One Day Soon

by A. Meredith Walters

  The piece of land that stretched from the railroad tracks down to the water was all but deserted. One lone fisherman stood on the bank, casting a lure. It was one of the most beautiful parts of Lupton. Here among the trees and flowers you could feel completely removed from the noisy, busy city.

  The river curved around a bend that I knew led to the swimming hole where I had spent long summer days trying to forget the reality of my life. This is where I fell in love with Yoss.

  This is where I fantasized about futures and happy endings.

  Feeling chilly, I zipped up my coat up under my chin even though the sun was shining and the air was warmer than it had been.

  “It’s just through the woods. It’s a bit of a hike,” Yoss warned.

  “I’m up for it. Lead the way,” I said, following behind him as we made our way down the embankment and followed the flow of water that cut its way through the field.

  “I guess it’s too cold to go swimming,” I laughed.

  “Unless hypothermia is your thing,” Yoss snorted. We broke through the trees and I could see the swimming hole, a part of the river that was significantly deeper than the rest. “I haven’t been swimming since you and I were here last,” he said, stomping over brush and limbs strewn across the ground.

  “Why not?”

  Yoss shrugged, holding up a branch up so that I could duck underneath it. I came up short, our chests brushing together. I craned my neck to look up at him. It was darker in the woods and incredibly quiet. Almost as if we were in another world.

  Yoss sighed and took a step back. “It’s just down this path.” He pointed to well-worn footpath that cut through the thick trees. We continued walking in relative silence until we reached a clearing cut through the woods. In the middle stood a falling down house. At one time it was obviously beautiful. But time had forgotten about it.

  It was the perfect place for Yoss.

  Where he could disappear.

  “How did Gail and Perry find this place?” I asked as we made our around the back of the house.

  “I’m not sure. They never said and honestly I didn’t really care to ask. It was a roof over my head.” Yoss stopped suddenly and braced his hands on his knees breathing deeply. “Just give me a minute.”

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, noting the fine sheen of sweat on his face.

  “I need to catch my breath, that’s all,” Yoss snapped and then grimaced. “I’m sorry, ignore me. Clearly fresh air makes me cranky.” He laughed. It was strained. He straightened after a few minutes and we continued to the house.

  “You know, when you first mentioned Gail, it sort of sounded as though you were together,” I chuckled. He had told me she was with his friend Perry, but part of me wanted to make sure.

  Yoss’s breathing was still heavy but he seemed okay now. He gave me an amused look. “I wasn’t with Gail. I told you that already.”

  “Did you live with anyone else?” Why was I digging like this? It was stupid. What did that have to do with now? With him and me?

  We stopped by the back door. Yoss’s turned the knob and looked down at me before going inside. “I haven’t been with anyone since you, Imi. Not in that way. Not for love.”

  I swallowed thickly, my throat uncomfortably tight. “It’s been fifteen years, Yoss. You don’t need to bullshit me. I don’t expect that you haven’t cared for someone else since we were together.”

  He touched my face. Just for a moment. The pads of his fingers pressing into my skin. “It’s true.” His eyes burned into mine. “You were the last.” I couldn’t look away from him. “You were the only.”

  He dropped his hand and stepped into the house. My body trembled with the barely suppressed emotion that only he could elicit.

  “It’s so dark in here,” I said, tripping over something as I followed Yoss.

  “No electricity of course,” Yoss replied, weaving through rooms with familiarity.

  I couldn’t make out much of the place where he had been living except that it was cramped and smelled like mold and rotten garbage. There wasn’t a lot furniture. A couch. A small table and chairs. There were piles of clothes in the corner of what I assumed was the kitchen. All of the appliances had been removed at some point and the cabinet doors hung off the hinges.

  “It looks as if no one lives here,” I observed as we walked up the creaky stairs leading to the second floor.

  “It’s hard to say. It doesn’t look much different from when I was here a couple of weeks ago. No one’s here right now at least,” Yoss said, walking into the first room on the right.

  “This was your room,” I said, trying to mask my horror. I could see a moth eaten wool blanket thrown over a stained mattress in the middle of the floor. Yoss had again fashioned shelves out of cinderblocks to house his collection of odds and ends. A battery operated camping lamp stood on top of a pile of books.

  Yoss didn’t respond. He found an empty trash bag and started shoving clothing inside. “There’s not much I want to take. The rest of this shit can stay.” He picked up something purple and shoved it quickly in the bag.

  “Wait a sec,” I called out, reaching into the bag and pulling out an old pillow in the shape of a fuzzy, purple heart. “How do you still have this?” I asked in disbelief. I could see where part of the polyester fabric had been burned and it still bore the evidence of the fire that had ruined our lives.

  “I went back for it. Well not just this, other stuff. But it hadn’t been completely destroyed. So I took it,” Yoss explained as if it were no big deal.

  “I can’t believe anything survived that fire.” I carefully put the pillow back into the bag, touched and aching that he had been holding onto my something that had belonged to me for all these years.

  “You went back to The Pit?” I asked, watching him gather up his meager belongings.

  “Yeah, I did. A few weeks later. I just wanted to have look. Maybe find some of Bug’s stuff to give to his family. I didn’t expect much. So much had been destroyed.” I felt a pain in the center of my chest at the mention of our friend. “I couldn’t find any of his stuff. Where he had been sleeping.” Yoss took a deep breath, as if to steady himself. “There was nothing left.” His eyes were wet when they met mine. “He never had a chance.”

  I couldn’t help myself. I reached out and took his hand. He squeezed my fingers, holding on. “Anyway, it was strange, but the area where we had been sleeping wasn’t too bad. Sure, the smoke had ruined some of it, but a lot of stuff was okay. The pillow. Your clothes. Even your toothbrush. It was all there. I hadn’t lost everything.”

  “Yoss…”

  “Okay, well I think I have everything I want. Let’s get out of here. I don’t want to stay here longer than I have to.” Yoss glanced around the room, a look of shame on his face. “I tried, you know. I really did try to do something else. To be something more.”

  He squeezed my fingers again.

  “You still can, Yoss. It’s not too late,” I told him. Squeeze. Pain.

  He lifted our joined hands and pressed it to his chest.

  “I found you again, didn’t I?” He smiled. It was a relief to see it there.

  “I never really went away.”

  “Do you know what happened to Shane? To Karla and Di?” I asked as we headed back towards town. My stomach was growling and when I looked at the time I realized it was close to lunchtime.

  I drove past Seventh Street Bridge and by force of habit I looked out towards the crumbling uprights by the river. It was still the place to congregate. I could see groups of people hanging out, just as we had done.

  “I spoke with Karla once,” I admitted.

  Yoss looked at me in surprise. “You did? She never mentioned it.”

  “Are you surprised she didn’t?” I raised my eyebrows and he shook his head.

  “I never understood why she hated you so much. You never did anything to her,” Yoss mused.

  I laughed. “Because she loved you. You knew that.”r />
  “I think you overestimated her feelings, Imi,” Yoss scoffed.

  “And I think you underestimate how important you were to everyone,” I said.

  Yoss made a noise under his breath but didn’t comment so I went on. “I asked her where you were. She refused to talk to me. In fact she turned her back on me and walked away.” I remembered the day all too clearly. I had only been back home for a few weeks and I was half out of my mind wondering where Yoss had gone.

  I went back to the bridge almost every day. I hadn’t seen anyone I recognized until that day weeks later. Karla was there with a group of people I didn’t know. I had called out to her.

  “Karla!” I had waved when she looked my way.

  I had run over to her, calling out her name. “Have you seen Yoss?” I yelled.

  Karla’s face had gone cold. Incredibly hard. She had turned away from me and walked off.

  I didn’t approach anyone else after that. I saw Shane a few times, but after Karla’s chilly greeting, I didn’t bother speaking to him. And I never saw Di. I missed her. Almost as much as I missed Yoss.

  After the fire we had all become shells of ourselves. Some more so than others.

  “Shane’s still around. He actually got a job as a janitor at the juice plant on the other side of town. He has a girlfriend he’s been living with for a few years now. I see him around every now and then. He’s doing pretty good for himself.”

  “That’s great! I’m so glad,” I said genuinely.

  “I’m not sure where Karla is. She hooked up with some guy and took off a while back. It’s not like she sends postcards.” Yoss shrugged, his mouth pressed into a thin line.

  “And Di?” I asked softly.

  Yoss rubbed his eyes and I noticed the strain on his face, the pallor of his skin. There were fine tremors in his hands and I could tell he was getting tired.

  “Di took losing Bug really hard. She blamed herself for not making sure he got out. She relapsed. It was bad.” Yoss took a deep, shuddering breath and stared out the window. “I hate that I don’t really know what happened to her. Right before I got my apartment I tried to get her help. I even took her to the hospital so she could check herself in. She was hooked on some messed up shit. I had never seen her like that. Not even before.”

  “Oh my god,” I breathed. “I should have come back to check on her. I should have made sure she was okay,” I berated myself.

  Yoss’s eyes flashed in my direction. “What happened to Di isn’t your fault. We all make choices. We have to deal with the consequences.”

  I pulled into the parking lot of a small Italian restaurant and turned off the engine. “Di was my friend too, Yoss,” I reminded him.

  “I know,” he sighed. “But Di became self-destructive. There’s not anything you, or anyone, could do to help her.”

  “Where is she now?” I asked with a lump in my throat.

  “I’m not really sure. I can only hope she went somewhere to get clean. I looked for her after I was evicted from my apartment and ended up back down by the river. No one could tell me where she was. Most didn’t even know her. It’s a new crowd out there now. A lot of the people we knew are gone.”

  “Including Manny?” I dared to question.

  Yoss’s eyes darkened. “Manny was busted almost ten years ago. The police picked him up and he was convicted of pandering and bunch of other shit. I haven’t seen him since.”

  I tried to hide my smile. But it was impossible. Karma was wonderful.

  “Maybe we could try to find Di,” I said.

  “I wouldn’t even know where to start. And—” He stopped, staring down at his clenched hands in his lap. “And sometimes when people leave they don’t want to be found.”

  “Like you?” I asked sharply.

  Yoss glanced up at me, his eyes boring into mine. “Yes. Like me.”

  We sat in silence for a little while. The moment deserved it. But my stomach erupted in a loud groan, causing both of us to laugh. “I’m guessing that’s why we’re parked outside of an Italian place,” Yoss said.

  “Yeah, if that’s okay with you.” We got out of the car and headed towards the restaurant.

  “That’s fine. I just…well, I don’t have any way to pay.” Yoss hunched his shoulders and wore that all too familiar look of shame. I hated that look. It ruined his beautiful face with concerns he shouldn’t have.

  “I can pay. It’s no problem,” I replied delicately.

  “I can’t sponge off you indefinitely, Imi. It’s not right. I’ll find a way to make it up to you. I promise.”

  We went inside and took a booth towards the back. The waitress came and took our drink orders. A soda for me, water for Yoss.

  “Do you want to share a pizza? They make a great Hawaiian here,” I suggested.

  “Yeah, that sounds great,” Yoss agreed, putting the menu away. When the waitress came back with our drinks, I ordered the pizza. Then we were left alone again.

  Yoss tapped his fingers on the table nervously. He seemed to be full of pent up energy and it was putting me on edge. He finally looked at me and flattened his hands on top of the table.

  “I thought about this a lot,” he said more to himself than to me.

  “Having pizza?” I joked.

  Yoss gnawed at his bottom lip, his eyes roaming over my face. “Being with you again.”

  Every word he spoke took the air from my lungs. He left me completely weak. “Well here I am,” I responded.

  “Here you are,” he smiled. “Old Imi is still there. I’m happy to see her, but I think I like new Imi just as much.”

  “What about new Yoss? Are you happy with him too?” I asked, taking a long drink of my soda.

  Yoss seemed thoughtful as he picked at his pizza. I noticed he hadn’t eaten any of it yet. “I think I could be. He has a lot of shit to sort out first though.”

  “Like what?” I pushed.

  “Like a job. Like a place to live. Oh and a new liver would be nice,” he smirked.

  “I think you need to focus on one thing at a time,” I told him.

  “Sage advice. I can see why you’re so good at your job,” Yoss said. “It’s obvious you found something you really enjoy doing. I don’t know if you realize that your face lights up when you’re filling out forms,” Yoss teased and I laughed.

  “I’m not that much of a nerd, but yeah, I really like my job. It gives me something to focus on. To feel like I’m making a difference. I like to feel needed, I guess.”

  “I suppose it’s not hard to figure out what made you get into social work.” Yoss finally took a bite of his pizza but seemed to struggle to swallow it.

  “Are you feeling okay?” I asked with concern. Yoss took a drink of water and wiped his mouth with a napkin.

  “I’m fine. It’s just been a long time since I’ve eaten greasy food. It’ll take my body some time to remember how much I like it,” Yoss said, taking another bite.

  I frowned, not quite believing his answer, but he was eating, that was the important thing.

  “After being on the streets I knew that I wanted to help people like us. I hadn’t really planned to work at the hospital, but when I graduated from college and moved back home it was the only opening in my field. It all worked out though. I can’t imagine being anywhere else.”

  While I was speaking his face had become incredibly pale. His mouth was pinched and he seemed to be breathing heavily. He closed his eyes as if in pain.

  “Yoss—”

  “I need to use the restroom. Do you know where it is?” he asked suddenly, getting to his feet. I pointed towards the direction of the bathrooms and watched as he walked unsteadily away.

  Five minutes passed.

  Then ten.

  Then fifteen.

  I had paid the bill and boxed up the remaining pizza and still Yoss hadn’t returned.

  Getting worried that he had climbed out of the bathroom window, I made my way towards the back of the restaurant. I knocked
on the door of the men’s restroom.

  “Yoss? Are you okay?” I called out.

  I heard the lock click and the door opened revealing Yoss. His face was wet as if he had splashed himself with water. He looked awful. The dark circles beneath his eyes were prominent and he appeared to be having difficulty staying on his feet.

  “I think I need to go back to your place and lie down. I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t have eaten so much pizza,” he grimaced. I didn’t point out that he had barely eaten anything.

  “What’s wrong? Did you get sick?”

  “I’m just not feeling that great. My body isn’t used to eating so well is all. Seriously I’ll be fine once I lie down for a little while,” Yoss placated, stepping out of the bathroom.

  “I think we should go to the hospital to get you checked out—”

  “I’m fine, Imi. I promise,” Yoss insisted.

  “You need to call Dr. Howell. At least see what he has to say,” I went on.

  “If I still feel like shit after resting, then I’ll call him. Is that a deal?” Yoss snapped, obviously getting testy.

  “Fine,” I snapped back, worried about the dull look in his eyes. Terrified about his health that seemed to be failing right before my eyes.

  Yoss took my hand. “Stop looking like that,” he pleaded.

  I frowned. “Like what?”

  “Like I’m going to keel over at your feet. It doesn’t do a lot for a guy’s positive thinking,” he chuckled.

  “Let’s get you home then.” I gave his hand, still wrapped around mine, a tug and he followed me out of the restaurant.

  I looked back at him and he was grinning.

  “What?” I asked, smiling too, though not knowing why.

  “Let’s go home,” was all he said.

  Fifteen Years Ago

  My butt had gone numb a long time ago. I couldn’t feel my toes and my cheeks stung from the wind.

  The sun had come up several hours ago and still we sat on the curb watching the last of the firefighters extinguish the blaze that all but destroyed The Pit.

  Bug still hadn’t shown.

  I knew that he hadn’t made it out. My heart told me. My gut told me.