by Anne Rice
Chapter 26
26
WHEN I AWOKE, lay quiet for an hour, weak and keenly in pain. So bad was the pain, in fact, that sleep seem preferable to wakefulness, and I dreamt of things long ago, times when Pandora and I had been together and when it had not seemed possible that we would ever part.
What finally jarred me from my uneasy slumber was the sound of Bianca screaming.
Over and over in terror she screamed.
I rose, somewhat stronger than the night before, and then once I was certain that I had my gloves and mask in place, I crouched beside her coffin and called out to her.
At first she couldn't hear me, so loud were her frantic screams. But at last, she grew quiet in her desperation.
"You have the strength to open the coffin," I said. "I revealed this to you last night. Put your hands against the lid and move it. "
"Let me out of it, Marius," she pleaded, sobbing.
"No, you must do it for yourself. "
Softer sobs came from her, but she followed my instructions. There came a grinding noise from the marble and the lid moved to one side, and then she rose, pushing the lid out of her way, and she freed herself from the box altogether.
"Come here to me," I said.
She obeyed me, shivering with sobs, and with my gloved hands I stroked her mussed hair.
"You knew you had the strength," I said- "I showed you that even with your mind you could move it. "
"Please light the candle," she begged. "I need the light. "
I did as she asked me to do. " You must try to quiet your soul," I said. I took a long deep breath. "You're strong now, and after we hunt tonight you'll be even stronger. And as I grow ever more strong, I will give you more of my blood. "
"Forgive me for my fear," she whispered.
I had little strength myself to comfort her, but I knew that she needed what little strength I had. It was hitting me again like so many violent blows that my world was dashed, that my house was ruined, that Amadeo was stolen from me.
And then in a half swoon I saw Pandora of long ago, smiling at me, not recriminating me or tormenting me, but only speaking with me, as though we were in the garden together, at the stone table, and talking as we used to do of so many things.
But that was gone. All was gone. Amadeo was gone. My paintings were gone.
And there came again the desperation, the bitterness, the humiliation. I had not thought that such things could be done to me. I had not thought that I could be so miserable. I had believed myself so powerful, so very clever, so very beyond this abject grief.
"Come now, Bianca," I said. "We must go out, we must seek the blood. Come. " I consoled her as I consoled myself. "Here, where is your mirror? Where is your comb? Let me comb your pretty hair for you. Look at yourself in the mirror. Did Botticelli ever paint a woman more beautiful?"
She wiped at her red tears.
"Are you happy again?" I asked. "Reach into the depths of your soul. Tell yourself that you are immortal. Tell yourself that death has no power over you. A glorious thing has befallen you here in the darkness, Bianca. You have become forever young, forever beautiful. "
I wanted so to kiss her, but I couldn't do this, and so I labored to make my words so many kisses.
She nodded, and as she looked at me a lovely smile broke over her face, and for one moment she fell into a dreaminess which brought back all my memories of Botticelli's genius, and even of the man himself so safely away from all these horrors, living out his life in Florence beyond what I might ever do.
I took the comb from her bundle. I ran it through her hair. I watched her stare at the mask that was my face.
"What is it?" I asked of her gently.
"I want to see how badly¡ª"
"No you don't," I said.
She began to cry again. "But how will you ever be healed? How many nights will it take?"
All her happiness of last night was shattered.
"Come," I said. "We go to hunt. Now put on your cape, and follow me up the steps. We do as we've done before. And don't for a moment doubt your strength, and do always as I tell you. "
She would not do as I asked her. She hovered near the coffin, her elbow on the lid, her face stricken.
At last I settled near to her, and I began to speak words I never thought I would hear myself utter
"You must be the strong one, Bianca," I said, "you must lead us. I haven't the strength for two just now and that is what you are demanding of me. I am ruined inside. I am ruined. No, wait, don't interrupt what I mean to say. And don't shed tears. Listen to me. You must give to me your small reserve of strength for I require it. I have powers quite beyond your imagining. But those powers I cannot reach just now. And until I can reach them, you must lead us forward. Lead us with your thirst and lead us with your wonder, for surely in this state you do see things as never before and you are filled with that wonder. "
She nodded her head. Her eyes grew colder and more beautifully calm.
"Don't you see?" I asked. "If you can only come with me through these few nights, you do indeed have immortality?"
She closed her eyes and moaned. "Oh, I love the very sound of your voice," she said, "but I am afraid. In the coffin in the dark when I awoke, it all seemed a poisoned dream, and I fear what they may do to us if they discover what we are, if we fall into their hands, and if. . . if. . . "
''Yes, if?"
"If you cannot protect me. "
"Ah, yes, if I cannot protect you. "
I fell into a silence, sitting there.
Again, it did not seem possible that this had happened to me. My soul was burnt. My spirit was burnt. My will was scarred and my happiness ruined.
I remembered the very first ball, the ball which Bianca had given at our house, and I remembered the dancing and the tables with their golden platters of fruit and spiced meats, the smell of the wine, and the sound of the music, and the many rooms so filled with contented souls, and the paintings looming over all, and it did not seem possible that anyone could bring me down from that when I was so firmly placed in the realm of unsuspecting mortals.
Oh, Santino, I thought, how I do hate you. How I do despise you.
I pictured him again as he had come to me in Rome. I pictured him in his black robes smelling of the earth, his black hair rather vainly clean and long, and his face so very expressive with its large dark eyes, and I hated him.
Would I ever, I thought, have the chance to destroy him? Oh, surely there would come a time when he was not surrounded by so many numbers, when I might have him firmly in my hands and with the Fire Gift make him pay for what he'd done to me.
And Amadeo, where was my Amadeo, and where were my boys who had been so brutally yet carefully taken? I saw again my poor Vincenzo murdered on the floor.
"Marius, my Marius," Bianca said suddenly. "Please, don't sit in such quiet with me. " She reached out, her hand pale and fluttering, not daring to touch me. "I am sorry for being so weak. Believe me, I am. What is it that makes you so silent?"
"Nothing, my darling, only the thoughts of my enemy, the one who brought those brandishing the fire, those who destroyed me. "
"But you're not destroyed," she said, "and I will somehow get the strength. "
"No, stay here for now," I said. "You have done enough. And your poor gondolier, he gave his life for me last night. You stay here now until I return. "
She shuddered and reached out as if to take hold of me.
I forced her to remain at a distance.
"You cannot embrace what I am just yet. But I will go out and I will hunt until I am strong enough to take you from this place and to one that is safe and one where I will be healed completely. "
I closed my eyes, though of course she could not see it on account of the mask, and I thought of Those Who Must Be Kept.
My Queen, I pray to you, and I am coming and when I do you will give me the Blood, I thought, but could you not have given me
one small vision of warning?
Oh, I had not even thought of this before and now it exploded in my mind. Yes, from her distant throne she could have done it, she could have warned me, could she not?
But how could I ask such a thing from one who for a thousand years had not moved or spoken? Would I never learn?
But what of Bianca who was trembling and begging me to pay attention to her now? I waked from my sleep.
"No, we'll do it as you wanted, I'll go with you," she said piteously. "I'm sorry I was weak. I promised you I would be as strong as Amadeo. I want to be. I'm ready now to go with you. "
"No, you aren't," I responded. "You're only more afraid of being left here alone than you are of going. You're afraid that if you stay behind I'll never come back to you. "
She nodded her head as if I had forced her to admit it when I had not.
"I'm thirsting," she said softly. She said it with an elegance. And then in wonder. "I'm thirsting for blood. I must go with you. "
"Very well then," I answered. "My lovely sweet companion. Strength will come to you. Strength will take up its abode in your heart. Don't fear. I have so much to teach, and as these nights pass, when you and I are comforted, I'll tell you of the others I've known, of their strength and of their beauty. "
She nodded again, her eyes widening.
"Do you love me the most," she asked, "that is all I want to know for now and you may lie to me. " She smiled, even as the tears stained her cheeks.
"Of course I do,'' I said. "I love you more than anyone. You're here, are you not? And finding me crushed, you gave your strength to save me. "
It was a cold answer, lacking in flattery or kindness, yet it seemed quite enough for her, and it struck me how very different she was from those I had loved before, from Pandora in her wisdom, or Amadeo in his cunning. She seemed endowed with sweetness and intellect in equal measure.
I brought her up the steps with me. We left the small candle behind as if it would be a beacon for our return.
Before I opened the door I listened carefully for the sound of any of Santino's brood. I heard nothing.
We made our way silently through the narrowest canals of the most dangerous portions of the city. And there we found our victims again,
Struggling little, drinking much. Into the dirty water we released them afterwards.
Long after she was fragrant and warm from her many kills, a sharp observer of the dark and shining walls, I was still parched and burning. Oh, how dreadful was the pain. How soothing the blood as it flooded my arms and legs.
Near dawn we returned. We had encountered no danger. I was much healed but my limbs were still like sticks, and when I reached beneath my mask, I felt a face which seemed irreparably scarred.
How long would this take? I could not tell Bianca. I could not tell myself.
I knew that in Venice we could not reckon upon too many such nights. We would become known. Thieves and killers would begin to watch for us¡ªthe white-faced beauty, the man with the black leather mask-
I had to test the Cloud Gift. Could I carry Bianca with me towards the shrine? Could I make the full journey in one night or would I blunder and leave us scrambling desperately before dawn for some hiding place?
She went to her sleep quietly, with no fear of the coffin. It seemed she would show me her strength to comfort me, and though she could not kiss my face, she put a kiss on her slender fingers and gave it to me with her breath.
I had an hour then until the sunrise, and slipping out of the golden room, I went up and out over the rooftop and lifted my arms. Within moments I was high above the city, moving effortlessly, as though the Cloud Gift had never been harmed in me, and then I was beyond Venice, far beyond it, looking back at it with its many golden lights, and at the satin glimmer of the sea.
My return was swift and accurate, and I came down silently to the golden room with ample time to go to my rest.
The wind had hurt my burnt skin, but it was no matter. I was overjoyed with this discovery, that I could take to the air as well as I had ever done. I knew now that I could soon attempt the journey to Those Who Must Be Kept.
On the next night, my beauty did not wake screaming as she had before.
She was far more clever and ready for the hunt and full of questions.
As we made our way through the canals, I told her the old story of the Druid grove and how I'd been taken there. And how the magic had been given me in the oak. I told her of Mael and how I despised him still and how he had come once to visit me in Venice, and how very strange it had all seemed.
"But I saw this one," she said in a hushed voice, her whisper nevertheless echoing up the walls. "I remember the night that he came to you here. It was the night that I came back from Florence. "
I could not think clearly of these things. And it was soothing to me to hear her talk of them.
"I had brought you a painting by Botticelli," she said. "It was small and very pretty and you later thanked me for it. This tall blond one was waiting upon you when I came, and he was ragged and dirty. "
These things came clear to me as she spoke. The memories enlivened me.
And then came the hunt, the gush of blood, the death, the body dropped into the canal, and once more the pain rising sharp above the sweetness of the cure, and I fell back into the gondola, weak from the pleasure of it.
"Once more, I have to do it," I told her. She was satisfied, but on we went. And out of another house I drew yet another victim into my arms, breaking his neck in my clumsiness. I took another victim and another, and finally it was only exhaustion which stopped me, for the hurt in me would have no end of blood.
At last when the gondola was tethered, I took her in my arms and wrapping her close to my chest as I had so often done with Amadeo, I rose above the city with her, and flew out and high until I could not even see Venice at all.
I heard her small desperate cries against me, but I told her in a low whisper to be still and trust in me, and then bringing her back, I set her down on the stone stairs above the quais.
"We were with the clouds, my little princess," I said to her. "We were with the winds, and the purest things of the skies. " She was shivering from the cold. I brought her down with me into the golden room.
The wind had made a wild tangle of her hair. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips blood red.
"But what did you do?" she asked. "Did you spread wings like a bird to carry me? "
"I had no need of them," I said, as I lighted the candles one by one until we had many and the room seemed warm.
I reached up beneath my mask. And then I took it off and turned to look at her.
She was shocked, but only for a moment, and then she came to me, peering into my eyes, and she kissed my lips.
"Marius, I see you again," she said. "You are there. "
I smiled. I went past her and lifted the mirror.
I couldn't see myself in this monstrosity. But my lips did cover my teeth at last, and my nose had taken some shape, and my eyes once again had lids. My hair was thick and white and full as it had been before and it hung to my shoulders. It made my face all the more black. I put aside the looking glass.
"Where will we go when we leave here?" she asked me. How steady she seemed, how unafraid.
"To a magical place, a place you would not believe if I told you of it," I answered. "Princess of the skies. "
"Can I do this?" she asked. "Go up into the heavens?"
"No, darling one," I said, "not for centuries. It takes time and blood to make such strength. Some night however it will come to you, and you'll feel the strangeness, the loneliness of it. "
"Let me put my arms around you," she said.
I shook my head.
"Talk to me, tell me stories," she said. "Tell me of Mael. "
We made a place to sit against the wall, and we were warm together.
I began to talk, slowly I think, pouring out old tales.
&nb
sp; I told her of the Druid grove again, and how I had been the god there and fled those who would have entrapped me, and I saw her eyes grow wide. I told her of Avicus and Zenobia, of our hunting in the city of Constantinople. I told her of how I cut Zenobia's beautiful black hair.
And telling these tales, I felt calmer and less sad and broken and able to do what I must do.
Never in all my time with Amadeo had I told such stories. Never with Pandora had it been so simple. But with this creature it seemed only natural to talk and to find consolation in it.
And I remembered that when first I had set eyes upon Bianca I had dreamt of this very thing, that she would be with me in the Blood and that we should speak together so easily.
"But let me tell you prettier stories," I said, and I talked of when I had lived in old Rome, and I had painted on the walls, and my guests had laughed and drunk their wine, and rolled about on the grass of my garden.
I made her laugh and then it seemed my pain was gone for a moment, gone in the sound of her voice.
"There was one I loved very much," I said.
"Tell me of him," she said.
"No, it was a woman," I replied. I amazed myself to speak of such a thing. Yet I went on speaking. "I knew her when we were mortals together. I was a young man and she was a child. In those times, as now, marriages were made when women were but children but her father refused me. I never forgot her.
"And then later, after the Blood was in me, we came together she and I. . . . "
"Go on, you must tell me. Where did you come together?"
"And the Blood went into her," I said, "and the two of us were together. We were together for two hundred years. "
"Oh, such a long time," she said.
"Yes, it was a long time, though it did not seem so then. Every night was new and I loved her and she loved me, of course, and we quarreled so often. . . . "
"But was it a good quarreling?" she asked.
"Yes, it was, how very right of you to ask that question," I said. "It was a good quarreling until the last. "
"What was the last?" she asked gently.
"I did a cruel and mistaken thing to her. I did a wrong thing. I left her without warning and without recourse, and now I can't find her. "
"You mean you search for her even now?"
"I don't search because I don't know where to search," I said, lying just a little, "but I look always. . . . "
"Why did you do it?" she asked. "Why did you leave her as you described?"
"Out of love and anger," I said. "And it was the first time that the Satan worshipers had come, you see. Those of the very same ilk that burnt my house and took Amadeo. Only it was centuries ago, can you understand? They came. Oh, not with my enemy, Santino. Santino didn't exist then. Santino is no ancient one. But it was the same tribe, the same ones who believe they are put here on Earth as blood drinkers to serve the Christian God. "
I could feel her shock, though for a moment she said nothing, and then she spoke.
"So this was why they cried out about blasphemy," she said.
"Yes, and long long ago, they said similar things as they came to us. They threatened us, and they wanted, they wanted what we knew. "
"But how did this divide you and the woman?"
"We destroyed them. We had to. And she knew that we had to do it, and afterwards, when I fell sullen and listless and would say nothing, she was angry with me, and I grew angry with her. "
"I see," she answered.
"It didn't have to be, this quarrel. I left her. I left her because she was resolute and strong and had known that the Satan worshipers had to be destroyed. And I had not known and even now, all these many centuries later, I have fallen into the same error.
"In Rome, I knew they existed, these creatures; in Rome, this Santino came to me. In Rome, I should have destroyed him and his followers. But I would have no part of it, you see, and so he came after me, and burnt my house and all I loved. "
She was shocked and for a long time said nothing.
"You love her still, this woman," she said.
"Yes, but you see, I never stop loving anyone. I will never stop loving you. "
"Are you certain of it?"
"Completely," I answered. "I loved you when first I saw you. Haven't I told you?"
"In all these years, you've never stopped thinking of her?"
"No, never stopped loving her. Impossible to stop thinking of her or loving her. Even the details of her remain with me. Loneliness and solitude have imprinted her most strongly on my mind. I see her. I hear her voice. She had a lovely clear voice. " I mused. I went on.
"She was tall; she had brown eyes, with thick brown eyelashes. Her hair was long and rippling and dark brown. She wore it loose when she wandered. Of course I remember her in the softly draped clothes of those ancient times, and I cannot envision her as she might be in these years. And so she seems some goddess to me or saint, I'm not certain which. . . "
She said nothing. Then finally she spoke.
"Would you leave me for her if you could?"
"No, if I found her, we would all of us be together. "
"Oh, that's too lovely," she said.
"I know it can be that way, I know it can and it will be, all of us together, you and she and I. She lives, she thrives, she wanders, and there will come a time when you and I will be with her. "
"How do you know that she lives? What if. . . but I don't want my words to hurt you. "
"I have hope that she lives," I said.
"Mael, the fair one, he told you. "
"No. Mael knows nothing of her. Nothing. I don't believe I ever spoke one sacred word of her to Mael. I have no love for Mael. I have not called out to him in these terrible nights of suffering to aid us. I would not have him see me as I am now. "
"Don't be angry," she said soothingly. "Don't feel the pain of it. I understand. You were speaking softly of the woman. . . . "
"Yes," I said. "Perhaps I know that she lives because I know that she would never destroy herself without first finding me and making certain that she had taken her leave of me, and not having found me, and having no proof that I am lost, she can't do it. Do you understand me?"
"Yes, I do," she said. She crept closer to me, but she understood when with my gloved hand I touched her gently and moved her away.
"What was the woman's name?" she asked.
"Pandora," I said.
"I shall never be jealous of her," she said softly.
"No, you must never but how can you say such a thing so quickly? How do you know? "
She answered calmly, sweetly.
"You speak too reverently of her for me to be jealous," she said, "and I know that you can love both of us, because you loved Amadeo and me. I saw this with my own eyes. "
"Oh, yes, you are so right," I said. I was almost weeping. I thought in my secret heart of Botticelli, the man himself standing in his studio staring at me, wondering helplessly what sort of strange patron I was, and never dreaming that my hunger and adoration were commingled, never dreaming of a danger which had come so close.
"It's almost dawn," she said. "I feel cold now. And nothing matters. Do you feel the same way?"
"Soon we will leave here," I said in answer, "and we will have golden lamps around us. And a hundred fine candles. Yes, one hundred white candles. And we'll be warm where there is snow. "
"Ah, my love," she said softly. "I believe in you with my soul. "
The next night we hunted once more and this time as if it were to be our last in Venice. There seemed no end to the blood I could imbibe.
And without confiding it to Bianca, I was eternally listening for Santino's brigands, quite certain that at any moment they might return.
Long after I had brought her back for safekeeping in the golden room, and seen her nestled there amid her bundles of clothes and soft burning candles, I went out to hunt again, moving swiftly over the rooftops, and catching the worst and stronge
st of the killers of the city.
I wondered that my hunger did not bring some reign of peace to Venice, so savage was I in cleaning out those bent upon evil. And when I was done with blood I went to the secret places in my burnt-out palazzo and gathered the gold which others hadn't been able to find.
Finally, I went to the very highest roof that I could discover and I looked out over Venice, and I said my farewell to it. My heart was broken and I did not know what would restore it.
My Perfect Time had ended for me in agony. It had ended for Amadeo in disaster. And perhaps it had ended for my fair Bianca as well.
At last I knew from my gaunt and blackened limbs¡ªso little healed by so many kills¡ªthat I must press on to Those Who Must Be Kept, and I must share the secret with Bianca, for young as she was, I had no real choice.
It faintly excited me in my crushing misery that I could share the secret at last. Oh, what a terrible thing it was to put such a weight upon such tender shoulders, but I was weary of the pain and the loneliness. I had been conquered. And I only wanted to reach the shrine with Bianca in my arms.
