At This Moment (Of Love and Madness #1)

by Karen Cimms

  “It’s beautiful,” he said.

  Kate sat, then held out her arms. He handed her the swaddled bundle, then watched her face as she rocked Rhiannon back and forth.

  “Doesn’t look very comfortable.” There—something he could be honest about.

  “No, but I can make a cushion for the seat and the back.”

  “That’ll be nice. You should call your parents after dinner and thank them.” He tried to keep his tone even. “And if you want them to come Saturday, that’s up to you. I have a gig, so you’re on your own.”

  She nodded. “I understand.”

  Chapter Forty

  Saturday morning, Billy woke to find Kate sitting in the rocker in Rhiannon’s room. Both of them were crying.

  “What’s wrong?” He assumed the answer was a combination of hormones, a lack of sleep, and her mother’s impending visit.

  She rambled for a few minutes, but he had a hard time hearing her over the crying baby and the pounding in his head.

  “Go take a shower.” He reached for Rhiannon. “I’ll give her a bottle. Then I’ll put her down for a nap and run to the A&P and pick up a couple hoagies.”

  “Hoagies?” Kate sputtered, as if he’d suggested she serve bologna skins and eggshells.

  “They can eat a hoagie. They’re not coming for the meal—they’re coming to brainwash you, remember?” He raised Rhiannon to his shoulder and rubbed her back.

  She started to explain something about some kind of salad and dessert. He shushed her, pointing out she could either take a shower or argue. Thankfully, she chose the shower.

  After he got Rhiannon settled, he went to the market, where he grabbed a bottle of Excedrin, opened it, and swallowed three pills dry, then snagged a large coffee and ordered the hoagies. While he waited, he sipped the coffee impatiently, hoping the combination of caffeine and aspirin would take the edge off his aching head.

  He picked up a quart of potato salad, a bag of chips, and a couple bottles of soda, grudgingly forked over thirty-five dollars, and rushed home. He wanted to be long gone before Kate’s parents arrived.

  Laughter greeted him as he entered the apartment. Shit. His eyes leapt to his watch. Kate had said they were expected at one, and it was just a few minutes past noon. He slipped into the kitchen to stow the hoagies and the salad in the refrigerator and found several Zabar’s bags on the counter.

  Joey. Of course.

  In the bedroom, Rhiannon was asleep in her bassinet while Kate sat on a chair, her back to him, as Joey set her hair in hot rollers. She was calm, dressed, and wearing makeup. There was no sign of the hysterical girl he’d left an hour earlier.

  She caught his reflection in the mirror.

  “Joey came early to give me a hand. Isn’t that great?”

  Joey looked over his shoulder and batted his eyes.

  Billy gave them both a bland smile. “Yep. Great. What about the hoagies?”

  “Oh.” She looked sheepish.

  “Yeah.”

  “Just put them in the fridge. We’ll have them for dinner.”

  “You’ll have them for dinner. I’m leaving.”

  “So where is this gig you’re playing tonight that you have to leave before one o’clock in the afternoon?” Joey asked pointedly. “Maine?”

  Kate shot Joey a warning look, but Billy just ignored him. Besides, what could he say? He was right.

  When he stepped out of the shower a short time later, Billy heard voices—one loud one and the occasional murmurings of three others. He pressed his ear against the door.

  “Beautiful,” Joey said. “The most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen.”

  He couldn’t hear what Evelyn was saying.

  “She should wake soon.” Kate’s voice was high and tight.

  Another low murmur. Probably her father.

  “No,” Kate answered, “not really. A schedule might be more convenient, but we believe she should eat when she’s hungry and sleep when she’s tired, and we hold her when she cries.”

  Kate’s mother was speaking. He couldn’t make out what she was saying, but she was probably giving Kate shit for not being an uptight bitch.

  From what he could hear, Kate seemed to be holding her own. “This is what we decided is best. We did a lot of reading. She’s a baby for such a short time, and this is how we want to raise her. I don’t believe loving her will spoil her.” A chair scraped. “Can I get you more iced tea, Mother?” Her voice was strained. He felt guilty about skulking behind the bathroom door.

  He slipped quietly into the bedroom and began to get dressed.

  He didn’t need to be at the club until eight. There was no reason to leave now. Kate knew that. She needed him, and he was being a jerk. He was rolling up the sleeves on his buttoned-down shirt, exposing his tattoos and wishing he had a reason to walk through the living room bare-chested, when Rhiannon began to whimper.

  He picked her up, then cradled her gently. She stretched, raising her arms with a great yawn, and pushed her feet against his chest. Pulling up her chin, she squeezed her eyes together and blinked as she focused on his face.

  “I swear we’ll never do to you what your grandparents did to your mother or what my parents did to me,” he whispered. “I promise. I don’t ever want to sit across from you and have you wishing you were somewhere else.”

  Kate’s hand gripped the back of his shirt. “You don’t have to worry. That won’t happen.” She cooed a greeting at their daughter, then uncovered one of Rhiannon’s feet and kissed her tiny toes.

  “I’m sorry for not being supportive. I’ll stay if you want.”

  “Really?” She looked so hopeful, and he nodded. “Thank you.” She stood on her toes to kiss him.

  “I’m sorry.” Evelyn stood in the doorway of their bedroom. “I didn’t realize you’d be starting on a second child so soon.”

  Kate pulled away, wiping her mouth as if she’d done something wrong. Evelyn was smiling, but it didn’t reach her eyes. The woman was cold and fake. He’d thought so the first time he met her. He was certain of it now.

  “Hello, Evelyn. I’m sorry I didn’t get to greet you when you arrived.” His voice matched her tone. Judging by the arch of her brow, it was obvious she didn’t like being addressed by her first name.

  “Nice to see you again, Billy.”

  Evelyn had eyes like a cat, tilted slightly over high, pronounced cheekbones. It was easy to see she had once been a beautiful woman. Now, she looked as if she had spotted her prey and was about to pounce.

  “Are you going to let us see the reason we’re all here?” she asked, attempting to sound lighthearted.

  “Is she awake?” Kate’s father came up behind her.

  “Yes, but they’re hiding her for some reason.”

  Billy handed Rhiannon to Kate, who took the baby straight to her parents.

  “Mother, Daddy, this is Rhiannon.”

  Arthur reached for the baby, but Evelyn was quicker. She whisked Rhiannon into her arms and scrutinized every inch of her face. Finding no flaws, she settled on the matter of her name.

  “Rhiannon. Such an odd name. How will she be baptized without a Christian name?”

  He couldn’t help but wonder if this woman even knew how to say something nice. “It’s Welsh,” he explained. “Actually, it’s the name of a Welsh witch.”

  Kate shot him a look. “We just like the name, Mother.”

  Billy wondered how she could speak with her throat that constricted.

  “Her middle name is Grace,” she continued, “after Billy’s grandmother. She’ll be baptized. I’m sure there won’t be any issue with her name.”

  Evelyn seemed about to disagree, but Arthur stepped in. “Let me see that baby,” he cooed, taking her easily from his wife.

  “Look, Evelyn she has Kate’s nose and chin.” He smiled up at Billy. “Kate was a beautiful baby.”

  “She’s still beautiful,” Billy said, noting that Arthur seemed to be trying. He also seemed taken with hi
s new granddaughter. Evelyn looked like she’d been sucking on a lemon.

  “Come see her room,” Kate said, ushering everyone out the door. She was wound like a top, probably more than a little embarrassed to be standing in the bedroom, especially with an unmade bed, which from what he understood had been a cardinal sin when she was growing up. Not to mention what the bed symbolized. He wanted to give his own tour of the apartment:

  And this, Evelyn, this is where I fuck your daughter’s brains out. And she loves it.

  The baby’s room was too small for everyone to crowd into, so Billy remained in the hallway. Arthur held Rhiannon while Kate pointed out all of the things she had made.

  “Good heavens,” Evelyn exclaimed. “How did you get that hideous chair?”

  For a moment, there was nothing but silence. Kate stared at her mother.

  “You sent it to me,” she said finally.

  “I did not!”

  “I did, sweetheart,” Arthur chimed in. “I thought you might like it for the baby’s room. It was my grandmother’s.”

  Kate looked from her father to her mother. “I know, but the delivery man said it came from Mrs. Daniels.”

  “It certainly did not,” Evelyn said. “I hate that thing. Although it is quite valuable.”

  “I thought you rocked me in it.” Kate sounded deflated.

  “Heavens, no. Rocking children is another way of spoiling them. Once you were old enough, I propped your bottle. Coddling a baby does them no good. You’ll learn soon enough.”

  “Oh, brother,” Joey muttered from behind Billy. He clapped his hands brightly. “Okay, everybody, lunch is served!”

  Evelyn swept past them into the hall. “We weren’t planning to stay for lunch, but since you’ve gone to so much trouble Joey, I guess we can impose a little longer. Plus, Kate and I still need to discuss the christening.”

  Kate looked as if she’d been punched in the stomach. Arthur handed the baby to Billy.

  “I rocked you,” he said to Kate, his voice nearly a whisper. “Until I had to move the chair back into the attic.”

  She gave him a thin smile.

  Joey chattered away as he hustled Evelyn and Arthur back to the living room, where he had set up his little feast. Kate seemed unable to move, but she nodded when Billy asked if she was okay. Rhiannon was fussing, so he led Kate to the rocker and guided her into it.

  “Here.” He placed Rhiannon in her arms. “Feed your daughter and rock her.”

  Kate seemed almost catatonic. She began unbuttoning her shirt as he squatted beside her. “You’re gonna be a wonderful mother in spite of her, you hear me?”

  He gave her shoulder a light shake. “Katie. Don’t let her get to you.”

  Kate began to rock. “She’s something else, isn’t she?”

  He nodded.

  “My dad seems like he’s trying.”

  “Yeah, until she eats him.”

  At that, she laughed. “Tell them I’ll be out as soon as I’m done nursing.” He turned for the door. “No, wait.”

  She slipped a finger into Rhiannon’s mouth, breaking the suction from her nipple, which was met with a cry of distress from the hungry baby.

  “What’re you doing?”

  “I’m going to feed our daughter and eat my lunch.” She yanked a receiving blanket from the dresser and nestled Rhiannon against her breast, where she resumed nursing, then draped the blanket over her shoulder. “My mother thinks breastfeeding is barbaric, by the way.”

  She turned down the hall.

  “That’s my girl.”

  Evelyn looked up when Kate entered the room. She was about to say something, but Billy leveled a cold, hard stare, daring her to open her mouth. She snapped it shut. But he had no such luck a short time later when she learned Joey would be Rhiannon’s godfather.

  “Joey?” She turned to Joey as if she expected him to agree that it was ridiculous. “Surely, you can’t mean that.” She looked from Kate to Joey, her lips curled into a half-smile, waiting for the punch line.

  “Why wouldn’t I mean that?” Kate asked.

  “But . . . well . . . I don’t think I should have to draw you a picture.”

  “I’m sorry, Evelyn,” Joey said. All pretense of formality had vanished. “Would you like me to find you a crayon?”

  Evelyn shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t wish to be blunt.”

  “Please,” he sneered. “Be blunt.”

  Her jaw dropped. “You’re so confrontational, Joey. You’ve never spoken to me like this before.” She threw a fiery glance at Billy. Oh no you don’t. She couldn’t pin this on him.

  “Fine. You’re a homosexual.” She waved her hand as if it was settled.

  “No shit,” Joey said dully.

  Kate looked startled. Billy stifled a laugh.

  Evelyn sucked in her cheeks, furious, as Arthur pushed tuna salad around his plate. He suggested Evelyn try the coleslaw.

  “I’ve lost my appetite.” She leaned forward and set her plate on the coffee table. “Joseph, how do you expect to be my granddaughter’s godfather when you are a practicing homosexual?”

  “I’m not practicing. I’m quite good at it. I don’t need to practice.”

  Kate rocked back and forth, her eyes wide. Billy was glad he’d stayed. He wouldn’t have missed this for the world.

  “And while you’re worried about what I’m practicing or not practicing, Evelyn,” Joey dragged out her name, knowing how it grated on her, “I am a practicing Catholic. I go to church every Sunday. To the best of my recollection, I haven’t missed a single one. Ever. So put that in your pipe and smoke it!”

  Kate giggled. Billy didn’t know if it was nerves or if she really thought it was funny. He thought it was fucking hilarious. In fact, he needed to get out of there before he completely lost control.

  “Anybody want a beer? Anybody? Nobody? Well, I could use one.” He rocketed from his seat.

  Evelyn forged onward, all but squirming under Joey’s gaze. “Who’s the godmother?”

  “Toni,” Kate answered.

  “Who’s that?” She snarled at Joey. “Your boyfriend?”

  Joey stared back, expressionless.

  “Mother, Toni was my college roommate. She was also my maid of honor.” Kate pointed to the photos hanging on the wall. “She’s standing next to me in the one outside the church.”

  Billy returned to his seat beside Kate as Evelyn stood to look at the photographs. In the center hung the large portrait taken in the park, the one Kate’s father had admired when he’d visited previously. Smaller photos surrounded it, some from their wedding, others taken by Joey.

  “Very nice.” Evelyn didn’t really seem interested.

  “The wedding was spectacular,” Joey said. He seemed to be enjoying reminding Evelyn that she had missed her only child’s wedding. “The music itself was worth the price of admission.”

  “Thank you,” Billy said with a companionable nod.

  “You’re welcome.” Joey not only sounded sincere, he smiled at Billy.

  “Best day of my life,” Kate added. She glanced down at Rhiannon. “Well, one of the two best days, although much less painful.”

  Billy leaned down and kissed her full on the lips. He even slipped his hand into Kate’s hair—a little extra “fuck you” for Evelyn.

  Evelyn gave the picture a closer look. “This doesn’t look like a Catholic church.”

  “It wasn’t,” Kate said. “It was a Methodist church. Billy is Methodist. It was my decision not to get married in the Catholic Church.”

  “I guess if you ever want an annulment, it will be easier this way.” Evelyn studied the other pictures on the wall.

  Seriously. If he ever started hitting women—

  “Which I guess,” she continued, brightening, “brings us back to the question of Rhiannon’s baptism.”

  Kate maintained her serenity. “There is no question. Rhiannon will be christened at St. Vincent de Paul here in town.”

 
; Evelyn stiffened. “When?”

  “November or December. The second Sunday of the month. I have to find out which date is best for Toni. We have to take a parenting class, but once it’s settled, I’ll let you know.”

  “I guess that’s that.” Evelyn snatched her purse from the end of the sofa. “Arthur, let’s go.”

  “There’s dessert,” Joey said, although it sounded more like a warning than an invitation.

  “No, thank you.” She shot him an evil look. “As I said, we hadn’t planned to stay.”

  She kissed the air about Kate’s head, touched Rhiannon’s forehead, and then headed down the hall, expecting Arthur to fall in step behind her. He set his plate on the coffee table. Kate stood and he kissed her cheek, then planted a delicate kiss on the baby’s forehead.

  “She’s beautiful, Kate.”

  “Thank you, Daddy.”

  “Arthur,” Evelyn called.

  “Yes, dear.” He hurried down the hall after her.

  “Kate?” Evelyn said from the doorway. “We’ll hear from you shortly?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Billy followed them to the door. Evelyn had already made a beeline for the elevator, but Arthur paused and held out his hand. “Thank you,” he said before rushing to catch up with his wife. Billy had the distinct impression that he wasn’t talking about lunch.

  Joey stood at the window, his back stiff, his arms folded across his chest.

  “Well,” Billy said. “That was fun.”

  Kate sat on the couch, still stunned. “Un-freaking-believable.”

  “You okay?” Billy asked.

  “I’m fine.” She turned to Joey. “What about you?”

  “What about me?” he snapped.

  She and Billy exchanged glances.

  “Here,” he said quietly, reaching for Rhiannon. “I’ll change her and put her down.” When he’d left the room, Kate stood beside Joey, who was watching her mother march across the courtyard, her father trying to keep up. Slipping her arms around his waist, she rested her head against Joey’s shoulder.

  “You know,” he said after a while, “if you’d asked me this morning how your mother felt about me, I would’ve said she treated me like a son. I had a hard time visualizing some of what you told me. I believed you, don’t get me wrong, but it was hard to imagine her being that cruel.” He sighed heavily. “I certainly underestimated her.”