Just Dream (Legion of Guardians Book 4)

by Xyla Turner

  Only a little.

  Once it passed, I hissed, “Who the fuck do you think you are?”

  Bear didn’t even acknowledge my words. He simply looked at the man and watched him leave.

  Coward.

  My lip turned up towards Bear as he sat down and asked for a clean scotch. My head felt like it was about to burst. The anger cloaked me as I hopped off the seat and started to scream at him.

  “Bear, what the hell is wrong with you?” My voice was up way too high. “How dare you come in here like you own me?” I said that on purpose. “You have no ties to me whatsoever.”

  His blazing eyes met mine and he simply said, “Love you darlin’.”

  Bear turned over his arm on the counter and there was a tattoo that had a picture of a Bear standing next to a woman with bobbed hair and the words, Bear loves Dessy.

  Holy shit.

  “I canno…” Everything went black and I had no idea what happened next.

  10

  I Can, You Can’t

  Bear

  She was pissed and my girl had every right to be. However, when she started to cuss my ass out again but passed out; nothing could have had me moving faster as I caught her and yelled for someone to get an ambulance.

  Everything was moving super-fast or it might have been my old fucking heart but I wasn’t able to think about any details.

  Dessy had passed out, she needed to get to a doctor and it needed to happen now. I wish I could say I wasn’t frantic but I fucking was and wouldn’t let anyone near her.

  “Buddy, what’d she have to drink?” One guy asked.

  “Shut the fuck up!” I growled because I needed to think.

  Fuck, I was on my bike and by the time I had figured that I could get someone’s car, I heard the sirens.

  Thank God.

  They asked me lots of questions and I wasn’t sure about most shit but I told them what I knew. I called Shay because she’d probably know more.

  All I said was Dessy’s in the hospital and she said, “On my way.”

  The woman was there in fifteen minutes and that was at least a thirty-minute drive. She came in alone which meant Bronx was probably looking for parking.

  “Bear,” she greeted me.

  “Shay.”

  “What happened?” Straight to the point.

  “Not really sure. She was at Strayers, she was talking and then passed out. Brought her here to be safe rather than sorry.”

  She nodded and said, “Okay. Anything from the doctors?”

  “Not yet.”

  There wasn’t anything else passed between us, even as people began to file in one by one. Bronx, Razor, Kylie, Apollo, Lori, Shiz, Snoop, Theo and even Swag stopped by. These folks were the real deal and that was why I was one lucky son of a bitch to be a part of a group like that.

  The doctor came out after about an hour and called me forward. Shay came as well without invitation which she should have.

  “You kin to her?” The doctor looked at Shay.

  “Yeah,” she responded.

  “Well, I need to talk to you.” He nodded for them to go back there.

  “Not without me,” I interjected.

  “Family only,” the doctor said.

  “I am her family.” I moved towards him.

  “That’s her husband,” Shay nodded. “Well, they’re engaged and soon to be married. He should be there.”

  The doctor nodded and said, “Alright. Deseri is suffering from dehydration and malnutrition. She’s up and you can talk to her now.”

  He led the way and we followed him until he reached her room. Dessy was in a hospital gown and she looked frail, almost helpless. That was my Dessy and I hadn’t been there. Caught up in my own shit and I hadn’t done what I said I was going to do in the first place.

  Fuck.

  Shay ran toward Dessy and hugged her as much as possible since there were wires running across her chest, IV lines running from her hands to the contraption next to the bed. Dessy’s tired eyes opened slightly as she looked at her cousin with a slight smile.

  “What’s been going on honey?” Shay whispered in her ear. “How come you don’t come to me?”

  “Cause,” Dessy whispered. “You’ve done so much for me. I don’t want to be a burden. You’ve gotten married. You’re pregnant and even crazier. Can’t have you going to jail.”

  Shay shook her head and laughed.

  “I’m your blood, Dessy. You come to me about shit like this. What’s happening?” she asked. “You’re not eating?”

  “I’ve been eating.” Dessy replied. “Swear I have.”

  “Let me interject here,” the doctor came around so he could be seen, which also revealed that I was in the room.

  Dessy’s eyes grew but she didn’t say anything.

  “So, it’s not that Dessy’s hasn’t been eating. She has but,” he waved his hand towards her as if to get her to continue.

  At first she shook her head and then he finished. “The condition that she has, is not processing the food correctly. So, she’s on a regime that will allow her to make sure she’s taking better care of herself.”

  “What’s her condition?” I asked as I moved towards her.

  “I’m not at liberty to say,” he answered. “But Dessy, I’m sure, will explain in due time.”

  “Dessy?” I looked to her.

  “It’s too complicated to explain, right now. I want to wrap my own head around it, first.” She sighed. “I’d like to be alone, now.”

  I shook my head and started moving toward her but Shay shook her head and cut me off by pointing to the door.

  “Okay, Dessy.” Shay nodded. “We’ll be right outside. Bear.”

  Her narrow eyes were challenging me.

  “Let’s go.” She pointed again.

  I looked at Dessy, who looked the other way then I followed her cousin outside.

  “This is bullshit and you know it,” I hissed at her once we were beyond the door.

  “It may be but you need to know Dessy. She’ll shut down, bottle it up and just skip town. You have to be supportive and patient, Bear. Have you learned nothing?” She smirked.

  “Fuck all that,” I snapped. “That’s my woman in there and something is wrong and she nor the fucking doctor is telling me.”

  “Word on the street is that she ain’t your woman.” Her eyes narrowed. “Word is, y’all ain’t fucking with each other and nobody told me. Listen, I don’t give a fuck where ya dick lay at night but I told you before, you fuck over my blood, I’d put you down. Not only do I mean that shit, I intend to follow through. Any reason why y’all not together? Might as well hear it from the horse’s mouth before my gun has to find out later.”

  My head turned toward her and I was waiting for her to laugh or clarify any of her asinine comments.

  Nope.

  She was dead serious.

  “Fuck, you’re crazier than a loon.” I shook my head but then it hit me; I had to tell someone.

  Grabbing her by the elbow, I brought her down the hall away from Dessy’s room.

  “I found out my sister has stage four cancer with six months to live.” I sighed as the weight of that shit made my chest hurt again. “Hours before I found out, Dessy and I had an argument and I guess I felt like she was better off without me; my old ways, cramping her style and not having to choose between her mother and me. The woman hates that I’m white, older and a biker. Like, hates me. Told me so herself. So, I just went to Arizona to be with my sister, who basically ordered me to come back and get my life together because I was being a miserable son of a bitch. I wanted to reach out to her but when I wouldn’t answer her calls and shit, she had Shiz call me and cursed me out. Told me never to speak to her, get near her or anything. So that’s what happened. Shoot me in the leg because then at least I won’t be able to follow her around like a lost goddamn puppy.”

  “Dessy cursed you out?” Shay smiled. “That’s my girl.”

  “Really?” I
snapped. “Out of all of that, this is what you’re most proud of?”

  “Fuck yeah. She always just did what you said. Drove me the fuck crazy. Bear this, Bear that.” Shay shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Her grizzly bear.”

  “Not no more,” I reminded her.

  “Oh, Bear. You know nothing.” Shay sighed. “That woman loves you. We women can’t just turn off our feelings like that. Even when we want to or need to. Give her some time or don’t because the more time she’s away, the more she’ll justify her rationale of why she doesn’t need you. You’re going to have to work, my man. Not sure if you know how Apollo worked to get Lori but you’re going to need to be all up in her shit. Dessy will withdraw, she may even go back to Harrisburg but none of that changes the fact that she still loves you. Believe me.”

  Running my hands through my hair, I sighed. “Listen, I’m telling you now. I’m taking her to my place. She ain’t going nowhere, so whatever recovery she needs is fine but it’s happening with me.”

  Shay raised her hands and said, “Okay, man. I won’t stand in your way. However, good luck with that.”

  “Right. Well, thanks. I guess.” I nodded towards her and was about to leave.

  “I know you’re her Bear. The one she needs,” Shay called after me.

  “Obliged.” I turned once more and went to go sit down in the waiting room.

  When she was released, she told them that Shay and Bronx would take her home. I didn’t start any shit in the hospital but as soon as we got outside, I had already spoken to the two of them. They were handling the paperwork and I picked up a screaming Dessy and put her in my truck.

  “We need to talk and we do it now,” I said.

  “We’ve nothing to talk about,” she snapped as she tried to leave.

  “Dessy, you’re not leaving this truck until we do.” I turned towards her and said, “Now talk.”

  “Fine, Bear. You wanna talk. Why don’t you just up and leave me again? That’ll send your point home.” She was glaring at me.

  I waved my hand in a circle to get her to say more.

  “I’m not talking to you.” She faced the window.

  “Okay, fine. You’re staying with me though.” Shaking my head. “You think because you remove your stuff from my place we’re over. I told you before, you can’t do that.”

  “Oh, but you can?” she snapped at me. “You can just up and leave. Not say one goddamn word. Ignore my calls and texts. That’s okay?”

  “No, it was fucked up. I wasn’t in a good place, Dessy. I fucked up.” I was pleading. “Something happened and I didn’t handle it right.”

  “Whatever, doesn’t matter now.” She turned back around.

  “It does, sweetheart.” I reached for her but she slapped my hand away.

  That didn’t stop me, I needed her so I pulled her toward me and her hands started to fly until she slapped me across the face.

  Everything stopped.

  Dessy looked at her hand in shock; while I simply looked down.

  “I’m sorry, Bear.” She gasped and touched my face. “Oh my God, I’m sorry.”

  There was nothing else to say because if my woman felt the need to lay her hands on me, there was much to be done.

  A boat load of shit needed to be done.

  Starting the truck, I drove us to my place where her clothes, toiletries and other shit she removed from the house was back but on the porch. Curtesy of some prospects, with Shay’s guidance. I opened the truck door for her and she calmly got out and went inside. I brought the six boxes inside of the house and started to move them upstairs. When I returned, she remained in the same spot.

  Kneeling before her, I grabbed her hands with mine and said, “Look, I’m going to take care of you. Okay? Whatever is wrong, I’ll take care of it. Take care of you. You’re staying here, Dessy. Okay? A card will be delivered here in a few days with your name on it. It has all the money you’ll need to do whatever with. I’ll do the essentials. You don’t have to work and…”

  “Bear, I don’t have to stay here. You don’t have to take care of me and I’ll be just fine.” She shook her head. “There’s no point of sending both of us through this torture, when we’re not together.”

  “We’re not together?” I asked.

  “We most certainly are not.” She looked at me.

  My head nodded and then I asked, “You love me, Dessy?”

  She looked to the side but I moved her face back to me.

  “Answer me,” I coaxed.

  “It doesn’t matter. We’re still not together,” she answered.

  “It does matter. It means every fucking thing. My heart aches for you, when I was away and now that I’m back. You hurt, I hurt. You’re sad, I’m sad.”

  “No, Bear. You left. I didn’t leave. You hurt me, I didn’t hurt you back. You promised me the world and whatever the hell happened you just up and left. I don’t trust you anymore. I can’t.”

  Jesus.

  My head went down again.

  There was nothing else to say because she was right.

  Dessy stood up and I said, “You still didn’t answer the question. I’ll answer it though.”

  Standing so she was next to me and could feel my heart even if she didn’t want to see it.

  “I love you with all my being. No games, no gimmicks. My sister has stage four cancer and is back in Arizona but sent me home so I could get right with you because she knew you made me a better man. No way, I’m letting you leave me, Dessy. Love you too much. I broke some shit and I need to fix it with you. You love me, so you’re going to give me that chance. I ain’t got many years left, Dessy but I’ll spend them fixing what I broke with you. That’s what I’m going to do.”

  Pulling Dessy into me with one arm, I kissed her temple.

  “Dinner will be ready at six o’clock, so you can rest upstairs. My room or the guest room?”

  Her body was still close to mine.

  “The guest room,” she muttered.

  My heart sank but I was determined to get her back, not just in my bed but in her good graces.

  “I’ll set you up in there, then.” My lips touched her temple again; then I grabbed her bags and went to do just that.

  My phone vibrated displaying that it was Shay.

  Shay: She good?

  Me: Yeah, she wants to be setup in the guest room but yeah

  Shay: Ok, all in due time

  Me: Thanks.

  Who knew, crazy Shay would be my ally?

  Shay and the doctor insisted that she could be off work for only a couple of days. She was pissed but she heeded to my word of her being off all week. I made a point to watch television in the living room instead of our room, just in case she wanted to join me. Instead of eating her food at the table with me, she retreated to the guest room. The roles were surely reversed because I cooked all the major meals. Once in a while, she’d make a snack but that was about it. Since she was without a car, she had to rely on me to get her around. Every Guardian alive knew they weren’t to take her anywhere.

  A week of going nowhere, she met me in the living room and said, “I have a doctor’s appointment in one hour.”

  “Ok.” I stood up and turned off the television.

  “If I had my car, I could just go,” she said, but I eyed her.

  “I’ll take care of you means, I’m your ride too.” I grabbed my keys. “Let’s go.”

  She followed me out the door and didn’t say much else on the way to the clinic. When we arrived at the facility, she walked ahead of me to the front desk, gave her information to the receptionist and sat down next to me.

  I looked around to her and said, “Do you know when the rest of your appointments are?”

  “Not yet.” She didn’t say anything else.

  They eventually called her name and I zoned out thinking about the ways I could get her to talk to me. I’m sure she was staying at the house to keep me from hassling her but I’d been too laid back on her. Lett
ing her do things because I felt guilty.

  I was guilty and had let her down.

  That needed to be fixed.

  Ten minutes later, Dessy came back out and I stood up so we could leave but she waved me to follow her to the back. Once we made it into the closed room, there was an image on the screen that looked like a sonogram of a baby with a red circle.

  “Dr. Killman, this is Bear.” Dessy introduced me to the doctor.

  “Hi Bear, nice to meet you. I was trying to press upon the importance of not trying to do this alone. It can be a lonely process already but having the support and love from family and friends is vital. She said that you would be helping her during this time.”

  My head nodded as I turned towards Dessy who kept her eyes on the doctor.

  “What exactly does she need?” I asked. “Is she allowed to work? She doesn’t have to but I know she hates sitting in the house all day.”

  “No, she’s fine. It’s just that with the baby quickly depleting all of her resources, she needs to be refueled.”

  She smiled just as my heart stopped.

  The who?

  Did she say baby?

  “I’m sorry, come again,” I croaked.

  The doctor blinked and the woman beside me stopped moving completely.

  “I said, the baby is depleting…”

  “What baby? Who’s baby?” I asked, cutting her off.

  “Dessy’s baby,” she answered. “Your baby, right?”

  The doctor looked at Dessy and my chest grew tight. My palms started to feel clammy and my stomach was warm with little flutters that made me light-headed.

  “Dessy,” I managed to get out. “We’re having a baby?”

  She didn’t look at me but nodded her head.

  “Bear, how about you sit down,” the doctor said because she must have saw me blinking to clear my vision.

  “I, uh…” The doctor grabbed my hand just in time as my knees almost gave out.

  “Yeah, Dessy’s about nine weeks along. It’s too early to tell anything yet which is one reason why I think she didn’t want to say too much, but she’s healthy and just needs to make sure she is using her supports. Right, Dessy?” The doctor turned her head toward the woman who’d told me nothing.