I missed Sawyer's funeral, choosing the twins over dealing with everyone and everything. Sawyer was gone, and I think he'd be okay with my decision to not go.
In truth, it was probably for the best. I wanted to keep the good memories, and I didn't need to deal with looks of pity from anyone. I'd grieve in my own way, and maybe one day, eventually move on.
I finished packing my bag, and waited for Sarah to return with the car seats. The c-section had been quick at least. Although, my insides felt like they could fall out. I'd recover from that, too.
The babies were both sleeping. I pulled the bassinettes by the bed. Sitting down, I watched them. They were both a beautiful mixture of Sawyer and myself. Someone lightly knocked on the door.
"Come in," I answered. Kristen and Jack wandered in.
"Hey, just wanted to check in before you went home," Kristen said softly.
For over a week, Kristen had been dutifully stopping by each day since I gave birth. They managed to delay my labor until Sarah arrived, then rushed me into surgery for the c-section. Having Wilson present eased my tensions a lot.
"I'm waiting on Sarah to bring up the car seats. Then we'll head home. I'm starting to suffer from a little cabin fever to be honest," I admitted, and picked up my son, Cullen.
"Maybe, in a few days, we could get together? Once you're feeling up to it."
"Yeah, we can do that. I'm going back to work, Wednesday. It's going to be difficult, but Thursday is a possibility." I walked to my purse and dig out a card. "Here's my business card."
"Should you be going back to work so soon?" Jack pried.
Ideally no, but I was too close to the finish line. Especially now with Sawyer gone, I needed stability to support my kids. Not only that, but I didn't bust my ass for years only to get derailed this late in the game. I was going to reap the rewards of my hard work.
"I have to maintain a certain number of hours, until August, to complete my residency. It's not ideal, but Sarah is staying with me. Q and a few others will visit on the weekends. I'm accustomed to very little sleep," I confided, as Sarah walked in with the car seats in tow.
Jack didn't argue, but I could tell he wasn't happy with my answer. With the twins safely secured in the car seats, I gladly left the hospital.
######
Opening the front door, I found Kristen and Jack standing there. They symbolized the 'perfect' All-American couple. Jack, tall, dark and handsome, along with being a beloved NHL quarterback, married to Kristen, a perky, high energy, blue-eyed, blonde. I was sure their baby would be gorgeous. At least they had each other, although I'm sure Jack's schedule could be difficult at times.
"Come on in." I motioned them through the door. Kristen gave me a brief hug, like we'd been friends for years. I found that little bit of humanity reassuring.
"How are you holding up?" she asked.
Leading them to the living room, I moved a pillow and blanket off the couch, so they could sit. Sarah and I were both too tired to field day. I splurged on a maid service a few days earlier. With random visitors stopping by, I'm glad I did, it was well worth the money.
"Sorry. It's easier to sleep down here sometimes. I'm doing, okay ... It still hasn't fully sunk in yet. Work and the twins are keeping me busy, and that seems to be helping. Anyone need a drink?" I did my best to hold it together during the day. The only time I let loose was in the shower, when I was guaranteed some alone time.
Crying in front of Wilson didn't bother me, but I didn't want anyone to worry. Wilson and Q had already sacrificed a lot to help me out. Q made me promise to see a support group when I was ready. I think he knew I needed to process things away from our circle, and on my own.
Kristen sat next to the Pack-n-Play holding Tara-Lynn, and eased the pacifier back in her opened mouth. Kristen held up her diet soda and said, "No, I'm okay. Thanks."
Bringing a glass of water with me, I sat next to Cullen on the floor. Jack stared at the many framed pictures on the wall. Pictures were my thing. I appreciated memories not knickknacks. Plus, I hated dusting. He struck me as an observer. Kristen was friendly, and served as the ice-breaker, but he waited and assessed. They balanced each other out.
I turned my attention back to Kristen and stated, "You really shouldn't drink that."
Jack turned and looked at Kristen, and smiled before saying, "I told you so." He sat down next to her on the couch, then asked, "What kind of doctor are you?"
"Oncologist, but I'm specializing in alternative medicine. Meaning if a cancer patient wants to avoid chemo and radiation, they'd come and see me."
"How would they avoid that, and why would they want to?" Jack skeptically asked. That skepticism was normal, especially from family members.
"Depends on the patient and type of cancer, but with diet and lifestyle changes. Chemo can be pretty rough, and tends to break people physically and emotionally. There are alternative therapies that aren't popular because pharmaceutical companies won't make enough profit from them."
I sipped my water before continuing, "I have to offer chemo and mainstream pharmaceutical remedies first, even if they aren't really proven to work. They have the money to lobby and pass laws. Laws that promote their drugs, and if I don't offer certain treatments as a first recommendation, I put my medical license at risk. For the most part I see relapse patients, or patients that have experienced chemo previously."
"Alternative therapies? You mean weed, right?" Jack asked— Everyone assumes that.
Biting back a chuckle, I answer, "That's one. There are other methods. Cutting diet soda with harmful aspartame is ideal." I turned to look at Kristen with a raised eyebrow then continued speaking, "High fructose corn syrup is just as dangerous. Better off sticking with real sugar," I replied, then focused on Cullen attempting tummy time.
"Okay! I get it no more diet soda. Jeez!" Kristen complained, and then asked me, "Can I hold her?"
"Sure. I hope you have a sling. That's about the only way I manage to get stuff done around here."
"I thought Sarah was staying with you. Isn't she helping you?" Kristen asked, and carefully swaddled Tara-Lynn. She looked scared to hold Tara-Lynn, maybe more nervous.
"She is, but she's at the gym, training for the Crossfit Games. She's staying here until the twins are old enough for the hospital daycare. I have vacation time lined up. Once I complete the required hours, I'll be home with them for a few weeks."
Kristen passed Tara-Lynn to Jack and quickly blurted, "Sorry, I have to pee. Where's the bathroom?"
I looked up and pointed before adding, "I don't miss that feeling. First door on the right." Kristen hurried down the hall.
" I meant to ask at the hospital, but you looked ready to bolt outta there. Could I get Q's number from you?" Jack asked, as he carefully held Tara-Lynn.
"I'll text it to Kristen. Once I find my phone." I looked through the nearby diaper bag, but didn't find it.
"We're also having a cookout for the fourth of July. All of you should come over," Jack offered.
Kristen waddled her way back to the couch and sat down, motioning for Jack to pass Tara-Lynn back to her.
"I'll have to check my schedule. I'm sure Q would love to go."
"Q seemed like a nice guy. Pohl's a little strange," Jack stated, and handed Tara-Lynn back to Kristen.
I smiled, and retrieved a bottle for Cullen. I waited for Cullen to calm down, and accept the bottle before adding, "Q is a great guy, but has shitty luck with women. I have so many bizarre stories about Pohl, I wouldn't know where to begin."
Pohl possessed a strong and passionate love for strippers, and generally odd women. It was unusual that he was currently dating a cop, but I doubted it would last another week.
"The picture in the hall, was that you and Sarah on that gorgeous beach?" Life had been easier then. No war. No physical or emotional scars. No death.
"Yeah, we were stationed in Okinawa for a year. Then we were at Camp Pendleton, and did two tours in Iraq," I commented, and star
ted burping Cullen.
"Isn't that how you met your husband?" Kristen pried.
Attempting to describe the circumstances, to civilians, around how Sawyer and I met always proved difficult. I always had a hard time explaining what happened in Iraq. Mainly I didn't want to describe it in detail. That encounter was extremely difficult for me, and I was skilled at evading any questions about it.
"It's an extremely long story. It brings up a lot of emotions that are hard to explain. Sarah and I met Sawyer, Q, and Pohl in Iraq. Pohl has a lot of issues with how I handled a certain situation involving all of us." I cleared my throat and replied, "We just avoid the topic for the most part. It stays in Pandora's box, and we all manage to get along."
Spotting my purse, I laid Cullen, in the Pack-N-Play. My cell should be perched neatly inside. I heard the front door open and close, and Sarah energetically ran up the stairs. Texting Kristen, Q's number, I checked my schedule for the fourth.
"I'm on call on the third, but I should be off by ten on the fourth," I offered, and tossed my phone back into my purse.
"Great! We have an OB appointment to head to, but you guys better make it on the fourth!" Kristen stood, and handed Tara-Lynn to me.
"We'll be there. Good luck at the doctor's." I escorted them out.
Kristen and Jack seemed polite enough. Perhaps I'd actually have a friend in town when Sarah decided to depart Denver. It would be nice to have another female friend who is also a mom. The twins would have a playmate later too.
Chapter Two
Four and a half years later ...
Firefighters were scrambling to unload various pieces of equipment. It was Christmas Eve. I held the twins' hands and stood behind the barricade, watching as flames filled the building which housed my condo, and several others.
Thankfully they'd just returned home from visiting my family in Texas. Otherwise we would have been home when the blaze started. That was the only positive side I could see to this situation. Stuff is stuff. We were safe, and most of our possessions could be replaced. Things could be a hell of a lot worse.
Tara-Lynn tugged my sleeve. I looked down to see her holding the phone up to her ear. "What is it, sweetie?"
"Aunt Kristen wantsta talk to you."
How did Tara-Lynn manage to get my phone? I need to snap out of this daze and pay attention to my surroundings. The shock of coming home to this was almost too much, but we were all alive.
"Hello?" I murmured, pulling Cullen's beanie further down on his head.
"What the hell is going on, Claire?" Kristen anxiously asked.
"We just got home from the airport. The whole building is on fire. It doesn't look salvageable." Thankfully, I'd invested in a safe, and kept a back up of all the pictures I had of Sawyer in there.
"Jack's calling Clay. He's still in town. You can stay with him until we're back in a few days."
Sometimes I have trouble accepting help from people. It's not really an ego thing. It's more of a not wanting to appear vulnerable or having to owe someone thing. I love Jack and Kristen, but I can take care of myself for a few days before they get back to town. This was not a Disney movie, and I was not some damsel in distress.
"We'll be fine in a hotel, but thanks for the offer." I didn't want to intrude on Clay, or Kristen and Jack for that matter. Finding a hotel this late on a major holiday might prove difficult. Worst case scenario: I'd take them to the hospital. My office had a shower and extra clothes there. Along with our suitcases from the trip in the car, we were better prepared than most of the building residents.
"Don't be silly, Claire. It's Christmas Eve. You'd be lucky to find a decent hotel, especially at this hour... hold on, Jack wants to talk to you."
Jack treats us like family. Years ago, even his extended family welcomed us with open arms. That family is beautiful, both inside and out. Hell, they treat me better than my own family, when Jack isn't being bossy. To say he was worried would be an understatement.
A few seconds of fumbling noises and Jack answered, "Claire?"
"I'm here, Jack." I knew he was going to talk me into something. He stepped into that same protector role Q and Pohl liked to fill. I basically had three honorary brothers, who also became honorary uncles to the twins.
"Clay's on his way there, now. Just hang tight."
Biting my lip and looking around, I knew I wouldn't be able to budge him, but it didn't stop me from trying anyway. "Jack, there's nothing he can do. I just told Kristen, we'd find a hotel for the night."
"What about when you need groceries tomorrow and everything's closed?"
"The hospital cafeteria will be open, if it gets that bad." Pohl and Q were also out of town, so driving to Colorado Springs wasn't an option. Not that I wanted to drive even further after spending most of my day in an airport with the twins in tow.
"Why are you so stubborn? We'll be back in a day or two. Stay at Clay's until then. He has plenty of room, and he's off the next few days. Consider it as a favor to us. We don't want to worry about where you're staying. Please?"
Jack could be coercive and an inflexible alpha male at times. But, the will to fight left me when he said please. The man has never said please before.
"Fine. I'll wait for him to get here, but I need to get the twins somewhere inside and settled soon." The temperature was frigid with gusting winds. Jack thanked me for agreeing, and quickly hung up.
I watched the firefighters continue to scramble in the chaos. They'd managed to contain the fire to my building. Although it was still violent and going strong, it was just a matter of time before it fizzled out. I hoped everyone made it out okay.
Someone tapped my shoulder. I turned to see Clay's chocolate eyes evaluating me. He was tense, I could see it, almost feel it. He must be freezing in jeans and a long sleeve shirt. He wrapped me in a tight hug, kissing my hair. His strength seeped into me. "Babe, you guys okay?"
I nodded against his shoulder. As always, he smelled nice. "How'd you get here so quick? Where the hell's your jacket?"
He picked up Tara-Lynn, then answered, "Craig dropped me off. Let's get you guys inside." His calloused hand held mine as he easily muscled his way through the crowd. I held on tight to Cullen's hand following Clay towards my SUV, which was parked several buildings down.
We quickly settled into my SUV. I let Clay drive the short distance to his house. The drive was relatively quiet minus the twins rambling. The fire had not seemed to unsettle them at all. they were too young to fully understand the consequences. The fire was just a big show.
"I didn't realize you lived so close," I said, as Clay pulled into his driveway. Sometimes Clay would throw together a last minute party, which ended up just being a small family gathering with a few of his teammates. The twins attended with Kristen and Jack, but I was always buried at work.
My life revolved around work. Work and the twins, but mostly work. The twins were my only social life. I never felt the need to date, physically or emotionally. The twins needed my focus, and I wanted to be able to support them financially in whatever they wanted to pursue. I was completely worn the hell out.
"Yeah, it's a quick twenty minute drive to the arena." We exited the SUV, unloaded the luggage, and sought the warmth of the house.
The twins quickly changed into PJs and settled into one of Clay's guest rooms. He helped me tuck them into bed. Surprisingly, they didn't even argue to stay up later. I wasn't about to question it, thankful that it was easy.
We walked back downstairs. I sat on the couch needing to decompress and make a plan. Christmas morning presents were in the condo. I'd have to be creative tomorrow morning for entertainment. There were no presents for the twins to open, and I doubted Clay had any kids' games laying around either.
"Thanks for taking us in. I hate to intrude on your space, but I appreciate it."
"Does it look like you're intruding on anything?"
I looked around his living room. No Christmas decorations or a tree, just plain and lonely loo
king.
"No. If I'd had known this is how you spent Christmas, I would have invited you over." No wonder Kristen was always hounding him to hire a decorator and date. The walls were bare except for a framed family photo or two. I wasn't big on decorating either. Knick knacks weren't my thing. I preferred to have pictures. The couch was comfortable, at least.
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