Fall From Grace

by Michelle Gross

  And just like that, my night with Noah came to an end. The silence absorbed us even on the way home. Noah’s brows were pinched together and he kept gazing at me from the corner of his eyes but he wasn’t smiling. It made me anxious. I didn’t get his smile until I was stepping out of his Jeep.

  “I had fun Noah,” I told him. “I’m a little sad that it’s over so quickly.”

  That was when he smiled. “I know what you mean.”

  He argued with me to go inside, but I protested and watched him go because I wanted him to stay.

  I tiptoed into the house but Mom still stepped out to check on me before going back to watch whatever she had their TV on. Once I was in my room, I slid out of my jeans and left Noah’s hoodie on that he hadn’t asked to have back and climbed underneath my covers where I slipped my hand inside my panties to relieve what Noah had caused. I didn’t even have to work for it, it came so easily. Gus eyed me afterward and I placed the cover over my head and turned on my side to ignore his judgmental stare.

  24

  Grace age 16

  Noah age 17

  Two weeks of nothing but phone calls. Nothing but her voice. I’m on edge. I can’t be around her like I want. It’s too dangerous because if I act on what I feel, I might ruin everything. I can hold out until Dustin’s out of the picture. It doesn’t even feel like he’s even in the picture, it feels like I get all her time on the phone at night, but maybe I’m only thinking what I’m wishing for.

  I flirt, I tease just enough that she has to notice because I get her to blush and sometimes the way she talks, it’s like we are on the same page, yet she’s still with Dustin and I’m still tiptoeing around her when all I want to do is bulldoze into her.

  I can hold out… Who am I kidding? I’m fucking miserable. She’s right there, yet… I still can’t have her like I want.

  N.P.

  I passed my driver’s test Thursday morning. Noah was the first person I told other than Mom who had been with me. She dropped me off at school and went back to work herself, her sub was only there for one class period.

  I spent the next two weeks talking to Noah constantly on the phone or through text. It was often after one before we got off the phone. There was just one problem.

  He was avoiding me.

  He had no problem with us talking all the time… He just always had something else to do every time I asked him if he wanted to hang out. I knew he worked at the garage and had weightlifting and practice to deal with, but he still had his Saturday evenings and Sunday’s. Now I was beginning to overthink and worry that something had gone wrong when we hung out. I had been quiet that night because I wanted to kiss and touch him, but I was starting to think that Noah’s silence had been the exact opposite. What if he didn’t even want me as a friend anymore? What if… after hanging out with me for a few hours, he realized how boring I was?

  That Saturday morning, I decided I was going to ask him about it… in person with Gus as my companion. He had told me the name of Dean’s garage last week while we were on the phone. It was called “Dean’s Auto Repair”. I wasn’t familiar with Jewel County and the fact that I was a new driver was worse, but I didn’t let that stop me. I borrowed Mom’s car and turned on the GSP lady and punched in the address I had found on the Internet for the garage.

  What was about an hour drive, took two hours for me. The GPS lady had pulled me directly into someone’s driveway which was so scary because the man had come out and I had no choice but to ask for directions while Gus barked like a crazy dog when he was coming but shook like a leaf when the man was standing next to the window. Needless to say, a computer was giving me trust issues but thankfully the man had given me better directions. Turned out, I was just a couple of turnoffs away from it. I looked for the red sign he had told me about and squealed when I saw it in the distance.

  “We’re here, Gus,” I said as I put the car into park. “Thank the heavens.” My mouth fell open when I saw how big the garage was. It was a lot bigger and cleaner than I had imagined with an ordinary name like Dean’s Auto Repair. “Wow, this place is nice,” I muttered to myself.

  I rolled the window down at first, not sure if I should take Gus out with me. The huge garage door was wide open and the machine noises filtered out. An elderly man stepped out and approached me. “Can I help ya, Miss?” he asked. He was greased up and oily but he looked like a kind person—sometimes you could just tell that about a person.

  I stepped out of the car. “Um, is Noah here?” I asked.

  He took another long look at me before smiling and taking off his hat to reveal his gray hair. He offered his hand to me and said, “You must be Grace.” I nodded and shook his hand, feeling a little pleased that he knew about me, which meant Noah talked about me, which also meant that this must be—

  “Dean?” I asked.

  He nodded, adjusting the ballcap back on his head. “Yes, I reckon I’m the one.” He looked into the car where Gus was giving me puppy dog eyes. “He won’t hurt nothin’ if ya wanna let him out.” I opened the door and Gus jumped out. “Aye, Noah, you got a pretty little visitor,” Dean shouted and I blushed as he turned back. “That’s what you came here for, ain’t it?” He winked and disappeared back in the garage. I peeked inside and saw Noah sliding out from underneath one of the vehicles. His eyes met mine immediately and his stunned reaction to me being here had me second guessing my decision. I smiled painfully bright and he finally smiled back.

  “Gus!” I yelled because he was sniffing around the garage where others were working.

  “He’s fine,” Noah said, standing up. I could hear someone talking to Gus and there was laughing but I couldn’t take my eyes off greasy Noah. There was something appealing about the look of a hardworking man that wasn’t afraid to get his hands dirty. He had on a pair of jeans and a black shirt with grease smearing his face and arms. His jeans were ruined already with old stains.

  He strolled over to me. “What are you doing here, Grace?”

  “I wanted to see you,” I admitted.

  He looked at Mom’s car. “You drove?” he asked and I nodded. “How did you not get lost?”

  “I did get lost,” I mumbled. “I ended up in someone’s driveway, he helped me with directions though.”

  He ran his hand through his hair, making it stick straight up. “That’s dangerous, Grace, I can’t believe your mom allowed you to drive this far when you just got your license a couple of weeks ago.”

  I sighed. “I’m not a bad driver, I’m just a nervous one,” I defended myself. “Besides, if you would see me instead of blowing me off, I wouldn’t have come over.”

  “You think I don’t want to see you?” he asked, dumbfounded.

  “You’ve dodged hanging out with me for two weekends in a row!”

  “It’s not as simple as I had wanted it to be.” I held my breath, waiting for what he was about to say. “I thought I could see you as we are now, friends, but I can’t. I don’t. I won’t.” He brought his arms up.

  “Do you mean…”

  “Are you happy with Dustin? You don’t even talk about him and it doesn’t even seem like you hang out with him considering how much we talk to each other.”

  “About that,” I started then my words got lost when I saw three men wandering around the front of the garage, watching and leaning in awfully close like they were being nosy. Noah turned around and they all busied themselves. One of them had been Dean.

  Noah slowly exhaled before he turned back to me. “We can hang out this weekend.”

  “What about the game? We play you guys this Friday.”

  “Good,” he nodded. “Catch a ride on the bus or with Tiffany or Sara instead of driving, I’ll take you home after the game.”

  “Wouldn’t that be too much trouble? Last time it was a home game for us and you were already close by, you’d be making a long trip to take me home this time.”

  “I didn’t plan on taking you home straight away, you came all this way
to make plans, didn’t you? I’m giving you what you want.”

  I frowned. “Come on, Gus,” I started hollering. His head popped out from Dean’s arms.

  “Oh no, what did I do now?” Noah asked.

  “Nothing,” I muttered. “I just feel a little foolish for coming so far to see you then even when you make plans with me, it feels like you don’t want to. It makes sense, really, we’re older now, I don’t know why I expect you to want to still spend time with me like you used to.”

  Crap. I said too much. I was acting so immature and whiny. I was acting like… a spoiled girlfriend, when I had no right. I just wanted some of Noah’s time, instead, I showed up at his workplace acting like a crazy person.

  “Woah,” Noah said, lifting his arms to grab my shoulders. “Where the hell is this coming from? I’m so damn confused, Priss, did I do something wrong?”

  I dropped my head, embarrassed. “No,” I mumbled. “I’m just being weird.” Gus finally made his way back to me and Noah released my shoulders so I could pick him up. “I’m going to go. I’m sorry I came and acted like such a brat.” I lifted my eyes to meet his and waited a second before I asked, “Are you mad?”

  He smirked. “Why would I be? I got to see something interesting.”

  “Interesting?”

  “I feel like I’m more important than Dustin, and it feels really fucking good.”

  I felt the heat rising in my cheeks and turned my face away. I was being so obvious that he was starting to notice. If I told him about Dustin now… What would he say? Why couldn’t I say it? It felt like I was going to break out in hives to tell him the truth. What if I told him and he disappeared again?

  Was that what I was truly worried about? Him leaving once we got close again?

  “Are you going to be able to make it home?” he asked when I didn’t say anything.

  “I think so.”

  “Text me when you’re home so that I know you made it back safely,” he said before he flicked my nose. I grabbed it and finally looked at him again. “I’ll talk to you tonight?”

  The drive home consisted of me going through all the emotions: to embarrassment, giddiness, mortified, then back to feeling happy, followed by my other pal, ashamed that I came over and acted the way I did.

  My feelings for Noah were changing me into this person I didn’t recognize.

  I kept regretting my decision to go see him, then I’d think it over and decide it was worth it because I made plans with him.

  I was a hot mess.

  Thank you, Noah.

  Sincerely, my sanity.

  25

  Grace age 16

  Noah age 17

  I should have known. I should have trusted what I felt. The splash of red across her freckled cheeks always told me the truth, just like it is telling me now. Grace is my girl, not Dustin’s.

  She’s never been anyone else’s but mine.

  N.P.

  I stepped off the bus with Tiffany and Sara, pulling my spankies out of my butt crack. I was giddy with excitement that I’d get to see Noah play tonight. Talking on the phone with him every night only made me miss him more. I hated that we lived in different counties.

  I decided I’d tell him I broke up with Dustin recently and say it casually, ya know, like I wasn’t hoping he’d realize my body and I were waiting to get back in touch with him.

  It was cold today so we wore our purple long sleeves underneath our uniforms which were also purple and gold. GO PIRATES!

  “Someone’s excited,” Tiffany said, nudging my shoulder.

  Sara leaned in and waggled her brows. “I wonder why?”

  I shoved them both away and started scanning the football field. We were too far away to make out anyone.

  “Let’s beat these little shits tonight,” Dustin yelled, stepping off the bus and looking my way like he hoped I heard him. The others shared his enthusiasm.

  “Make us proud, boys,” Sara yelled.

  “What?” Dustin pinned his dark eyes on me. “No good luck kiss or are you saving it for the other team?”

  “Like Noah needs luck,” I couldn’t help but say as I turned and headed for the field. “But good luck, boys!”

  “Grace?” Noah’s voice spooked me enough that I jumped. He wasn’t even on the field. Lance and Jack were with him. I looked back at everyone staring at us… How much had he heard? He shook his head at me. “You’re so jumpy.” My eyes slid over him. “It’s a shame you have to cheer for the losing team.” He smirked at me.

  “Ready to lose tonight, Noah?” Dustin yelled.

  Noah lifted his head and smiled. “Ready to lose the best thing you got?”

  Lance and Jack started singing, “Ooohhh.”

  The blood had rushed to my face because while those two were laughing about it, Dustin and everyone looked slightly confused. Dustin turned to me, taking in my expression before he smirked. “Ah, does he still—Does that mean I’m still in the running, Grace?”

  I caught Noah’s expression when I turned, now he was confused.

  Tiffany and Sara looked stunned before they both started laughing. “You’re not referring to Grace, are you?” Sara asked me. “They’re not even together anymore.”

  Noah’s eyes zeroed in on me. “I’ve been meaning to tell you,” I stammered.

  Tiffany laughed. “Grace broke up with him the night we played you guys last month.”

  “Tiffany!” I hissed.

  “What?” She winked. “He should know.” She turned to Sara who also looked pleased.

  “Maybe she didn’t want to,” Dustin jumped in. He grinned at me before he stepped onto the field with a few of our other boys.

  “Come on, boys!” Noah’s coach, I assumed, yelled at them.

  I looked at Noah. “Um, Noah?”

  He turned away and headed to the field without so much as a glance my way. My heart sunk. “I can’t believe you haven’t told him yet,” Sara said as we started walking towards the bleachers where some of our squad already was.

  “I was going to tell him tonight,” I muttered. “Now he’s upset.”

  Tiffany snorted. “More like he’s probably on cloud nine.”

  “I can’t believe you two,” I said.

  They wrapped their arms around me. “Ah, come on, that’s what best friends are for,” Tiffany added with pep in her voice.

  I kept my eyes on Noah the entire game, and my stomach fluttered at how awesome he was on the field. Dustin and Noah seemed to bait each other the entire game but every time one was tackled, they’d be the first to help each other up. It was nostalgic to see them together on the field, only this time they were on opposite teams. I hadn’t realized it had been Noah I had been ogling until the end of the game last time, so I had missed this feeling before.

  Noah didn’t speak to me during halftime when he stepped back out of the locker rooms. He didn’t do anything but make eye contact with me the entire game. We lost again and by the end of the game, I was so spent with worry that I was tempted to crawl onto the bus instead of seeing if he still planned to take me home.

  I followed Sara and Tiffany to the bus when they both turned around and stopped me. “Woah, where do you think you’re going? I thought you were hanging out with Noah after the game?” Sara asked.

  I tried to step between them. “I’m too afraid. He’s going to wonder why I didn’t tell him, and then he’s going to realize my feelings. Besides, he hasn’t even spoken to me since you guys told him”

  Tiffany pointed behind me. “Here he comes for you.” With a smirk from my two horrible friends, they turned around and walked off.

  I turned around. Noah slowed to walking once he was several feet in front of me. He already had his jersey and pads off. He had a white t-shirt on that was heavy with sweat. “I thought I was going to have to chase you outta the bus when I saw you walking off with the rest of the girls,” he said at ease despite the sweat glistening his body.

  “You guys won again,” I state
d quietly.

  His brows rose. “Like they stood a chance.”

  “See ya, man,” Jack said to Noah before heading toward a black truck with Lance. “Bye Grace.”

  I waved bye to both of them while we walked to the parking lot. “Noah, I was going to tell you,” I started.

  “Next year?” he asked.

  “Are you upset?”

  I saw his Jeep. “Almost a whole month, Grace, you could have told me,” he sounded upset.

  “I know, it was dumb of me but it would have been embarrassing to admit that I broke up with him the same day you came back in my life.”

  The next thing I knew, he had me pressed against his dirty Jeep, gripping my shoulders roughly. “How so?” he asked, his eyes searching mine. “So much time has been wasted with us being apart, to think that another whole month, lost…”

  “Lost?” I glared at him. “How is that? This has been the closest thing I’ve had to perfection in almost four years.”

  “I know.” He hissed. “But it’s still such a damn waste because this whole time I’ve been biding my time and waiting when I didn’t have to…” His eyes singed mine before they fell to my lips. “To think that this whole time, I could have already done this.” He kissed me. His lips bruised mine, it felt so rough. A fire burned inside me.

  He pulled away. “Noah,” I breathed right before I pulled his head back down and swept my tongue in his mouth. He groaned and I felt weightless.

  His breath, his taste, was what I needed and I welcomed his tongue with greedy kisses and suction. Someone beeped and car lights moved around us. He pulled away from me again. “Slow down, Priss,” he croaked. “Let’s get out of here.”

  I nodded and stumbled around to the passenger side and got in. He started the Jeep and gave me a smoldering look that set me aflame. I didn’t want to go anywhere. I didn’t want to have to wait to touch him again. After buckling up, I sat quietly and never took my eyes off of him while he pulled out onto the road. He didn’t make it a mile up the road before he pulled off the two-lane road onto a patchy spot of grass. I tore out of my seatbelt and was climbing across the gear shift before he even had it in park. He didn’t complain at all though, he leaned back and welcomed me in his lap as he cut off the engine. He moved the seat back as far as it could go and helped me place my legs over each of his sides while I pressed my nose and mouth into his neck.