"Sometimes I make it out of town. Depends on my schedule. I have a few presents hidden in my room, for Matt and the twins, so don't worry about tomorrow morning." Clay handed me a tumbler two fingers full of an amber liquid.
"Thank you for thinking of them." I shook the glass, briefly sniffed. "Clay, what exactly is this?"
Clay knocked the contents of his tumbler back before answering, "Whiskey. I know you don't normally drink that, but you did have a difficult day. I thought you might make an exception. There's some wine in the kitchen."
I shook my head. I needed to be clear headed to make a plan. I set the tumbler down on the coffee table. "I need to figure out my next move not get drunk."
"What's to plan, really? You'll find another place after the holidays. Jack and Kristen will convince you to move in, until you find a suitable place. There's nothing you can do tonight."
The thought had crossed my mind, earlier, when I talked to Kristen. The twins would love living with them. Maybe I should get drunk and figure it all out tomorrow.
"I don't know, maybe it's time for us to leave Denver. I never planned to stay here permanently." If Sawyer was alive, we would have moved once already for the Army.
Clay went to the kitchen and brought back a full wine glass. It was almost comical watching a burly hockey player carry a full glass of wine.
After handing me the glass, he plopped down next to me, and asked, "So you want to move back to Texas?"
Filling my mouth with wine, I delayed answering. "No. Texas is great to visit, but I have no desire to live there again." My family lived in Texas. They meant well, but didn't really understand me. After Iraq, I didn't want to live in a scorching climate. Or be around family who wouldn't accept my baggage. It wasn't that they couldn't accept it, but they expected me to dwell on it, like living in a constant state of depression, and not move forward with my life. Having that kind of negativity around me was never an option. Which is why I rarely visit them. I can only handle so much pity party, and for the most part I have my shit together, so it's not warranted.
Taking another drink of wine, I added, "I need a change of pace, if I can find a private practice, that would help. Please don't tell Kristen and Jack I'm thinking about leaving Denver." Kristen would find 500 reasons why we should stay in Denver, and I would never hear the end of it.
I'd thrown myself into work after Sawyer died. I needed the stability of a paycheck, and the long work hours exhausted me. The demanding pace kept me from missing him until the pain lessened. Now I was just burned out. I missed the twins, seeing them grow and experience new things.
"Okay, if you tell me why you don't drink hard liquor."
Why on earth does he want to know that?
I took a long sip of wine. "If I tell you, you'll promise it stays between us?"
Clay made an X, with is finger over his heart. "Cross my heart."
Somehow, though I'd always manage to avoid this topic, escape didn't seem plausible right now. Clay seemed genuinely interested. I waited a bit, still contemplating, before answering, "Before Sawyer there was C.B., he and I were serving our time in the Marine Corps. We had mutual friends back home in Texas. We were friends with benefits for a while. Eventually we started dating exclusively. I was on leave in Texas, after my second tour. C.B. choose to stay behind at Pendleton. We were having a rough time, really rough, with our relationship. C.B. got carried away one night, drank too much, and never woke up. Don't believe it was intentional, just an accident."
There'd also been ugly rumors of C.B. cheating on me. I'd needed physical therapy when I returned from Iraq. My body wasn't as strong or beautiful, C.B. was having a hard time adjusting. I battled my own demons trying to overcome my new weaknesses.
"Makes sense now ... Couldn't you find a private practice in Denver? We've always worried about you working too hard."
I allowed Kristen to drag me to the spa a few times. Jack tried to talk me into going on vacation with them, but I declined. The twins went to all types of functions and sporting events with Matt, but I was usually working. For the most part, I would take the twins(and sometimes Matt) to local attractions like the zoo, aquarium, and the children's museum. You know, stuff like that. Mini-day trips that aren't stressful.
"Probably. I want to leave Colorado eventually, though." Plenty of offers had come over the years. I wasn't ready to accept them then, but I could send out a few inquiries.
"And go where?" He responded a little too quickly.
Swishing a sip of wine across my tongue, delayed my answer, "Wyoming, Montana, maybe Alaska, I don't know exactly. Somewhere it's not extremely hot. I grew up in a rural area. I miss it from time to time. It's quiet, and you can actually see the stars."
"I understand and agree with the overcrowding issue."
"My hands are tied until the insurance pays out. The fire will have to be investigated first. Moving out of state would be silly to do at this point, although it would be easier with no furniture." Maybe in a few years after I adjusted to being in a private practice setting.
"If you're worried about money—"
I was financially stable minus not having a home now. Even if I did need money, there was no way I would take a loan from Clay or Kristen and Jack. No way!
"No, Clay ... I'm not worried about money. I made it through school with minimal student loans, and I paid those off last year. My car and the condo are also paid off, and I have Sawyer's life insurance stashed away too. I'm probably the most frugal person you know. I'm more worried about having enough time."
Clay chuckled and replied, "Okay. Be forewarned, Kristen will end up convincing you to move in with them. You're welcome to stay here since the hospital is closer. I wouldn't mind having someone keeping an eye on the house either."
The possibility of exposing the twins to random women wasn't acceptable to me. Clay hadn't brought anyone around in months, mostly due to Kristen's nitpicking. That didn't mean he wouldn't want to have a one night stand if the opportunity presented itself.
"We can't intrude like that, Clay. What if you bring home a girl or start dating someone? We'd be a live-in cock block. She'll take issue with you having another woman and her kids living with you."
Clay laughed, grabbing the tumbler meant for me from the coffee table.
"I'm more focused on this season than dating. Learned my lesson with puck bunnies a long time ago. I'll put a movie on. We both need to relax."
"A funny movie." I finished my wine and snuggled into the couch with a blanket.
I'd try and sleep for a few hours, then take over Clay's kitchen. Hopefully he was stocked with groceries. If I could throw together some hot cocoa and Christmas cookies, that would help the twins cope in the morning. My kids took most things in stride.
"Whatever you want."
After starting the DVD, Clay settled in beside me. I was warm and drowsy. I took a moment to reflect on my current situation. If someone had told me a month ago that I'd be laying on Clay's couch while he rubbed my feet, I would have laughed in disbelief. The twins enjoyed spending time with Clay, and now he wouldn't be alone on Christmas. That thought alone helped ease my discomfort about crashing here. Nestling further into the couch I drifted off to sleep.
######
"I just don't understand the point of abstinence," Kristen commented as she finished pouring her mimosa. This conversation was destined for greatness, I could tell already. I should record it, but that'd probably piss Kristen off. Sarah would get a kick out of it though.
It was late, and the kids were asleep upstairs. We were all sitting around the kitchen table. I was finding it hard to keep a straight face. Keeping my head turned, I hid a smirk, and sipped my beer. Why would a blonde trophy wife understand abstinence?
"Help me out here, Jack," Clay pleaded. I never imagined having this particular conversation with two professional athletes. Hell, I never thought I'd be best friends with a trophy wife, who took pride in her designer party home either.
"Sorry, bud, you can explain your own ritual." Jack wisely eased away from the topic. One wrong word from him, and Kristen might cut him off. I would find it funny, however, I don't think Jack would.
"First, I'm performing better on the ice. Retirement is likely a few years away. The team is in sync, we have a chance at the cup. Partying and dating can wait until the season's over," Clay retorted, easing away from the table.
Kristen liked playing matchmaker. She had also managed to chase off most of Clay's previous girlfriends. I didn't know if he was trying to avoid a blind date, or if he was being serious. Regardless, I still found it pretty effin' funny.
"I just assumed you'd perform better with more ... support, in and out of the bedroom. Although, I can't remember the last time you went out on a real date. Cutting that shaggy hair would be a step in the right direction ... In any case, you know having a real relationship means that it isn't just based on sex," Kristen quipped, sitting down next to me.
Clay has had various degrees of shaggy hair since I've known him. Compared to Jack, who was always clean-cut and shaven, Clay did resemble an attractive out of work traveling salesman the majority of the time. It wasn't a bad look, but the women in Kristen's circle preferred clean-cut presentable guys.
"You don't have to have sex to achieve an orgasm ... and don't look at me like that. We all know what masturbation is," I replied, sipping my spicy beer. I notice Jack smirk before chugging his beer.
"He has physical and emotional needs like everyone else. He can't ignore those needs forever. You can't either," Kristen commented, reaching for a chip. Great, now I'll be sucked into this blind date vortex. Just what I needed.
"I am sitting right here," Clay muttered. Jack chuckled.
"He didn't say he was abstaining from orgasms, just sex for the season. It's easier to take care of yourself, avoids the drama and awkwardness of dating, plus dating is time consuming. Especially if they cling," I quipped, not even trying to hide my goofy grin.
"At least one woman understands," Clay whispered to Jack.
"You know, we really should have recorded this conversation and put it on YouTube. This is like, pure gold." Jack lost it at my comment, his whole body shaking in laughter. Clay held a slight look of horror on his face.
Kristen shook her head, determined to continue this strange conversation. "Since you agree with Clay, why are you still abstaining? You have needs too," Kristen said.
"You know my schedule is hectic. I'm barely able to see the twins. I finally manage to take some time off and my neighbor burns down my townhome." The dumbass had tried to deep fry a frozen turkey, and barely managed not to be char-grilled himself. For a moment I contemplated, then added in a whisper, "I've lost one husband, can't say I'm in a hurry to eventually lose another."
Jack and Clay stay quiet at my admission.
"I understand why you're pessimistic. I'm willing to bet I can find someone you're willing to take a risk for. You too, Clay," Kristen stated, nibbling on another chip. Clay rolled his eyes, leaving me to respond.
"Oh no, Kristen. My vibrator is reliable, free of STDs and can't knock me up. I also don't have to be flexible with its schedule. I do not have time to date and dance around the 'should we have sex' question, or explain all my baggage," I confessed. All my baggage equaled the equivalent of a train wreck.
"Jesus, Claire. You're the only woman I know who will admit to owning a vibrator. I don't mind watching the kids, if you need Kristen to go with you to buy another vibrator," Jack joked. I shrug. I wasn't embarrassed, we all had needs. "I wouldn't mind seeing a video of that." Jack winked.
Kristen's eyes widen as she chastised, "Jack!" Clay and I tried to hide our laughter, but failed. Kristen's face turned beet red, as she covered her face with her hands.
"When are you going back to the hospital?" Jack possessed the necessary observation skills to know when to change the subject.
"Tomorrow." Fortunately.
"Why didn't you stay on vacation until next year? It's only five more days."
If it wasn't for my kids I'd volunteer to be on call the rest of the week. I couldn't handle being around Kristen with her perky moods all the time. The holidays were her favorite time of year. She became this giddy, decorating, cooking-making, tornado. It was exhausting. Okay, maybe the holidays made me slightly depressed, but I hid it well, or at least I tried to.
"Gotta pay for a new house somehow. It's going to take a few months before the insurance pays out. Plus everyone else is on vacation." I didn't mind working. It kept my mind occupied, and usually exhausted my body.
"You're welcome here as long as you want ... We're having a small party here New Years Eve. You better be home before nine o'clock," Kristen firmly stated. "You too, Clay!"
######
After a long day at the hospital, I marched into the kitchen, setting down my purse on the bar. Kristen and Jack looked adorable, cuddled into the breakfast nook. Part of me was glad they were so nauseatingly happy together. The other part of me, however, was jealous because it made me miss Sawyer.
"Are they already in bed?" I questioned. Clay walked around the corner, and stood by the bar. What, did Clay stop by every night to hang out with Kristen and Jack?
Before Clay could answer, Kristen did, "Clay read them a story. They conked out about thirty minutes ago."
"Damn ... I appreciate you guys letting us stay here. I've got to find something closer. The drive is killing me. I left the hospital over an hour ago," I admitted, easing onto the bar stool. One day I'd stop wearing heels to work. One day.
"Did you eat at the hospital?" Clay asked.
"No, my rounds ran late. I was hoping to see the twins before bed," I mumbled, easing off my heels. My phone came to life, chiming incessantly.
Frowning, I burrowed in my purse, searching for the annoying device. Please don't let it be work calling.
"We're going to head upstairs. Jack has a full day tomorrow: some PR stuff," Kristen informed the group.
"Good night," I responded, before answering my phone. "This is Dr. Harris," I declared. Feeling Clay's eyes on me, I eased off the bar stool and slowly start pacing across the kitchen. "I just got home ... She was on how many medications?" I inquired, rubbing my brow. " ... I'll be there as soon as I can." Ending the call, I glanced down at my watch. No sleep in the cards tonight.
"I can drive you, if you want?" Clay offered. I eased my heels back onto my sore feet.
"That's nice of you, but I'll most likely be there all night. I have rounds in the morning. Probably easier to sleep in my office tonight," I grumbled, grabbing my purse and slinging it onto my shoulder.
"Let me drive you. I'm going home, and the hospital isn't that far out of my way," Clay insisted, as he slipped a jacket over his broad shoulders. Clay added in a seductive tone, "You can take a nap on the way."
He knew me too well. I needed a quick power nap. My next day off wasn't until New Years Day. The offer of a nap I couldn't pass up, so I agreed.
######
"Claire," Clay poked my arm to wake me. Shifting in my seat, I yawned. That nap wasn't nearly long enough, and now I had a crick in my neck. Clay had parked his Range Rover in my assigned parking spot.
"I thought you were headed home. Why did you park?" Not wasting any time, I unbuckled and eased out of the car. Clay quickly caught up, and matched my stride.
"I wanted to walk you inside. I'll hang around in case you manage to wrap things up." We entered the empty elevator. I pushed a button and watched the doors close.
"I remember being optimistic ... once upon a time." The doors opened and we continued walking until I found the nurses' station. "I'm Dr. Harris, Dr. Ross called me for a consult," I mentioned to a matronly looking nurse, who offered to page Doctor Ross.
"I'm going to the cafeteria. I'll bring you back something," Clay offered over his shoulder as he headed towards the elevator. I didn't have time to argue as Dr. Ross appeared with the patient file. Sliding into a chair I flipped op
en the file and started reading.
An hour later, Clay emerged from the cafeteria carrying a box of food. I gathered my purse and met him in front of the nurses' station.
"Great timing. I'm headed to my office to change." I grabbed the paper cup from Clay and pushed the button for the elevator. "You really didn't have to wait around. Although, I truly appreciate the food. I'm sure you have better things to do ... like sleep," I quipped and sipped my tea. Yum, chai tea my favorite.
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