Mercy, Mercy Me

by Ronn Elmore

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

  Copyright © 2003 by Ronn Elmore and Victoria Christopher Murray

  All rights reserved.

  Published by Warner Books, Inc., with Walk Worthy Press™

  Walk Worthy Press

  Real Believers, Real Life, Real Answers in the Living God™

  Warner Books, Inc.,

  Hachette Book Group

  237 Park Avenue, New York, NY 10017

  Visit our Web site at www.HachetteBookGroup.com

  First eBook Edition: October 2003

  ISBN: 978-0-446-56019-1

  Contents

  Copyright Page

  Dedication

  Acknowledgments

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  About the Author

  For my parents,

  Pastor A. J. and Ann Elmore,

  who taught me what it means to deeply love God

  Acknowledgments

  I am supremely grateful to my publisher, Denise Stinson and Walk Worthy Press, for giving me the opportunity to tell this story, which has long lurked about in the shadows of my imagination.

  To Victoria Christopher Murray, Lisa Collins, Frances Jalet-Miller, Bill Betts, and Bob Castillo, for their helpful editorial contributions and encouragement.

  To my beloved family—Aladrian, Corinn, Christina, and Cory—for their uncommon patience and support.

  Finally, to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, whose love and, yes, mercy continue to overwhelm me.

  Prologue

  To Dr. Dwayne Grandison, the last forty-eight hours had felt like he was walking through a dream. An awful dream, but a dream nonetheless; one that would, like all dreams do, end shortly. His eyes would open and real life, his own normal life, would return. Familiar. Reassuring.

  Until this very moment, Dr. Grandison was not fully aware of the magnitude of what had happened. It felt as if an earthquake had erupted two days before, and those closest to the epicenter were still struggling to comprehend what happened long after others drove by to gawk at the devastation. So this is what it’s like to be at the center of a scandal. Already it had propelled the unlikely TV therapist into the Christian media spotlight, then made him pay for it with the loss of his popular television ministry and, quite possibly, his thriving Beverly Hills counseling practice. Worst of all, it had served to cast doubt on his integrity—and even his manhood.

  Dwayne entered the massive wooden double doors of the New Covenant Assembly Church, just as he had thousands of times before. Crossing the empty foyer, past the large portrait of his late father, Bishop John Paul Grandison, he cracked the doorway that opened to the brightly lit sanctuary and peered inside before entering. A score of reporters and a confused jumble of camera equipment, microphones, and electrical cords had taken over the sanctuary. They were waiting for him. Clearly, this was no dream.

  How could he have gotten so caught up in this web of deceit and betrayal? Was it the price he would have to pay for the success that had bought him fame and a high six-figure income? This success had trapped him, and his heart, between two extraordinary women: the almighty Beverlyn Boudreaux, famed televangelist and gospel music artist, and former TV child star Nina Jordan. His success was also helping to bring down R&B-turned-gospel recording sensation Sean Wiley, his best friend.

  Recomposing himself, he considered that he had spent the bulk of his thirty-seven years working hard and steering clear of the limelight, although in this moment he wondered if—having not followed his heart and his father into the pastorate—he hadn’t unwittingly set in motion the drama that had now taken center stage in his life.

  He proceeded down the long hall and toward the conference room, where everyone would be gathering. As Dwayne entered the room, he could see that Sean had not yet arrived, but everyone else seemed to be in place. He was greeted by his brother, Lafayette, who had succeeded their father as New Covenant’s pastor. The two were then discreetly pulled into the corner by Mark Mansfield, a prominent attorney who attended the church and who not only handled Lafayette’s affairs but also had a thriving corporate practice in Century City.

  His heart pounded as Mansfield began to speak, but he couldn’t seem to concentrate on any more than the commotion surrounding him. Just three days before, he had been on a fast track to national fame and untold fortune—then to have a scandal painting him to the world as a promiscuous homosexual, thanks to rumors planted by his archrival who had patiently plotted Dwayne’s demise. It all seemed so unreal.

  “Are you okay?”

  Dwayne’s hands trembled as he looked up at Lafayette, who had circled the room and now returned to stand squarely in front of him. Lafayette’s eyes, too, had dark circles under them, revealing how little sleep he’d had since the scandal broke.

  “You can handle this. You’ve done nothing wrong. You’ve got to hold on, little brother.”

  As the brothers embraced, Dwayne searched the room once again. Still no sign of Sean. The press conference had been Sean’s idea. It had been set for noon. It was now eleven-forty-five.

  “Has anybody spoken to Sean?”

  “No.” Lafayette paused. “Look, man, I know things have been pretty crazy for you since Yvette’s death, and now this; but you gotta believe me …”

  Lafayette fell silent as they both turned to see Sean Wiley and his entourage arriving. There was his publicist, a bodyguard, a stylishly dressed Sean, and a man whom Dwayne surmised to be a physician at his side. Sean acknowledged Dwayne with a calm, determined look that allayed his fears, at least momentarily. In the years he had come to be Sean’s best friend, Dwayne had come to trust his judgment.

  Still, in that moment, he could only think of all the time Sean had spent building and then safeguarding his image. This scandal, which had been covered by every major media outlet, had hit hard. What would the former R&B-superstar-turned-gospel-superstar have to say?

  As what seemed to be a sea of broadcast reporters trained their cameras and microphones on the podium and Sean, Dwayne scanned the print journalists just as they poised their pens and pads in unison. None of them really knew his best friend’s story or the truth behind what had brought the two of them to this moment.

  In just two short years, Dwayne Grandison had seen both his and Sean’s lives turned inside out. The seeds of this catastrophe had been planted long ago by Dwayne’s wife, Yvette.

  As the news conferen
ce prepared to get under way, Dwayne’s thoughts flashed back in time. How ironic, he thought. The conference was being held in the very room in which he and Yvette had formally announced their intentions to wed nearly two decades before.

  Yvette English had been Dwayne’s childhood sweetheart. The two had grown up together at New Covenant Assembly, the church pastored and founded by Dwayne’s father, Bishop John Paul Grandison, and everyone had always taken for granted that the two attractive, exceptional young people would eventually marry each other.

  An only child, Yvette had thrived in a family prominent not only in the church but also in the community, her father a judge and her mother a church socialite who’d never had to work a day in her life. Yvette, the primary object of their affection, was a beautiful child who had grown into a compassionate, intelligent woman, with anxious brown eyes, slim build, and supermodel looks and style. Though she often played down her good looks, set off by curly red shoulder-length hair that perfectly framed her red-bone complexion and striking facial features, it was her flair for high fashion—her penchant for couture designs and trendy high-heeled footwear—that set her eye-turning style.

  Dwayne, the unexpected child of his parents’ middle age, was the pride and joy of the Grandison family, including his older brother, Lafayette. Spiritually mature at an early age, compassionate, and extremely bright, Dwayne seemed to excel at everything. He loved people and idolized his father, wanting nothing more than to follow in his footsteps. Upon discovering his gifts in counseling, he graduated from college with a B.A. in theology, before going on to attain a Ph.D. in psychology, with the hopes of joining his father in the ministry, counseling people.

  Yvette, however, had something different in mind. She pushed Dwayne toward success—more particularly the outward signs of it. Though Yvette was kindhearted and considerate, prestige, material gain, and notoriety were priorities to her. Yvette’s determination was surpassed only by her father’s. Judge English wanted his only child to go to Yale, and that was where she went, convincing Dwayne to enroll there as well.

  It was during his college years that Dwayne’s dreams began to fuse with Yvette’s objectives. It was her idea for him to go into clinical psychology. He’d protested at first, but Yvette had been persuasive.

  “Think of how many people you could help to know the Lord and make a big difference in their lives in the process by being a psychologist, and you would be a great psychologist. Besides, your father and brother are helping everyone at New Covenant, but who’s there to help the ones who may be lost forever without guidance? Take, for example, people in the entertainment industry. They have spiritual needs. You could build a practice in Hollywood helping people face the challenges that they have to overcome daily. And you can help them find the Lord at the same time. Changing them might also affect the negative images that shape our society, since they’re so instrumental in the transmission of the morals that determine what is and is not acceptable.”

  Owing to Yvette’s ambitions and savvy, as well as her skillful administration of his career, Dwayne had become the most prominent psychologist of the black celebrity crowd, with a thriving practice in Beverly Hills and a client roster that read like a Who’s Hot in Hollywood. Many of the entertainment industry’s elite were quick to boast that Dr. Dwayne was the reason they’d gotten through some pretty dark days and out of some pretty tight spots.

  If the outward trappings of success were any indication, Dwayne had stepped into his calling well. But though he and his pretty and stylish wife were part of the A-list in Southern California’s African American community, with every material possession he’d ever wanted, he’d remained unfulfilled. Though deeply committed to his clients, he was indifferent to the fame and fortune that were so compelling to Yvette, often becoming bored with his practice and the ambitious plans Yvette had designed.

  What had started out as a starry-eyed, heartfelt, optimistic kind of youthful love was, it seemed, disintegrating as more and more they found themselves at odds with each other in such critical areas as goals and priorities, not to mention money and status. As time went on, they seemed to become each other’s worst enemy.

  The growing tension between them was exacerbated by the mention of children. “Why are you so focused on children?” Yvette would exclaim in exasperation. “There will be plenty of time for children.” Then in her classic manner, she’d walk toward him and put her arms around his neck—an attempt to defuse the tension that over time seemed to have become permanent. “Trust me,” she said.

  But, at least in his sight, she had done little to warrant his trust, and while she bitterly denied it, he was sure she’d had an affair with one of his clients. It had been the basis of many of their numerous fights. Fights that had grown more frequent and caustic. Not that he hadn’t had his own flirtations, though he had never acted on them.

  Early on, Dwayne fought back with stubbornness, then his own verbal counterattacks, until he settled into conscious indifference and detachment, resigning himself to the notion that his wife was spoiled, selfish, controlling, and an all-round status seeker. Confrontational and calculating, she accused him of lacking ambition and often wrote him off as too passive.

  “You’re not going to turn me into some hat-wearing church lady like your mother,” she had once told him.

  Truth was, she liked his mom and his family and she couldn’t see why he thought of her as selfish. So she wanted nice things. Shouldn’t Christians have nice things? Shouldn’t they aspire to set a new standard? Where did it read in the Bible that you have to sit back and wait for things to come your way? After all, doesn’t God bless the child who’s got his own?

  Sometimes privately, Dwayne wondered if maybe she was right and he was guilty of missing opportunities in her pursuit of a wealthier life. Those nagging thoughts were about as constant as Yvette’s never-ceasing flights of fancy.

  “You stay out of my way and I’ll stay out of yours” was the resolve the two came to adopt, and so, eighteen months before, disgusted with himself and the way he had gotten caught up in trying to please Yvette without being true to himself and the calling on his life, Dwayne announced his intentions to go into pastoral ministry.

  Yvette wouldn’t hear of it, vowing to take everything in divorce. Once she’d made that vow, he realized his life had begun to unravel. While Yvette eventually calmed, her outburst left painful scars that even he had been helpless to heal. He had long feared his marriage might be in trouble. And he’d been right. He’d never gotten over the most surprising reversal in their marriage, on an issue he thought they’d agreed upon: having children.

  He’d never been able to determine the source of dissension in his marriage, especially when it came to children. When they were teenagers, he and Yvette often talked of the children they would have. Even when they first married, their plans were to wait no more than a year or two. But as his practice thrived, Yvette’s desire for children waned, and with each passing year Dwayne’s frustration grew. The resulting tension exploded into a final conflict that precipitated Yvette’s departure.

  It all started after Yvette had dragged him to an exclusive A-list party thrown by an actress girlfriend of hers who’d been dating Brian Granville, weekend anchor for CNN West Coast. After two drinks, Yvette was speaking pretty freely about her views on just about everyone at the party and what she knew of their business. Then, after drink number three, things got worse: Dwayne returned from the bathroom to find Yvette flirting with the tall, picture-perfect anchorman.

  “You know, Dwayne,” Brian said, “you really should branch out with your practice. Network a little more.”

  “I tell him that all the time,” Yvette said.

  “Life is more than business,” Dwayne said.

  Yvette jerked her head back. “Oh, not more baby talk. I am not thinking about kids right now.”

  With that, Dwayne had left the party. Still seething at her putting him down, he’d gotten into his car and driven home wi
thout her. The next morning he realized he should have handled it differently, but the night before, he knew he was about to blow and had to get out and clear his head. He’d also realized that the distance between them had become too substantial to bridge.

  Two weeks later, she packed two suitcases and was checking to see if there was anything she’d overlooked when she stopped suddenly—as if she only then realized the gravity of the moment.

  “Dwayne, I wish there was another way,” Yvette said, strapping on her Jimmy Choo sandals. The sadness in her eyes matched the silent ache in his heart. He searched for words to say. After all, he was a doctor counseling people through all kinds of trials and tragedies, saving lives and marriages. But he couldn’t save his own and it was tearing him apart, though he knew all too well that they had both contributed to the demise of their marriage and he had hardly been the innocent partner.

  He stood and approached his wife. As he gently pulled her close, holding her face in the palms of his hands, she closed her eyes, a tear making its way down her cheek. It was closer than he had held her in months. In fact, sex had been infrequent since her indiscretion—his way of communicating the disdain he sometimes felt for her.

  “There is no reason for you to go,” he said. “I can leave for a couple of days.”

  She opened her eyes and shook her head. “It’s better this way, Dwayne. I’ve wanted to spend some time with my parents and it will only be for a few days. I pray you’ll see that I am right.”

  Abruptly, he’d stuffed his hands into his pockets. Uncomfortable seconds of silence hung between them, and Dwayne knew that his wife’s thoughts were not far from his. How could a marriage that seemed to have been ordained from the time they were children—and a love still deeply felt—come to this? Yet they held on to their respective stances, even as they were being torn apart.

  It was Yvette who broke the silence. “Dwayne, we have so much we need to work out.” It was her final attempt to convince her husband. “A child isn’t going to cure our problems.”