An Unexpected Hunger

by Rosa, C.

  Ricky smiled, his dimples sinking deep around the corners of his mouth. I leaned in and kissed him, trailing my hand from his jawline down to his neck. He smelled clean and soapy, and tasted like a mixture of mint and tobacco. He wrapped both arms around me, and I straddled my legs around his waist, bearing all my weight on his stomach.

  He kissed me hard, pushing his tongue deeper and deeper into my mouth. Something felt different about this kiss. It was like the love between us was stronger, profounder; nothing like I had ever experienced before. He was in love with me, and I was in love with him. After, all those years of avoiding him, now I couldn’t imagine ever being without him.

  “Move in with me,” he said as I kissed his neck.

  I stopped, and sat straight up on his lap. “What?”

  “You heard me,” he smiled.

  “Move in? Here?” I stammered.

  Ricky laughed. “Yes! Of course here. Where else?”

  I tried to peel myself off his lap, but Ricky held onto each side of my thighs.

  “Ricky…”

  “I’m not letting go until you give me an answer.”

  “Don’t you think it’s a little too soon for that?”

  “No. I love you. You spend all your time here, anyway. Plus, I love having you here.”

  “Move in with you?” I repeated. “I don’t know…”

  “What’s not to know? Don’t you think you’ll be happy here with me?”

  I thought about it. “I don’t need to move in with you to be happy. Aren’t you happy with the way things are?”

  “Of course I am. I’m the happiest I’ve been in years.”

  “Don’t you think you’d get tired of seeing me? We work together, spend our free time together, and then…we’ll live together.”

  “Tired of you? You’re kidding, right?”

  I shook my head no.

  “Alexa…I’ve been in love with you for ten years, never once telling you how I really felt. Then, I watched and did nothing, again, when you left for California. I’m not making that mistake again. I don’t want to waste anymore time spending my life without you.”

  My cheeks flushed with warmth. My chest ached with an overwhelming sense of happiness. Ricky had actually taken my breath away.

  “Okay,” I whispered. “I’ll move in with you.”

  He scooped me up and tossed me on the other side of the bed, sending me into a fit of giggles.

  “That was some speech,” I teased.

  Ricky tickled me some more until I begged him to stop.

  “If you think that was good,” he said. “Just wait for the next one.”

  * * *

  It just happened to be by chance that I stopped by my mom’s house after dropping Ricky off at the bar. Since we had moved in together a month ago, I had promised my mom we would go out to lunch. She almost fainted when I told her I was moving in with Ricky. But, after some serious persuading, I had convinced her that it wasn’t an insane idea.

  I was also relieved to see that she was starting to warm up to Ricky, and even agreed to come to our house for Thanksgiving dinner. I never knew how much I missed being home for the holidays until we were all together again. Ricky carving the turkey, and Nick monopolizing the sweet potatoes. I couldn’t help to think what it would have been like if dad were still alive, plopped on the couch with the boys watching football, while mom, Mia, and I cleaned up.

  I was supposed to meet my mom at the restaurant in twenty minutes, but decided to swing by her house to pick up a few last minute items I never grabbed during the move. I didn’t have a lot of stuff to bring to Ricky’s house, but I had been so busy revamping the menu with Cesar that there were things that never made it over.

  I pulled in, slowing down when I noticed the car parked in the driveway. It had a Pennsylvania license plate, and a bumper sticker with the name of the rental car company. I parked beside it, peeking through the passenger side window of Ricky’s car, to see who was sitting inside.

  My heart dropped to my stomach, sucking the breath right out of my lungs. I unbuckled my seat belt and stormed out of the car.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked him.

  Danny got out of the car and stood frozen. He had grown a scruffy beard, and looked like he lost some weight.

  “Alexa…you look great.”

  I stood far away, afraid to get too close.

  “WHAT are you doing here?” I repeated.

  He took a few steps towards me before I held up my hands.

  “Don’t come any closer,” I warned. “Please.”

  He looked sad…defeated, and when I took a better look I saw the bags around his eyes and the frown lines around his mouth.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. He fidgeted with his keys. “I’m in Philly for a restaurant convention. I was so close. I wanted to see you. See how you are…”

  “I’m fine,” I said.

  Danny gave a meek smile. “Good…Nice car.”

  “Thanks,” I muttered. “It’s not mine. It belongs to a…friend.”

  A tense silence filled the space between us.

  “Look Lexy…I know you hate me, and I don’t blame you. But, I want you to know that I’m sorry for everything that happened. I didn’t mean for you to loose everything because of me.”

  I tried so hard to hold onto my anger, but I felt it fading. At that moment, I had forgotten all about the letter, the incessant calls. All I saw in front of me now was a heartbroken man, pouring his heart out to me.

  “It wasn’t just you…and I don’t hate you,” I confessed. “I knew all along what I was getting myself into. After that night, I was just so afraid that I wouldn’t be able to stay from you that I needed you to disappear. What we did was wrong, but I’m passed that now. I’ve moved on…and so should you.”

  “I’ve tried,” Danny smirked. “I try everyday to forget what we had, but I can’t. I miss you. And I thought if…if we saw each other one more time that I could convince you that we deserve a second chance.”

  He walked closer to me, and this time I didn’t stop him. “I want to you to give me another chance. Please. This time for real. No more hiding. No more sneaking around. You and me. In the restaurant again. Doing what we do best.”

  I crossed my arms and leaned against the Range Rover. Danny’s dark brown eyes, brooding and full of remorse, sliced into me. Memories of us together, happy, flashed through my head.

  “I can’t do this right now,” I said, shaking myself out of it. “I have to meet my mom for lunch in five minutes. You better go.”

  “Okay,” Danny whispered, disappointed. “But there’s one more thing.” He pulled out a business card out of the pocket of his jeans. “There’s a job opening back in California.” He handed me the card. “It’s a buddy of mine. He’s opening a new place, and he’s looking for the best. I told him about you, and he wants you to call him.”

  My eyes darted from the card to Danny.

  “He’s good…even better than me,” he smiled. “They’re a lot of people after this job so give him a call.”

  “Thanks,” I said, tucking the card in my pocket.

  Danny got back in his car and drove away, locking his eyes on me the entire time. When he disappeared down the road, I pulled out the card and punched the number in my phone, saving it to memory, before ripping it up and letting the wind carry away the pieces.

  Chapter 23

  Make a Choice

  RICKY COULD TELL I had been distracted all week. He prodded me a few times, trying to figure out what is was that was bothering me. Finally, I blamed it on PMS and he decided to leave it alone.

  The truth was I couldn’t get Danny’s visit out of my head. It should have freaked me out, but it didn’t. I should have forgotten about the job offer, but I couldn’t. I thought I was happy where I was, working at the Mug. I was comfortable in my own little kitchen with people I liked working with. So, why did I get the urge to call the number Danny gave me every time I scrolle
d through my phone?

  When Ricky was sound asleep, I snuck out of bed and tiptoed downstairs, doing my best to avoid the squeaky step. The clock on the oven read midnight, so I was hoping nine o’clock California time wasn’t too late to call.

  My fingers trembled as I scrolled to the saved number in my phone. I stared at it a few minutes, psyching myself into pushing the CALL button. I stopped thinking and just pushed it, my heart racing as the phone rang. I wiped my sweaty palms against my pajama pants.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi…Mr. Lorri? This is Alexa Stanton. Danny DiDonato gave me your number. I hope I’m not calling too late.”

  “Alexa! Hi! I’ve been expecting your call.”

  I smiled, relieved that I hadn’t caught him at a bad time. “Danny mentioned you were opening a new place.”

  He went into detail about the new upscale restaurant he was opening in late February, early March. He was practically bursting with excitement over the phone.

  “So, what do you think?” he asked.

  “It sounds amazing.” I squealed, cowering back when I thought I heard something from upstairs.

  “Well, I would need you back in California by January, which doesn’t really give you a lot of time to find a place to stay and get situated. You came highly recommended, and if you want the job it’s yours.”

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Working in that kind of kitchen was my dream, especially in a new restaurant. It was an exciting opportunity, too tempting to let go. So when I uttered the next words out of my mouth, I knew I needed to get my head checked.

  “This is going to sound crazy…but when’s the latest I can let you know by?”

  “Well,” he paused. “I would need to know by the end of the month. I’m afraid I can’t wait any longer than that.”

  “Okay, I understand.” I looked at the calendar on the wall. That would give me just about three weeks to decide. “Thanks, Mr. Lorri.”

  I ended the call and flopped down on the kitchen table, knowing there was no way I was sleeping tonight.

  * * *

  Ricky and I were meeting Mia and Nick for dinner. We showed up a few minutes early, and I ordered a drink to calm my nerves.

  “I was thinking,” I said. “Maybe it’s time you hired another cook.”

  “Why?” Ricky asked, surprised. “I’ve got the best cook in town.” He smiled and kissed me, and I took a long sip of my martini.

  “I just think that it might be a good idea,” I continued. “In case I find another job.”

  Ricky raised his eyebrows. “Another job? Doing what?”

  The alcohol was kicking in, giving me the false confidence I was hoping for. “I don’t know…like in a real kitchen.”

  “Ouch,” Ricky said.

  “I’m sorry,” I replied, eating the alcohol soaked olives. “I didn’t mean that.”

  I ordered another drink from the waiter, Ricky suspiciously eyeing me.

  “What is going on with you?” he asked.

  I shrugged. “Nothing!”

  The waiter handed me another martini, and I wasted no time making sure it was as good as the first one.

  “Slow down,” Ricky warned. “You’re drinking on an empty stomach.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I’ll have you know,” I said, waving the tiny plastic sword that once held the olives. “That I went to the best culinary school in the country.” I took another sip. “Perhaps in the universe.” I gestured the enormity of the universe by outstretching my arms, spilling a few drops of my drink.

  Ricky said nothing, only stared while trying to keep a straight face.

  Nick and Mia sat down in the other side of the booth, looking at me like I had three heads.

  “What’s the matter with her?” Nick asked Ricky, nodding towards me.

  “She had a few drinks,” Ricky said.

  I hiccupped, a sure sign that I had reached my limit. “Nick will tell you,” I said. “Tell ‘em Nick.”

  Nick darted his eyes between me and Ricky. “Tell him what? What the hell is she talking about?”

  Ricky cleared his throat. “That she went to the best culinary school…in the universe.”

  Nick laughed while Mia looked at the menu.

  “You just don’t want to me work where you can’t watch me,” I said to Ricky, tapping the end of his nose with each word.

  “That’s not true,” Ricky said.

  “Yes, it is,” I replied. “But now I guess that you got me in bed…what does it matter to you?”

  “TMI,” Nick muttered under his breath.

  Mia peered from over the menu. “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing,” I said. “Let’s order!” I clapped my hands and buried my face in the menu, Ricky’s eyes burning a hole in the side of my head.

  * * *

  Ricky was quiet the entire time at dinner, speaking only when spoken to, and to tell the waiter not to bring me any more alcohol. I debated on throwing a tantrum like a three year old, but decided against it.

  While he and Nick paid for the bill, Mia and I walked outside, the chilly December air smacking the heat off my cheeks.

  “Are you okay?” Mia asked.

  “I’m fine,” I lied.

  “Are you sure? ‘Cause you don’t look fine.”

  “I’m just tired,” I said, blowing it off.

  The car ride home was filled with nothing but silence and the occasional sideways glance. I knew I had crossed the line with my comment, and I’m not even sure where it came from.

  “I’m sorry,” I said.

  Ricky kept quiet, his eyes never leaving the road.

  “Are you going to say anything?” I continued.

  He finally turned to look at me. “What do you want me to say? I’ll hire someone tomorrow. If that’s what you want, if you’re not happy.”

  “I didn’t say I wasn’t happy…”

  “Oh…you’re right….now that we’ve slept together what do I need you around for?” He paused. “Do you even realize how ridiculous, not to mention fucked up, that is?”

  I closed my eyes. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it.”

  Ricky pulled into the driveway, and threw the car in park. “There’s something else going on with you. I’m not stupid. Why won’t you tell me?”

  I looked out the window, throwing my seat belt off. I had just enough alcohol running through me to say it out loud.

  “I got a job offer at a new restaurant opening up. A really, really nice one…with a great menu, and access to a beautiful new kitchen.” I trailed my eyes from my hands to the steering wheel, and eventually, Ricky’s face.

  He shifted in his seat. “That’s good!” he said. “I’m so proud of you-”

  “It’s in California.”

  The smile immediately dropped from his face. “California?” He looked out the windshield, running his hand around the leather of the steering wheel. “How did that happen?”

  “It’s not important…”

  “Are you going to take it?”

  I didn’t know what to say. Ricky got out of the car, slamming the door. I hopped out, trying not to slip on the ice. “Ricky…wait!”

  He turned, just as he got the front door open. “That’s why you been acting so weird! Why couldn’t you tell me this before?”

  “Before what? I only heard about it a week ago!”

  “Bullshit! Why’d you even bothering moving in, huh? What…were you just killing time until something better came along?”

  “No!” I said. The ice cold air slipped through my unzipped jacket, searing through my chest. “I didn’t say I was going to take it!” I followed him into the house and up the steps.

  “No, you didn’t. But you didn’t say you weren’t.”

  He peeled off his shirt as I slipped off my shoes.

  “I…I don’t know!” I said, holding both shoes in the air. “I would be crazy not to take it.”

  “There are plenty of places around here where you could find
another job!”

  “Yeah…and then I would have to start all over again! It would be different with this one. I would have the same job I did working with…” I didn’t dare say his name.

  “Fine,” Ricky said, grabbing a pillow off of the bed. “Have fun in California.” He slammed the bedroom door, and stormed down the steps.

  I laid in bed for a few hours, waiting for Ricky to come back upstairs. I finally fell asleep, stretching my arms out on Ricky’s side, empty and cold. I took a shower and got ready for work, only to find the house empty when I went downstairs.

  I called Mia for a ride to work.

  I waited for Ricky to show up at the bar all day, but by the end of the night, I was asking Mia for another ride home.

  “Where’s Ricky been?” she finally asked.

  I shrugged my shoulders and stared out of the window. He wasn’t answering his phone, and hadn’t responded to any of my text messages. When I came home to an empty house, the worry started to set in.

  I called Ricky one more time before flopping on the couch and turning on the TV. I didn’t bother to take a shower, too worried to move from my spot. Around three in the morning, my eyelids got so heavy that I gave into the feeling and fell asleep.

  The front door unlocked. and my eyes popped wide open. I heard the clank of keys as they hit the kitchen table, and then the opening of the refrigerator door. I scrambled off the couch and turned the television off. Ricky froze when he saw me, a carton of orange juice in his hand.

  “Where have you been?” I asked, in a scratchy voice. “I’ve been trying to call you all day.”

  He leaned against the counter and took another sip. “Well, I’m here now so there’s no need to worry. Go to bed.”

  “Are you coming up?”

  He shrugged, tossing the juice back in the fridge.

  “Ricky…please. I don’t want to fight about this anymore. I’m not going to take the job.”

  “The hell you’re not,” he said.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I hired a new cook today. You start training him tomorrow.”

  “Are you serious?” I asked, kind of offended. “You hired someone in one day?”

  “Yep…so now you can take the job, move back to California, and be happy.”