Second Chance Ink

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  Though I had a feeling Jax wouldn’t be the last one walking down the aisle—or at least making a commitment. Derek had been acting weird recently. He’d been secretive, and no matter how hard my friend tried to hide what was going on with him, I knew it had to do with a woman. Only one thing in the world could put that look on my friend’s face. It had to be the woman he never spoke of.

  Of course, I really couldn’t say anything to Derek about it because I didn’t pry when it came to relationships or heartbreak. I had hidden my own for so long that it was any wonder people thought I took anything seriously beyond my art. Somehow, I was the one people came to for advice and relationships—along with Derek. Yet neither of us were honest about who we’d loved and lost. I didn’t know Derek’s secrets, but when he didn’t know I was looking, I saw the same things on his face that I hid from others.

  But that was enough thinking about that. I hadn’t thought of Lauren and how she’d left without a word for so long, I’d almost forgotten what she looked like. And that was a complete lie. I would never forget the warmth in her eyes. The long, chestnut hair that slid over my body as she took me into herself. I’d never forget the feel of her beside me, or how she felt in my heart. Not until the day I died.

  And because I didn’t like thinking about her anymore, didn’t like the feelings that came when I remembered that I had no idea where she was or what she was doing, I took out my sketchpad and started drawing. It was easier to get lost in the work than the memories. At least that’s what I told myself and how I spent the past six years becoming the artist I now was. The others had gone back to work, their clients walking in for their appointments while Maya went back to the office to get paperwork done.

  I was so focused on my sketchpad that I didn’t notice the bell on the top of the door ring until I heard a familiar voice that should’ve been locked in my memory instead of coming from right in front of me.

  I froze, my stomach clenching and my back tightening as if someone had ripped through my skin and gripped my spine.

  It couldn’t be. After all these years, it couldn’t be. Maybe it was because I’d thought of her. I’d conjured her voice up out of nowhere. Because there was no way the lost love of my life, my Lauren, could be here.

  But as I looked up at the front desk where Derek was talking to a beautiful woman with long, chestnut hair, I knew I wasn’t imagining things.

  My past had come back, and instead of running away or hiding or saying something that could possibly make the situation okay, I growled.

  “What are you doing here, Lauren?”

  I hadn’t meant to say that. I hadn’t meant to sound like such an asshole but, apparently, seeing the love of your life who ran away without a word after an event that should’ve brought a couple closer meant that being a nice guy went straight out the window.

  “You. You’re here.” She breathed the words rather than truly saying them, and I had a feeling she hadn’t known I was here. Her face went so white, I swore there wasn’t an ounce of blood left in it.

  The place had gone quiet, and Derek looked between the two of us as if trying to figure out exactly what was going on. It wasn’t as if I could help him because I had no clue what was going on either.

  “You’re here.”

  She blinked, opened her mouth to say something, and then did the one thing she’d always been good at. She ran.

  This time, I did the one thing I should’ve done all those years ago…I followed.

  Chapter 2

  Lauren

  I couldn’t catch my breath. Why couldn’t I catch my breath? He shouldn’t affect me like this. It had been years. Why couldn’t I catch my breath?

  I ran from the tattoo shop as if the Devil’s own hellhounds were on my tail, yet I had no idea why. I wasn’t that lost young woman anymore. I shouldn’t have run. But it had been so unexpected to see him, to have that blast from my past thrown in my face as if no time had passed at all.

  Yet everything had changed since the last time I saw him, my heart in his hands, and tears running down my cheeks. I wasn’t the same woman. And from the hard edge in his eyes, I knew he wasn’t the same man anymore either. As I thought the words man and woman, I couldn’t help but think that we were more boy and girl back then. Being in your early twenties, making big decisions and falling in love even when you didn’t understand the depths of the horrors and complications of the real world didn’t make you an adult. We may have had some of the worst parts of our lives thrown at us at a young age, but we were still so young.

  I had only run a block before I finally slowed down, realizing that people were staring, and I was acting like a lunatic. We might be in downtown Denver where people running for the bus or even to Starbucks for that matter wasn’t anything new, but I had a feeling the look on my face said that my haste had nothing to do with being late and everything to do with running away.

  A hand clenched my shoulder, and I froze, my heart racing. I should’ve known he would follow. He would’ve followed before if I’d given him the chance. But I’d been so scared that I hadn’t. Now, I knew I needed to be an adult and turn around to face the boy I left behind, the one who was now the man I hadn’t thought to ever see again.

  “Lauren.”

  I knew that deep voice. I’d heard that voice whispering in my ear and screaming my name over and over and over again. I’d heard that voice trying to soothe me as I broke, and joking with me as I grew. I’d fallen in love with that voice and the boy who came with it; yet I wasn’t sure I could turn to face it now.

  But I wasn’t that scared, young woman any longer, so I rolled my shoulders back, knocking off his hand as I did so, and turned to see the boy I had left behind. It was strange that I called him titles like that, things that held meaning yet didn’t encompass the full breadth of the man he was or the person he had been. In my head, I couldn’t call him anything that might start to mean something more. But I had to be strong. I had been through hell and back, and I could use a name. There was power in that, and I could hold that power.

  “Brandon.” He looked slightly different than the last time I had seen him before I walked into that tattoo shop earlier, but he still had the same air of the person I once knew. His hair was longer, nearly brushing his shoulders now with those natural highlights I had once coveted. Seriously, how could a man look so pretty and yet sexy at the same time? He was slender, but he was all muscle. I could see tattoos down his right arm but none on his left. In fact, I didn’t see too many tattoos at all, which really wasn’t that much different than before. Considering his job, I would’ve thought he would have gotten more by now.

  “Lauren, you’re here.” His words echoed my own from when I first saw him and had no clue what to say. I knew he had to be in the same boat as I was. Confused and yet thrust back into a past we couldn’t deny. He cleared his throat, and I couldn’t help but look at his face. I’d missed that face—more than I cared to admit. “I honestly can’t believe you’re standing here in front of me. How did you find me? Or maybe that’s a little too self-centered. Is it just a coincidence that you happen to be in Denver again, standing in front of me after walking into the place where I work? I should say, what are you doing here? How have you been? Where the hell did you go?”

  I shook my head. “I didn’t know you would be there. I’d heard good things about the place and wanted to go in and maybe make an appointment if I could gather the courage. I really didn’t know that you worked there. And as for everything else you just asked? Standing here on a street corner where people are looking at us as they pass by is probably not the best place to have this conversation. And because I’m still shocked that I even saw you in the first place, I don’t even know if we should have that conversation at all. It’s been a long time since we saw each other, Brandon. Maybe we should just let the past live where it needs to: in the past.”

  Brandon’s jaw tightened but I stood still, not wanting to break the moment, yet not wanting to back down e
ither. I was in this weird state of both the past and the present as they mixed together with no idea what might happen once the spell broke and I found myself standing alone in the city I left behind, wondering how the hell to take the next step.

  “Come with me to my place. It’s just two blocks away, not even that. I deserve answers, Lauren. Yeah, it’s been a long time, but you left without a word. And I want to know what I did. I want to know why you left and didn’t say anything. Don’t disregard the connection we had with each other or throw it away again by saying I don’t deserve answers. Because they’re a long time coming, Lauren. I loved you. And I deserve to know why you didn’t love me enough to stay.”

  Tears stung my eyes, and I swallowed hard. I knew I had hurt him. We were so young. But there were two things I hadn’t been able to tell him. Maybe he was right, maybe it was time for me to open up and actually say the words I’d been so scared to say. But he was wrong, too. I had loved him—enough to leave. I had loved him more than I’d ever thought possible, and that’s why I didn’t stay. But I didn’t know how I would explain that to him. I could barely explain it to myself. And though it would be crazy to follow him to his apartment after not seeing him for so long, I knew that he deserved this conversation. And it wasn’t one I wanted to have in public. Because I had a feeling I wasn’t going to make it through without a few tears, without a few breakdowns. I hadn’t broken down yet, and Brandon deserved more than stony silence.

  “Okay. I’ll go with you. Because you’re right, we do need to talk.” I was never one to believe in fate. No…that might not be true. I probably believed in it more when I was a little girl and believed in fairies, gold at the end of rainbows, and Santa. But I wasn’t sure I could believe in fate and a divine destiny that would put me through everything that I had gone through.

  “That was a quick change of heart, but I’m not going to take that for granted and sit here and wait for you to change your mind again. So, come on. Let’s go.” He held out his hand, and after a moment’s hesitation, I took it, knowing that one action might change my life once again. But as with everything that had to do with Brandon, I knew change was inevitable.

  “Don’t you need to go back to work? Aren’t they going to wonder why you just ran out of there and chased me?” I was still holding his hand as he led me down the one and a half blocks to his apartment building. It was one of the refurbished structures that Denver had just finished adding to the skyline. It hadn’t been here when I lived near the city. I didn’t remember exactly what building was here before but it had probably been one of the ones practically falling down with no historical value other than its age. Denver did its best to try and save everything historic in the city, but sometimes, the foundations just weren’t there. I tried not to let that train of thought be symbolic in any way with what I was about to tell Brandon. But, sometimes, things were a little too on the nose.

  “I’ll text them once we get upstairs. If they didn’t follow me, they must have an idea what I’m doing. I’m sure they were all staring out the window and saw me talking to you. They’re my friends, it’s what we do.”

  I nodded, though I didn’t truly understand. I didn’t have those kinds of friends anymore, not with all the moving and healing I’d been forced to do recently. But all of that was going to change soon, darn it. Because I was back in town, and I was going to put down roots, make friends, and start a new life where I wasn’t scared of everything coming at me all at once. And to start that, I was going to face the man I once loved and try to explain exactly why I ran—not once, but twice.

  We made it inside his apartment on the fifth floor, but I was so nervous that I didn’t really take in what it looked like. I figured if I could get through what I needed to say, I’d be able to see how his decorating styles and tastes had changed over the years.

  Brandon stood in front of me as if he weren’t sure what to do with himself or his hands. I didn’t blame him because even though I was scared and wanted nothing more than to hide away, I also wanted to lean into his hold, bury myself in the earthy scent of him, and never let go. Attraction and sexual hunger had never been a problem between us, and from the heat in his eyes, I had a feeling I wasn’t the only one thinking that.

  “I need to tell you some things. I need to…do a lot of things.”

  Brandon cupped my cheek, and I licked my lips, memories of the last time he had touched me, the last time he’d held me slamming into my mind. His hand was so big and warm on my face. It made me feel as if with just one touch, all my worries could wash away. That he would protect me from anything that came at us. I knew that wasn’t the case, and that no matter how strong you were, things still came at you, but with his touch, and in his hold, I could believe the impossible.

  “I know we should talk, but all I want to do is kiss you. Is that wrong? God, Lauren, it’s been six damn years. We’re different people. Yet all I can do is try and hold myself back from crushing my mouth to yours and tasting you again. It’s stupid. We need to talk, we need to figure out exactly what happened, and I know you said you have things to say. Hell, so do I. But please let me kiss you. It’s like no time has passed, and yet all the time in the world. Let me kiss you, Lauren. Let me taste your lips again. Even if it’s just one last time. Give me that right, give me that chance. Let me kiss you.”

  And because I couldn’t deny Brandon anything, not even the truth, not anymore, I opened my mouth and said, “Yes. Kiss me.”

  Brandon pressed his lips to mine, and I was lost. I was spun right back into our first kiss, the first time we saw each other and smiled under the waning moon after our first date. I was so nervous, so young and a little unsure, but in Brandon’s arms, I always felt safe and protected. Our first kiss had been hesitant, then it had grown into something far deeper, far hotter. It had taken us a couple of months to sleep together the first time because Brandon had always been good about taking care of me. But I could still taste our first kiss. And as Brandon pressed his lips to mine now, our first kiss, our next kiss, and our last kiss slammed into me, and I knew running again might not be an option anymore. It made no sense to me that after six years apart, a single kiss could change all that, but it had always been that way with Brandon. I might not believe in fate, but I had once believed in the idea that two souls could become forever entwined and wrapped around each other in a manner where distance and time could not separate them. And as romantic as that sounded, the poetic tragedy of it all made me want to cry.

  But even as all those thoughts spun through my mind on an endless loop, I still could taste Brandon on my lips and my tongue. He cupped my face, tilted my head to the side, and I parted my mouth for him. His tongue tangled with mine, and I moaned. He was Brandon, exquisite and delicious, and he had once been mine.

  The kiss deepened, and our bodies pressed closer together, the hard line of his erection digging into my hip. Some part of me wanted nothing more than to keep going and take this to the bedroom, strip off all our clothes, and make love as if no time had passed. As if my body and my soul hadn’t been damaged. But that wasn’t the case. I might have healed in certain ways, but in order to keep my strength, I needed to pull back and tell Brandon the truth. I wasn’t ashamed, not anymore, but things needed to be said nonetheless.

  So I pulled back and rested my hands on his so I could lower them from my face. His lips were swollen, his eyes dark, and I knew if I let him, he would keep kissing me until we were both out of breath. And because I knew that could be an inevitability, I didn’t move forward.

  “I’ve missed that. I’ve missed you.” Brandon stuffed his hands into his pockets as if he weren’t sure what to do with them. I didn’t blame him. If I had pockets in my leggings, I would’ve done the same thing.

  We stood awkwardly in front of each other, his taste on my tongue, my cheek still warm from his touch, and the past like an ocean between us even though only six inches separated us.

  “Why did you leave?” Brandon hadn’t given me
the option to say that I had missed him as well, but that was okay. I wasn’t sure I could tell him that without breaking down. It wasn’t as if I could get through this day without crying anyway, though. “It wasn’t because of me was it? It wasn’t because we thought we had lost the baby?”

  I stood there, a tear slowly rolling down my cheek as I heard the man I had once loved—possibly still loved—telling me one of what had to be his greatest fears. Because him thinking that was one of mine.

  I had broken something between us because I was scared, and though I would never forgive myself for that, what made it worse was that I had hurt the man in front of me. And now it was time that I told him why. No matter the cost.

  Chapter 3

  Lauren

  “I didn’t leave because of you. I didn’t leave because we thought we lost the baby.” I knew that no matter how many other things I needed to tell him today, that was the first thing I needed to set in stone. We had been scared, together, young and possibly a little stupid. But we had been together. And when I left, it wasn’t because of what we’d gone through, but rather what I refused to put him through.

  And though I probably should’ve practiced what I planned to say to him, I suddenly found myself at a loss for words.

  Brandon stood in front of me, not touching but so close I could feel the heat of him. “You say that, but I don’t know if I can believe you. We were so scared, so excited about the thought of being parents, even though we were way too young to even comprehend what that meant. The fact that you turned out not to be pregnant threw us both for a loop. You left right after that, and I couldn’t help but put two and two together.”