At This Moment (Of Love and Madness #1)

by Karen Cimms

  She nodded.

  “It won’t change anything. If you can come, then you’ll come. If not, you stay here until I come back. I’ll still take care of you.”

  Although he probably didn’t mean it the way it sounded, she’d gone from girlfriend to burden; like a plant that would need to be watered while he was away. Memories of being less, of not belonging, buried just below the surface, reawakened.

  “Oh—and hey!” His excitement surged. “Do you think you can get Joey here? Maybe next weekend?”

  “I can ask. Why?”

  “Christa thinks I should bleach my hair. She thinks it will give me more of the bad boy vibe she wants to promote.”

  The stitches had been removed, but the remnants of last weekend’s fight were still clearly visible.

  “You already have a bad boy vibe. Does she want you to actually kill somebody?”

  “I play hard rock, Katie. She likes my look. She just wants me to have more of an edge. If I wasn’t okay with it, I wouldn’t do it.”

  “So she doesn’t think you’re too good-looking?” she asked, turning up the sweetness.

  “No,” he said with a perfectly straight face. “She thinks I’m just good-looking enough.”

  That made her laugh and helped lighten the dark feelings she’d had moments earlier. She reached for his throat, but he caught her hands and held them.

  Teasing, he moved in, running his nose along her jaw line. “What about you, Katie? You think I’m pretty?”

  The sarcastic remark on her tongue dissolved. All she could focus on was his warm breath on her face. He was as beautiful as ever, in spite of the purplish bruises around his eye and the angry red scar. “I do.”

  “You’re in for a real treat, then.” He swept her up from the couch and carried her off to bed.

  Chapter Nineteen

  The following week, his hair bleached a yellow-blond, Billy dropped Kate off at The Met before heading uptown for his meeting with Christa. He was relieved they were meeting at the agency this time. He’d been picking up some pretty strong signals, and he just wasn’t interested. A few months ago, perhaps, but not now.

  He thought she’d gotten the hint, but almost as soon as he signed the contract, she started in on him again.

  “I’m sure she’s adorable, but you have to look at the bigger picture.” She perched on the edge of the enormous mahogany desk, leaning forward to give him a clear shot of the black lace bra hugging the curve of her breasts.

  “You’re incredibly handsome and extremely talented. You think women want you now? Baby, you have no idea. A girlfriend is just going to hold you back. You’ve got the goods, and I can make you a star either way. But I can also lay the world at your feet if you want it.” She moved closer, lowering her voice until it was just a whisper. Her lips brushed his ear. “That’s how good I am—and that’s just one of my many talents.”

  He remained focused on the skyline outside the window.

  “Let’s just say when I’m done with you, you can have your pick of any woman you want.”

  He swept her with a sidelong glance. “I already do.”

  “Fine.” She threw her hands up and pulled away. “Don’t complain later.”

  “That’ll be my problem, not yours.”

  Barely hiding her irritation, she went on to tell him about the video. It would pay much less than he expected, and she’d get fifteen percent of that. But it was a start, she promised, and if Steinman was happy, it was just the beginning. As an unknown, Billy wouldn’t take away from Davy’s new star, but he would gain some serious music cred.

  Filming was slated for a soundstage in Brooklyn. Three models dressed in black leather would be hoisted over the set, which would include a funeral pyre.

  “What about the models? Did you hire them yet?”

  Christa gave him a wicked smile. “I thought you weren’t interested, Mr. McDonald.”

  “I’m not, but if they haven’t been cast, I’d like you to suggest Kate.”

  She tugged a cigarette from her fancy case and dropped it on the desk. “You’re killing me, you know that?” She glared at him as she lit it. “Is she tall and leggy?”

  He shrugged. “Tall enough, I guess. Definitely leggy.”

  “Picture?”

  He reached for his wallet and pulled out his favorite, the one of Kate sitting on the steps.

  Christa cooed as if he’d shown her a cute, cuddly kitten. “Adorable!” Then she frowned and tossed the picture on the desk. “She looks like jailbait.”

  He pulled out two Joey had taken over Thanksgiving, one of Kate in bed wearing nothing but a sheet and another with a strand of pearls between her teeth, her hands over her breasts.

  “Let me see the others,” she said, wiggling her fingers, impatiently. She sat back and flipped through them, pursing her lips as if reluctant to speak. “Okay. She’s beautiful. Whoever took these is a genius—and the stylist, very talented. I’m impressed.”

  “Does she have the job?”

  “How tall is she?”

  Billy held his hand to his chest. “About here. Taller than you.”

  “Fine.” She tossed the photos onto the desk and leaned back in her chair. “Have her call the office and we’ll set it up. She’ll need to go for a fitting. The bikinis are being made specifically for the girls.”

  His mouth dropped open. “A leather bikini?” Shit.

  She smirked. “Problem?”

  “No, ma’am,” he lied.

  It was after four by the time he got to the museum. The meeting had taken a lot longer than he anticipated, and he’d spent another forty minutes searching for Kate. As soon as he saw her standing in front of a room from an old English castle, he felt guilty. Christa had finally berated him into keeping their relationship quiet. It had seemed like an acceptable compromise at the time. Now he wasn’t so sure.

  “What do you think?” he asked, sneaking up behind her as she studied the ornate ceiling and the walls draped with heavy tapestries. “Should we do this in the dining room or the front parlor?”

  She smiled up at him, looking tired and pale.

  “You OK?”

  Nodding, she slipped her hand in his. “I think I’m a bit done in.”

  “You sure you’re all right?”

  “Uh-huh. I’m hungry, too.”

  “That I can fix. There’s a little restaurant on the corner where I parked. About two blocks away.”

  “Good. I’m starving, and my feet are killing me.”

  He bent down as if he intended to lift her up, but she jumped aside. A passing docent, leading a troop of green-clad Girl Scouts, shot them a disapproving look. “Don’t!” Kate laughed. “They’ll take my membership card away!”

  A half-hour later, as she pushed chunks of fatty pot roast around her plate, she wasn’t laughing. “If I didn’t want to get up on stage fully clothed and sing, what made you think I’d want to hang half-naked from a trapeze?”

  “If I remember correctly, you were half-naked the first time, too.” Judging by the look on her face, his attempt at humor wasn’t working. “Eat.” He pointed with his fork. “You said you were hungry.”

  “I didn’t realize I should’ve just ordered a lettuce leaf.”

  “You’ll look amazing.”

  “Will I? You’ve never seen me in a bikini, especially a leather one.”

  The rise in her voice prompted a man at a nearby table to lean forward, his eyes raking over her. Billy gave him a menacing look, then ordered her to lower her voice.

  “Look, I don’t blame you for being pissed. I wouldn’t want to be swinging around in a leather thong either. It’s just that we could use the money. I don’t have as many gigs booked as I’d like. Plus I have to give Christa fifteen percent of my earnings now.”

  “I have money in the bank.”

  “You’re not touching that. It’s there in case you really need it.”

  He’d been adamant that she open another savings account after she c
losed her old one. And other than a couple hundred dollars for some clothes and a few personal things, he hadn’t let her touch it. He’d nearly shit a brick when he learned she had almost $8,000 saved up. While it would come in handy right now, she might need that money someday if things didn’t work out between them.

  He watched as she mashed her carrots into pulp, then mixed them into her potatoes. It was nothing really, but the mess she made on her plate when something was bothering her, drove him crazy—that and her complete disregard for the concept of time.

  “Don’t we really need it?” she asked, stirring the rest of her pot roast into the slop.

  “Katie, listen.” He reached across the table, covering her hand with his own to get her to stop playing with her food. “If you could make a few hundred dollars for showing off your beautiful body for a few hours, isn’t that better?”

  She gave him a dark look. “Things a pimp says,” she muttered, pulling away and mashing her food into a mushy, brown blob.

  Sensing she was wavering, he hurried to close the deal. “Plus, we’ll be together. I’ll be there the whole time. If not, think of all the hours I’ll be in New York without you. There’s rehearsals and dress rehearsals.” He put on his best pleading expression.

  “You can be a real pain in the ass sometimes.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You heard me. And one other thing.” She eyed him mischievously. “I’m getting you a leopard-print thong, and you’re wearing it around the apartment.”

  “Deal.” There wasn’t such a thing, was there?

  Chapter Twenty

  Billy pulled up to the corner of Seventh Avenue and Thirty-Seventh Street. Kate had an appointment to get measured for her costume, and he was heading to Brooklyn for his first rehearsal with Bailey Swift.

  “Listen,” he said, as she gathered her things. “I should have told you this before, so you have every right to get mad.”

  She eyed him warily. “You mean madder than I already am for making me do this?”

  “Yeah.” He rubbed his finger under his nose. “Probably.”

  “Oh, shit.”

  If he wasn’t already in the dog house, he’d have laughed at the face she made. Instead, he cleared his throat.

  “Christa isn’t happy I have a girlfriend. She thinks it’ll negatively impact my career.”

  Her jaw dropped. “So you’re dumping me? In the middle of Manhattan?”

  He started to laugh, then realized she wasn’t joking. “No, I have no intention of dumping you. I told her that.” He stopped to clear his throat. “But I did kind of agree to keep you under wraps.”

  The hurt on her face tore at him.

  “So you want me to act like we don’t know each other?”

  A horn blasted behind them. He flipped off the driver, then turned back to Kate.

  “I know it sounds bad. It sounds even worse coming from your mouth.”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Sounded pretty bad coming from yours.”

  “Forget it. I’m sorry I said any—”

  “No.” She grabbed her bag and opened the door. “I get it.”

  “Katie.” He unbuckled his seatbelt and tried to grab her arm. “Just forget it.”

  “It’s okay, Billy. I get it!” She slammed the door and started walking.

  He jumped out and called after her, but she wouldn’t stop. The other driver laid on his horn. If he hadn’t been blocking a lane of traffic and she hadn’t been walking the opposite direction up a one-way street, he would’ve gone after her. Instead, he pounded his fist into the hood of the jackass with the horn, then climbed into his van and headed to Brooklyn, feeling like a first-class piece of shit.

  Kate had a hard time reading the paper gripped between her shaking fingers. She blamed the cold wind howling down Thirty-Seventh Street, but her tears had nothing to do with the temperature. When she finally figured out where she was going, she was surprised to see Joey waiting when she stepped off the elevator.

  One look at her and his smile faded. “You look awful.”

  “Thanks. I love you, too.”

  “Seriously. Your eyes are all red, and you look like you haven’t slept.”

  “I’m fine. Just tired. I thought you weren’t meeting me until later.”

  “My morning class was cancelled, and I was dying to see a bona fide costume studio, so . . . Voila!” He threw his arms open.

  After she checked in with the receptionist, Joey dragged her off into a corner near the water cooler.

  “Compose yourself,” he warned. “Your competition is here.”

  “What? What competition?”

  He motioned with his head toward two women sitting on a long, low sofa. They were all boobs and legs. One was blond and the other a brunette. “Those are the other models,” he whispered. “For the video.”

  She covered her mouth with her hand. “What are they, like six feet tall?”

  “I know,” he said, leaning in close.

  “Do you mind?” Irritated, she wiped his moist breath from her ear.

  He snapped back and dropped a hand onto his hip. “Don’t be bitchy with me. I didn’t do anything.”

  “Sorry.”

  “You sure you’re okay?”

  “Fine. Did you tell them you were waiting for me?”

  “Why? They would know who you are?” he asked sarcastically.

  She looked around to make sure no one was listening. “Apparently, no one is supposed to know Billy is attached. So I’m not supposed to say I’m his girlfriend.”

  “What?”

  Everyone in the waiting room looked up. She smiled benignly.

  “It’s his new agent. She thinks it could hurt his career.”

  “No! Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I just did.”

  “I mean before.”

  “I just found out. As I was getting out of the van.”

  His mouth dropped open. “Coward!”

  She resettled her bag over her shoulder and leaned against the wall. “I understand, kind of, but that doesn’t mean I like it. It also doesn’t mean he should’ve told me like this.”

  “What’re you gonna do?”

  She shrugged.

  “Are you gonna act like you don’t know him?”

  “I guess.”

  “You’re an idiot.”

  She pinched him, and he yelped. Rubbing his arm, he dragged her over to the two girls sitting on the sofa.

  “Tiffany, Crystal, this is my friend Kate. She’s gonna be working with you.”

  The blonde lowered her magazine, looked down her nose at Kate and then up to the top of her head. She snapped her gum. “How tall are you?”

  “Me? About five six.”

  She glanced significantly at her fellow Amazon, then went back to her magazine. Apparently, the conversation was over.

  “Nice meeting you,” Kate said as Joey pulled her back across the room. “Oh, yeah,” she grumbled once they were out of earshot. “This is gonna be loads of fun.”

  Joey followed Kate in for her fitting a few minutes later, even though she had to strip down to her bra and panties. When the seamstress was done taking Kate’s measurements, she reminded her to make sure she waxed before the next fitting.

  “I’m sorry, what?” Kate’s eyebrows inched toward her hairline. Images of boiling wax and blistering skin flashed in her head.

  Standing quickly, Joey dropped the magazine he’d been reading. “Of course.” He rolled his eyes as if to say, You have to ask?

  Kate shot him a questioning look, and he touched his fingers to his lips. As soon as the seamstress left the room, she wheeled on him.

  He held up his hands. “You need to get waxed on your lady parts.”

  “What?”

  “Shhh. You want someone to hear you?”

  “I don’t care. My lady parts? What does that mean?”

  “You don’t know what your lady parts are?”

  She drew a circle around her bikini ar
ea with her finger. “Here?” Hot wax? There? What sicko came up with that idea?

  He nodded.

  “Waxed?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Sounds painful.”

  “Pretty sure it is, but I know someone who can do it. I bet she can even do it today. That way, the redness and irritation will be gone before your next fitting.”

  “Redness and irritation?”

  “Why are you parroting everything I say?” He ducked out of her way when she reached for him, pointing an accusatory finger in her direction. “Don’t you dare! Save those sharp little pinchers for when you get home.”

  It was close to midnight by the time Kate climbed the stairs to her apartment. She was fumbling with the key when the door flew open.

  “Where’ve you been?” Billy demanded. “I’ve been worried sick.”

  She gaped up at him. “Where do you think I’ve been? I was where you left me.”

  “That was twelve hours ago,” he bellowed. His voice echoed through the empty hall. “It didn’t take that long to get fitted for a bathing suit.”

  She pushed him into the apartment, closing the door behind her.

  “Not a bathing suit. Two pieces of leather dental floss.”

  He blanched. “That bad?”

  “Oh yeah. You’re not gonna have to worry about me telling anyone I’m your girlfriend, because if I know you, the first guy who looks at me wearing that thing will be looking for his nose somewhere behind his ears.”

  “Shit. I’m sorry.” He reached for her, but she waved him off.

  “You don’t get off that easy. That was only half of it.”

  He looked worried.

  “I’ve never worn anything so revealing. Which meant I needed to pay a visit to a lovely Brazilian woman with a masochistic streak.”

  It didn’t take long for him to figure out what she was talking about. He tried to hide his smile.

  She nodded. “I figured a man of your vast experience would be familiar with the term. Sad thing is, I had no idea what it was. Good thing I had Joey.”

  “Joey did it?” The little muscle in his jaw began to pulse.

  “No! I said a Brazilian woman, didn’t I?”