All In

by Emma Tharp

  “Should I be worried?”

  “No.” His chest rises with a deep intake of breath. “What happened between us today means something to me. I need to know if you feel the same.”

  “What are you asking me, Jackson?”

  “You and I were moving in the direction of a relationship before you miscarried. And then we were nothing. What are we now?” he asks.

  I ease off him and lay next to him, so we can look in each other’s eyes. “What do you want us to be now? Because when we got back from Ireland, I didn’t know what you wanted. You seemed to have one foot in and one foot out.”

  He nods and bites at the corner of his mouth. “You’re right. I’m not proud of that. But to be honest, you scare the shit out of me.”

  Letting out a harsh laugh, I cover my mouth. “I scare you? That’s funny.” He can’t be serious.

  “I don’t know why you’re laughing. When things were heating up with us, it was like walking on fire. I was afraid you were going to burn me.”

  “Okay,” is all I get out, unsure of what to say, shaking my head.

  “My track record with women isn’t great. I know that. I’ve never wanted a commitment, never cared to stay with one woman for any length of time.” He sits up now, easing himself against the headboard. “But when I’m with you, it’s different. It always has been.”

  Sitting up now, I put my hand on his knee and he covers it with his own, squeezing it. “How is it different?”

  His face is open, vulnerable as he says, “It never occurred to me that you would want me. You were always Will’s beautiful, endearing, stubborn little sister. Off limits. Too good to be with a player like me. That’s why when you reached out to me, showed interest in me, I couldn’t believe it. How could I let myself accept that?”

  His words are unbelievable, but his eyes shine brightly and show me he’s telling the truth.

  “The first time we kissed, I thought I’d explode. It was powerful. We both poured ourselves into it. My heart rate sped up so high, I thought I’d lose my legs.” His stare drifts off, as if he’s there again in the memory of that kiss. “I could feel it. How much you wanted me. My mind was blown.”

  The desire to kiss him again is overwhelming, but I nod and let him continue.

  “I didn’t think it could last. That you’d want me for anything more than what most women want me for. But you kept calling. Kept showing up for me. And for some reason, I started to pull back.” His eyes are sad and his expression is bleak.

  “Why? That’s what I don’t get. Things were going so well and then you slammed the brakes. It hurt,” I say as I cross my arms over my chest, suddenly feeling too vulnerable.

  His hand comes up to cup my cheek as he says, “I’m sorry that I hurt you. I was being a coward who didn’t know how to deal with my feelings. It’s not an excuse, but it’s where my head was at, at the time.”

  “Do you think that I wasn’t scared? I’ve had a crush on you for as long as I can remember. And I thought you always just saw me as Will’s little sister.”

  “My God, Amelia. I wanted you but knew Will would kill me if I ever laid my hands on you. It ended there, but trust me when I tell you that I always looked at you, wanted to be near you. I pushed it all down.”

  Swallowing hard, I nod thinking about all the time we wasted pining for each other, just out of each other’s reach. “How do you feel about me now, Jackson? Because I can’t do what we did before. Have you and then you pull away. It’s too painful.”

  “Oh, I’ve learned my lesson. When we’re together, it’s like nothing else. We fit. It’s never been like that with any other woman before. I won’t lose you again.” He leans in and presses his lips to mine. This kiss is soft, sweet, and full of promise.

  Tears form in the corners of my eyes. Jackson runs his thumb along my cheek.

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you from the beginning. And for my reaction about the baby. I wish I could go back and articulate to you what I was feeling in that moment. It was as if I was floating, nothing tethering me to the ground. I was in awe of you and of us. We made a baby. It gave me something else to fear.”

  “You could’ve talked to me,” I say, fresh tears falling now.

  “I know that now. And I can’t promise I’ll do it perfectly because I don’t always have the right words, but I will give it my all. Because you deserve my best, Amelia. I just hope that will be enough.” He gives me a small, hopeful smile.

  His achingly genuine words tug at my heart, filling me with love. It sits there at the tip of my tongue, but I push my lips to his, to show him with actions instead of words because I don’t know if we’re ready for that yet.

  When he leans his forehead against mine, he says, “So, what do you say? You ready to go all in with me?”

  “If you can promise me that you aren’t going to run every time things get tricky, because they will and I’m going to need you there by my side.”

  Jackson presses his fingers through mine, intertwining them. “I’m not going anywhere. We were both miserable without each other. I’m not dumb enough to do that again. You’re in here now.” He brings our hands up to his heart, its beat strong and steady.

  I nod, overwhelmed with emotion, throw my arms around him, and bury my face in his warm neck. Kissing his jaw and up his cheek to his soft lips. “I want to be with you, Jackson. But now we need to figure out what we’re going to do about Will.”

  His eyes widen as he tugs me back down on the bed so that we’re lying next to each other. Skin on skin, his arms come around me. “It’s going to be okay. We’ll sit him and Julia down after the wedding and tell them both. How can he be mad when we show him exactly how we feel about each other?”

  “You make it sound so easy,” I say as I kiss his mouth gently.

  “We can do anything together.” He tugs my lips in his and separates them with his tongue, deepening the kiss and showing me that, for now, this discussion is over.

  11

  Jackson

  Amber clutches my arm and rubs her hand up and down my bicep as we walk into the reception hall together. Music booms as we’re introduced to the wedding attendees. Since she is the maid of honor and I’m the best man, it’s my job to be her escort through the wedding proceedings today.

  Amelia and Steven come through the doors after us. When we turn and stand in our position, I get the perfect view of Amelia, stunning in her maroon bridesmaid’s dress. It exposes the soft skin of her shoulders, one of my favorite spots to kiss. Her pale eyes are fixed on me. I’m still not used to it, the attention she pays me, the time she spends showing me how much I mean to her. I can only hope she feels the same for me.

  It’s been a month since we’ve returned from Mexico. Amelia and I have spent just about every waking minute together, with the exception of work. My days have been brighter since we’ve decided to take this relationship seriously.

  Waking up next to her, having morning coffee with her, coming home to share a meal with her, and going to bed with her every night, we can’t get enough of each other. My hands crave the feel of her skin. I’ve been trying to convince Amelia that we should talk to Will sooner, but she insists that we shouldn’t do anything to take away from his wedding day. I conceded and now we plan to tell the newlyweds as soon as they get back from their honeymoon.

  As my best friend and his new bride bust through the doors of the hall and the MC announces, “For the first time ever, let me introduce to you, Mr. And Mrs. Stanton.” Julia looks beautiful in her long, flowing white dress and Will is ever a stud in his black tux. A storm of thunderous applause fills the room. Will’s face is beaming, his smile so wide you can see every one of his teeth.

  I hope this is me one day, walking down the aisle with the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. Amelia is the only one I can picture standing beside me. It’s like a punch to the gut, my emotions bubble to the surface, and I could almost cry. For the happiness I see in my best friend’s e
yes and the joy I feel in my heart with Amelia.

  Will gets the wedding party together to do a celebratory shot. We clink our glasses and down the liquid before we take our seats to start the meal. At the head table, I sit to Will’s left and Amelia is seated at the very end of the table to Julia’s right.

  My palms start to sweat when I get my cue from the MC that it’s time for me to do my speech. I’m not good at this shit. Talking about feelings and emotions, but I’ve spent the better part of the last week working on the perfect things to say about my best friend.

  Clearing my throat, I stand, pick up the mic, and turn it on.

  “Hi, everyone, thank you all for joining us here tonight to celebrate my best friend, Will, and his beautiful bride, Julia.”

  I look down at the two of them and they’re beaming up at me. The crowd is quiet now, all of their attention on me. Adjusting my tie, I look down the table and see Amelia’s warm compassionate eyes staring at me. She gives me a small nod and a wink of her eye, telling me with gestures that everything will be okay.

  “So let me tell you a little story about how Will and I met. It was kindergarten, the first day of school. Will got a nosebleed and the teacher asked me to escort Will to the nurse’s office in the room next door. On our way, I asked him to show me how bad it was bleeding. When he pulled the tissue back, blood gushed from his nose and I immediately passed out. From that moment on, we were inseparable.”

  When the crowd laughs, the tension in my shoulders eases. I go on to tell stories from summer camps, high school, and of course how he met Julia. Everyone ‘oohs’ and ‘ahs’ when I talk about how well the two of them go together and complement each other.

  I’m not sure what makes me do it, but at the end of my speech, I add something that I didn’t rehearse, but it comes from somewhere deep inside me.

  “Watching Julia and Will together has inspired me. I wasn’t sure I’d ever want to settle down, just didn’t seem like my thing. But you guys have the type of relationship that I’d like to have and I think I might’ve found it.”

  Will’s eyes snap up to mine as he gives me the “what the hell” shrug.

  “Don’t worry, I’ll fill you in soon. Just know that you guys have a good thing going. I’ve watched it grow from the beginning and I admire it.” I raise my glass of champagne in the air and say, “Cheers to the newlyweds. May the love you have now continue to grow.” I clink my glass with Will’s and he stands up to give me a bear hug.

  “Thanks, man, great speech,” Will says.

  Julia stands up and wraps her arms around me. “Your speech made me cry. It was beautiful.”

  “You’re welcome, guys,” I tell them both.

  “Don’t think I’ve forgotten. You need to spill it,” Will whispers in my ear.

  Nodding, I say, “Don’t worry, man. This is your day. Enjoy it. We’ll talk soon.” When I say those words, I don’t get a sinking feeling in my stomach like I used to when I thought about telling Will about Amelia and me. Today, a sense of calm washes over me. This is right, and he’ll see that.

  We enjoy more speeches, food, dessert, and drinks. When the dancing begins, the entire wedding party is summoned to the dance floor. Before Amber can get her paws on me, I rush over to Amelia, grab her hands, and spin her around. It’s a fast song with a good beat. Her hips swing in time with the music, and I attempt to keep up with her.

  “Great speech.” Her smile is genuine, no sarcasm. I wondered how she would take the last part of it, where I essentially outed us.

  “You liked it? I wasn’t sure.”

  “It was amazing. Didn’t know you had it in you.” She gives me a playful smirk.

  The thing is, I’ve been trying. To show her and tell her how much she means to me, even if it’s outside my comfort zone. It’s something she needs and I want to meet as many of her needs as humanly possible. “I’m working on it, baby.”

  She comes closer to me, but when her eyes scan the area, she takes a step away. I’m tired of this and can’t wait for everyone to know how into her I am.

  The music changes; it’s a slow song this time. “May I have this dance?” I ask her.

  Amber comes up to us, just as Amelia wraps her arms around my neck. Amber’s thin lips move into a frown. “I get the next dance, Jackson.”

  “I think he’s going to be taken,” Amelia says, her tone is snarky. She winks at me and leads our bodies in the opposite direction of Amber.

  “That girl is relentless,” I say.

  “Can’t blame her. You’re hot. But you’re also taken.”

  My hands come to rest at the top of her hips and my fingers gently dig into them. “I am definitely taken. And I can’t wait to take you home later. This dress is driving me crazy. It hugs your ass and accentuates all of your curves. You look edible.”

  Amelia laughs and her hands come up to the back of my hair. She loves to do that. Sweet tingles ease their way down my spine.

  The beat of the music, the lights, and the alcohol send us into a rhythmic haze. There’s no one else here but Amelia and me. That’s why I don’t say anything when Amelia’s mouth comes up to my neck and she licks it. Tilting my head back, I moan, enjoying her warm tongue claiming me.

  Looking down into pure lust-filled eyes, I lean in to kiss her. Our mouths move together in sync, like we always are, like we’re meant to be. The pressure of her tongue against mine makes me rock hard and ready to take her. Slipping my hands up her arms to the curve of her bare exposed shoulders and up to her face, I cup her cheeks in my hands, deepening the kiss.

  When the song comes to an end and the DJ makes an announcement for the wedding party to come to the dance floor, Amelia and I pull apart, snapped into reality.

  Fuck. We were just making out at Will’s wedding.

  Turning around to look behind me, Will is staring at Amelia and me, jaw slack. Damn. He saw us.

  “Oh, no. I think Will knows now,” Amelia says, her brow furrowed and tone full of concern.

  “It’s going to be okay,” I tell her as we both watch her brother make his way over to us.

  “Did I see what I think I just saw?” Will asks, his face is blank, unreadable.

  Grabbing Amelia’s hand in mine, I kiss the back of it. “Yes, we’re together now.”

  And then Will surprises me. He pats me on the back, smiles, and says, “Are you serious?”

  Amelia weaves her arm around me. “Yes, Will. We care about each other.”

  “Love each other,” I interject. He needs to know how committed we are and how deep this goes.

  She stares up at me, and smiles, the corners of her eyes crinkling up. It still amazes me that I put that look on her face. We’ve only just admitted to each other that we are in love, even though I’ve known it forever.

  “I didn’t see this coming,” Will admits. “But you guys look happy.”

  “We are,” Amelia says. “Are you okay with it?”

  “What would you say if I told you I wasn’t?” Will says, a playful grin on his face. He’s messing with us now.

  Smacking him on the arm, Amelia says, “Too late now, brother.”

  “Too late for what?” Julia asks as she slips her arm around Will.

  “My sister and best friend just informed me that they’re in love,” he says, voice jovial.

  Julia’s mouth falls open. “No way. That’s awesome, guys. Guess I can stop trying to set you up with Amber.”

  We all laugh at this.

  “I would appreciate that,” Amelia says.

  “How long have you guys been together?” Will asks.

  Amelia and I exchange a look of concern. I never expected him to ask us this question. Honesty is the best policy at this point, but I don’t want him to be upset with us for hiding our relationship from him.

  “Things started in Ireland,” I admit to him. “But, trust me, I struggled. I didn’t want to step on your toes, but I couldn’t help it. I’m sorry for keeping it from you this long.”

>   Will is shaking his head now. “Dude, it’s all good. I understand why you thought I wouldn’t approve. I admit I’m a little overprotective of my baby sister. But you’re my best friend and I know you wouldn’t do anything to hurt her, right? If not, I’ll kick your ass.” He holds up his fists.

  All four of us laugh again, but there’s definitely a note of seriousness to his statement.

  “You don’t have to worry, I’m going to take good care of her.” I lean down and kiss the top of her head. There’s not much I wouldn’t do to make her happy.

  “You two look so happy,” Julia says.

  “She’s right. I wish nothing but the best for you. Now go get another drink and let’s do some dancing. It’s our wedding. Time to party!” Will and Julia dance off toward the center of the dance floor.

  And just like that, a massive load is shoved off my back.

  “He took that really well,” Amelia says as she grabs my hands and pulls me toward her, planting a kiss on my lips.

  “That couldn’t have gone any better.”

  “Told you he would take it okay,” she says.

  “It was better than okay. He gave us his blessing and said he was happy for us.”

  On the dance floor, I twirl my girl around and pull her in close, no longer afraid of who sees us. And better than that, I’m not scared of how I feel or the future, because I’m with the woman of my dreams. The future is bright.

  Epilogue

  Jackson

  Just another beautiful summer weekend day. The sun is high in the sky, with nothing but a few puffy white clouds. The perfect day for a ride on my Harley.

  Amelia thinks it’s just like any other day, any other bike ride. Except it’s not.

  We weave in and out of traffic, Amelia’s arms locked around my waist. I’m glad she can’t see my face. Yeah, it’s hot out, but I’m sweating bullets. I’ve never been this nervous before. It’s surprising I can even grip the handle bars, my palms are so slick and sticky.

  Looking back in the rearview, Amelia’s face is a mask of contentment, features relaxed, hair flying back behind her from under her helmet. I wonder if I’ll ever get used to having her love me.