I wasn’t sure what was going on. I watched as he walked out of my room and shut the door without even looking in my direction. For the second time that night, my heart sank and I couldn’t help feeling like whatever happened was my fault. It felt like prom night with Eric. He had just gotten dressed and left with no word to me.
I followed his directions and took a shower, longer than I intended to, and walked back into my bedroom wrapped in my towel. I was replaying everything in my head, and I couldn’t help but flush from the heat of thinking about his soft caresses and his passionate kisses and his expert maneuvers. It was right then that I realized what had happened.
He had said, “After both reach their climax” the couple lies down together. He had made me climax twice but what had I done for him? Did I even rouse him while he was in me? What if he was upset with the lack of attention I paid him? I was so consumed with what I was feeling I didn’t even bother asking about his needs.
I thought back to what had transpired just an hour ago and the heat rose within me. I didn’t want to leave things the way they were, but even more, I just wanted to be with Devin again. Even if he thought it was just some lesson. I wanted to feel his skin against mine, his mouth kissing me. I wanted him.
I tightened the towel around my body. All the lights were off except the light seeping under Devin’s bedroom door.
Hesitantly I raise my hand to the knob and opened the door. “Devin?” I whispered.
I popped my head into his room, and he looked up from the computer in his lap. He was propped up against the pillows under the covers.
“What is it, Chris?”
“I don’t want to leave things how we left them,” I told him, referring to his lack of satisfaction.
Devin shook his head. “Yeah, uh, I don’t either. Maybe this would be best said if you didn’t come here in just your towel.”
I smiled. “This just makes it a whole lot easier.”
“What do you—” I dropped my towel before he could say anything further. “CJ,” he groaned. “What are you doing?”
“I came to give you what you gave me, Dev,” I said, walking up to the bed and leaning down toward him. I climbed onto the bed, the sheet still between us and leaned forward. Our lips touched and his hands closed the computer and set it on the side table before taking my face gently. He kissed me, and I remembered why I had come to his room in the first place. My hands trailed down his smooth chest as I straddled him.
Devin groaned, and I smiled into the kiss. My hands trailed down his chest as he began to kiss my neck. I momentarily forgot my mission. I forced my eyes open and pulled back a little. Devin’s eyes opened as he realized I was no longer in the range of his mouth, his delicious devouring mouth that made me melt like butter.
Focus.
I smiled as I moved my hips over his growing hard on. Devin sunk his head back on the pillows, and I took that as my opportunity to give him what he had given me. I began to kiss his neck and slowly moved down while still gyrating my hips.
“You’re killing me, Chris,” he groaned as I moved further down. I positioned myself to remove the sheet but before he could thrust into me, I slid down. Devin looked up, disappointed, and I smirked at his expression then lowered my head.
His gasp told me what I was doing was what he wanted, even if he didn’t say it. His hands moved to my hair as I continued to suck on him. My tongue ran down the length of him, and he groaned.
“I want to be inside you, baby.” His voice sounded desperate. “No more teasing.”
“You don’t want me to finish?” I asked, taking him in my mouth once more.
His hands gripped my hair, and I knew he was close to release. But before I could finish, he bent down and lifted my head. “I want to be inside of you. I want to feel you tight around me,” he said, caressing my cheek. “I want to make you feel what I feel, CJ.”
“I’ve already felt it. You gave me that feeling earlier. I wanted to do the same for you.”
“You never have to do something because I do it to you,” he said, pulling me down by him. “Now, let me love you.”
His lips crushed mine, and I moaned as his tongue explored my mouth. His hands caressed my breasts then his mouth closely followed. I raked my hands through his hair and then ran them down his back.
“Please,” I whispered.
One simple word, and Devin was inside of me. Our hips moved together like we were made for each other. I wrapped my legs around him, and he began to thrust harder. I moaned, and my breath began to come in short gasps. The same ecstasy was building to an almost explosive eruption.
“Devin!” I screamed. His lips crushed mine as we climaxed together.
Devin collapsed on top of me, and I slowly caught my breath. My hand reached up to play with his hair as he placed soft kisses on my shoulder. I moaned softly then Devin chuckled, a weird feeling while still connected to him. It was an intimate connection, something I knew you wouldn’t do if you didn’t care for your lover. It put a smile on my face.
Devin lifted his head. “What’s the smile for?”
I shook my head.
“So you’re happy?”
I nodded. “Can I stay with you?” I wanted to feel like a real couple, not just some teacher and student. I wanted to know what it felt like to wake up to the person you loved.
Devin kissed my nose lightly and nodded. He put his hands on either side of me, ready to pull out, but instinctively I wrapped my legs around his waist.
“Don’t go yet,” I whispered.
“Chris, we just had sex twice, both times without a condom. It was irresponsible, I know, and I shouldn’t have put you in that position.”
I smiled just a little, keeping my legs around him even as he rolled over. I kissed his tight lips. “I’m on the pill. You don’t have to worry, you don’t have to apologize. Don’t make this out to be something dirty, just love me with the same heat as before,” I said, my face hiding on his shoulder.
“You’re too irresistible for your own good, Chris. Now just lie with me, there are other ways to love you,” he whispered.
I lifted my head and kissed his lips before climbing off and settling in beside him.
“Now just sleep, you’ll be tired in the morning.” He kissed my forehead and wrapped his arms around me and for once I felt complete, like this was exactly where I was supposed to be.
And that’s when I knew I was lost, lost to the world. I was a goner. I was completely and utterly in love with Devin Malone. And the worst part was, that I knew he was pretending. But our pretend world was much more appealing than a world without him in it.
Chapter Ten
My phone chirped at work the next day. I hoped it wasn’t Mitch saying he’s coming back early…
Nope, it was Devin.
Hey.
———————————————
Sent from someone who misses you.
Hey, back at you, but
who exactly misses me?
There are a lot of people
I know who could miss me.
Is that so? Well, if it helps you
to remember, I’m the tall one with
brown hair who knows you had to cover
up a hickey on your neck this morning.
———————————————
Sent from the cause of said hickey
Hmm. I do remember something about a
tall man with brown hair…I’ll have to
give it some more thought. But in the
meantime, someone here misses you too.
You are so incorrigible, CJ.
You will never give up, huh?
I’ll just have to make you remember tonight.
————————————————
You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into
The past week had given me a glimpse into what Devin really is like, and he’s nothing like I described him before. He’s kind,
loving and even though he’s pretending, I know that was how he really would treat someone he was in love with. He would treat them with respect and love them with his whole heart. He would give them more than they deserved.
I love him, it’s as simple as that. And it has taken me eight years to face the fact I once knew and had decided to forget. I love Devin Malone, and there is nothing I can do about it apart from telling him the truth, which would utterly destroy our friendship, not that our fake relationship wasn’t doing that already. I’m sure Dr. Stone would say there is no going back, once you’ve crossed the line between friends and something more. And we have definitely crossed that line.
No, I would rather just love him for as long as I can and face the pain and heartache when we end whatever it is we have. He doesn’t need to know my true feelings, it would only complicate things. Besides, he doesn’t feel the same way. So for now, I will pack up my things, head to Devin’s apartment and pretend I don’t like the guy who knows every inch of my body, pretend I don’t care for the guy who makes me feel alive again, and pretend I don’t love the guy who’s the kindest, sweetest, most caring person I’ve ever known.
* * *
Can I just say that last night was amazing? Yet again, I felt like I was where I was supposed to be. I left work and drove to Devin’s apartment. He and Mitch used to live there together before my parent’s death. It was their bachelor pad, now it was just Devin’s place. I parked in visitor parking and buzzed his apartment.
“Chris?” Devin’s voice sounded surprised. I was a little early, I supposed.
“Yeah, I’m here.”
“Okay, come up, but wait outside the door.” I giggled as the door buzzed open then preceded to climb the one flight of stairs to the second floor. I waited outside the door until Devin opened the door quickly. “Sorry.”
“Had to put away the inappropriate magazines and pictures of the girls you fantasize about?” I smiled.
“There’s only one girl I like to think about,” he said, bending down and kissing my lips softly. “Come on, I made something delicious, just for you.”
I followed him inside the house and almost gasped as we walked into the living room area, which also doubled as a dining room. A table sat in one corner of the room and the couches and television on the other side. It was spacious to say the least and didn’t look odd or out of place. But what really caught my attention were the candles he had lit, sitting all around in strategic areas.
“You really went to a lot of trouble.” I wondered how many girls he had brought home before me.
“Just come and sit. I have everything ready,” he told me and ushered me to the table. Everything was set. The food was all on the table, the meal I saw in a magazine that I showed him the other day.
“I can’t believe you remembered this.” I smiled.
“I remember a lot of things,” he said as he began to pour sparkling cider into my glass.
I laughed. “Sparkling cider?”
“You can’t handle your alcohol, besides, I want you fully aware tonight.”
I shook my head at his comment, but inwardly I was melting. “This is really sweet, but what’s the occasion?”
“It’s the birthday dinner I won’t be able to give you because Mitch is going to want to take you out.”
It was a statement of fact. Mitch always took Em and me out for our birthdays. “Thank you,” I said softly, looking up to meet his eyes.
“You’ll get your gift later, it hasn’t quite come yet,” Devin said, beginning to serve the food onto his plate.
“You don’t have to get me anything more, this is enough.” Though the truth was I did want something. I wanted his love. I wanted his heart.
It must have showed on my face because the next thing I knew, Devin was worried he’d done something wrong.
“Nothing’s wrong,” I tried to assure him. “It’s perfect.” You’re perfect—it’s what I wanted to say.
“Is this about earlier, on the phone?” he asked.
I smiled, remembering the events that had taken place a few hours before. “No, that was absolutely amazing. Stop worrying. I’m fine, this dinner is fine. You have nothing to fear.” I stood up and walked over to Devin and leaned down, chastely kissing him on his lips. “Thank you, Dev, for everything.” And when I say everything, I mean everything, for making me feel alive again, for making me feel whole, loved, and complete. I kissed him again, only this time he pulled me onto his lap. “I thought we were supposed to be eating.”
“I am eating,” he said as he began to kiss my neck. “Why do you always smell so good?”
“It’s the body wash,” I breathed. “Devin—”
“I’ve missed these lips,” he said as he began to kiss them. My arms wrapped around him and my hands raked through his hair. I loved his hair. I loved his lips. I loved him.
“What?” He pulled back and that’s when I realized I had said it aloud. “What did you say, Chris?”
I was shocked and in a moment of panic I made up whatever came to mind. “I—I said that I love these,” I said, kissing him with everything I felt, trying to give him an excuse to forget. And whatever he heard was forgotten, if he even heard what I had said. Dinner was forgotten as well, at least for a little while longer.
“We really should eat the food before it goes cold,” I struggled to say. I finally pulled back. “Did you hear me?”
Devin nodded his head. “You’re right. We have plenty of time for this later,” he smirked.
I shook my head as I stood up and went back to my original seat.
“I still can’t believe you made this, I showed you like last week, right?” I asked.
Devin hedged, “Yeah, something like that. I just have a good memory and I wanted to make you something special for your birthday.”
“Well, thank you again. I couldn’t have asked for anything better.” I smiled as I took a bite of the prime rib he had prepared.
“Is it good?” he asked, watching me the whole time.
I almost laughed. “Yes, it’s delicious. Maybe you want to try some?”
He nodded and together we began to eat. As we finished our plates, I wondered how things could get any better. “I have dessert, as well. I can’t take credit for making it though. I just bought your favorite and had the people show me how to plate it.” He smiled as he stood up, taking my plate. He walked into the kitchen and came back with two plates. “Godiva chocolate cheese cake.”
“That is my favorite.” I smiled. “They did teach you how to plate it. It looks very professional.”
“Thanks, I go above and beyond only for you, though.”
I only managed to eat half of it before I started to get full. “I’m saving this for later,” I said, pointing at the leftovers on my plate.
“I’ll make sure no one eats it,” he laughed.
“So what’s next on the agenda?” I asked, helping him take things back to the kitchen, which wasn’t small for an apartment.
“Do you really want to know?” he asked, pulling me away from the sink. He turned off the water I was using to rinse the plates.
“I really want to know, but if you just want to show me…” I said, wrapping my arms around his neck.
“You are dangerous,” he whispered before claiming my lips. He set me on the granite countertop, and I wrapped my legs around him. My hands slid down his chest and began to unzip his jeans. “What are you doing, Chris?”
“I need you,” I moaned.
He was sucking on my neck, and I could barely finish what I had begun. His hands moved to my blouse and unbuttoned each button slowly.
“You’re teasing.”
I heard his confirmation and decided I’d do my own teasing, pulling him free from his boxers. His hands stopped momentarily. I stroked him and heard his sharp intake of breath and smiled to myself.
“Okay, you win. No more teasing,” he said as he finished unbuttoning my shirt. He pushed it down and tossed it on the floo
r. I used my legs to pull him forward and guided him inside of me. Immediately Devin grabbed my waist and pulled me closer so he could plunge deeper into me.
I gasped as we connected and moaned as he began to plunge in and out. “Dev,” I moaned with need. His hands unclasped my bra and pulled it off. “Dev, please, harder.”
It was all that needed to be said. He plunged deeper and I began to pant, gripping the counter’s edge. I finally felt myself begin to rise and moaned as I climaxed. Devin groaned and then slumped against me.
“I hadn’t planned that,” he said, looking up at me.
“Disappointed?” I asked.
“With you, I’m never disappointed.”
“Then carry me to the bedroom. I want to try out the bed.”
Devin groaned, “I don’t think I could ever tire of you, CJ.”
We spent the rest of the night loving each other. I was lost in my own world, where I could pretend Devin truly cared for me. It was enough to keep me going, if only to preserve memories I could have with me forever.
“What time should we get up? We need to get back to the house before everyone comes home,” Devin said as we polished off the last of the cheesecake in the kitchen as a late night snack.
“Mitch and Megan will probably be here early afternoon. I’m assuming Emily will wait until the last possible moment to come home.”
“Then let’s shoot for getting there by ten,” he proposed.
“Sounds ideal.” I smiled, placing my plate in the dishwasher.
Devin took my hand and led me back to the bedroom. We climbed in and he pulled me close to him. “Chris, so the others are coming back soon.”
I sighed. “I know. What does this mean for us?”
“I don’t know.”
“I don’t want this to end,” I told him honestly.
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