Broken

by Delia Steele

  I just stared at him then rapid blinking starting not really sure what to do. Finally I gave up, smoothed my hair down, and wiped my nasty running nose, rolled over and turned my back to him. Curled up as tight as I could get into a fetal position, For the first time in a long time I felt I didn’t have a say so in what was happening, and for this once it didn’t bother me like I thought it would. I almost felt my heart start to mend itself back together. It only took a minute and I felt Cam lay down and wiggle close I stiffened and he stopped but in the end he wrapped his arm around me and we both slept like rocks. I was jarred awake from a nasty dream as always but as soon as I jerked Cams hand tightened around me we hadn’t moved an inch. He mumbled something that sounded like “its ok baby I’m right here go back to sleep” but his eyes weren’t open and he was still breathing heavy. I got excited for nothing he was dreaming most likely of some trash bag Ellie May Clampett wanna be back home in her short butt Wal-Mart shorts and shit kickers.. The thought made me frown and at that moment he opened his eyes. Ekkkk shit busted. “Hi baby sleep well?” my mouth fell open and my eyes bugged out of my head OMG HE WAS TALKIN TO ME. WHAT THE FREAK why am I so happy? “Hi Cameron (acting shy of course) actually I slept great (I lied). Then it hits me holy moly batman I must look like death warmed up I jump up feet on the bed towering over him wild eyed like a scared doe and cut a back flip off the bed, as I ran full speed across the cold marble floors I hear his stunned “holy shit” and all I can do is “be right back” as I round the corner into my bathroom sliding thanks to my toes socks, good thing I grabbed the door jam or I would have face planted in front of GOD and everybody. I jerk my toothbrush out of the holder and drop my panties I am about to pee myself. Back at the counter scrubbing my teeth like I’m using a jack hammer Cam enters the bathroom I smile big and of course my dumb ass makes a mess with toothpaste as it drips out gosh this is embarrassing. But hey its not my fault, I have NEVER woke up with a guy in the house, I have always sent them on their way before bedtime. “So Cam (OMG HE IS PEEING EEWW) I jerk back around, standing all stiff, not to see that yuck… now I forgot what I was saying grrr. “What Lexi?” I sigh about to say I had forgot and BAM my brain to mouth filter is lost” Whose Ellie May?” he lets out a laugh and says “whattt” all country sounding and drawn out. “OMG CAM I am so sorry I meant is there a girl back home? You know in Mississippi.” Someone shoot me now please.

  “Um well (he takes forever to answer so it cant be good) No Lexi no one back home but Sadie.” He must notice the pain on my face because he very quickly fixes his answer “Sadie is my dog she’s the sweetest miniature chocolate dachshund ever” I sag in relief. Not sure why thou this can’t happen he is leaving in what 4-5 days tops. Oh now my heart is breaking I literally feel it ripping and jagged shards crash to the floor, I think the fact I even have a heart at this point is the biggest surprise. I fake it of course and put on a smile. “So Cameron you wanna go back to your hotel or hang with me today?” Making our way to the kitchen Valeria already has spread of food laid out for us. “Val this is Cam” she nods and says hello in her weak little don’t look at me voice. She acts like she has never seen a guy before shit. Well I guess she hasn’t in this house ha oh well too late now. Cameron looks as thou he is thinking super hard right now. Poor guy he likely thinks I’ve lost my damn marbles. After what seems like a life time of waiting he turns smiling “ Lexi I am not sure this works with me leaving soon but right now all I want to do is spend every second I have left here with you!” YUP I’VE LOST MY DAMN MARBLES “Well Cameron let’s get done so we can start our day, I have oodles of things I want to show you, but first we have to get you clothed properly.”He looks so constricted right now like he is confused, pissed, excited it’s just a weird look seriously with the eye brow cocked and head held sideways. “I can’t let you buy me clothes Lexi that’s just crazy” Guess I better not tell him that Brioni tuxedo cost about 10 grand he may have a heartastroke ha! He does make it look better that James Bond thou! Even if it is wrinkled from our early morning nap because it ended up being like 4 a.m. when we finally crashed. He pulls me out of deep thought asking crazy non sense “So what’s the plan? Ooo by the way you look beautiful this morning messy head” WTF my hair how could I forget NOOOOOO curls no matter how loose they are look awful pre managed HOLY SHIT BOBBAGAHDOUCHE I LOOK LIKE KRUSTY THE EFFIN CLOWN WAHHHHH. “Cameron it’s rude to talk about someone’s hair while at the breakfast bar, so shut your damn mouth and eat so we can go have fun.” Cameron looks hurt but it’s his own fault, I don’t have insecurities but he makes me feel different and I don’t like it, or do I? I scarf down 4 pancakes, 6 pieces of bacon, a cup of o.j., and then grab for a biscuit to dip up my butter smothered in golden eagle syrup. I glance up thru my lashes and Cameron could catch flies his mouth is open so damn wide. “WHAT IS IT NOW CAMERON DO I HAVE FOOD ON MY FACE GESH” ahh the flush of embarrassment rushes across his pretty tanned face. “NO I just can’t figure out where you’ve put all that food, (gulp) your bones and eat like a horse, don’t take me wrong you look great but where does it all go? Most girls wont even touch a bagel at this time of day” Well here we go again my pissy ass morning attitude kicking in high gear and the poor guy doesn’t even know its coming. “Well let me see I stay busy I.WORK.IT.OFF! I exercise 3 days a week with a personal trainer, I take a kick boxing class with a personal trainer, I take 2 yes 2 self defense classes, I am and have been an elite gymnast for about 12 years now, and I also take a beginners class in cross fit. SO! I would say I have a right to EAT.LIKE.A.HORSE!” dang this boy says stuff that just makes me spill everything in all the wrong ways….sigh…I should seriously be karate kid. Inhale exhale inhale exHELL “Cameron I need to say I am sorry I am such a bitch so early, I don’t talk much the first few hours I am awake and you being here has just thrown me off. Lets get ready to go out and have fun please, you only have a few days before you go and I’d like to enjoy them” tears fill my eyes and threaten to pour but I hold them back reigning in my inner CEO HBIC (head bitch in charge) attitude.

  Chapter Three

  After a quick call to Bernard, Cameron now has 5 days worth of clothes for anything he may need while in Miami, even thou he whined like a spoiled child he now wears a grin. And Gus has Beauty tied to the end of the pier. We walk hand in hand down the grass towards the hill and to prove my earlier point I let go of Cam he is looking down at me head tilted with question in his eyes. “Watch” I whisper.. I run full throttle towards the pier I hit it hard pulling out about 4 cartwheels before ending in a fabulous round off and when I land my legs are spread wide hands straight up and I squeal “TADAHHH” laughing so hard I can’t even breathe I fill liberated to show him I AM NOT JUST TALK “ See I can walk the walk” ekkkkkkkk whoa WTH the sky is spinning, what tha oh gah ooo haaa “CAMMMM put me down haha you scared me I was off kilter haa” “WOW Lexi you just blow my mind at every corner! More water sports?” I can’t get a grip why am I laughing like a crazy hyena? “Oh I can’t breathe goofy you scared me and tickled me all at once” doubled over I let out a long giggle half sigh and upright myself, (GET A GRIP ALEXA) “yes more water sports it’s what we do in MAIMI BITCH. Gus is going with today because we will need a driver. Now vest up and make sure it’s tight. We are going to soar above the world.”

  We spend hours strapped in our harness and soaring freely in the beautiful sky, free of our wonders and fears. The enormous pink and black sail above us. We are hauling ass but up here it feels like time almost stands still. The wind in our face and the only noises that reach us are the small hums of the boat motor. I hold my arms out like I have wings and close my eyes to enjoy the moment, and I feel Cam wrap his fingers around mine. I open my eyes just in time to see him coping my action and closing his eyes. He has the sweetest, kindest, most heavenly smile I’ve ever seen. After a long day in the sun we are drained. I’m thinking snack, nap, and RAVE. Tonight I want to give Cameron a real dose of my life.

  We’re back inside this time at
the formal dining table being anything but! Cameron’s sitting in a high back chair looking like a half naked king while I sit Indian style on the table right in front of him eating some fresh fruit from the same plate and downing water like it’s no one’s business. The sun was bright and the salt water drained us. My bed is screaming my name, we should be able to get at least a3-4 hour nap before getting ready to go out. “Val we are going to take a nap I should be up by 8, we’re going out so nothing heavy.” She nods in acknowledgement and up the stairs I drag Cameron. Man my bed is the best ever. Fresh satin sheets in bright red and zebra room smells of cashmere and freezing just the way I like it. Nothing better than lounging all weekend in a dark cold room snuggled up under heavy blankets! After pulling the dark curtains to the room went from mid afternoon to midnight. I turned on the radio which was on a slow jam station and I opted to leave it, why not start off with something sweet because after tonight he will likely run away from me and never look back. I still can’t get over the fun filled days & lazy nights feeding each other ice cream while watching old rerun nights we have shared, and to think it’s all about to end. Taking him back to the sky to end this the same way we started it was perfect. Everything about him has been perfect.

  Sliding my hand across the screen for my closet I am at a loss on what I want to wear, Cam walks in AND gesh the boy is golden! His skin is glowing like a mummy’s tomb filled with jewels and right there on top is the genies lamp! He has on some dark distressed designer jeans, a pair of rugged leather flip flops, a long sleeved deep pink button up shirt (all from his new wardrobe) with the sleeves unbuttoned and rolled up to his elbows & those EYES burning with lust and desire. Well if I can pick my tongue up off the ground my color choice for tonight was just made easier… typing in “leather” after a few clicks I open the door. He is ready and my hairs still in a towel uh I’m such a chick right now!

  After digging around the leather I settle on a black skin tight leather skirt and a black/pink mix leather halter top that pretty much covers my boobs in a crisscross style and that’s it. Pairing it with a pair of thigh high HOT PINK leather boots , I make my way to the bathroom to flat iron my hair and jerk it into a ponytail with a sparkly pink holder. THIS NIGHTS GONNA BE FUN! Now its Cams turn to drop his panties… we march to the garage I can’t help but smile.

  Cam is looking around the garage I assume for Gus. “Where’s the driver?” I let out a laugh laced in a sexy kitten purr. “Oh honey we aren’t in need of Gus tonight, I plan to stay sober to drive home so I thought we would take one of my favorite rides” I open the key box get the tiny key on a hot pink chain. As we start to trail past all the vehicles his eyes bug out as soon as he sees it. In the far corner sets my custom painted black Suzuki GSX1300 HayaBusa Bike. It’s trimmed in chrome and thin pink pin stripes. I fight myself to hold on because I HAVE to be in control but just seeing his eyes it’s like Christmas for the first time in an orphanage. HE has never seen anything like it! So I do what’s right & hand him the key. “O NOOO LEXI I AM NOT DRIVING THAT!!!” I giggle and point out “1 yes you are, 2 your to big for the back and 3 I’m still the boss and I say YOU ARE besides if I sit in the front in a skirt my whooha will be plastered all over the internet before we reach the club” with almost zero push he grabs the keys jumps on kicks the stand up drags me over the bike by my arm and out of nowhere he is kissing me a fast but sweet kiss. “Lexi everything about you wows me, WHAT ON GODS GREEN EARTH do you need with a bike like this?” Stunned I jerk back and look at him like he has a skinned cat on his head “Excuse me Cam? A bike like this? Opposed to what? A MIATA or maybe a MOPED!!! Honey this BIKE runs up to 193 miles per hour and I told you once before I RIDE HARD & FAST! So why don’t you kick this bike in gear before I kick you in your ass ok thanks!!!” he looks at me for a second and I see the twinkle in his eyes “whatever you say baby. Hold on tight.” And he’s revving to life and sliding out into the air CLUB DELSAYO here we come ….

  Slinking across the dance floor with a neon glowing glass I am gyrating and sweating within minutes Cams face still glowing from the ride, where I decided to hold on probably didn’t help either, I couldn’t help it, no sex in days needless to say I am a little tight strung right now. I am so glad to be here ready to rave till the sun comes up. Cams not the best dancer BLESS HIM, he is a country boy and I don’t see any cowboy boots insight. “Don’t worry cowboy, I’ll make you look good, we don’t line dance in Miami” his hands are around my neck and before I know it I’m struggling to keep from dropping my glass. I rub my body up and down him, grinding on his leg, with my head hung back. We couldn’t get any closer unless I possessed his body like Swayze did whoopee in ghost! As I watch Cam jump around with his hands in the air, sweat dripping off his face I can’t help but feel pleased, an inner calm, whole even. It’s like he is just suppose to be near me, a part of me. We dance thru the night, a few times I’m lifted through the air and set back down uhh I know not to wear leather to rave but I had to do it up to show Cam the whole package! Then the thought comes and I can’t push it out of my head. It’s time to take him home to show him the life you truly live the not so pleasant side; you have to set him free. And with these thoughts running through my head I can’t help but fight back tears because those things aren’t things I want to do to Cam. I can’t see chaining him to a board and clawing at his skin till he bleeds or begs me to stop, I can’t see caning him or whipping him, I can’t imagine the look in his eyes if I cussed him like the dog he is for being a man. It’s not his fault and yet I always want to hurt them. I know I can’t blame my past on the ideas but I wasn’t always like this I didn’t always get pleasure from a man’s pain. Cam has been nothing but perfect to me. Sweet, caring, and bringing out the best in me, things I haven’t done or felt in years. But I have to show him who I am and why he can leave soon and go home to Mississippi without ever blinking an eye. Now I am at the brink of tears just thinking about him leaving me. He has lit a fire in me that burnt out so long ago.