Lost To The Bear (BBW Bear Shifter Romance)

by Ariana Hawkes

  “Well, I’m not the kind of girl who needs protecting, big guy.”

  “But you’re so beautiful and delicate.” Before he could stop himself, he reached out and ran a finger along her forearm. She jumped and he withdrew his hand guiltily.

  “Yeah, like hell I am.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m a big girl.”

  “No, you’re tiny.” As he spoke, his eyes took in her sweet round face, the lovely, full curves of her body. She clicked her tongue.

  “No, dumbo. Among women, I’m a big girl. You’ll discover that when you go out into the world again.” Then she laughed, as if she didn’t care too much, picked up the tray and walked toward the door, hips swaying in her snug black jeans. As the door closed, a deep rumble welled up inside him and broke out from his throat.

  He started in surprise. Do I make that noise all the time? he wondered. And right away the answer came back to him: only when you meet a woman who is perfect for you.

  5

  Paige climbed into her truck and took a minute to get herself together. He touched my arm? He thinks I’m delicate? She wanted to pinch herself. As if things couldn’t get any weirder. He had a nice touch. Last night and this morning. She liked the way that those big, knuckly hands were capable of being gentle. And the way he sat there drinking coffee and eating breakfast, all bandaged up, but still incredibly handsome. It had taken all of her self control not to gawk at his muscle tone. Where did it come from? She was pretty sure that not all men had bodies like that. Some of the guys who hung around the bar had big, swollen beer bellies. Maybe he’s a gym freak. Maybe he plays professional sports. Maybe he’s in the military. As she drove to the supermarket, she kept dreaming up possible identities for him. And then she had another thought: maybe he’s a missing person. She sat in the parking lot and scrolled through the local section of the national missing person database. He wasn’t there. So, no-one was looking for him. But maybe he’d only just gone missing. Maybe he’s a father, who went out for milk yesterday, and happened to get hit by a car? I’ll ask him more questions as he starts to recover, she decided. Maybe something will help to jog his memory.

  In the supermarket, she loaded the trolley up with all mama’s favorite things, hoping it would be enough to assuage her inevitable anger.

  It wasn’t. As Paige opened her font door, her heart sunk. Being away from the house for a night – her first night ever – had given her a little emotional distance, and she was suddenly very aware of how eccentric it was. Her mama was a white witch, or so she called herself, and the house was full of potions, dusty old books and fetishes. Two feet from the front door, a bundle of twigs, tied together in an intricate pattern, hung down at eye level to ward off evil spirits. The walls were decorated with various symbols written in ash. Framed inscriptions in unknown tongues sat on the sideboards. A rich, bitter incense filled the air, the scent as familiar to Paige as the smell of the forest outside.

  “Paige! You’ve come home!” mama called, hurtling down the spiral staircase that led to the second story. She was wearing a long black robe made of ancient, tattered velvet, and her frizzy red hair was loose. She flung her arms around Paige and squeezed her tight.

  “Yes. And I’ve brought you some food.” Her mom rifled through the bags eagerly, green eyes glittering with pleasure, and helped her carry them to the kitchen. Paige faced the kitchen window and took a long, slow breath. She’d figured out what she needed to say, but that didn’t make her any less nervous. She’d brought up the topic of going away to college once before, explaining that they lived too far away for her to be able to commute, and it hadn’t gone well at all. But hopefully mama would see that this wasn’t such a big deal.

  “Mom, I’m going to need to stay in town for a few days,” she began.

  “What?” came mama’s voice, already a couple of octaves higher than usual.

  “My boss at Darlene’s is sick. She has the flu real bad. And she needs me to look after her and work double shifts all week. I won’t have time to drive home and come back every day, so I’ll need to sleep at the bar. But it’s only for a few days. Maybe a week, tops.” There was a long silence. She turned around slowly. Mama was standing with her hands on her hips, her green eyes flashing dangerously.

  “You lied to me, child!” she hissed. “There was nothing wrong with the truck.” Paige hung her head.

  “You’re right. I lied. I’m sorry. I just knew it was better if I spoke to you in person.”

  “Liar!” Mama shrieked. “A child of mine lying to me! What in the goddesses’ names have I done to deserve this? Lies! All people do is lie. Dirty, stinking liars!”

  “Mama, please,” Paige said, trying to keep her voice steady. “It’s not a big deal. People my age live away from home all the time. It’s actually more common to have moved out than to still be at home when you’re 24.” Her mom gave a long, inarticulate shriek, and Paige fought the urge to jam her fingers in her ears. Mama barely seemed human when she acted like this.

  “How can you abandon your mama, after all I’ve done for you? If I hadn’t picked you out of the box that day, like a starving kitten, you wouldn’t be here now. And this is all the gratitude I get?” she shrieked. Paige groaned inwardly. She longed to walk out of the house, get in the truck and drive off. But she had to say the next sentence.

  “Mama, the last thing I want to do is abandon you. I’ve already asked you to move into the town with me, so that I can have a life too.” Mama gasped.

  “You think you don’t have a life here? I provide everything you need. You’ve never wanted for anything. And you’re safe out here!” Paige’s eyes pricked with tears.

  “But it’s not enough. I need to go to college. To meet people. To have friends. I want to see more of the world.” Her mom hawked and spat on the floor. It was a sure sign that she was about to go postal. Paige’s stomach lurched.

  “Because I’m not enough for you? You ungrateful brat! You’re not fit to be my daughter. After all I’ve done! You know what? Get out of my house! Go and live in that amazing world of yours. Get attacked by men if you want!”

  “Mama – please!” Paige stuttered through her tears.

  “Get out!” she roared. Paige turned and ran for the stairs. In her room, she gathered a couple of armfuls of clothes and stuffed them in plastic bags, sobbing so hard that she could barely see. When she came back downstairs again, her mom was standing in the middle of the living room, holding two sticks aloft, like a conductor of an orchestra, and mumbling an incantation. Paige didn’t know what she was saying, but she recognized the rhythm of the words well enough – she was being cast out like an evil spirit.

  “I’ll see you in a week, mom. Call me if you need anything. I love you,” she yelled above the mumbling. But her mom gave no indication that she’d heard.

  Back in the truck, Paige sobbed until she was all cried out. Sometimes her mom was as difficult as she could possibly be. And who knew how long it would take her to forgive her, if she ever did. But Axel needed her now, and she couldn’t just abandon him.

  She started the engine up and began to drive extra fast along the well-known route. But then she hit the brake. Maybe there’s some clue along the road about what happened to Axel, she thought. She halved her speed, turned off her music and began to pay close attention to the road and the forest on either side.

  By the time she reached the lightning tree bend, there was nothing out of the ordinary. She stopped the car right after the tree stump and got out. There was a dark mark on the track where he’d collapsed in front of her the day before – maybe dried blood, she thought with a shudder. She peered into the trees, but couldn’t see anything unusual. No possessions, nor signs of a struggle. She walked a little way in, but when she could no longer see her truck behind her, she turned and retreated back to the road. Although she’d lived in the forest all her life, it kind of scared her. The thought that it could just swallow you up, so completely that you’d hav
e no idea which way was home had plagued her ever since she was small.

  Am I crazy? Paige thought a few minutes later, lugging her plastic bags up the back stairs of the bar. I’m uprooting myself to move into a room with a total stranger. She knocked and Axel answered.

  He looked at her questioning as she hauled her bags in.

  “Looks like I’m moving in for the week,” she said.

  “Did something happen?” He was sitting on the bed. He’d put a shirt on, and his thick black brows were drawn together in concern.

  “My mom happened,” Paige replied, going over to the end of the bed and sitting down heavily.

  “Hey, you’re upset.” He was looking her right in the eye, with an unwavering blue-gray gaze. Her eyes were probably still red, she realized. “Tell me what happened?”

  To her surprise, she did. She explained what her relationship with her mom was like. How she’d seen very little of the outside world until a year ago, when she’d persuaded her mom to let her get a job in the bar. How she’d been wanting to go to college in the next town, but her mom freaked out whenever she mentioned it.

  “Actually, it’s funny,” she said with a smile. “I was competing with myself right before I found you yesterday. I promised myself that if I hit the bend where this big old tree that was once struck by lightning is, then I’d tell her I was going to college. But I didn’t. And then I came across you instead.” His expression softened.

  “Fate moves in mysterious ways,” he said. Then his body stiffened.

  “What is it?”

  “Nothing. I don’t know. Someone used to say that phrase to me quite often, I think.” Paige moved closer to him, laid her hand on his shoulder.

  “Think hard, try to remember.”

  “No – it’s gone,” he said with a groan.

  “Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll start to have more moments like this.” She discovered that she was rubbing his shoulder comfortingly, and that her face had moved closer to his. She drew back abruptly.

  “I’m sorry to have caused you all his trouble. But maybe it’ll be good for your mom. It might give her a chance to get used to you not being there all the time.” She rolled her eyes.

  “You don’t know my mom. Stubborn ought to be her middle name. She was chanting a spell to banish me from the house or something when I left.” Axel’s eyes crinkled in sympathy.

  “Do you believe in all that?” She shook her head.

  “No – or at least – not my mom’s version of it. I often feel like she’s created all of these superstitions to keep the world out, and to justify the fact that she’s a recluse.”

  “Why does she choose to live like that?”

  “I think a man hurt her a long time ago, and now she hates the whole species. She brought me up to believe that you were all monsters.”

  “After hearing this, I’m even more touched by your generosity,” he said. His eyes shone with a strong emotion – admiration? Paige thought, and she had an obscure urge to run a finger along his masculine jawline. Being so close to him, telling him things she’d never told anyone before was having a strange effect on her, and she suddenly felt tingly and breathless.

  “Are you married?” she asked him abruptly. He sighed.

  “I don’t think so. I mean, I think I’d know.”

  “Why?”

  “Because if I’d bonded deeply enough with a woman that she became my wife, then I think our souls would be connected, and I’d be aware of her, even if I couldn’t remember anything else. It would be an instinct.” He spoke in a low, rumbling voice and his eyes never left her face, their expression intense and searching. They looked at each other for a few moments, and she had no idea who moved first, but suddenly, their lips were touching. She gave a little gasp, but didn’t pull away, and he began to move his lips back and forth against hers. Wow. They’re so soft, she thought dazedly. She tried to copy what he was doing and the sensation got better and better, and waves of pleasure started to run through her body. He pulled away gently.

  “Wow,” he breathed. Paige gazed at him, stunned.

  “That was real nice,” she said, her lips still tingling. Then she clapped her hand over her mouth and giggled. “My first kiss. With a man who doesn’t know who he is.”

  “Your first kiss? Oh – of course. That makes sense. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

  “I’m not sorry,” she said, gazing at his lips, eager for another one.

  “Maybe it’s my first time too,” he said, and they both laughed at the absurdity of it. He drew close again and, taking her face in his hands very gently, he kissed her once more. He was gentle at first, but he quickly became more passionate, searching, parting her lips and seeking out her tongue with his own. It was so soft, and intense and blissful, and Paige never wanted to stop.

  After what felt like hours, they pulled apart, dazed.

  “Trust me – that was not your first time,” Paige said with a grin.

  “Well I wouldn’t have thought it was yours either,” he countered.

  “Maybe I’m a quick learner.” She pulled her phone out of her pocket to hide a flicker of shyness, and noticed the time.

  “And – I’m about to be late for my shift.” She took a new toothbrush, razor and shaving gel out of her bags and laid them on the bed for him. “Here. I just got you a couple of things. I’ll come see you when I have my break and bring you some food. Be good.” With that, she was gone.

  He sunk back on his pillows. I shouldn’t have kissed her, he thought. But, my god, that was amazing. Her lips felt just as good as they looked – so soft and full and sweet. At the recollection, that weird rumbling started up inside him again.

  “She’s mine,” he muttered. And then he shook himself. “Where the hell did I get that crazy idea from? The last thing she is is mine.”

  Paige came back around 9pm and brought him a burger from the bar’s kitchen. When she was done with her shift at midnight, she seemed tired and a little tense. She’s had a full-on day, he reminded himself. In her absence, he’d made up the bed as well as he was able with his limited arm movement, and she seemed grateful to climb into her side of it. He hoped she’d turn and kiss him again, but she didn’t. And there was no way he was going to try without her encouragement. Something inside told him that would be deeply wrong. She was willing to share a bed with him. He had no right to intrude on her privacy.

  “Bill asked after you,” she muttered sleepily. “I said you were doing fine. He said to let him know if you started remembering anything.”

  “Okay, thanks for telling me. Are you okay, Paige?”

  “Yeah. Tough day. I called mom to say goodnight, but she didn’t answer.”

  “She’ll come around. Just give her a little time.”

  “You’re very wise for a guy who doesn’t know anything,” she said, a hint of her sass returning.

  She’s an amazing woman, he thought, once the light was turned off and they were both trying to fall asleep. To have lived such a restricted life and to be so full of energy and human warmth was amazing. Even if she never wanted to kiss him again, he sensed that he’d always count himself very lucky for having met her.

  6

  Paige hadn’t been telling a complete lie to her mama. The bar was short staffed and Darlene badly needed some extra help.

  “I can work doubles, no problem,” she told her boss. “Consider it payment for having my relative stay upstairs.”

  “Hun, I’ll be paying you time-and-a-half for your work. Put it in your piggy bank and save up for college,” Darlene said, swatting her playfully.

  Paige tried to make the room a little more comfortable, with a couple of lamps, a rug on the floor and some fresh sheets, but then, for the next two days, she didn’t see much of Axel at all. She brought him food three times a day, and they had brief conversations about how his injuries were healing, and if he was starting to remember anything. Kissing him that night had been intense, incredible. But it
left her feeling edgy. She hadn’t been saving her first kiss for the guy she was going to marry or anything, but she would’ve preferred it to have been someone she knew at least a little about. Say a first name, perhaps. She knew that turning cold after being so full on with him was making him feel uncomfortable, but she wasn’t sure how to broach the subject. Especially as her attraction to him was getting stronger by the hour.

  On the fourth day, Bill came to change the dressings on Axel’s ribs. Axel watched the old man uneasily as he entered the room, but then he seemed to relax. He’s worried that he knows him, she realized.

  “You’re healing extremely quickly, young man,” Bill said. “At least twice as fast as I would’ve expected.”

  “Yeah, it sure hurts a lot less than it used to,” Axel replied. “Must be all the good food Paige has been feeding me.” As Paige cast her eye over Axel’s healing ribs, she saw something that made her suck a sharp breath in. She couldn’t wait for Bill to tape him up again and leave so she could tell him about it.

  “Do you know you’ve got a tattoo on your rib cage?” she said, a few minutes later.

  “Nope. What is it?”

  “It’s an eagle, or some other big bird. In a circle. It looks kind of menacing actually.” Axel shook his head slowly.

  “It means nothing to me so far.”

  “It looked kind of home made. Maybe it’s a real old one. Maybe you did it yourself. I guess you’re not a great artist.” He flashed her a grin.

  “Maybe.” He stared into space. “I keep feeling like I’m right on the verge of remembering things. Like when you think you see something out of the corner of your eye, but when you turn your head, it’s gone.”

  “I know what you mean. Living in mama’s spooky house, I grew up thinking there were all kinds of things just out of sight. Your memory will come back, I’m sure,” she said.

  “Do you –?” he started to say, then stopped himself.