The Rancher's Surrender

by Jill Shalvis

  Oh, she knew. She knew all too well, but she didn't have the strength to reach out and get it. Didn't know how, even if she'd wanted to.

  And a little part of her really, really wanted to.

  "Zoe," he whispered, just that. Just her name in a voice thick with yearning, and even in her panic she recognized it wasn't a physical yearning, but something much, much deeper. "Don't miss this. Don't turn away from the best thing that's ever happened to either of us."

  Her eyes filled but she didn't speak, didn't have the words.

  He waited for an eternally long moment, but when she didn't say a word, he opened Abby and Danny's stall and slipped inside.

  Abby nickered softly and Ty bent his head close, stroking her face. Abby blew at him.

  Ty stood there with his back to Zoe, a tall, powerful man and an equally powerful horse, easily showing their affection for each other.

  Zoe nearly broke down.

  Then Ty hunkered low, speaking softly to Danny, who tossed his head, drawing a quiet chuckle from his owner. Zoe watched him put his arms around the foal, watched Ty's lean strength shelter Danny in a way that made her ache all the more.

  She wished she were in Danny's position, being securely held safe.

  Ty would never desert them, and the horses knew it. They were more secure than she, and that was pathetic. That's what she hated most of all, that in spite of her bravado she wanted promises, too. Once upon a time she'd waited years and years and years for her mother's return, finally accepting it would never happen.

  She had vowed never to put herself in that position again. She would renew that vow now, instead of moping around the gorgeous man murmuring with love to his horses.

  At the sound of the barn door quietly shutting behind her, Ty swore in frustration. Danny pushed at him with his head to Ty's stomach, clearly wondering why he'd stopped being stroked.

  Ty hugged Danny close, feeling more lost and alone than he had since Ben had first died.

  * * *

  Zoe walked through the night, just as alone, just as full of grief. The house was dark and silent, and it suited her mood.

  On her bed was a big brown bag, just like the one her gloves had come in, and in it was a new pair of boots in her exact size.

  Overwhelmed, Zoe sank to the mattress and fingered the good, expensive leather. The thought of Delia hoarding her pennies and spending them on such a necessity had the tears she'd been struggling with rise back to the surface.

  With the precious boots in her lap, she sat down, kicking off her beat-up tennis shoes.

  What was the matter with her? She never cried. Crying was a useless emotion, hadn't she learned that well? As a child, she'd often plastered herself up against the window of the group home, tears rolling silently down her face as she'd waited for her mother to come back.

  She never had.

  And eventually Zoe had stopped crying.

  But as she laced up the new boots, affection for her sisters causing her chest to be tight and uncomfortable, she cried now.

  * * *

  One week later, Cade came to Triple M. He sat at the table with the three women, inhaling another of Maddie's meals, and making everyone laugh.

  It was a nice change from the stress, Zoe admitted to herself. Thanks to Ty, they had money to start the ranch, and indeed they'd been looking into specific plans to acquire horses and a small herd of cattle, but it had been far more difficult than she'd ever imagined.

  She loved it. They all loved it, but there wasn't much time for fun and relaxation in the face of all that had to be done. Zoe eyed the last muffin, considering. Her jeans would be too tight all day if she succumbed, but a girl needed her energy, didn't she?

  With that ready excuse, she reached for it, freezing when Ty walked in.

  He had on his climbing gear, and a dark scowl.

  She knew that scowl, knew its origin. He'd been wild and cranky and unapproachable all week, even since that night in the barn where she'd nearly bared her soul.

  At the sight of him now, and his clear-cut plans to go climb a mountain to relieve his tension—tension that she'd caused—she felt her stomach tighten with unease.

  She hated fearing for his life, hated worrying that she'd never see him alive again.

  "Going climbing?" Cade asked Ty.

  Ty nodded curtly, his gaze still on Zoe. His gaze ran slowly over her, from her unbound hair all the way down to her new boots, which given the way his jaw relaxed, seemed to give him great pleasure.

  Maddie handed Ty a bag bulging at the seams. "Take this," she insisted, pressing it into his hand. "It's food."

  His face softened as he looked at her. "I have food, Maddie."

  "I made it just for you."

  Touching surprise flitted across Ty's face first, then pleasure at the gentle but inexorable sisterly pressure. "Thank you," he said, looking down at the package in his hands as if it were made of the finest bone china.

  "Don't stay out there too long," Maddie said.

  Delia wasn't nearly as subtle. "If you're gone more than two days, I'm going to send for search and rescue. So don't get embarrassed, because I've warned you." She grinned and kissed him goodbye. "Take care," she whispered.

  Ty accepted the embrace with the same quiet surprise, clearly unused to someone thinking of him, and Zoe felt a strange stirring watching his struggle. Was he also unused to someone worrying about him? Too bad if he was, she couldn't help it. "Be careful," she said softly.

  His head came up and their gazes met yet again, all of the heat still very much there but much of the animosity drained. "I always am."

  She nodded, and bit her tongue before she could beg him not to go. Before she could tell him how much he'd started to mean to her, and how much that frightened her.

  When he was gone, when those wide shoulders had disappeared out the kitchen door, Zoe sagged and sentenced herself to a long day of worrying.

  "He'll be okay," Cade said, touching her arm. "I'm not concerned." Because that sounded awful, and was so blatantly untrue, she gave in. "Much."

  Delia was watching her with frank curiosity. "What's going on with you two, anyway? Whenever you guys are in the same room it's like watching a fireworks display."

  "There's nothing going on."

  "Right."

  "There's not!" Zoe tossed up her hands when everyone just stared at her. "Jeez, can't a person just plain not get along with another person without drawing all sorts of suspicion to themselves?"

  "A normal person maybe," Delia conceded. "But since you dislike everyone equally, you don't count."

  "It's unlike you, Zoe, to be so hard on someone," Maddie said. "What's wrong?"

  "We just don't get along, okay?"

  Delia shook her head in disgust. "That's a sin, hon. To be at odds with a man like that."

  Cade grinned and looked at Delia hopefully. "If it's such a sin … you ought to be far nicer to me."

  "Don't count on it."

  The two of them started their typical verbal sparring, and Zoe breathed a sigh of relief. Her little fantasy was safe. Even more shameful was how that dream of hers had grown. No longer was it a harmless little sexual escapade involving Ty's incredible mouth and body. It had become deeper, and therefore a darker secret. A ridiculous one.

  She wanted him to fall in love with her.

  But how could he when she didn't even know who Zoe the woman was? She knew nothing about herself, about her heritage, and while it shouldn't matter, it did.

  Too much.

  * * *

  Later Zoe was alone, standing in one of the arenas she'd recently weeded. It was exciting to stand there in the center of the property and look at the land, even if it was empty of animals.

  It was breathtaking, so different from where they'd come from. Here, no one ever asked for the time of day. Here, a desk job was a four-letter word. Here was, no matter what happened, an exhilarating, unforgettable, one-of-a-kind adventure.

  Hopefully, they'd soon
have cattle. Ty had been checking prices for them. But if it didn't work out, Zoe had a backup plan. They could raise cattle for other ranchers who didn't have enough land. Which could work out, especially since Delia wouldn't even consider raising cattle specifically for beef.

  Zoe grinned at this. It was okay to raise the cattle for other ranchers who would eventually sell for beef. As long as they themselves didn't.

  The plan was to start small, which was the reason they'd taken less money from Ty than he'd wanted to loan them.

  The equipment and repairs had been costly, far more so than she had estimated, though Ty had warned her.

  And she still had to hire several ranch hands because she needed help.

  So much work, and yet all she could do was look at the mountains and think of the tall, powerful, intensely passionate man who'd turned her world upside down. A man she'd chased away yet again with words and actions while her heart had secretly cried in protest.

  She wanted him, she admitted, and it wasn't for the physical attraction, but for the way he made her feel. Special. So why did she keep pushing him away?

  Easy. It was her past, and wrong as it was, she couldn't help it. Until she knew who she was and why she'd been left in the group home, she wasn't free to follow her dreams.

  The mountains were every bit as wild and fierce as Ty, she fretted as she stared at the triple peaks. Even now, in late June, the tops of them were still covered with snow. Unforgiving, unrelenting. Lethal.

  People died on those mountains.

  "He'll be back." Cade stopped at her side, turned his gaze from the mountains and smiled at her.

  She brushed her dusty hands on her jeans. "I'm not really worried."

  "Is that right?"

  She shrugged. "Well, maybe I am. A little, sort of. In the same context as I worry about the wolf spiders eating all the mosquito hawks."

  Cade laughed. "You sure you and Delia aren't blood relations? You're both stubborn."

  "Cade…" Zoe took a deep breath and plunged. "I need you to find my mother."

  "I've been trying, Zoe, believe me. For Constance—"

  "Not for Constance. For me." She turned to him, her new boots crunching in the dirt. "I know you've been looking at all three of our pasts, but you've been searching for our fathers."

  "Mostly."

  "I want to know about my mother. I need to know. Why she left, why she never came back, why—" Her voice cracked, horrifying her. "Why she didn't love me enough to want me."

  He grimaced and reached for her. "Zoe—"

  "No, don't. I'm fine." She forced back all emotion, not quite meeting Cade's gaze because she couldn't stand the sympathy she found there. "Can you help or not?"

  Her sharp voice didn't chase him off. He merely smiled at her. "I can help."

  "But so far you've found nothing?"

  "Only that she disappeared the day she dropped you off."

  Zoe looked to the mountains and again felt that inexplicable yearning to see a tall, dark, gorgeous man mysteriously appear. She didn't even care if he gave her that crooked, cocky smile, she just wanted to know he was safe, damn him.

  Cade followed her gaze. "Probably much cooler up there."

  "What does he think about when he's climbing? It looks horrifying."

  "He probably thinks of you," Cade said casually.

  "No," she said firmly. "It's not like that between us." Ty wanted her, she knew that. But as for anything else, anything deeper, he'd been close-mouthed. Was it any wonder she doubted his motives?

  No, that wasn't fair, she allowed. He'd made no secret of wanting their land, and still, he'd done everything in his power to make sure they didn't lose it.

  "I've known Ty since Constance first hired me, Zoe. We both came from a big city, we're both relatively new to the country. I understand him. He's not always so … well…" Cade looked at her with true compassion. "Let's just say only a man who cares deeply would have such a hard time controlling his emotions."

  After a while, he left her alone to stare at the wilderness of peaks, at the canyons and the river, and wonder if she wasn't fooling herself.

  If she and Ty both didn't care far more than either of them wanted to admit.

  * * *

  Late the next night, Zoe couldn't sleep. She was thinking too much, and while she was at it, she was feeling too much, as well. It made her angry.

  And being angry was hungry business. She headed for the kitchen, walking through a dark house so she wouldn't wake anyone up. Not that she minded sharing her snack, but Maddie would worry and Delia would tease, then they'd fight and Maddie would worry some more.

  It just seemed easier to deal with her stress alone tonight. Gathering up a bag of chips and a Coke, she crept into her office.

  The books were there and she opened them up, happily munching as she studied the numbers. There was plenty of room for failure, but Zoe couldn't help but smile even though they hovered firmly in the red. She was accustomed to hard work, they could do this. They'd never been closer.

  She was home, for the first time in her life.

  When her bag of chips was empty, she tossed it in the trash and sighed. It was then that she noticed a small brown paper bag on the corner of her desk. Inside was a brand new compact adding machine, equipped with an electrical cord and a roll of adding paper. A small thing, really, not an expensive one, but Zoe clutched it to her chest, eyes bright.

  Delia.

  Had anyone ever had such a thoughtful, caring, smart-ass sister? She didn't deserve either of them, Zoe thought. Didn't deserve the love they showered on her constantly; Delia with her tough concern and secret gifts, and Maddie always plying her with motherly affection and really great fattening food.

  Love bubbled and overflowed, but so did guilt, for Zoe didn't tell them nearly enough how she felt.

  That would change, she vowed then and there.

  Then she plugged in her new machine and happily balanced their dangerously low checking account.

  * * *

  It was early, he was tired, and he was an idiot to boot. For the first time since Ty had come to Idaho, he ignored the spectacular sunrise, which was the highest-rated show for three hundred miles in all directions.

  Shaking his head at himself, he got out of his truck, then reached in for his little, squirming burden.

  "Mew."

  "Shh," he told the kitten, who popped its little red head out from beneath the blanket. "You're supposed to be a surprise, dammit."

  He had no idea what he was doing, only knew when he'd found the deserted kitten crying in his barn, with no brothers or sisters or momma in sight, that his insides had gone to mush.

  Immediately he'd thought of Zoe, and how she continued to sneak into his barn to watch Danny grow. She loved babies almost as much as she loved to hide herself from him.

  His entire body was tense at the prospect of seeing her again. Little of his frustrated fury over her inability to accept what was between them had faded.

  It probably wasn't a good time to come here, when he was still aroused and aching from last night's dreams about her, but he'd punished his body good over the past few days in the mountains. What was the difference if now he punished his mind as well?

  Tucking the kitten under his arm, he strode to the side door of Triple M Ranch, intending to quietly enter the kitchen and leave his surprise.

  But the surprise was on him. In formfitting stretch pants and a T-shirt, her hair loosely tied back, Zoe opened the door, looking rumpled and sleepy.

  Her eyes came fully awake at the sight of him. "What do you want?" she asked warily.

  "Such a sweet greeting," he mocked. "You really need to restrain yourself, Zoe. Someone's going to get ideas."

  She stepped back, probably intending to slam the door on his face, but then she caught a glimpse of what he carried in his arms.

  Abruptly her face softened, her eyes warmed. "A kitten," she breathed. "Oh, Ty, what are you doing with such an adorable kit
ten?"

  "It's for you, dammit," he said gruffly, shoving the tiny thing at her. He stepped back, far back.

  She just stood there, staring down at the kitten. "You brought it here … to give to me?"

  "Yes, dammit, if you want it."

  When her eyes went suspiciously bright, he let out a concise oath. "Oh, no. God. No. It's just a cat. You're not going to cry. Don't even think about it."

  She shook her head but still looked … damp.

  "Stop it. Stop it now. If you don't," he told her desperately, "I'll … I'll take the thing back."

  Sniffing, she shook her head and clutched it closer. "I'm not crying. The sun is bright is all."

  The kitten mewled again, a small, pathetic little sound. Zoe's face crumbled adorably, and she held it close, bending her face close to the kitten's.

  He had no idea what he was doing, bringing a kitten to a woman, trying to worm his way into her heart. God, he wanted to be gone from here, far gone.

  Zoe kissed the kitten's nose, laughed in delight, then lifted her face. And gasped as she caught her first good look at him. "You're hurt!"

  He touched the long gash on his cheek that he'd gotten while rock climbing and doing the ridiculous—thinking of her. "No big deal," he said.

  "No big deal," she repeated, still staring at him, looking at him so deeply and openly, so much that for the first time he felt he was really seeing her. She was looking at him as if it was good to see him home safe and sound, as if she was relieved and happy. As if she'd missed him. And she proved it when she reached out with a light finger and touched his face gently.

  He couldn't believe it and was afraid to move, afraid to speak and ruin the moment. She looked so beautiful standing there, so right, so … happy.

  Had he done that?

  The kitten cried out once more and Zoe blinked, dropping her gaze to her precious burden. She nuzzled it close, tucking it into her neck.

  And suddenly, quite savagely, he wanted to be held in her arms like that, as if he meant the world to her, too.

  "Thank you," she said quietly.