you used some supports of some kind under that edge,” Wolf pointed, “then it would probably have more structural integrity. Can’t you have each layer stacked on cardboard?”

  Doc scoffed as Ace nodded. Dean shook his head. “I don’t like the colors.”

  Ace rounded on him. “What do you mean? It’s white and pink! Chicks love pink!”

  “Yeah, when they’re seven. Grow the hell up, man. Grown women don’t like pink.”

  A full-scale argument erupted, and all Trey could do was watch as eleven grown-ass, tatted-up biker dudes had a yelling match, complete with a few fists flying, over wedding colors.

  “See?” Wolf crossed his arms, his grin flashing white through his beard. “They’re having fun.”

  Trey just shook his head as the argument escalated, with Ace finally crying uncle.

  “Let’s put it to a vote,” Dean yelled over the melee. “All those in favor of pink and white, say aye.”

  “Aye!” Ace’s yell was hard to hear, since Rocco’s boot was on his face.

  “All opposed?”

  The nays were so loud that Trey would have worried about the structural integrity of the room if anyone but Wolf had built it.

  Trey smiled. Those roughneck assholes cared. And he wasn’t going to take that from them at this point.

  It was just another month or two. As long as he could balance things, it would be okay. He had to believe that.

  Besides, he wasn’t sure how long he could have kept away from Bethany. The need to see her again was almost a pain inside his belly.

  “All right, boys.”

  The scuffle stopped at the sound of Trey’s voice. He stepped in the middle of the group, settling himself on the couch. “Let’s see the rest of your board so we can fix your fool ideas.”

  Ace grinned, Dean snorted, and the rest of the bikers settled themselves around the room, ready to give opinions whenever asked—and more often, whenever they weren’t.

  Trey couldn’t have been more grateful for them. They’d kept him sane more often than not, and here they were, doing it again.

  He was a lucky bastard; that was for sure.

  * * *

  Bewildered. That’s how she’d felt all night long, from the moment he’d rushed out without a word of explanation, to the time her head had rested on her sleepless pillow, to the hours that had passed restlessly thereafter.

  Bewildered as she’d finally given up and gone for an early-morning run, bewildered as she’d taken a long shower, bewildered as she’d eaten her breakfast. She was no closer to figuring out what had happened when Sarah, in town for the weekend, called her and invited her out to brunch.

  Bethany had bundled up her feelings and shoved them into a box at the far back of her mind. Concealing things from Sarah wasn’t easy. She was definitely one of the most intuitive people that Bethany had ever known. But she couldn’t unpack all this on Sarah. Not when it involved her brother.

  So she put on her makeup, dressed carefully, and headed downtown to the little restaurant that was one of Sarah’s favorites.

  “Hey, hey,” Sarah said, giving Bethany a quick hug as they met at the front of the restaurant. “You look nice this morning.”

  “Thanks,” Bethany said, resisting the urge to go into more detail. Oh, I couldn’t sleep because your brother sexed me up and ran last night. Oh, I wanted to look nice because I’m hoping to hook up with him again this afternoon.

  Damn it.

  The host showed them to a little table in the corner, the scent of waffles and bacon hanging heavy in the air. “What can I get for you ladies?”

  “Just coffee for me,” Bethany said.

  Sarah added her own order, and the server darted away.

  “So I know I told you that I didn’t want to have any responsibility for this whole wedding thing, and that totally hasn’t changed,” Sarah said, picking at the edge of her cloth napkin as she settled it on her lap. “But I’ve got to admit I’m curious. How’s it going?”

  Bethany fought the blush that threatened to climb up her cheeks when she thought of the “planning” she and Trey had been doing recently. “It’s going really well.”

  “Mom doing okay? Not going too crazy?”

  Bethany smiled. “I’ve managed to pull her back.”

  Sarah sighed with a smile. “Good. I would hate a three-ring circus. God, I’m so glad you’re wrangling her
for this. Especially with him helping too.”

  Sarah’s expression fell with that, and Bethany’s stomach flip-flopped.

  “Are you still not sure what to think about Trey?”

  Sarah shook her head. “It’s hard. I mean, I want to take the time to get to know him, but I really don’t have it. And I’m nervous, you know?”

  Bethany gave the server a quick smile as their coffees landed in front of them. A quick gap in conversation gave her a chance to collect her thoughts as they gave their order.

  Once the server had disappeared again, Bethany looked at her best friend and curled her fingers around the handle of her coffee cup.

  “I’ve spent some time with him, you know. I think he’s a really good guy.”

  “Really?” Relief filled Sarah’s voice as she leaned toward Bethany. “Mom has raved about him, but honestly, I think he could be a serial killer and she’d find his good side, you know? Just because of who he is. But I trust your judgment. So, you think he’s good?”

  Bethany nodded. “He’s kind. Protective. Rough around the edges, for sure. But underneath all that, he’s actually really sweet.”

  Sarah gave a little smile. “You sound like you really like him.”

  Bethany shifted in her seat, the fake leather of the booth giving a squeak of protest at her movement. “What? No, I mean, he’s nice. That’s all.”

  Sarah hiked an eyebrow as she took a sip of her coffee. “Okay. Whatever you say. After everything’s settled out with the wedding and graduation, I’m sure I’ll be able to spend some time getting to know him. But for now, I’m glad you’re getting along with him.”

  “Thanks,” Bethany said quietly, taking a sip from the glass of water the server had dropped by their table.

  A dreamy look came into Sarah’s eyes, and she propped her cheek in her hand.

  “What are you thinking about?” Bethany asked, glad to change the subject.

  “I was just remembering when I first met Mark. He was so exciting. He took me mountain climbing, kayaking, caving. He just had all this intense energy, and being near him made me tingle all over, waiting for the next adventure. But all of that paled in comparison to how it felt when he kissed me.”

  Bethany smiled. The joy rolling off Sarah was contagious. “Do you still feel that way? Even after being with him all this time?”

  Sarah nodded, looking down a little shyly. “I do. It’s a little different now, more comfortable than exciting, but he’s truly my other half. Being with him makes me happy. The distance is hard, but it’s made us appreciate each other more. I feel like I’m more me when I’m with him, if that makes sense.”

  “It does,” Bethany said without thinking. The server stopped by their table with their food, breaking off the conversation.

  And it was then that Bethany realized she did understand what Sarah was saying. Because she’d felt it.

  With Trey.

  She’d never have been able to get it before him. The idea that someone else could complement her, give her the confidence to understand herself, to be the person that she really truly wanted to be. But with Trey…she was.

  What was she going to do now?

  The knowledge was exhilarating, exciting, and terrifying. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. Honestly, it could be infatuation, but somehow she didn’t think so.

  She was intensely aware of the fact that time was ticking away, each moment bringing her closer to him.

  It was a scary—and wonderful—feeling. There was so much between them. And apart from him, it seemed like an impossibility that they could ever be together. But when she was in his arms? Things just felt—right.

  As their brunch wound to a close, Sarah pinned Bethany with a scrutinizing look. “Hey, Bethy, you know you can tell me anything, right?”

  Bethany’s fork trembled a little in her hand as she set it down. “Of course I do.”

  “Good,” Sarah said, wiping her fingers on her napkin. “As long as you know.”

  Bethany’s phone buzzed in her pocket. Grateful for the distraction, she pulled it free.

  A text from Mama Yelverton lit up the screen.

  Can’t wait to see you and Trey this afternoon. He told me that the invitations are gorgeous, and that you’re responsible. Thank you, love! See you soon!

  “What’s that?”

  “Your mom,” Bethany said as she dropped her phone into her purse. “She’s all excited about the invitations. We’re going over them this afternoon.”

  “Oh yeah?” Sarah propped her chin on her hands. “What do they look like?”

  “Do you want to see?”

  Her mouth fell open. “You have them with you?”

  Bethany grinned. “I thought you didn’t want to know anything.”

  “It’s different if you’ve got them with you! Show me, show me!”

  Bethany laughed as she pulled the folder from her oversized purse and Sarah jumped into the seat beside her.

  “Wow, Beth, these are gorgeous! I love each and every one of them. How are you going to pick?”

  “We’ll let your mom do that,” Bethany said, the silky bow at the top of one invitation trailing over her finger. “These were our four favorites.”

  “Our?”

  “Mine and Trey’s,” she admitted. “We worked on them together.”

  “Good,” Sarah said softly, not raising her gaze from the four invitations spread on the table in front of them. “I’m glad. So, how did you make them?”

  As Bethany told Sarah the process, her mind was churning.

  Just a little while longer, and I’ll see him again. Just a little while longer…

  Chapter Seventeen

  As Trey walked into the Yelvertons’ house, he was filled with a renewed sense of purpose. The Shadows had given him that. Their meeting had been much different than he’d expected, but he was buoyed by their enthusiasm for the project and determined to see it through to the end.

  Whether or not it was good for him, it was good for them, and those guys needed it. So he’d stick it out. And hopefully at the end of this thing, he’d come out with his skin intact.

  “Trey,” Mrs. Yelverton greeted him warmly. She gripped his hand, stepping closer for a moment, and he wondered if she was about to hug him. He didn’t move, and she put more distance between them.

  He wasn’t sure whether to be grateful or disappointed that she hadn’t tried. How would it feel to be hugged by his mother? His real mother?

  “Bethany’s not here yet,” she said, leading him into the kitchen. “It’s just you and me for the moment, I’m afraid.”

  “No problem with that,” he said carefully as he sank onto a barstool. She rummaged in a cabinet and pulled down some glasses. “Have you been doing well?”

  “Just fine,” she said brightly, pulling open the fridge. “Sweet tea?”

  “Sure.”

  She poured him a glass, the ice inside clinking softly. As he sipped, he watched her.

  Her movements were quick, efficient. They reminded him of himself, honestly. The way he liked to get things done without wasting time. Hell, she even stacked things in the cupboards the same way, he thought as she pulled out a plate for some cookies.

  “You know,” she said, leaning against the counter, “we’ve been so busy with the wedding planning that we haven’t had a chance to talk much.”

  “I’m not an especially good conversationalist.” He took a long sip of tea, discomfort prickling the back of his neck.

  Conversation meant questions. And questions meant lies. And like it or not, he’d set himself up to lie to her over and over again. And he didn’t like it. Not one bit. But the truth was worse. So he kept his trap shut.

  “I’m not either, to tell you the truth.” She handed him a cookie on a napkin. “Not really.”

  “
You do all right,” he said, and she laughed.

  “I guess I do. It helps to have someone you’re interested in to talk to.”

  “You’re right there,” he said, then looked at her.

  That morning, he’d pulled his smartphone from the bedside table and done a Google search. The site he’d clicked on had made his throat close up, his chest curiously tight as he scrolled through photos, news items, and pictures of a downtown mission that had been built to honor him. The memory of the kid that had disappeared without a trace a long time ago.

  Knowing that she’d done that—devoted her life to it—made him wish with all his being that he deserved it. That he could tell her how much it meant to him.

  He cleared his throat. “I checked out the website for Sam’s Place.”

  She paused. “You did?”

  His nod was brief. “Yeah. Looks great. It’s definitely the kind of place that would have been really helpful.”

  The “to me” was left unsaid. But she got it, because her smile was pained, and her eyes were suspiciously shiny as she responded. “Good. That’s all I wanted.”

  The pang in his chest grew. He wished he was better at talking. At showing her what he felt. If he’d been able to, he’d have expressed just how honored he felt that she’d put so much of herself into a place that would help kids who were in his position. That her efforts had gone in such a positive direction. That even though every sign had pointed to his death, she’d not only believed enough to keep looking for him, but also extended the care and love and hope into a place that helped the disadvantaged, the lost, the broken.

  But he couldn’t formulate a sentence like that. Not out loud. So instead, he just picked up his tea. “This is good.”

  “I’m glad you like it,” she whispered, and silence fell between them.

  The sound of a door opening broke the quiet. He didn’t turn his head. He didn’t need to. He’d known who it would be.

  “Hi. Sorry I’m late,” Bethany said, her presence in the room causing the whole place to feel brighter. “I had brunch with Sarah, and we lost track of time.”

  “Oh good. Did she come back with you? She didn’t tell me her plans when she left this morning.” Mrs. Yelverton pressed a kiss to Bethany’s cheek as Trey tried not to look at her. God, it had only been hours, but the need to draw her into his arms was nearly painful.