Blood And Gold

by Anne Rice

Chapter 29

 

  29

  I WAITED ALONG TIME before showing the letter to Bianca. I never really concealed it from her, for I thought such a thing was dishonest. But as she did not ask me the meaning of the pages which I kept with my few personal belongings, I did not explain them to her.

  It was too painful for me to share my sorrow with regard to Amadeo. And as for the existence of the Talamasca, it was too bizarre a tale, and too fully interwoven with my love for Pandora.

  But I did leave Bianca alone in the shrine more and more often. Never of course did I abandon her there in the early part of the evening when she depended upon me totally to reach those places where we might hunt. On the contrary, I always took her with me.

  It was later in the night¡ªafter we had fed¡ªthat I would return her to safety and go off alone, testing the limits of my powers.

  All the while a strange thing was happening to me. As I drank from the Mother my vigor increased. But I also learned what all injured blood drinkers learn¡ªthat in healing I was becoming stronger than I had been before my injury.

  Of course I gave Bianca my own blood, but as I grew ever stronger the gap between us became very great and I saw it widening.

  There were times, of course, when I put the question in my prayers as to whether Akasha would receive Bianca. But it seemed that the answer was no, and so in fear I didn't dare to test it.

  I remembered only too well the death of Eudoxia, and I also remembered the moment when Enkil had lifted his arm against Mael. I could not subject Bianca to possible injury.

  Within a short time, I was easily able to take Bianca with me through the night to the nearby cities of Prague and Geneva, and there we indulged ourselves with some vision of the civilization we had once known in Venice.

  As for that beautiful capital, I would not return to it, no matter how much Bianca implored me. Of course she possessed nothing of the Cloud Gift herself, and was dependent upon me in a manner which neither Amadeo nor Pandora had ever been.

  "It is too painful to me," I declared. "I will not go there. You've lived here so long as my beautiful nun. What is it you want?"

  "I want Italy," she said in a soft crestfallen voice. And I knew only too well what she meant, but I didn't answer her.

  "If I cannot have Italy, Marius," she said at last, "I must have somewhere. "

  She was in the front corner of the shrine when she spoke these all too significant words, and they were in a hushed voice, as if she sensed a danger.

  We were always reverent in the shrine. But we did not whisper behind the Divine Parents. We considered it ill-mannered if not downright disrespectful.

  It's a strange thing when I think of it. But we could not presume that Akasha and Enkil did not hear us. And therefore we often spoke in the front corner, especially the one to the left, which Bianca favored, often sitting there with her warmest cloak about her.

  When she said these words to me, she looked up at the Queen as though acknowledging the interpretation.

  "Let it be her wish," she said, "that we not pollute her shrine with our idleness. "

  I nodded. What else could I do? Yet so many years had passed in this fashion that I had grown accustomed to this place over any other. And Bianca's quiet loyalty to me was something I took for granted.

  I sat down beside her now.

  I took her hand in mine, and noticed perhaps for the first time in some while that my skin was now darkly bronzed rather than black, and most of the wrinkles had faded.

  "Let me make a confession to you," I said. "We cannot live in some simple house as we did in Venice. "

  She listened to me with quiet eyes.

  I went on.

  "I fear those creatures, Santino and his demon spawn. Decades have passed since the fire, but they still threaten from their hiding places. "

  "How do you know this?" she said. It seemed she had a great deal more to say to me. But I asked for her patience.

  I went to my belongings and took from them the letter from Raymond Gallant.

  "Read this," I said. "It will tell you, among other things, that they have spread their abominable ways as far as the city of Paris. "

  For a long time I remained silent as she read, and then her immediate sobs startled me. How many times had I seen Bianca cry? Why was I so unprepared for it? She whispered Amadeo's name. She couldn't quite bring herself to speak of it.

  "What does this mean?" she said. "How do they live? Explain these words. What did they do to him?"

  I sat beside her, begging her to be calm, and then I told her how they lived, these Satan worshiping fiends, as monks or hermits, tasting the earth and death, and how they imagined that the Christian God had made some place for them in his Kingdom.

  "They starved our Amadeo," I said, "they tortured him. This is plain here. And when he had given up all hope, believing me to be dead, and believing their piety to be just, he became one of them. "

  She looked at me solemnly, the tears standing in her eyes.

  "Oh, how often I've seen you cry," I said. "But not of late, and not so bitterly as you cry for him. Be assured I have not forgotten him either. "

  She shook her head as if her thoughts were not in accord with mine but she was not able to reveal them.

  "We must be clever, my precious one," I said. "Whatever abode we choose for ourselves, we must be safe from them, always. "

  Almost dismissively she spoke now.

  "We can find a safe place," she said. "You know we can. We must. We cannot remain as we are forever. It is not our nature. If I have learnt nothing from your stories I have learnt that much, that you have wandered the Earth in search of beauty as well as in your search for blood. "

  I did not like her seriousness.

  "We are only two," she went on, "and should these devils come again with their fiery brands, it will be a simple thing for you to remove me to some lofty height where they can't harm me. "

  "If I am there, my love, if I am there," I said, "and what if I am not? All these years, since we have left our lovely Venice behind, you have lived within these walls where they can't harm you. Now, should we go to some other place, and lodge there, I shall have to be on guard always. Is that natural?"

  This felt dreadful to me, this talk. I had never known anything so difficult with her. I didn't like the inscrutable expression on her face, nor the way her hand trembled.

  "Perhaps it is too soon," she said. "But I must tell you a most important thing, and I cannot keep it from you. "

  I hesitated before I answered.

  "What is it, Bianca?" I asked. I was fast becoming miserable. Utterly miserable.

  "I think you have made a grievous error," she said.

  I was quietly stunned. She said nothing more. I waited. Still there came this silence commingled with her sitting back against the wall, her eyes fixed upwards on the Divine Parents.

  "Will you tell me what this error is?" I asked. "By all means, you must tell me! I love you. I must hear this. "

  She said nothing. She looked at the King and Queen. She did not appear to be praying.

  I picked up the parchment pages of the letter. I moved through them and then looked at her again.

  Her tears had dried, and her mouth was soft, but her eyes were filled with some strange look that I could not explain to myself.

  "Is it the Talamasca that causes you fear?" I asked. "I shall explain all this to you. But see here that I wrote to them from a distant monastery. I left few footprints there, my beauty. I traveled the winds while you were sleeping here. "

  There followed nothing but her silence. It seemed not dark or cold but merely reserved and thoughtful. But when she moved her eyes to me, the change in her face was slow and ominous.

  With quiet words I hastened to explain to her my strange meeting with Raymond Gallant on my last night of true happiness in Venice. I explained in the simplest manner how he had sought knowledge of us, and how I had
learnt from him that Pandora had been seen in northern Europe.

  I talked of all the things contained in the letter. I talked of Amadeo once more. I spoke of my hatred of Santino, that he had robbed me of all I loved save her, and how on that account she was, of all things, most precious to me.

  At last I was willing to say no more. I was growing angry. I felt wronged and I couldn't understand her. Her silence hurt me more and more, and I knew that she could see this in my face.

  Finally, I saw some change in her. She sharpened her gaze and then she spoke:

  "Don't you see the grievous error you've made?" she asked. "Don't you hear it in the lessons you've made known to me? Centuries ago, the young Satan worshipers came to you for what you could give when you lived with Pandora. You denied them your precious knowledge. You should have revealed to them the mystery of the Mother and the Father!"

  "Good Lord, how could you believe such a thing?"

  "And when Santino asked you in Rome, you should have brought him to this very shrine! You should have shown to him the mysteries you revealed to me. Had you done it, Marius, he would never have been your enemy. "

  I was enraged as I stared at her. Was this my brilliant Bianca?

  "Don't you see!" she went on. "Over and over, these unstoppable fools have made a cult of nothing! You could have shown them something!" She gestured towards me dismissively as though I disgusted her. "How many decades have we been here? How strong am I? Oh, you needn't answer. I know my own endurance. I know my own temper.

  "But don't you see, all my understanding of our powers is reinforced by their beauty and their majesty! I know whence we come! I have seen you drink from the Queen. I have seen you wake from your swoon. I have seen your skin healing.

  "But what did Amadeo ever see? What did Santino ever see? And you marvel at the extent of their heresy. "

  "Don't call it heresy!" I declared suddenly, the words bursting from my lips. "Don't speak as if this were a worship! I have told you that yes, there are secret things, and things which no one can explain! But we are not worshipers!"

  "It is a truth you revealed to me," she said, "in their paradox, in their presence!" Her voice rose, ill-tempered and utterly alien to her. "You might have smashed Santino's ill-founded crusade with a mere glimpse of the Divine Parents. "

  I glared at her. A madness took hold of me.

  I rose to my feet. I looked about the shrine furiously.

  "Gather up all you possess," I said suddenly. "I'm casting you out of here!"

  She sat still as she had been before, gazing up at me in cold defiance.

  "You heard what I said. Gather your precious clothes, your looking glass, your pearls, your jewels, your books, whatever you want. I'm taking you out of here. "

  For a long moment she looked at me, glowering, I should say, as if she didn't believe me.

  Then all at once she moved, obeying me in a series of quick gestures.

  And within the space of a few moments, she stood before me, her cloak about her, her bundle clasped to her chest, looking as she had some countless years before when first I had brought her here.

  I don't know whether she looked back at the face of the Mother and the Father. I did not. I did not for one moment believe that either would prevent this dreadful expulsion.

  Within moments, I was on the wind, and I didn't know where I would take her.

  I traveled higher and faster than I had dared to do before, and found it well within my power. Indeed, my own speed amazed me. The land before me had been burnt in recent wars and I knew it to be spotted here and there with ruined castles.

  It was to one of these that I took her, making certain that the town all around had been pillaged and deserted, and then I set her down in a stone room within the broken fortress, and went in search of a place where she might sleep by day in the ruined graveyard.

  It did not take me long to be confident that she could survive here. In the burnt-out chapel there were crypts beneath the floor. There were hiding places everywhere.

  I went back to her. She was standing as I had left her, her face as solemn as before, her brilliant oval eyes fixed on me.

  "I want no more of you," I said. I was shuddering. "I want no more of you that you could say such a thing, that you could blame me that Santino took from me my child! I can have no more of you. You have no grasp of the burden I have carried throughout time or how many times I have lamented it! What do you think your precious Santino would do had he the Mother and the Father in his possession? How many demons could he bring to drink from them? And who knows what the Mother and Father might permit in their silence? Who knows what they have ever wanted?"

  "You are an evil and negligent brother to me," she said coldly, glancing about herself. "Why not leave me to the wolves in the forest? But go. I want no more of you either. Tell your scholars in the Talamasca where you have deposited me and perhaps they will offer me their kind shelter. But be gone. Whatever, be gone! I don't want you here!"

  Though up to that second I had been hanging upon her every word, I abandoned her.

  Hours passed. I traveled the skies, not knowing where I went, marveling at the blurred landscape beneath me.

  My power was far greater than it had ever been! Would I to try it, I could easily reach England.

  I saw the mountains and then the sea, and then suddenly my soul ached so completely that I could do nothing but will myself to go back to her.

  Bianca, what have I done?

  Bianca, pray that you have waited for me!

  Out of the deep dark heavens I somehow returned to her. I found her in the stone room, sitting in the corner, collected and still, just as if she had been in the shrine, and as I knelt before her, she reached up and threw her arms about me.

  I sobbed as I embraced her.

  "My beautiful Bianca, my beautiful one, I am so sorry, so sorry, my love," I said.

  "Marius, I love you with my whole heart eternally. " She cried as freely and completely as I did. "My precious Marius," she said. "I have never loved anyone as I love you. Forgive me. "

  We could do nothing but weep for the longest time and then I took her home to the shrine, and comforted her, combing her hair as I so loved to do and trimming it with her slender ropes of pearls until she was my perfect lovely one.

  "What did I mean to say?" she implored. "I don't know. Of course you could not have trusted any of them. And had you shown them the Queen and the King some horrid anarchy might well have come from it!"

  "Yes, you have said the perfect word," I answered, "some awful anarchy. " I glanced quickly at the still impassive faces. I went on. "You must understand, oh, please, if you love me at all, understand what power exists within them. " I stopped suddenly. "Oh, don't you see, as much as I lament their silence, perhaps it is for them a form of peace which they have chosen for the good of everyone. "

  This was the very essence of it and I think we both knew it.

  I feared what might happen if Akasha were ever to stand up from her throne, if she were ever to speak or move. I feared it with all my reason.

  Yet still, that night and every night I believed that if and when Akasha were ever waked, a divine sweetness would pour forth from her.

  Once Bianca had fallen asleep, I knelt before the Queen in the abject manner which was so common to me now, and which I would never have revealed to Pandora.

  "Mother, I hunger for you," I whispered. I opened my hands. "Let me touch you with love," I said. "Tell me if I have been in error. Should I have brought the Satan worshipers to your shrine? Should I have revealed you in all your loveliness to Santino?"

  I closed my eyes. I opened them.

  "Unchangeable Ones," I said in a soft voice, "speak to me. "

  I approached her and laid my lips on her throat. I pierced the crisp white skin with my teeth, and the thick blood came into me slowly.

  The garden surrounded me. Oh, yes, this I love above all. And it was the garden of the m
onastery in spring, how wondrous, and my priest was there. I was walking with him in the clean swept cloister. This was the supreme dream, for its colors were rich and I could see all the mountains around us. I am immortal, I said.

  The garden dissolved. I could see colors washed from a wall.

  Then I stood in a midnight forest. In the light of the moon, I beheld a black carriage coming down the road, drawn by many dark horses. It passed me, its huge wheels stirring up the dust. There came behind it a team of guards all clothed in black livery.

  Pandora.

  When I woke, I was lying against Akasha's breast, my forehead against her throat, my left hand clasping her right shoulder. It was so sweet that I didn't want to move, and all the light of the shrine had become one golden shimmer in my eyes, rather the way that light would become in those long Venetian banquet rooms.

  At last I kissed her tenderly and withdrew and then lay down and placed my arms around Bianca.

  My thoughts were troubled and strange. I knew it was time to find some habitat other than the shrine itself, and I knew as well that strangers were coming into our mountains.

  The small city at the foot of our cliff was now thriving.

  But the most dreadful revelation of this night was that Bianca and I could quarrel, that the solid peace between us could be violently and painfully ruptured. And that I, at the first hard words from my jewel, could crumple into mental ruin.

  Why had I been so surprised? Could I not remember my painful quarrels with Pandora? I must know that in anger, Marius is not

  Marius. I must know and never forget it.