Needing Me, Wanting You

by C. M. Stunich

  Tease

  Chapter 25

  Sex.

  What does it really mean? How does it define us? I wonder about that as I sit on the edge of the toilet seat with Beck's cell clutched in my hand. I never thought it was that important before, that it was just something you did. At least, that's what I thought on the surface of my mind. Deep down, I must've realized that wasn't true because despite the pressure from the club, I didn't have sex with anyone there. So I guess it always has meant something to me.

  Sex with Beck is almost magical in a way. When he touches me, I forget who I am for that period in time, get drawn into him and drown in the experience. It's almost like I need him, but does he want me? I can't figure that out. He says stay, but then he doesn't back that up. I don't think I could survive leaving the club if I had to go it alone. I'm used to having the support of others around me all the time. I want to stand on my own, but I don't think I'm ready for that. My whole life, I've been groomed to be an accessory to others. It's going to take a while to figure this out. If I did join Triple M, and he and I didn't at least experiment and see where this goes, I'd feel lost.

  I twist the phone around in my hands.

  On the other hand, I'd die for my club. I would. I love everyone there like they're family, an extended sea of brothers and sisters. I just don't feel like that's the right place for me to live my life. I don't want to be anyone's old lady. At least, not anyone in Seventy-seven Brothers. I lean over and put the phone against my forehead. Beck said I could make a quick call to my brother. I'm not sure if he knows exactly what that means or how much last night meant to me.

  We watched Lonesome Dove side by side on the bed and didn't touch. The absence of it made the sex we've been having all the more interesting. I couldn't stop thinking about it as I fell asleep next to him. When I woke up, our bodies were entangled.

  “Shit,” I whisper as I dial my brother's number. The longer I sit here, the harder it gets. And there really is no right answer. Beck seems hesitant to say anything more, and I understand. If I don't go back, my brother could flip out. He could kill Beck's friend, Melissa. He might come after Triple M. If I do decide to leave, it can't be right now. Maybe someday. If Darren even lets you. He barely let go of Lizzie, and he didn't raise her the way he raised you. I tap my nails against the side of the toilet as I wait for Darren to answer.

  “Hello?” he asks, voice tentative. He's not used to getting calls from unknown numbers.

  “It's me,” I say, and my brother breathes a sigh of relief. “I want to come back today.” The words slip from my mouth before I can stop them. Triple M is going to be pissed. As for Beck, I think he had some idea of what I was doing. He had to know when I slipped out of bed and asked for his phone. I'm afraid to touch him, to eat another hamburger with him, to walk in the forest. If I do, I might change my mind. Traitor. I swallow hard.

  “What?” he asks, sounding like he's about ready to blow somebody's head off. “Something happen to you, Tease?” I shake my head emphatically when I realize that he can't see me.

  “No. I just … I don't see why we should drag this out any longer.” Tax hesitates for an inordinate amount of time before responding. There's something weird in his tone of voice that I don't quite understand.

  “Did you arrange this with Triple M?” he asks. God, he knows me too well.

  “Yes,” I lie, and then because I can't wait any longer, I add, “And did you find Margot?” Darren stays silent for a long moment and then sighs.

  “We did. She's under guard at the clubhouse until I figure out what to do with her. Why?” I look up as footsteps approach outside the door and feel my heart start to race. This really is the right thing to do. I have to leave before I get so tangled, I can never undo the knots around my heart.

  “Just remember that she's a person and people make mistakes, okay?”

  “Mistakes that got our family killed, Tease.”

  “I know. I'm just telling you to remember that she shouldn't have to suffer. Nobody should.” Darren takes a massive breath.

  “Are you talking about Margot or something else, Emilie?” I look up at the door, imagining Beck on the other side of it. In my head, he's leaning against it, trying to figure out a way to keep me, desperate for the chance to try. I know it's just a fantasy, but it's an entertaining one.

  “I know it's ungodly early, and it's a long drive, but can you make it?”

  “I'd ride wherever I had to to get you back, Emilie. You know that.” His words make me feel sick to my stomach. I know this isn't the end of the world and that, realistically speaking, I could feasibly meet up with Beck again someday. But it doesn't feel like it.

  “This evening then?” I ask him, trying to calculate how long it'll take the club to get here. “Six o'clock?”

  “I'll be there, Emilie. I can't wait to see you.”

  “You, too,” I whisper and then there's a click as Darren hangs up. I sit there for a second with a burn in my eyes, tears straining to slide down my face. Life is hard sometimes. Sometimes the price you have to pay is too high, especially if there's a risk involved. This is just one risk I can't take. I stand up and open the door, finding Beck leaning against the wall beside it, much like in my fantasy vision. “The trade,” I tell him as he grins and starts to stand up. As soon as I say that, his demeanor changes and the smile slides straight off his face. “Today at six.”

  “The hell you talkin' about?” he asks me, looking baffled and pretty fucking adorable. Beck runs his fingers through his hair as I do my best to avoid looking at his chest. “We were going to go for a ride today, grab another hamburger. You can't do this to me, sugar.” He tries to smile again, but I can't smile back. If I do, I'll lose it. I try to keep telling myself that he killed Oren, but it doesn't matter as much as it should. Family, family, he was family. I swallow hard.

  “I can't do this, Beck. I'm sorry. I'd like to stay, but I can't.” I tell him this, watching his facial expression for any sign that I should change my mind. Anything. Instead he just shakes his head and rubs at the stubble on his chin.

  “You have to make your own decisions, Emilie,” Beck says, but he doesn't elaborate on that thought. Instead he asks me a simple question that both breaks my heart and fractures my soul. “What time are we meetin'?”

  Beck

  Chapter 26

  I'm standing in a shopping plaza with my heart in my Goddamn throat, my motorcycle parked in a line of others, my club spread out behind me. Opposite us, Seventy-seven Brothers stands somberly. True to our word, Margot walked out of that hotel a free woman and right into the arms of the enemy. So things are peaceful for now. What the hell would happen if I threw up my arms and said fuck it? Grabbed Tease around the waist and dealt with consequences later. It's too damn soon to really understand these fucking feelings I'm having, but I can't stop myself from having them. Let her go, Beck. It's the best thing for Melissa, the best thing for the club, and the best thing for you. You don't know her. She doesn't know you. This is downright dumb as a dog's butt.

  Tease stands in front of me, facing me, her back to her brother, but she doesn't move.

  “Go ahead,” I tell her, watching with a tight chest and fists squeezed so tight that blood drips from my palms onto the brick pavers below. “Go on.” My voice is gruff and full of pain. I don't know why – ain't like the bitch is being sent off to burn or nothing. Theoretically we could still keep in touch. Theoretically. But we both know it isn't ever going to happen. A long distance relationship? Shoot. I've never even had a close distance relationship. Besides, we might've figured out that our rat fired that first shot, set our clubs at each other's throats, but that doesn't mean Seventy-seven Brothers didn't kill us and ours. Doesn't mean I didn't stab their Sergeant at arms to death. They're good people; we're good people. However, our jackets speak a different language. It'll be a long, long time until we're able to forgive and forget.

  Tease starts walking backward, her green eyes on mine, her ha
nd on her chest. In the background, I see Melissa limping forward, face sweaty and eyes far away. But she looks alright, 'specially for somebody that got shot in the damn back. I can look at her later, though. Right now, all I need to see is Tease. I need to memorize the luscious curve of her lips, her perfect nose, her delicately sculpted chin. She sweeps some red hair from her face, her green eyes widening as she continues to move backwards, heels sounding loud on the bricks.

  My pulse speeds up so fast, I can hardly keep up, my breath coming in ragged gasps. I almost move after her, but Gaine grabs my shoulder, keeping me back before I do something stupid and spook Seventy-seven Brothers into another firefight. All around us, families laugh, and couples hold hands. The damn plaza is alive and well, and I'm standing here dying inside. I gave myself a weekend to figure my shit out and couldn't manage it. Guess my special Beck bullshit was never meant to be heaped onto one woman.

  “Go,” I growl out, wishing she'd turn away from me, leave before I have to see the shimmer of tears in her clover green eyes. Tease bites her lip and slows down, still walking backward, still boring into my soul with her gaze. “Go before I say it,” I snap at her. I can't be thinkin' this shit. It's so ridiculous. Do I have that goofy grin on my face? Not right now, maybe not ever at this rate. But I could. I could and that's why I'm freakin' the fuck out inside.

  “Say what, Beck?” she whispers, her voice nearly stolen away in the laughter around us.

  “Come on, Tease. It's time to go,” her brother says, standing strong and tall by the fountain on the opposite side of the plaza. He's got the same red hair as she does, same green eyes. I can tell from his look of relief that he really does love his sister, but there's something else there. It's not something I could've recognized a few days ago, but it's painfully obvious to me now.

  “Shoot,” I snarl, moving forward, pulling my arm from Gaine's grasp. As if the universe senses I could use all the help I can get, Monster You Made by Pop Evil comes on over the loudspeakers. Crap. Now I am for sure done for. As my grandmama would say, up crap creek with nothin' but your hands for oars. I walk forward with steady steps, grabbing Tease behind the neck, tangling my fingers in her hair and kissing her mouth with all the heat I got inside of me. All that Beck bullshit. I offer it up on the tip of my tongue, my body vibrating with the weight o' what I just done. Oh Mother Mary, Beck. You are a stupid fuckin' fool if I ever saw one.

  I pull back from the kiss reluctantly, watching the slight shimmer of tears in Tease's eyes. She's waiting for something from me, something I've never offered up to another woman in this life. I been savin' it. Used to think that was because I never wanted to fall in love. Now I know it's because I hadn't ever found someone I wanted to fall in love with. If I feel this strongly after a couple of days, how will I feel in a couple of years? How's this for an answer: I don't give a shit. Live in the motherfuckin' moment, baby.

  “What did you want to say?” she whispers, her voice barely audible over the sound of the music swirling in notes and colors all around me. I raise my chin and my voice, just so everybody can hear, so they can know how damn serious I am.

  I slip my jacket off my shoulders and take a deep breath.

  “Emilie 'Tease' Hathorne … ” I say, holding it out to her, offering myself up in leather and patches and honest to God truth and humility. I get caught on the words, but just for a second, when she starts to turn away. Tease pounds across the pavement while I stand there with my heart hanging out of my chest and my life bleedin' away, leaving me dry and desperate. “Emilie!” I shout, dropping my jacket to my side, ready to run after her. “I love you, Goddamn it. I didn't want to, but I do. I really fuckin' do.”

  She spins to face me, red hair billowing out around her face. The tears she was holding back finally fall, sliding down her cheeks. I wait for her to come to me, prayin' that she will, hopin' to God that nobody makes fun of me for this. I'd hate to have to bust some faces. She smiles at me with that beautiful half-smile and then turns to her brother, throwing her arms around him and giving him a massive hug that I can't help but be jealous of. Her property patches stare me in the face, mocking me, making me sick to my Goddamn stomach. I almost stomp over there and tear her from his arms, but what good would that do for me? She has to come willingly or it don't mean shit.

  The song begins to wind down, and I start to turn away when I see her stepping back and sliding her arms out of the jacket. Tease touches her fingers to the fabric and looks up at her brother.

  “I love you, Tax,” she says and he smiles sadly, pursing his lips a bit.

  “I know. And I love you, too, Tease.”

  “This isn't goodbye forever, just for now.” She hands him her jacket and he takes it gingerly, letting it hang over his arm as she moves backward again, spinning around and taking off across the pavement in a run. I don't move, too scared to even dream that this means what I think it means. Tease throws herself into my ams, wrapping her hands around my neck and kissing me again, letting words tumble from her lips that only I can hear. “I love you, too, Beck. I'm not a hundred percent certain what that means yet, but I'm willing to take a chance and find out. I've never risked anything in my life, but here, now, I have to. This feels right.”

  The song comes to an end, leaving an empty space of silence in the busy sunshine of the day. I look over Tease's shoulder and meet Tax's eyes.

  “You going to let us ride out of here with your sister?” I ask as Melissa pauses near us. I switch my gaze to her blue eyes, smiling big as I can. She knows I won't leave her here either. I'll fight to the death for these women if I have to.

  “It was supposed to be an even trade,” Tax says, and my body stiffens. I got my .38 in my pants, so if I have to, I can blow his Goddamn head off. But I don't want to. I don't want our new beginning bathed in blood. “A girl for a girl. You're keeping mine, so … ” I watch that expression come back over Tax's face, watch as he walks forward and pauses next to Melissa. Hah, I fucking knew it! Triple M is cursed. Cursed, I tell ya. We got the fever and it seems to be spreading. Love. Fuck. What a disease. They stare into one another's eyes for a moment before Mel glances over at me and winks hard, that sultry smile tilting up her lips. Uh oh. I hope this man knows that Diamond isn't just any ol' lady. She'll give him a run for his fucking money. Tax opens up Tease's jacket and waits with a questioning look on his face. A moment later, Mel lets him help her gingerly into it.

  Beck

  Epilogue

  After I said goodbye to Mel, kissing her cheek and wishin' with all my heart for her to find a happy ending, we walk back to our bikes and pause there for a moment in silence. All around me, Triple M'ers stand in quiet contemplation.

  “I hope y'all are okay with this?” I ask, looking around the group. Austin steps up beside me and scans his eyes over the remaining forty members of our little group of outcasts, misfits, and fuck-ups. I make sure to catch Gaine, Mireya, and Kimmi's gazes. But they're all smiling at me. Of course they are. Friends till the bitter fuckin' end, right?

  “Because if you're not, then walk away now. Today, we start a new chapter of Triple M.” Austin holds up his hand. “Motorcycles, madness, money. We ride the first, own the second, and figure out a way to survive on the third. I know it hasn't been easy since Kent's been gone, but I promise from this day forward, it'll get better. Life always gets better.” Austin glances over at Amy, and for once in my life, I'm happy I caught this particular disease. Love. Who'da thunk, huh? “Those of you that are with us, remember that we have to have each other's backs. We have to trust explicitly, love indiscriminately, and live like today's the last sunset we'll ever see.” Austin leans over and presses a kiss to Amy's pink lips. “Now hop on your fuckin' bikes and let's get the hell out of here.”

  I grin and pull Tease against me, kissing her mouth with all the worry I had inside of me, all the fear that she wouldn't come back across that plaza and take me up on my crazy ass offer.

  “Falling in love in a few days is stupid as
shit,” I tell her, and she raises an eyebrow. “But I'm stupid as shit, crazy, too. So I think it works.” I give her a big grin and watch as she smiles back.

  “Life is crazy as shit. I think we're right on track.” Tease pulls away from me and climbs on my bike, her small body the perfect size for the little Suzuki. Might be time for me to get a new ride soon. I crawl up behind her, sliding my arms on either side of her perfect body.

  “Amen to that, sugar tits,” I tell her, kissing her ear and starting up my ride. One last glance over my shoulder shows me Melissa and Tax making out on the back of his chopper. I grin and kick off, following after Austin until we get where we're going. I don't expect it, not at first, but as we get closer, my smile grows wider. Hot damn. Hot fucking damn.

  When our bikes pull up outside the dilapidated house, the one with the three car garage, Scar Tissue starts playing on the intercom system. A collective groan ripples through the group, half irritation, half relief. Wholly satisfied.

  “You asked for a clubhouse,” Austin says as he takes off his helmet, waiting for the rest of us to follow suit. There's a nervous look on his face, but he's a smart man, I think he'll get over it. “Well, here it is.”

  “Here it fuckin' is,” I say, pulling my helmet off and resting my chin on Tease's head, smelling her hair, absorbing her scent. This is going to take a while to get used to, but I think that one day, Seventy-seven Brothers might have a run for its money in Triple M. I tighten my arms around Tease and hold her as close as I can. “Home sweet fucking home.”

  And I'm not just talking about the damn house.

  About the Author

  C.M. Stunich was raised under a cover of fog in the area known simply as Eureka, CA. A mysterious place, this strange, arboreal land nursed Caitlin's (yes, that's her name!) desire to write strange fiction novels about wicked monsters, magical trains, and Nemean Lions (Google it!). She currently enjoys drag queens, having too many cats, and tribal bellydance.