Hope at Holly Cottage

by Tania Crosse

  Queenie opened the door to a small shed. At the end was what resembled a brick-built box, topped by a wooden plinth with a large hole in the middle. The lavatory seat, Anna imagined. Oh, dear. She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

  ‘When you’ve done,’ Queenie was explaining in all seriousness, ‘you simply takes a shovelful of earth from yere an’ sprinkles it over. Trick is to ’ave the earth bone dry, then it absorbs everything, smells an’ all. An’ then once a week, I opens the trap door yere, takes out the tray an’ empties it onto the compost ’eap. Both the lodges an’ the ’ouse ’ad flushing lavatories put in, oh, when were it? Way afore the last war. I cas’n mind exactly when. But what would us do wi’ one o’ they newfangled things, my dad said, when the Duchy wanted to build us one, an’ all? An’ I needs it for my vegetables. So you use it, an’ while you’m ’aving a wash, Queenie’ll get some breakfast. Porridge, an’ then I’ve just collected this morning’s eggs.’

  Queenie turned back to the cottage, and Anna shut the shed door and put the hook across. Her old home in Ford had an outside privy in the brick-built wash house, but at least it flushed and was far more substantial than this wooden shed! Anna didn’t fancy sharing her ablutions with spiders or any other creepy crawlies, not that there appeared to be any, a wary glance told her. Nonetheless, she didn’t hang about!

  Outside again, Anna hobbled back to the front door. In the blinding rain yesterday, she had scarcely noticed the pretty little garden in front of the house, and in front of that, a small field. Half of it was given over to neat rows of vegetables, and cold frames set against the enclosing stone walls. Beyond the cultivated area, the grass had been left to grow wild and was separated by a strong post-and-wire-netting fence. On such a beautiful morning, it all appeared idyllic. As Anna came back in through the porch, she noticed the rustic sign above her head. Holly Cottage. Surely it couldn’t have a more romantic name!

  Queenie was busy at the stove but smiled broadly as she gave Anna a jug for the hot water. Back in the bedroom, Anna stripped off her clothes, ready for her wash. And then she froze rigid.

  She had caught sight of herself in the little mottled mirror on the wall above the chest of drawers. Around her throat, the shadows were just beginning to form. The necklace of purple roses from where Gilbert had half strangled her. Just like her mum and dad.

  She sat down with a thump on the edge of the bed. Dear God. No. Thank God that Gilbert was out of her life, even if he had left her high and dry with his baby. She could see it more clearly than ever now. Little things she had chosen to ignore. He had always been weak, a bit like a spoilt child, but with his charms, he had led her by the nose. She was well rid of him. She may be feeling sorry for herself, but what about poor Francesca? Sweet, trusting Frankie.

  ‘Three minutes!’

  Queenie’s jolly call from the next room made Anna swiftly wash the ‘important’ bits of her before throwing her clothes back on. Fortunately she was wearing a blouse with a turndown collar that always sat high and should hide the bruises coming out around her neck. Nevertheless, she sat down warily at the table.

  ‘Take the top off your egg so it won’t spoil while you eats your porridge,’ Queenie instructed with the smile that seemed imprinted on her lined face. ‘I bets you’ve never ’ad an egg that fresh afore.’

  ‘No, I’m sure I haven’t.’

  ‘Arterwards I’ll show you the ’ens what laid them, an’ introduce you to Dolly an’ Wilma.’

  ‘The goats?’

  ‘Indeed. Daft as brushes, an’ they’ll eat anything, so mind yersel’.’

  Anna chuckled. This place was magical. ‘And then I must be on my way,’ she sighed with reluctance. ‘I can’t tell you how grateful I am.’

  Queenie looked up sharply. ‘An’ where does you think you’m going? You needs to rest that ankle, an’ remember there be no bus till tomorrow. Queenie cas’n stop you, but you’m an idjit if you doesn’t stay at least another day. An’ longer if you wants. Give yersel’ thinking time.’

  Anna took all of thirty seconds to consider. ‘Well, I’d love to, if you don’t mind. I can’t think of anywhere I’d rather be just now. Thank you so much.’

  ‘But whilst you’m yere, you needs to sort yersel’ out. This lad duped you, I’ve no doubt. Now, I doesn’t need to know ort, but if you wants to talk, I’ve good ears an’ a still tongue – when it needs to be. Right, then.’ She stood up decisively. ‘If you’ve finished, come an’ say ’ello to Dolly an’ Wilma. Drive them into the field I does in good weather, but got to get them past they flowers an’ the vegetables wi’out them eating the lot!’

  Queenie hadn’t been joking. The two goats were the naughtiest things on four legs Anna had ever come across. She did her best to help Queenie, but hopping on one leg wasn’t very useful, and when Dolly gently headbutted her out of the way, she sat down hard on her bottom in a heap of helpless laughter. It really was just what she needed to lift her from her depression – and her fears for the future.

  ‘Oo-ee!’

  The bright voice behind her made Anna turn round. By the gate, a middle-aged woman was smiling at her, clearly surprised at seeing a strange face.

  ‘Morning, Olive!’ Anna heard Queenie’s cheery voice reply.

  ‘Lovely morning after yesterday, isn’t it? I was just going into Princetown and wondered if you needed anything?’

  ‘That’s proper kind o’ you. I could do wi’ some plain flour an’ some Golden Raising Powder if you can carry them.’

  ‘Oh, yes. Only want a few bits myself. So, you going to introduce me to this young lady?’

  ‘Of course. This be Anna. Staying wi’ us a few days, she is.’

  ‘Pleased to meet you, Anna,’ the woman nodded her head. ‘I’m Olive, Queenie’s neighbour in the lodge here. Well, I’ll leave you to it. See you later.’

  ‘Thanks, Olive. I’ll ’ave the kettle on for when you gets back.’

  ‘I’ll hold you to that!’

  Anna watched Olive set off down the lane with a basket on her arm. ‘She seems nice,’ she said to Queenie.

  ‘She is that. Been neighbours thirty year or more, us ’as. ’Er ’usband’s called Clifford. An’ next door on that side, that be Crow ’Ouse,’ she went on, indicating the substantial, two-storey building on the opposite side of the cottage from the lodge. ‘Daisy, Gladys an’ Betty lives there. Three sisters. All very nice. You’ll meet them by an’ by. An’ that old farm’ouse up the lane behind us, they’m proper nice, too. But I cas’n stand yere gossiping. I’ve work to do.’

  She winked jovially and Anna smiled to herself as she followed her inside. Queenie was a right old chatterbox and she knew it, but a happier person Anna had never known.

  Anna could hardly remember a day she had enjoyed so much. She had helped Queenie as best she could to bake fresh scones and a sponge. There were indeed customers in the tea room which was a wooden extension on the far end of the cottage, and they were kept busy all afternoon making pots of tea and pouring out glasses of Queenie’s delicious home-made lemonade. Anna found the time flew by and it all helped her to forget her own problems. By the time Queenie shut up shop for the day, Anna felt as if she had been helping her in the café and cottage all her life.

  ‘That were a good day’s work,’ Queenie declared as they finally sat down to a cup of tea themselves. ‘There. That’s your ’alf o’ the takings. Reckons you deserves it.’

  ‘What?’ Anna stared at the pile of coins Queenie had pushed towards her across the table. ‘Oh, no. I can’t take that money. I did so little, and you have fed me for two days as well.’

  ‘Think nort o’ that. But you was a great ’elp to me. Could do wi’ someone like you all the time. Not as young as I were, an’ a little ’elp about the place wouldn’t come amiss.’

  Anna smiled with a wistful sigh as she leant back in the chair. ‘It has been a nice day. It’s so peaceful here, and you’ve made me feel so at home.’

  ‘Then,’ Qu
eenie began tentatively, ‘maybe you’d like to consider it your ’ome. For as long as you likes. Think about it, at least.’

  Anna’s eyes stretched wide. Was Queenie really offering her a home? ‘Well, yes, I will. If you really don’t mind having me around for a while.’

  ‘Wouldn’t ’ave asked you if I didn’t mean it. But you stays on one condition. That you sees the doctor in Princetown. Visits twice a week from Tavvy. At Top Bolt’s, next to the town ’all. Youth club it be now, but it’ll always be Top Bolt’s to me. ’Ad a lovely china shop on one side, an’ on the other, it were mainly ’ardware. An’ afore that, when I were a cheel, it were the Co-op.’

  A happy glaze had veiled Queenie’s opal eyes, and Anna watched her with a contented smile. If only she could stay with Queenie for a little while, she felt it might give her the strength to face the future. For when the baby came.

  The man at the desk looked up at her with a welcoming smile. His thinning hair was grey at the temples and there were deep laughter lines around his mouth. Altogether, he had a reassuring air about him which gave Anna confidence.

  He picked up the card Anna had filled in for the lady in the other room, and read it before glancing up at her over his spectacles.

  ‘Anna Millington?’

  ‘Yes,’ she answered nervously.

  ‘Do take a seat. I’m Dr Franfield. Dr Brodie’s on holiday so I’m standing in for him. But I see you’re a new patient, so you wouldn’t have been expecting him anyway. Now, what can I do for you?’

  Anna shuddered with shame. She lowered her gaze and the first time she tried to speak, nothing came out. So she took a mental hold on herself and began again.

  ‘I think I’m pregnant,’ she mumbled. ‘No, I know I’m pregnant.’

  ‘Well, let’s just make sure, shall we? When was your last period? You could just be late. It happens sometimes, particularly if you’ve been under stress at all.’

  He proceeded to ask her various questions in such a calm and friendly way. A lovely, considerate man, Anna thought vaguely. She bet he would never have treated anyone in the callous way Gilbert had treated her.

  ‘Now, just hop up on the couch and I’ll have a little feel of your tummy, if I may. Just relax, that’s it. Right, all done. Come and sit down again when you’re ready.’

  Anna rearranged her skirt, grateful that the examination had been so swift. She sat down again and looked at the doctor, a tiny flicker of hope that she might be wrong struggling to keep aflame. It was soon snuffed out.

  ‘Well, from what you tell me, I would say that yes, you are pregnant,’ Dr Franfield informed her gently. ‘I can just about feel the uterus which fits with your dates.’

  Anna felt the grey depression pressing down on her again. His confirmation made it all so final, when she had been desperately hoping … Her despair must have shown on her face as she saw the doctor remove his glasses, sit back in his chair and consider her over steepled fingers.

  ‘I gather from your expression that congratulations are not in order. And I see that you wear no wedding ring, so I assume it’s Miss and not Mrs Millington?’

  His tone was sympathetic, but Anna could only nod in reply.

  ‘Does the father know?’

  This time her bitterness towards Gilbert galvanised her tongue into action. ‘Yes, he does. But he doesn’t want to know. And besides, I don’t think I want him in my life now that I know what he’s really like. But—’

  She broke off, sick at heart. But the doctor was shrewd.

  ‘But you don’t know what to do. Which way to turn. Parents?’

  ‘Both dead.’

  ‘I’m so sorry.’ He gave a compassionate smile. ‘So, there’s no one?’

  ‘Only my best friend. In Devonport. But I’m not sure how she’ll take the news and I wouldn’t want to put on her. So there’s really only Queenie.’

  ‘Queenie?’

  ‘An elderly lady. She lives in an old cottage at Rundlestone, just down the road. She took me in. I’ve been with her for the last two weeks. She’s been marvellous.’

  ‘But you’re worried what will happen when the baby comes? And whether or not you should give it up for adoption?’

  ‘The thought has crossed my mind, yes,’ she almost whispered, and was grateful when Dr Franfield continued the conversation for her in what seemed his usual confidential tone.

  ‘Well, only you can make that decision. But let me give you a word of advice. Be very cautious about going into a home for unmarried mothers. Many of them are very good. But some will try and force you to give up your baby. So be warned. Don’t let anyone pressurise you into signing over the baby just like that. If you do decide on adoption, there are many legal processes which must be gone through properly. And you can change your mind right up to the moment when the adoption is finalised.’

  ‘I see. Yes. Thank you for that. But,’ Anna sighed again and shook her head, ‘I don’t know how I could afford to keep the baby.’

  ‘You’ll be entitled to allowances, you know.’

  ‘Really?’ Anna sat up straight, and a sudden light shone its way into the uncertainty of her future.

  ‘Oh, yes. I’m not sure of the exact figure, as it goes up periodically. But it must be nearly three pounds a week, you and the baby together.’

  ‘Oh,’ was all Anna could say in her surprise.

  ‘So there’s a lot for you to consider. But in the meantime, as I said, I’m only acting as locum while Dr Brodie’s on holiday. But you can register with me if you prefer, and I’d be happy to talk things through with you any time. You’ll find us in Plymouth Road in Tavistock. That’s my son and myself,’ he added with glowing pride. ‘He’s just joining me in practice. It would mean you’d have to come into Tavistock for your check-ups, or the local midwife could come to you. She’d soon let me know if there was anything she wasn’t happy with. Now,’ he smiled genially, ‘I just need to check your blood pressure and a few other things. After all, your health and the baby’s are the most important things.’

  Ten minutes later, having thanked Dr Franfield profusely, Anna was walking along the road past the prison and back towards Holly Cottage. Ever since the day Queenie had taken her in, there hadn’t been a drop of rain and July was turning into a heatwave. The rolling hills and sharp contours of Dartmoor’s rocky tors were starkly defined in the clear, scorching sunlight, the sky overhead a deep, azure blue with not a cloud to be seen. The moor was spinning its mysterious web, catching Anna in the thread of a thousand thoughts triggered by what kind Dr Franfield had told her.

  Perhaps things weren’t as bad as they seemed, after all.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Anna picked up Queenie’s little blackboard with its CREAM TEAS AND REFRESHMENTS sign, and sauntered back along the lane. It had been another lovely day with a fair number of customers. Anna wondered how long the good weather would last. It was already the end of August and the main tourist season would soon be over once the children returned to school. Anna didn’t want the idyllic summer to end and just wished everything could go on as it was.

  ‘Been busy, haven’t you?’ Olive called from the garden of the lodge.

  ‘Certainly have. I’ve got to clear up, but would you like to pop in for a cuppa with Queenie?’

  ‘Thanks, Anna, but I’ve got to get Clifford’s tea. You know what a stickler he is for having his food ready on the dot.’

  ‘Never mind. Pop in tomorrow morning, instead.’

  ‘I may well do just that.’

  ‘See you later, then.’

  Anna carried on up to the cottage. A bit grumpy was Olive’s husband, but he was in charge of the water-pumping station just down the road. It was a responsible job and that was probably what made him so serious.

  Anna herself couldn’t have been more contented. As well as baking for the tea shop and preparing their own meals, over the last few weeks they had made jams and pies from the whortleberries they had gathered on the moor. Any surplus from Q
ueenie’s kitchen garden that could be pickled or preserved was now stored in bottles and jars in the huge kitchen cupboard. Soon it would be the turn of the apples and plums from the trees at the back of the cottage. It was all so satisfying, and Anna gave a slow, mellow sigh.

  ‘Oh, cheel, what would I ’ave done wi’out you these last days?’ she heard Queenie declare from the armchair. ‘You’m a godsend, Anna, really you are.’

  Anna knew she flushed with embarrassment. ‘How about a cuppa and some cake?’ she suggested, neatly changing the subject. ‘There’s some Dundee left. Your favourite. I’ll just see to the goats—’

  ‘They goats can wait ten minutes. You make us a nice cuppa an’ put your feet up. Anyways, us needs a little chat, you an’ me.’

  Anna gulped, feeling as if she’d swallowed a golf ball. She knew what Queenie was about to say. The summer had been fun, but with leaner times on the way, Anna would have to move on. She was dreading it, putting off the moment of departure as long as possible.

  ‘Yes,’ she answered in a small voice as she turned away. The kettle was still on the range from the last pot of tea for the shop, and was hissing with steam. It would only take a minute to top up the pot and cut two wedges of the cake.

  ‘You knows you’m showing,’ Queenie said without preamble. ‘Needing proper maternity dresses any time, you’ll be. An’ I wants to know what you’m going to do.’

  Anna paused as she stepped across the kitchen, a cup and saucer in each hand. This was it. She put the teas on the little table between the chairs.

  ‘You’ve been so good to me,’ she answered, her voice quavering. ‘But I know it’s time for me to sort myself out. Find somewhere for the baby and me to live.’

  ‘You’m not thinking o’ leaving me?’

  ‘Oh, Queenie, I can’t stay here. It wouldn’t be fair on you. People would talk. Give you the cold shoulder.’

  ‘An’ what would I care if they did?’ Queenie answered fiercely, her old face gleaming with determination. ‘You knows I’ve told people you’m my niece, an’ what could be more natural? You’m ’aving a babby, but your poor ’usband were killed in a road accident. Just like your daddy if you thinks about it. An’ you wanted to make a new start wi’ your auntie. Now then, I kept my dear old mum’s wedding ring. You wears that, an’ nobody’ll be any the wiser.’