To Have and To Hold

by Ruth Ann Nordin

  to get distracted like that, but it hurt to watch Mary look at him and their children as if she’d

  never seen them before. And she looked so scared.

  Releasing his breath, he decided while Mary was upstairs taking care of Rachel, he’d better get

  the wagon ready to take into town. The sooner he saw the doctor, the sooner he’d start

  getting some answers.

  Chapter Two

  Dave sat by Mary in the smal room while they waited for the doctor to return from running an

  errand. Isaac and Rachel, who’d grown bored, were starting to fight with each other. He

  glanced at Mary who usual y knew how to calm them down, but al she could do was stare at

  them.

  His brother Joel entered the building, carrying his medical bag. He paused in the doorway

  when he saw them. “Dave, Mary, what’s wrong?” Looking at his overactive nephew and niece,

  he said, “It can’t be them. They’re bouncing off the wal s.”

  Dave groaned and rubbed his forehead. “I went by Sal y’s, but she wasn’t home. The doctor’s

  tending to someone else right now.” After a glance at Mary, he turned his gaze to Joel and

  asked, “I don’t suppose you might know what’s wrong with Mary?” Joel was training to become

  a doctor, so maybe he’d know something.

  “I might,” Joel said as he set his medical bag on the floor and picked Rachel up.

  He motioned for Isaac to sit down, which he did, and Dave sighed. Why didn’t he think to do

  that?

  “What’s wrong, Mary?” Joel asked her.

  “She doesn’t remember who she is,” Dave said for her.

  His eyes wide, Joel looked between Dave and Mary. “What?”

  “It happened about two hours ago. She was fine, fel down the porch steps, bumped her head,

  and when she woke up, she didn’t know who anyone was. She doesn’t recognize me, the kids

  or…” He turned his gaze to her and motioned to Joel. “Do you remember him?”

  Mary shook her head and then stared at her hands which were folded in her lap.

  “I don’t think she remembers anyone or anything,” Dave continued. “Mary, do you remember

  your life in Maine or coming to Nebraska?”

  Tears came to her eyes and she shook her head. “No.”

  Concerned, Dave rubbed her back. “It’s alright, sweetheart. Don’t cry.”

  For some reason, that made her cry harder.

  Joel pul ed out the handkerchief from his suit pocket and handed it to her. “She has amnesia?”

  “Amnesia?” Dave asked.

  “Where she can’t remember anything,” his brother clarified.

  As much as it hurt to admit it, Dave said, “It seems to fit. She doesn’t seem to remember

  anything from before she woke up on the couch this afternoon.” To be sure, he asked her, “You

  do remember waking up on the couch and seeing Isaac and Rachel with the frog in that box,

  right?”

  Sniffling as she wiped her eyes with the handkerchief, she nodded. “I remember that, and I

  remember changing Rachel’s diaper and coming into town.”

  “Wel , that’s good,” Joel replied.

  “So wil that help us?” Dave asked.

  Joel shrugged. “I’m not sure. I’ve never had to deal with anyone who had amnesia before.”

  “Yeah but you’ve researched everything that can go wrong with a person, right?”

  “There are a lot of things that can go wrong, Dave.”

  “I don’t believe you. You’ve been doing this for what? Five years? Don’t you know everything

  you need to by now?”

  Shifting Rachel to his other arm, Joel rol ed his eyes. “I do what I can.”

  With a heavy sigh, Dave said, “I’m sorry, Joel.”

  “It’s alright. If this happened to April, I don’t know what I’d do.”

  Looking at Mary who was stil softly crying, he rubbed her back again. “We’l get through this,

  sweetheart.” She didn’t bother answering, and he couldn’t blame her. To her, he was a

  stranger who was tel ing her everything was going to be alright, and who would believe

  someone they didn’t know?

  “Why is Ma crying?” Isaac asked as he impatiently shifted on the chair.

  “Because she’s scared.”

  “Why is she scared?”

  “Because she doesn’t remember any of us.” Before his son could ask another question, Dave

  turned to his brother. “How are Nora and Tess?”

  At the mention of his daughters, Joel smiled. “They’re getting along just fine. I think Nora likes

  being a big sister, but she tends to treat Tess like a dol , so we have to keep tel ing her to be

  gentle.”

  “We didn’t have that problem with Isaac. He had no interest in babies when Rachel was born.”

  Isaac turned his attention from the open window and looked at his father. “Babies can’t do

  nothing.”

  “Wel , Isaac,” Joel began as he rocked side to side to keep Rachel from getting bored, “girls

  love babies. They like to pretend they’re mothers.”

  Grimacing, Isaac shook his head and turned his gaze back to the window.

  Joel laughed. “That’s a boy for you.”

  With a smile, Dave looked at Mary and wondered if that cheered her up or not, but she was stil

  crying. He didn’t know what to do. Of al the things that could happen to her, he never

  imagined this would be one of them.

  Doctor Adams walked through the open door.

  Relieved, Dave stood up.

  “What can I do for you, Dave?” Doctor Adams asked, his gaze shifting from him to Mary and

  then back to him.

  “Mary doesn’t remember anything.” Dave proceeded to tel the doctor the whole story. When

  he was done, he added, “And so we’re here to figure out what to do.”

  The doctor went over to Mary. “Where did she hit her head?”

  Dave felt around the back of her head until he found the bump. “Right here.”

  As he inspected it, he asked Mary, “Does it hurt?”

  “A little bit,” she replied, sniffling.

  The doctor turned his attention to her face and checked her eyes. “Your pupils look normal.

  Are you dizzy or do you feel nauseous?”

  “No.”

  “That’s good. Do you have a headache?”

  “No. I’m just a little sore where the bump is.”

  He nodded and rubbed his chin. “And you don’t remember anything before you woke up on the

  couch?”

  Her lower lip trembled and she shook her head.

  “The good news is that the memory loss might be temporary,” the doctor said, turning his

  attention back to Dave.

  That announcement made Dave feel much better. “What are the chances it’s temporary?”

  “Good. She looks fine, she’s coherent, and she’s not sick. But it’s a good idea to watch over

  her for a couple weeks. If she doesn’t seem like her regular self or gets sick or dizzy, I want

  you to let me know.”

  “Alright,” Dave replied, hoping they wouldn’t need to see the doctor again. He didn’t think he

  could take it if she took a turn for the worse. “Is there anything I can do to help her?”

  “You’l be taking her home, so that’s the best place for her to be. Just surround her with

  familiar things and people. Something along the way wil probably trigger her memory and then

  things should start coming back to her. It could happen at once or a little bit at a time.”

  Looking at Mary who was stil crying, he hoped this lapse in memory wouldn’t last long,<
br />
  especial y for her sake.

  “Dave, I can come out in a couple days to check on her,” Joel offered as he set Rachel down.

  Dave nodded and paid the doctor. Isaac got down from his chair and joined Rachel at their

  father’s side. Slipping his arm under Mary’s, Dave helped her up. With one last look at the

  doctor, he asked, “Is there anything she shouldn’t do?”

  Doctor Adams shook his head. “As long as she doesn’t get sick or dizzy, she should be fine.”

  “Thanks.”

  Dave continued to hold Mary’s arm while they left the building, and Isaac and Rachel fol owed

  them. He paused and held his hand to Rachel so she wouldn’t go running off, and then he led

  everyone to the wagon. By the time everyone was settled in the long seat, he got in and

  noticed that Mary had final y stopped crying. Reaching across the children, he squeezed her

  hand. “We’re going to be alright.”

  Though she stil seemed overwhelmed, she smiled.

  Feeling better, he released her hand and sat upright so he could urge the horses forward. It

  occurred to him that he could stop by Sal y’s since she and Mary were friends, but he figured

  Mary was going through enough at the moment. The last thing she needed was to be

  bombarded by a bunch of people. Besides, Joel would probably let Sal y know, which meant

  Sal y would be out at their place soon enough. Knowing Sal y, she’d tel everyone else. With

  another look in his wife’s direction, he led them back home.

  Chapter Three

  Mary stared at the kitchen, thinking it should be familiar, but it wasn’t. She felt like she was in

  someone else’s house, looking at their things. When she turned her gaze to the man and two

  children staring at her expectantly, she wasn’t sure what to tel them. Obviously, she was the

  one who made the meals, but she didn’t remember what those meals were or how she made

  them.

  The man who cal ed himself Dave stopped the girl named Rachel before she could climb on top

  of the worktable. “Do you feel up to cooking?” he asked.

  “Wel …” Pushing aside her unease by the way they continued to stare at her, she shrugged.

  “What do I make?”

  “Brown sugar candy and apple pie!” the boy—Isaac—said, his eyes glowing with excitement.

  Dave patted him on the shoulder. “You do make the best apple pie around, but no one expects

  you to go through al that trouble. You have recipes over here.”

  She fol owed him to one of the shelves where a tin can sat next to the window. After he took it

  down, he opened the lid and handed it to her. Accepting it, she pul ed out the blank cards

  where instructions were written on how to make each meal. With an uncertain breath, she

  scanned the shelves and was glad to see the containers were labeled. Reading through the

  cards, she decided to try one of the meals that required only a few ingredients and didn’t look

  complicated.

  “Alright. I’l try to make something.” She placed two cards on the worktable and put the rest

  into the can.

  Dave breathed a sigh of relief. “Good because al I know how to make is jerky or fruit.”

  She frowned. “Fruit? You mean you make something from the fruit?”

  “No. I usual y get something from off one of the trees.”

  For some reason, the imagery struck her as funny, so she laughed. “You grab fruit off the tree

  and hand it to the kids to eat?”

  The corners of his lips turned up and there was a sparkle in his eye. “No, but I can do it. I’m

  just saying what I can do as far as cooking goes.”

  “And the jerky?”

  “Oh, I just buy that from the mercantile. I rarely eat it since we got married, but when you were

  expecting Isaac and Rachel, you couldn’t get enough of it.”

  “Is it that good?”

  “I don’t think so, and usual y you don’t either.”

  “That’s strange that I’d want to eat something al the time when I’m expecting a child.”

  He shrugged but grinned. “I thought so, too, but you assured me you needed it. I’m not saying

  it was a life or death situation, but you’d get cranky if there wasn’t any in the house.”

  “That’s sil y that I’d be that way because it wasn’t here to eat. Why didn’t I make something

  else?”

  “I asked you the same thing, but you said there was something in the jerky you needed. So, I’d

  go into town and bring back a whole box of it.”

  “A whole box?”

  “Yes, and it would be gone in two weeks.”

  She couldn’t imagine eating that much but decided she’d have to take his word for it since she

  couldn’t recal being pregnant, let alone what jerky tasted like.

  “I should get some jerky from the cel ar. Maybe if you eat it, you’l remember something,” he

  said.

  Maybe. She’d like to remember something, even if it was minor. Deciding it was worth a try,

  she nodded. “I’l eat some.”

  Isaac came over to her and placed his hands over his stomach. “I’m hungry, Ma.”

  Her stomach growled, and she smiled. “I’l get started.” Glancing at the two cards, she added,

  “I hope I can do it.”

  Dave kissed her cheek. “No one cooks better than you.”

  “Real y?” she asked, her skin tingling from where his lips had been.

  “Real y. You’re the best there is.” He patted the smal of her back and scanned the room.

  “Isaac, where’s your sister?”

  He shrugged. “I think she’s in the parlor.”

  “I better find her,” Dave told Mary. “Isaac, stay here and help your mother if she can’t find

  something.”

  “Is this important?” Isaac asked, an eyebrow raised.

  “Very.”

  At his father’s reply, Isaac straightened up, his grin widening. “I’l do a good job, Pa!”

  Dave hurried out of the room, and Mary turned her gaze to her son. Unsure of what to say, she

  offered a shy smile and then read from her card. “Let’s see. I think I know where everything is

  except for the lard. Do you know where that is?”

  “Sure.” He lifted his arms, and it took her a moment to understand he wanted her to pick him

  up. When she did, he pointed to the shelf to her right. “Over there.” Stil holding him, she

  stepped to the shelf. “It’s in the white container.”

  Scanning the containers on the shelf, she realized it was the only white container and wondered

  why he didn’t just come out and say that instead of making her pick him up. Amused, she

  thanked him and set him down. “You’re a big help.”

  Looking proud, he said, “I can find anything in here, especial y cookies.”

  Why did it not surprise her that he’d be aware of where the cookies were? “Should I add a

  couple of cookies for dessert tonight?”

  “That’s a great idea, Ma!”

  “Which container do I keep cookies in?”

  He lifted his arms again, so she picked him up. “That one!”

  She put him back down so she could get the stepstool from the corner and set it next to the

  shelves.

  “Be careful, Ma. Don’t fal again.”

  The warning alarmed her. “Did I ever fal while on the stool?”

  “No. You fel on the porch.”

  With a slow nod, she took care as she grabbed the containers she needed and put them down

  on the worktable, one at a time. When she was done, she put the
stool back and released her

  breath. Good. She hadn’t fal en again.

  Isaac watched her as she set out the pots she needed and placed them on the cook stove.

  Biting her lower lip, she asked, “How do you help me in here?”

  “I can stir. You say I do real wel at that.”

  As she grabbed the bowls and spoons she needed, she couldn’t help but notice how important

  it was to him that he help her. He’d been proud to assist her with changing Rachel’s diaper. It

  was cute how much he wanted to do. “Is there anything else you help me with?”

  “Sometimes I pour things.”

  “Things?”

  He shrugged. “Flour, sugar, water.”

  “Oh, I see.”

  “And sometimes you have me play with Rachel.” He grimaced. “But I don’t like that because

  she’s a baby.”

  She paused as she was removing lids from the containers and considered his point. “I suppose

  it’s not fun for a big kid to play with a little one.”

  “You got that right.”

  “But I bet it real y helps me.”

  His eyebrows furrowed as he peered up at her.

  While she resumed the task of removing the lids, she said, “Rachel had a hard time staying stil

  at the doctor’s. And then she ran out of here to go to the parlor. Your father had to go find

  her.”

  “Yes,” he replied, his voice uncertain about where she was going with this.

  “It makes sense that she doesn’t want to sit stil while I cook. So, maybe I need you to keep

  her out of trouble.”

  “I didn’t think of that.”

  Smiling, she grabbed her measuring cup and looked at him. “Sometimes it’s the things that

  don’t seem to make a difference that are the biggest ways we can help someone else.” She

  brought the stepstool over to the worktable and held out the cup to him. “Do you want to get a

  cup of flour for me?”

  With an enthusiastic nod, he climbed up on it and took the cup from her. Parts of what had

  been her life seemed to be coming natural y to her. She didn’t remember how she used to

  make meals, but it felt as if the knowledge on combining ingredients and cooking the food was

  embedded somewhere in her mind. That meant the memories had to be somewhere. The

  problem was, how was she going to get to them?

  While she and Isaac cooked the supper, she realized she was enjoying it. “You know, this is