by M. Garzon
Jaden glared at me. “I didn’t ask your opinion,” he snarled.
“It’s not opinion, it’s fact! I saw the whole thing,” I yelled at him, stung.
“All right, we’re taking a break,” he called out, surveying our frustrated faces. “Téa, come with me.”
“Why?” I demanded, my hackles up.
He rode closer, till we were knee to knee. I could almost feel the heat of his anger scorching me, and I realized suddenly that it had been a long time since I’d seen him that way. Well, apart from this morning.
“Come with me. Now.”
I wondered fleetingly what he would do if I simply rode away. Surely we were past the point where he would carry me if I didn’t listen. But just in case we weren’t, I followed him, seething. I didn’t need that kind of embarrassment.
We had barely handed our horses to Jennalyn when Jaden grabbed my arm and dragged me toward the stables. He turned on me the instant we were hidden behind the building. His eyes blazed furiously; I took an involuntary step back as I felt their impact.
“I’m the captain of this team, Téa,” he snarled, “and I can’t do my job if you undermine me at every turn.”
“How am I undermining you?” I meant to shout, but it didn’t come out that loud. His anger was intimidating me.
“Let’s see,” he said with mock thoughtfulness, “Mateo can do no wrong today, evidently. Every time I criticize him you leap to his defense.”
“That’s insane!” Now I did yell. “You’ve had it in for him all day, and all because of your completely senseless jealousy!”
A spasm crossed his face. “This is not about me!” he thundered.
I bit back my retort and we stood, breathing hard and glaring at each other. I took a deep breath; underneath my anger, there was pain — that sharp, slicing pain that his mistrust always brought.
“Jaden, I don’t understand,” I said more quietly. “What’s really going on here?”
His jaw clenched. “Mateo likes you,” he said tensely.
“Yes, because he’s my friend. I like him, too. Why is that a problem?”
We were standing about three feet apart; I saw hurt flash across his eyes before he dropped them and half-turned, pushing the heels of his hands against them. I felt a wave of remorse. His anger I could take, though it hurt, but his suffering left me utterly defenseless. With a lurch, I closed the distance between us and slipped my arms around him. He didn’t respond at first, his body remaining tense. Then his arms closed around me. We leaned together, letting the anger dim, feeling our bodies soften and warm to each others’. I was relieved our fight was over, but worry gnawed like rats at my insides.
“Jaden,” I spoke softly, “I’m out of my depth here. I don’t know what to do. Do you want me to give up all my male friends?”
He took my shoulders and pushed me back so he could see my face; his looked appalled. “Of course not! I would never ask that of you, nor want it.” He said it with a conviction I could not doubt.
“What about a situation like today’s?” I asked nervously, not looking at him. “Should I stand idly by while you run roughshod over someone because you... have issues with them?” I shied away from saying ‘because you’re jealous’. I didn’t want to provoke another fight.
His hand cupped my chin and made me face him. His eyes were tight, but they regarded me steadily as he took a deep breath.
“Tell me, what would you say if I answered ‘yes’ to those questions?” Neither his eyes nor his hand allowed me to look away; I couldn’t prevaricate even if I’d wanted to.
“I’d probably say, ‘Okay’,” I whispered. “I mean, what else could I do? I love you. But I’d end up resenting you for it, and I’m not sure I could keep it up. You know me, I suck at following rules.”
He nodded thoughtfully, released my chin and took my hands in his. My heart skittered in apprehension. He wouldn’t really ask me to submit to something so draconian, would he? It seemed so unlike him, but then, I was only beginning to understand how powerful jealousy could be.
He swallowed hard. “Téa, I owe you a huge apology. You shouldn’t have to deal with this. I’ve been a hypocrite — I’ve demanded that you not keep anything from me, but I haven’t been completely forthcoming with you, either.”
None of this was lessening my nerves any.
“There’s something I haven’t told you,” he continued in a low voice. He hesitated. “While I was with Summer, she was unfaithful to me... with Mateo.”
I gasped, stunned. The idea of anyone cheating on Jaden was beyond belief in itself, but for it to be with Mateo — all the pieces fell into place with an almost audible click.
“Oh Jaden, I’m so sorry,” I blurted. I hugged him hard. I wanted to physically draw the pain from his body into mine, so as never to see that look in his eyes again.
“What happened?” I whispered against his chest.
“It’s not that complicated,” he said grimly. “Summer was angry with me, she slept with Mateo to teach me a lesson. I think she was hoping it would make me jealous, ironically.” He laughed without mirth.
“Is that why you broke up?”
“It certainly contributed, eventually. But when it happened-” He paused, thinking. “I wasn’t a very good boyfriend to her, Téa. I felt as though I’d driven her to it, so I forgave her.”
And there it was again, the unimaginable depth of Jaden’s goodness. I thought of how profoundly he had changed my life over the past year, of the innumerable small acts of kindness, and I felt absolutely flattened with love for him. Tears sprang to my eyes, and my throat constricted. I’d been watching his face while we spoke, but now I returned to the shelter of his embrace. He rested his cheek on my hair.
“What about Mateo? How can you be on the same team as him?” My voice was thick with emotion.
“He claims not to have known that Summer and I were together. In retrospect, I realize that she was always careful not to reveal our relationship around him... so he can’t really be blamed.” There was the barest trace of bitterness in his voice. Another piece of the puzzle fell into place.
“Jaden, you know-”
Hoofbeats interrupted me; as they rounded the barn I jumped guiltily out of Jaden’s arms and whirled to find Mateo riding toward us. He looked from my distressed expression to Jaden’s grim one and frowned.
“You are okay, chiquita?”
I nodded, then deliberately walked over and wound my arm around Jaden’s waist.
“Sorry to keep everyone waiting, Mateo,” I said as normally as possible. “We’re just having a little lover’s quarrel.” I tried to look sheepish. I felt Jaden’s eyes on my face as his arm wrapped tightly around my shoulders.
Mateo’s face crinkled into a smile, and he wagged his finger at me playfully.
“Ah, so that is what you are hiding, little tiger! Well, time to kiss and make up, we have to finish practice.”
His face grew serious as he turned to Jaden. The two exchanged a long look before Mateo spoke in Spanish; most of it was too fast for me to follow. Jaden gave a curt nod. I turned to him questioningly, and had a brief glimpse of fervent joy in his eyes before he crushed me in his arms, lifting my feet right off the ground, and kissed me ardently. Mateo chuckled.
“Not too long, lovebirds,” he called over the sound of retreating hoofbeats.
Practice flowed much more smoothly after that, and the mood was jovial as the game ended.
“Does this mean we’re coming out of the closet?” Jaden asked on the ride home.
I thought about it. Nothing had changed, really. His mother would almost certainly react badly to the news, and the odds were good that Dec would, too.
“I don’t think we need to, yet,” I replied. “The Argentineans are all leaving after next week. I’ll ask Mateo not say anything. Unless... do you want to tell?” I watched his face as he considered; he looked almost as conflicted as I felt.
“No,” he said finally. “I’m af
raid they’ll keep us apart.”
I agreed, although I had additional motivation to keep things quiet. After what I’d felt from him in the pond, I knew that Jaden was serious when he said he was ready to make love to me. I didn’t want increased parental scrutiny now, not when we were so close.
* * *
That Friday Jaden was leaving for a tournament at the Club Polo Nacional, near Montreal. He was due back on Labor Day Monday, but I wouldn’t even see him then because we both started school the next day. We were facing an entire week apart, and I was numb with apprehension at the prospect. We didn’t say much before he left but clung to each other until the last minute. The way Jaden was running his hands all over my body made me want to consummate our relationship that second, but for the next few weeks, both of our schedules were insanely busy. It figured.
Jaden called from the road on Monday. The tournament had gone well, but he sounded exhausted. I wondered if he had done a lot of partying after the matches, but I didn’t worry about it the way I used to; now, I only hoped he’d had a good time. I had barely climbed into bed that night when I heard a voice downstairs — a voice I would know anywhere. I bolted down the stairs, but the sight of Dec made me brake abruptly, my legs locking on the bottom step. I grabbed the banister to steady myself, cursing internally.
“Hi,” I said casually, barely glancing at Jaden. I examined Dec. If he was surprised at my hasty entrance, it didn’t show. “How was the tournament?” I finally allowed myself to drink in the sight of Jaden; I had a feeling I was beaming, but I couldn’t help myself.
“It was great, they have a very nice bunch of riders at the Montreal club. I just came to get the horses settled... Jen was too tired to drive by herself.” A likely story. His eyes were locked on mine.
“Are you staying overnight?” Dec asked.
Jaden shook his head. “I have school tomorrow too.”
“Then I’ll go make you some coffee so you’ll stay awake,” Dec said, patting him on the back on his way to the kitchen.
We met halfway across the living room.
“Meet me in the shed after Dec’s asleep?” he whispered.
“What if it’s really late?” I asked. “You look so tired.” I could barely refrain from caressing his face as I said it.
“I don’t care. I have to see you.”
I actually floated back up the stairs.
It was after eleven when Dec went to bed; his door had hardly closed before I threw on a hoodie and ran out to the shed. I flew into Jaden’s arms the instant the door was bolted, and for a long while the only sounds were the small, happy moans and whimpers of our reunion.
Finally, I leaned my head on his chest, the beating of his heart imbuing me with a profound sense of well-being.
“Did you miss me?” he murmured.
I shrugged one shoulder, blasé. “Enh, you know...”
My impudence earned me a playful swat. I wrapped my arms around his neck, laughing.
“Yes,” I started to say, but he caught my upper lip between both of his, diverting me from my answer.
“I-” My bottom lip was next, halting my words again. When it was free, I tried again. “Did-” He ran his tongue under my top lip. “Are you going to let me talk at all?” I managed finally.
“No.”
I gave up. Some time later, he stroked my face, sighing. “I’d better let you get to bed. You’re going to be tired for your first day.”
“Never mind me, I’ll be fine. But you have a long drive ahead of you. Are you sure you don’t want to stay?”
“Querida, if I stay here tonight, neither of us will get any sleep.” My stomach did a backflip at his words. “Can we find any time next weekend?” he checked.
“I’m at Palgrave Friday and Saturday, it’s a big show for Cameo. And there’s our match on Sunday,” I reminded him. Dec had finally agreed to let me play, in part because it was at our local club. “I don’t know how we’ll sneak away with all of that.”
He grimaced. “Well, at least I’ll see you at our game on Sunday.”
* * *
It was an exhausting week. The transition to school was always tiring, although at least Seth and I didn’t have to feed anymore on weekdays, which meant two hours a day less work for us. Cameo was a superstar at the Palgrave show, winning reserve champion again, so we’d be going to the Royal for sure. Dec came to watch the polo match on Sunday; it was the first time he’d ever seen me play, and though he congratulated me on my skill he nearly went into cardiac arrest several times. Caley and I were on the same team, and we had a great time feeding off each other’s antics. Jaden was umpiring; it was a close game, and I was bone-tired by the time we were done. Gran made dinner that night, to everyone’s relief, as the rest of us had been away all weekend. Seth had gone to another swim meet and had done very well; his place on the team was secure.
As soon as we got to the barn that night, Jaden pulled me into a dark corner of the feedroom.
“You’re quiet tonight. Is everything all right?” His arms encircled me. Tension that I hadn’t even known I was feeling drained out of me, and I molded myself to his body with a sigh.
“I’m wondering about that penalty you gave Mateo. It seemed kind of harsh.” I felt his body tense slightly. “I thought we were past that,” I continued gently. “I thought we were solid.”
“We are solid,” he assured me.
“Good. Because I’d like to continue playing club chukkers on Wednesdays, and you won’t be there,” I said hesitantly, “and... Mateo will. He’s not going back to Argentina this winter.”
I watched his face carefully. His jaw tensed, and he stared at me for a minute before taking a breath and pulling me close again.
“Don’t worry,” he said. “I’m fine with it.”
I was vastly relieved he’d agreed so easily. “Who knew you had the capacity to be so reasonable,” I teased.
“Oh, I’m full of surprises,” he murmured in my ear. “You’ll see.”
My heart sprang into action at his suggestive tone; within seconds it was thudding hard against my chest. His lips brushed along my jaw. “Shall we visit the loft?”
In answer, I turned and headed for the ladder, his hand tightly clasped in mine. Once upstairs we nearly ran to our private corner. We’d had barely any time alone since our breakup scare, but I hadn’t forgotten his promise — we’d be making love soon.
We had to shake the dust off the blanket before we sat on it. Jaden took my face in his hands.
“Maybe we should talk about-”
“Talk later,” I told him, pulling his face down. His lips were curving up as they met mine.
Within seconds we were prone. I slid my hand under his shirt, and he didn’t stop me. But the real shock came when I started lifting my own, and instead of halting me, he actually helped, taking it right off while I watched his face, my heart pounding.
“It doesn’t seem fair for me to be the only one who’s topless,” I pointed out. He stripped his shirt off before pulling me back into his embrace. I luxuriated in the feeling of his skin against mine, pressing myself against him. When I turned toward him he knew just what I wanted, kissing me so sensually that I had to break away, groaning.
“I can’t take any more,” I panted. His eyes were amused, but I noticed his breathing wasn’t too steady either. “Jaden, I’m going to implode soon. I’ll self-destruct. Let’s just do it now.”
He shook his head. “Your first time is not going to be in a hayloft,” he said. “And besides,” he whispered in my ear, “we don’t have any birth control.”
“Oh.” Only Jaden could make the words ‘birth control’ sound sexy.
“But if you want, I’ll try to make sure you don’t implode, either.”
I just nodded, suddenly nervous.
He resumed kissing me, and I pulled him against me; slowly, his hand migrated downward. He undid my shorts. Before long I was confirmed in my theory that Jaden was good at everything he did.<
br />
“You weren’t kidding,” he chuckled quietly as I lay in his arms. “Implosion was definitely imminent.”
It wasn’t the first orgasm I’d had with Jaden; such was the force of our attraction that even through my clothes, the touch of his body had been enough to push me over the edge a few times. But this was different — it was so deliberate. I finally understood why they called it ‘being intimate’.
I traced the contours of his face, marveling for the thousandth time at my good fortune.
“You know, I think I’m less worried about my first time than you are,” I told him.
“That’s because you never worry about yourself,” he said, frustrated.
I rolled over to kiss the crease between his eyebrows. “No, it’s because I’ll be with you.”
His expression eased, though the frown didn’t completely disappear. “I don’t want to hurt you... you’re so small.”
“I’m not that small. And, well, I’m not expecting to be super comfortable, anyway,” I admitted. Teri had said it hurt, I recalled, whereas Julia said it wasn’t bad. Neither was exactly a ringing endorsement. “The point is, I trust you. I’ll be happy no matter what, because it’s you,” I said simply.
He crushed me to him for a long moment before releasing me.
“I just want it to be a great experience for you. My motives are purely selfish, of course,” he said with a sly smile. “If you have a good time, you might want to do it again.”
“I don’t think there will be any issues on that front — I want to do it now, remember? I always want you,” I said, pouting.
Jaden took a deep breath and smiled at me crookedly. “Well, in that case, I guess we should organize a sleepover soon.”
My mouth fell open. “Are you serious?” I breathed.
“Very.”
I threw myself on top of him. I was filled with a fierce joy; I kissed him hard, passionately, and in response he groaned and pulled me forcefully against his body. We spent a few minutes with me happily getting carried away again. Jaden regained control first, of course — there would be no need for a sleepover if it were up to me — and pulled my face gently away from his. He was wearing a Cheshire cat grin.
