Blaze of Glory

by M. Garzon

“Sometimes I feel as though I’m living with the embodiment of the two major male stereotypes,” I sighed.

  “Which are?”

  “That guys think mostly about their careers and getting laid. Not necessarily in that order.”

  “That’s very flattering, Téa,” he said drily. “Though I can see how Seth and Dec might leave you with that mistaken impression.”

  I smiled and reached over to take his hand off the reins. “You, on the other hand, are the most multi-faceted man I’ve ever met. In fact, you’re such a Renaissance Man that you’re giving me a complex.”

  Because of the club chukkers, we did the bedtime check of the barn late that night and the minute we stepped inside, I knew something was off. I hesitated, listening — then I ran toward the sound of acute respiratory distress. I pinpointed it in Casey’s stall and flung open the door. His head was hanging, and every breath was obviously taking enormous effort. He was sweating and his limbs trembled. He gave a labored cough.

  “Damn,” Jaden said, “I’ll call the vet.” He took off for the tackroom.

  I felt along Casey’s throat for obstructions, not really expecting to find any. I’d suspected for a while that he had breathing issues but I’d never seen such a bad respiratory attack.

  Jaden ran back. “She’s on her way.”

  That was good news, but Kathy’s office was twenty minutes away. I sprinted to the medicine cabinet and quickly scanned the medications. There was nothing for asthma attacks, but I had a flash of inspiration. I grabbed a bottle and syringe and dashed back. I drew the fluid into the syringe and tapped it, making sure there were no air bubbles inside.

  “You’ll have to try to hold him steady,” I said.

  “Wait — what are you giving him?” Jaden asked.

  “Bute.” Bute was short for Phenylbutazone, a common medication around stables.

  “But that’s a painkiller!” he said worriedly.

  “It’s also an anti-inflammatory, and the only one we’ve got that will be fast-acting because I’m injecting it,” I muttered as I pressed my thumb into the jugular groove on the neck. I waited for the swelling that would indicate blood pooling above my thumb.

  “Are you sure about this?” he pressed.

  I met his eyes. “No. But I don’t think he can make it until the vet comes. Hold him, please.”

  I gave mental thanks for Jaden’s strength as he supported Casey’s head and, despite Casey’s continued coughing, managed to keep him fairly still while I inserted the needle into the vein. A burgundy ribbon flowed over my hand; I attached the syringe, pulled back the plunger and checked that blood flowed in. Then I depressed the plunger slowly. I don’t think I breathed until I withdrew the needle.

  We patted Casey as we watched for any change. It seemed to take a very long time but was probably only two minutes before he shook his head. He coughed again, then straightened up his stance somewhat and looked at me.

  “Whew,” I breathed. “You scared us, buddy.” My hands were still shaking, but Casey was definitely improving now. I smiled up at Jaden and found him gazing at me with a look of wonderment. He pulled me into a hug.

  “Whoa! Careful,” I warned, quickly moving my hand. “I’m still holding the needle.”

  He chuckled and released me. “I can’t believe you just did that. Where did you learn to give IV injections?”

  “The vet showed me.”

  When Kathy arrived she examined Casey while we explained what had happened; when I got to the part about injecting the Bute she laughed.

  “You have good instincts, Téa. It’s probably the one thing you could have done, given what you had to work with.”

  Casey’s close call kept me up that night. I kept imagining how Dec would react if he discovered my secret. That the news might incite him to violence was something I’d already considered, and accepted. My worries this time went beyond the joined bubble of Jaden and me. What if Dec tried to forbid the relationship? I couldn’t imagine leaving the barn; I loved every one of those horses like my own. Sure, Seth and Dec would meet their basic needs if I were gone, but I was the one who gave them special treats, coddled them when they were sick or injured, and understood their relationships with each other. I was the one who was good in an emergency. Dec could make my life miserable at home, but if I left, I wouldn’t be the only one to suffer.

  * * *

  It was August, and suddenly every day felt like a clock ticking down to the dreaded time when school would dictate that I only see Jaden on weekends, if that. We spent every possible minute together, although our need to be discreet made it challenging. So when Dec went out one afternoon and told us not to expect him until late, we headed straight for the hayloft, to the corner that Jaden had cleared out for us behind a big pile of bales. It gave us an extra measure of privacy; if anyone climbed up we would hear them, but they wouldn’t be able to see us unless they searched somewhat. There was a flat area made up of a few bales and my pulse spiked upward when I noticed the addition of a blanket. I gave Jaden a questioning look.

  “Your skin’s so delicate,” he explained, “I noticed you got scratched last time.”

  “And... my skin will be exposed?” I hardly dared believe it. I searched his face carefully.

  “Don’t get carried away,” he chided. He smiled at my look of frustration and took my face in his hands. “I was thinking of your arms and legs since you persist in wearing as little as possible around me.”

  “It’s summer,” I reminded him. “Besides, I’ve got to use whatever meager weapons I have at my disposal.”

  He raised a brow as I wound my arms around him.

  “Weapons? Are we at war, then?”

  His beautiful face was getting closer; my heart galloped faster with every inch of approach.

  “Not war, more like a minor conflict. One in which you always have the upper hand,” I said, only mildly sour.

  “Well then,” he whispered, “let the battle begin.”

  We sank onto the blanket-covered bales, and I had to smile at the thought that even indoors, we always seemed to be lying on grass. We didn’t touch in the house, of course, and the shed was even less comfortable than the barn. What little time Jaden and I spent horizontal was either out in the fields or in the hayloft.

  My musings were cut short as Jaden trailed his hand slowly up my arm, over my shoulder, to the back of my neck. I closed my eyes with a shiver; all the hairs on my body were already standing up. I felt his lips on my shoulder. He lowered me onto my back as his mouth followed the line of my collarbone. I wove my fingers into his hair as he kissed the hollow above the bone and started moving up my neck. My breathing was growing uneven, and I was already growing desperate to feel his body against mine. I freed my hands from his hair and tried to pull him on top of me, but he didn’t budge.

  “A little longer, querida,” he murmured.

  “Tease,” I accused him, smiling against his cheek.

  His hand was on my hip, and on impulse, I took it and slid it under my shirt. It wasn’t there a second; before I could blink my arms were above my head and one of Jaden’s hands was clamped firmly around my wrists.

  “Naughty,” he admonished with a trace of a smile.

  We locked eyes as he lowered his head slowly, pausing when he was so close I could feel the warmth of his lips above mine. I’d had enough; I arched up and closed the distance. It seemed that Jaden had reached his limit, too — the instant my mouth met his he covered me with his body, freeing my hands, and I used them to pull him against me as hard as I could. My pulse was loud in my ears, and for a few endless minutes all that existed, all that mattered, was Jaden.

  When we were both panting he rolled us onto our sides. I caressed his face; I felt like I was melting with love.

  “Te quiero, Jaden,” I murmured.

  His eyes burned into mine. “I love you too.”

  “You know what I find interesting about ‘te quiero’,” I said as casually as I could, “is that it
’s used to say ‘I love you’, but it also means ‘I want you’.”

  He smoothed my hair back from my face, and let his hand rest on my neck.

  “It depends on the context,” he agreed.

  My heartbeat got louder. I swallowed nervously.

  “I want you, Jaden.” My eyes never left his; I saw the flare of answering desire dilate his pupils before he squeezed his eyes shut and pulled me against him.

  “We’ve talked about this, Téa,” he whispered against my hair. “It’s too soon. I don’t think we’re ready for that yet.”

  “Speak for yourself,” I grumbled. “I couldn’t be more ready. And it doesn’t help that you’re always leading me on, either.”

  “It will be worth the wait,” he purred. He gave me a look of such scorching promise that my stomach lurched and I was flooded with longing for him again. I pulled away from him and dropped onto my back, covering my face with my hands.

  “Aargh.”

  He tugged one of my hands away and held it in his. “I guess the blanket was a bad idea,” he said ruefully.

  “What? No... it’s nice to be comfortable.” Not that I really noticed where I was when I was pressed up against him. “How come we never go to your place anymore?” I asked suddenly. Now that I was thinking of comfort and Jaden in the same sentence, it seemed the obvious answer.

  “We haven’t really had time,” he said evasively. He didn’t meet my eyes.

  “We could make time.”

  He hesitated, looking torn.

  “I don’t think us going to my place would be wise right now,” he admitted finally.

  Understanding came to me in a rush.

  “You’ve been avoiding it,” I guessed, and saw the truth of it in his eyes. “Because... you’re as tempted as I am.” I could hardly believe it.

  His eyes held mine wordlessly for a minute before one corner of his mouth tugged up slightly. “Possibly even more so.”

  “Then, why...” I was too shocked to even finish my sentence.

  He pulled me close again before answering.

  “For all the reasons we’ve discussed. You’re young. So is our relationship. We have the stress of keeping it secret to deal with. And... you’ve had a difficult year, mi amor. A sexual relationship brings with it a whole new set of concerns; you don’t need anything extra to deal with right now.”

  “Making love to you can only improve my year,” I said with certainty.

  His expression softened, and he kissed me sweetly for a moment. Which, of course, only made me want him more.

  “Far be it for me to pressure you,” I sighed.

  * * *

  Jaden was playing in another tournament at the Toronto club, and since it was a rare weekend with no show for me, I went to watch him. It hadn’t occurred to me, however, that Summer might attend for the same reason.

  I was with the grooms before the match, so I looked on from a distance as Jaden kissed Summer’s cheek. She put her arm around his waist, and I gritted my teeth before he disengaged himself smoothly and headed toward her father. I was across the field, but I could see clearly when Summer stopped Jaden by putting her hand on his arm. He leaned toward her, and she spoke close to his ear. He didn’t pull his arm away, I noticed bitterly. I wondered if this went on at every match — I wasn’t usually there to see it.

  I didn’t say anything about it, but I didn’t go back on Sunday, using backed-up lessons as an excuse. It wasn’t that I was jealous, exactly, but I didn’t want to watch their exchanges, and I couldn’t distract Jaden by asking about it while he was in the middle of a tournament. So the question only came up on Sunday night, when we were finally alone in the hayloft. Jaden was tired from a hard weekend, maybe that’s what made him sound so impatient when I asked him.

  “David is the team patron, the whole team depends on his support to play, and it’s my livelihood. I need to use a certain amount of discretion when it comes to dealing with his daughter.”

  “Which means what, exactly?”

  He hesitated. “I think that Summer is hoping we’ll resume our relationship.”

  I broke into a sweat; my heart constricted, but it managed to race all the same. “And what have you told her about that?”

  “I haven’t said anything — I haven’t encouraged her in that belief if that’s what you mean.” He was frowning.

  “You know,” I said slowly, “it occurs to me that you’re a very good liar, especially for someone so averse to dishonesty.”

  He just waited, brows pulled together, for me to go on. I swallowed. I wasn’t sure that I even wanted an answer to my question.

  “So I’m wondering,” I continued softly, not looking at him, “who are you lying to? Summer, or me?”

  “What kind of question is that?” he demanded. “I’ve never lied to either of you.”

  “You lied to her with your body, Jaden, when you kissed her at the gallery. And when you don’t pull away from her, all those times she touches you.” My voice was even quieter now. “Either that, or it’s me you’re not being honest with.”

  My voice broke then, and I spun away from him, but he caught my wrist and yanked me back. I thudded against him; the hardness of his body still sometimes surprised me, especially when it was coiled, as now, with tension. Or was it anger? I raised my eyes to his warily. I felt his hand on the back of my head, twining into my hair.

  “Do not,” he growled fiercely, “suggest to me that I don’t love you. After everything we’ve been through, everything we’re risking to be together — don’t you dare suggest that.”

  His eyes sparked with anger, but the love shining behind it was unmistakable. That look was impossible to doubt, and the rush of emotion that swept over me at the sight of it left me weak. I put my free hand on his cheek; he was still gripping one wrist tightly.

  “Lo siento,” I said softly. I could feel the remorse in my eyes.

  It felt more appropriate to apologize in Spanish. I wanted him to be unable to doubt my sincerity, as I no longer doubted his. For a second his eyes widened in surprise. Then he trapped my face in his hands and kissed me in a way that left no room for uncertainty of any kind. When I was completely breathless he released me. I sat on a bale, but Jaden was too wound up. He started pacing.

  “I didn’t mean to upset you,” I said quietly.

  “I’m not upset. It’s just that... Téa, for you to harbor doubts about something so basic means you have no concept of my feelings for you. I was with Summer for a year, I thought I loved her, but you...” He paused, and his hair suffered in his agitation. “There’s no comparison. You were made for me, Téa; you’re my perfect match. I love everything about you — your incisive mind, your compassion, your stubborn pride. I love the way you look like an angry urchin one minute and a beautiful woman the next. I love watching you press your lips together to keep from smiling when you’re trying to protect my pride. Everything.” He stood tense, watching me, but I was too stunned to respond. I adored Jaden, but I doubted that I could have expressed my feelings as eloquently as he just had. I went and wrapped my arms around him instead, and held him with all my might.

  “I love you, too.” That didn’t even begin to cover it, but it was all I could manage around the huge lump in my throat.

  * * *

  That week Dec won his lawsuit and the atmosphere at home lightened considerably. Aunt Paloma and Gran came over for a celebratory dinner one night, and I watched Jaden head into the kitchen, where Aunt Paloma stood at the counter. He sauntered up and tried to take a cracker from the plate she was arranging; she swatted his hand away, but then gave him one anyway. His impish smile made me grin in response, though he couldn’t see me. He gave his mom a peck on the cheek before getting some glasses from the cupboard. I felt an unexpected twist of sadness at their warm, easy relationship. My mom and I had been close, but I knew that kind of parental relationship was lost to me for good — it was something Dec and I would never enjoy. And while I’d always felt t
hat Aunt Paloma was someone I might confide in, now that I was in love with her son I felt reserved and cautious around her. It saddened me, she had always treated Seth and I like true members of the family. I was so afraid of losing her acceptance.

  Eighteen

  I brought Cameo to another show that weekend, and she won another championship ribbon. It looked as though I’d be going to the Royal with a pony this year. Which was still quite an accomplishment, as everyone pointed out — it just wasn’t the one I was aiming for. So when Robin called that week to say that Hades’ owners wanted me to take over his training, I was ecstatic. There was only one obstacle: Dec.

  “No way,” he said emphatically when I brought it up. “I won’t have Robin on my property.”

  “But Dec,” I pleaded, “she’d barely be here, she only coaches the owners once in a while. The horse is a bit much for them.”

  He frowned at me. “You know, Téa, you never mentioned Robin when you told me that story.”

  “I didn’t think it was relevant,” I said evasively.

  “Uh-huh,” he said, dubious. “Well, I asked around after you rode that horse, and from what I’ve heard, he’s downright dangerous. So the answer is no.”

  I huffed in frustration; we couldn’t afford to turn away a new boarder, especially one who would also bring in training fees.

  “Come on, Dec, would you object to this if Robin wasn’t involved?” I demanded, arms crossed.

  Jaden’s phone rang as I watched Dec’s face set in familiar lines of resistance.

  “Stop arguing with him, querida, you’re making things worse.”

  It took a minute for the words to register, but when they did I nearly jumped in surprise before I realized that Jaden had spoken in Spanish. I understood the sentence almost perfectly; I glanced over and saw him lounging on the couch, continuing what I assumed was a fictitious conversation in rapid Spanish. As I watched he hung up, still without looking at me.

  I turned back to Dec with a smile.

  “Okay, Dec. And... thanks for worrying about me.”

  He seemed completely disarmed. “I — well, all right then,” he muttered. He headed outside.