Kiss Kiss

by Various Authors

  Garrett closed his eyes for a moment, took a deep breath, and then reached across the counter to pull the nurse into a hug. He thanked her for being there for Parker when he couldn’t. He promised her he would take care of Parker even if she hated him now.

  With just one phone call to Brady as Garrett made his way down the elevator he was able to find out exactly where she was headed. Thankfully, his best friend always used the same passwords for everything. Brady was able to hack into her credit card information within seconds.

  <> ~ <>

  Parker should have been exhausted after the day she had: a one hour flight from D.C. to New Jersey, then a three-and-a-half hour flight from New Jersey to Manchester Township, and finally an hour drive in a rental car to the house. As she stood in the middle of the living room staring at the lounge chair in the corner, she didn’t feel exhausted. She just felt numb.

  Subconsciously she knew what she had been doing wasn’t healthy. She knew trying to bury the memories and the pain was only going to make things worse. Every ounce of grief, anger, guilt, and shock piled themselves on top of her day after day, hour after hour, until she felt like the weight would crush her. Week after week, sitting in the back of those post-traumatic stress groups, she heard the counselor instruct everyone that if they didn’t talk about what was wrong, if they didn’t face their fears and confront their demons, the nightmares would never go away.

  So now she stood alone in the house of her childhood facing the first nightmare. Almost everything in the house had changed since she’d last been there: new couch, new carpet, new paint on the walls, different appliances, and a big screen television mounted above the fireplace. The only thing that remained the same was the chair, her father’s favorite chair. It looked as if someone sat in it one more time it would crumble into a pile of rubble on the floor.

  The air smelled faintly of her father’s cologne and lemon furniture polish, the same smells she would always attribute to this house.

  Parker walked slowly over to her father’s chair and sat down. It seemed like a lifetime ago since she sat on her father’s lap and watched scary movies with him in this chair. Considering everything that happened in her life since she had left home, it almost was the span of an entire life.

  The guilt overwhelmed her when she thought of all the wasted years she spent being angry at her father. If she would have only been a bigger person and tried to contact him at some point maybe it would never have come to this, sitting in the empty house of her childhood, mourning a man she knew nothing about.

  Parker leaned back into the chair and let the well-worn fabric and soft cushions envelop her. She looked to her left and saw a framed photo of her mother from her wedding day―the same picture her father had hugged to his body and silently wept over for months after her mother had died. Parker reached over and lifted the eight by ten frame off of the end table to bring it closer. The action caused an envelope that was propped up against the frame to fall flat onto the table. Parker rested the frame in her lap and picked up the envelope. In her father’s small, block-lettered print was her name.

  Parker’s breath caught in her throat, and she blinked back tears as she ran her fingertips over her name. She quickly turned the envelope over and ripped it open.

  Dear Annabelle:

  If you’re here in the house and you’ve found this letter, I’m either dead or hell has frozen over. I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess I’m dead.

  Parker laughed through her tears at her father’s blunt words.

  You know I’m not good with stuff like this, but you deserve answers. So I’m going to give them to you. I made so many mistakes where you were concerned. I look back at my behavior after the funeral, and I’m ashamed. When I realized what I’d done and that I needed to do everything I could to make you forgive me, there was a leak in the CIA and Fernandez found out I was the one who’d been handling the case to try and bring him down. The only thing I could think about was how to keep you safe. He knew I had a daughter and that we were estranged. I knew if I tried to contact you at all, Fernandez would know and he would turn his focus on you as a way to get to me. I depended on Fernandez believing I hated you so he could never use you that way. In my obsession to keep you safe, I truly believed coercing you to join the CIA would be the best option. It would give you the absolute best connections and Fernandez would know that if he did anything to harm you, a CIA agent and the daughter of the man in charge of his case, he would be the first person they would blame. The photos you were given of me all beat to hell? Those cuts and bruises were courtesy of Fernandez’s men, not the Capuano mob. We knew that showing you those pictures and coming up with a story about me being in debt was the only way to make you believe I was truly in danger. I’m so sorry for all of the lies. I’m sorry for bringing you into a life you never wanted. I hope you know it was always, ALWAYS to protect you.

  I want you to know, I was never far away. I watched you grow into the amazing woman you are now from afar so it never endangered you. I was at your college graduation, I saw every photo you ever took, and I reviewed the notes from every mission you were involved with. You have made me so proud, Annabelle.

  When the notes came across my desk that you were assigned to the Fernandez case, I panicked. Never in a million years did I ever think you’d be put on the same case and led right to him. I suddenly realized that bringing you into the CIA never protected you at all. It only gave Fernandez more access to you and insider information on the CIA’s investigations.

  As soon as I found out, I demanded to get back on active duty and began putting all of my time into researching Fernandez. Just yesterday we uncovered information about Milo that made us believe he is still alive and working for Fernandez. I knew you were in the Dominican to find out what happened to Milo. I have to warn you. I refuse to let anything happen to you. My flight to the Dominican leaves in two hours so if this letter is in your hands right now, I won’t feel bad at all about dying so long as you’re safe.

  I always thought your mother was the love of my life—my everything. The day she died, I wanted to die right along with her. I wish more than anything that I could go back in time and change things. I should have done better by you. I should have been the father you deserved. I should have loved you better. The truth is, you’re mother wasn’t the love of my life, not really. She was my wife, and I always have and always will love her. But you, my Annabelle, my daughter, YOU are the love of my life.

  Be happy, Anna. Take the time to enjoy life, never take anything for granted, and do the exact opposite of what your old man’s done.

  I love you. Always.

  Dad

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Garrett powered off his GPS as he pulled into the driveway of the small two story home in Manchester Township. The rental car already in the driveway and the light on in one of the front rooms made him nervous and excited all at the same time. He’d felt empty for the past two months, like nothing in his life meant anything, and he did nothing but exist day in and day out. Being this close to Parker right now, knowing she was within an arm's reach made his heart beat faster and his hands sweaty.

  He turned off the engine and made his way up the front walk to ring the doorbell. Within seconds the door opened and he forgot how to breathe. The last time he saw her she was covered in bruises and dried blood and a machine was breathing for her. The faint yellow color of the fading bruises around one eye and her cheek made him remember just how long it had been since he last saw her.

  Parker had been asleep, curled up in a ball in her father’s chair with tears dried on her cheeks and the letter clutched to her chest when the doorbell rang. She had stumbled across the room and flung open the door without even checking to see who it was. Nothing could have prepared her for the shock of seeing Garrett.

  She had purposely avoided newspapers and televisions after she recounted all of the details of their mission to Agent Charles and a member of the Navy legal team r
ecorded her sworn testimony for court from her hospital bed. Due to her condition, she was given a special medical waiver so she wouldn’t have to testify in court. She washed her hands of the entire situation after that and wanted nothing more to do with it. The nightmares were bad enough. Watching the trial day in and day out and knowing Garrett was there and not with her would have killed her. Fernandez had robbed her of too much. The fact that the trial against him took Garrett away from her was more than she could handle.

  Due to her self-imposed ignorance, she had no idea the trial was over, though she did find out about Fernandez from Agent Charles. It was the one and only time she was happy to see the agent in her hospital room.

  “Can I come in?” Garrett asked.

  Parker suddenly felt nervous and awkward. She’d wanted Garrett there, wished him to be close enough for her to touch for weeks, and now that he was there, she didn’t know what to do. All of the pain and anger she felt back in the Dominican when Garrett got mad and stormed away came rushing back to the surface. She remembered finally letting her walls collapse, allowing her reservations to crumble to the ground, and letting herself love Garrett with everything she had. She remembered finally feeling truly happy for the first time in her life. And then he turned his back on her.

  Parker tackled one demon by coming back to her father’s house, but now another one stood right in front of her.

  “Yeah, sure,” Parker muttered as she opened the door wider and stepped back out of the way so he could enter.

  Garrett walked past her and out of habit she breathed in deep, the smell of his cologne wrapping its way around her and intoxicating her.

  She closed the door behind him and took a few deep breaths to steady her racing heart before turning to face him. Parker found him staring at her when she turned.

  “I can’t believe you’re here,” she told him, trying to keep the edge out of her voice.

  “I can’t believe it took me so long,” he replied with a sad smile.

  Parker nervously picked at her fingernails and then caught herself, quickly shoving her hands into the back pockets of her jeans and out of the way.

  “You’ve been crying,” Garrett stated, taking in the tear streaks on her face and her red, puffy eyes.

  Parker looked down at her feet, nodding her head. “My dad left me a note.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Parker looked up at his face and could see the concern and worry there. It only made her angrier.

  “Sorry for what? My dad dying? Not being here when I needed you? Or walking away from me because you didn’t trust me enough?”

  Parker had rationalized with herself for weeks in the hospital that she knew Garrett would have stuck by her side if he could. Even though there was a sensible reason for his absence while she healed, she realized now that it didn’t take away her feelings of abandonment. Lashing out at him just proved how upset she was and how much she hadn’t forgiven him for not trusting her and leaving her alone—in the hospital and with Milo.

  Garrett broke eye contact, looking away in shame.

  “All of the above,” he replied with a sigh. “If I could have been with you these last few months, you know I would have. It scared me to death not being there and not knowing what was going on or if you were okay. I would have given anything to not have to leave your side, Parker.”

  She closed her eyes to ward off any more tears at the sound of her name on his lips.

  “I know that. Logically, in my head, I understand you had a job to do and it couldn’t be helped. I shouldn’t make you feel guilty about something you couldn’t control.”

  Parker left out the fact that her head and her heart were currently at war with everything that happened. She knew the reasons for the choices he made, and yet, her heart couldn’t find any reasonable explanation for the pain he’d caused her.

  The silence stretched between them and Parker wondered if they’d ever get back to the easy nature they used to have. In all the years they’d known each other they’d never been at a loss for words. They were always talking, laughing, or pissing each other off.

  “I met your friend Olivia,” Garrett said after a few minutes.

  “She’s not my friend. She was just my nurse,” Parker quickly corrected.

  “She definitely acted like a friend. She’s a bulldog, that one. Very protective of you.”

  “That’s just Olivia’s nature. I’m sure she’s like that with everyone. I think history has proven I don’t do well with friends,” Parker explained.

  The ease with which she said the words and the conviction in her voice saddened Garrett and angered him all at the same time. Parker didn’t deserve any of the things she had to deal with over the years. She deserved to be loved and cherished and taken care of. The fact that Garrett had a hand in the way she felt now broke his heart. If he hadn’t let her down in the Dominican, if he had trusted her love for him, she might still believe in friendship. She might still believe in him.

  “You do very well with friends. Better than anyone I’ve ever known. The ones you had just never deserved you,” Garrett told her softly.

  He didn’t need to include himself in that statement, it wasn’t hard to deduce that it was implied. Garrett failed her. He knew that and he lived with that fact every single moment of every day since they left the Dominican.

  Parker never actually thought about what she would say to Garrett when she saw him again. She thought just being close to him would push her anger and disappointment down so far it wouldn’t matter what happened as long as they were together. She realized now though, it wouldn’t be so easy to let it go.

  It was time to meet the next demon head on.

  “After what happened between us, I still don’t understand how you could look me in the eye and not know what you meant to me. How you could honestly believe I was such a horrible person that I would throw away everything we shared for a man I never really loved.”

  Each word Parker spoke was like a knife to Garrett’s heart. He wished he could deny what she accused him of, but he knew every word of it was true. He hadn’t known what he meant to her. He hadn’t believed she would stay with him if Milo were still alive.

  Garrett’s head would still be in the clouds about that now if Brady hadn’t stepped in and set him straight the day the trial ended.

  “So, you’re going to immediately go find Parker, tell her you love her, and ride off into the sunset with her, correct?” Brady had asked with a laugh as they made their way to the underground parking lot of the court house.

  “I don’t think it’s going to be that simple,” Garrett had replied with a sigh as he tried calling Parker’s cell phone again. “I don’t know if she’s going to want anything to do with me now that all of this is over. What if she’s going to pretend like nothing happened between us? Hell, she’s probably mourning Milo all over again. He was dead, he came back to her, and now he’s dead again and she’s the one who had to do it.”

  Brady stopped walking suddenly, and Garrett took a few steps before he realized his friend wasn’t right next to him anymore. He turned around to see Brady standing in the middle of the garage with his mouth hanging open.

  “What’s wrong?” Garrett asked.

  “You have got to be the dumbest fuck in the entire world,” Brady muttered as he pulled his cell phone out of his jacket pocket and started tapping keys furiously.

  “What are you talking about?” Garrett questioned as he walked back to where Brady stood.

  “You honestly think Parker is going pretend like nothing happened? That she could even if she wanted to? How are you so intelligent when it comes to your job and a complete moron when it comes to that woman?”

  Garrett stood next to Brady staring at him in confusion until he pressed one final key and then held his cell phone up in the air closer to Garrett.

  “Remember the day we bugged you two when Parker’s dad came knocking? How she never took the bug off and it continued to record? T
his, my friend, is from right after your jealous ass stomped away like a two-year-old.”

  Within seconds Parker’s voice rang out, echoing through the parking garage.

  “Milo, stop. Just because you’re here, and you’re claiming to be one of the good guys, it doesn’t mean that we can all just go back to the way everything was. It’s not the same anymore.”

  “But it can be.”

  Milo’s voice argued.

  “We were going to get married and have a life together. I still love you. Not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought about you or wished I could be with you. If you can just forgive me, we can go back to that.”

  The pleading in Milo’s voice made Garrett sick.

  “No, we can’t. Milo, we’re in the middle of trying to take down the leader of this country, someone who has been exploiting teenage girls for his own gain for God knows how many years. And even if that wasn’t the case, even if we were home and you suddenly showed up out of the blue, it still wouldn’t change anything.”

  Garrett could hear Milo’s shuffled footsteps and knew he was pacing back and forth near Parker. He remembered the video he’d seen of Milo drugging Parker and clenched his fists in anger, wishing for the thousandth time that he would have stuck around to protect her.

  “Okay, I get it. You need time. You need to let things calm down and then we can talk and work things out.”

  Garrett was amazed at the nerve Milo had to say something like that to Parker. It brought back so much jealousy that Garrett almost couldn’t see straight.

  “Milo. I don’t love you. Not that way. Not anymore. Maybe not ever.”

  Garrett hated hearing the sadness in Parker’s voice. He hated that on top of everything, she had to deal with Milo doing what he could to win her back

  The silence on the recording ended abruptly with a loud, disbelieving laugh from Milo.

  “Brady, that’s enough. What the fuck does this have to do with anything? I don’t want to hear this,” Garrett complained as he turned away, not wanting to listen to anymore. He didn’t like feeling jealous. He didn’t like remembering what it felt like when he believed Parker would choose Milo over him.