To Have and To Hold

by Ruth Ann Nordin

  She recal ed that day she met Dave at the train station. Before the images had been snippets

  of pieces here and there. Now they flowed together into one cohesive memory…

  There was the anxious excitement of stepping off the train to see what awaited her in Omaha.

  She’d clutched the handle of the beige travel bag in her hand. The sea of unfamiliar faces

  swarmed around her, and she scanned them for the man who matched the description of the

  one she’d come to marry. Neil Craftsman. Dark hair. He said he’d be wearing a brown suit

  with a red handkerchief. He said he chose the color red so he’d be easy to spot, and as the

  crowd started to thin around her, the red item was, indeed, easy to see.

  This was it. Her heart racing with a mixture of hope and dread, she stepped toward him. He

  was a handsome man, and that being the case, he might be dismayed when he saw her. She’d

  explained her appearance, but she didn’t tel him how people saw her in Maine. She didn’t want

  that part of her past to slip into her future if she could help it. Her hope was that he’d look past

  her appearance and see her for what she was offering to be: a woman who would help him

  with his farm. If there was one thing her family did praise her for, it was her hard work.

  She realized her steps slowed as she neared him, so she picked up the pace and continued

  down the platform until she was within his hearing distance. She was ready to cal out to him

  when his eyes stopped searching the crowd and settled on her.

  “Are you Neil Craftsman?” she asked as she stopped in front of him.

  “Wel …yes…” he hesitantly replied. “Are you Miss Peters from Maine?”

  She nodded and noted his wince before he led her over to the corner of the station so he could

  talk to her without anyone listening to them. If she’d been smart, she would have refused to go

  with him. She was probably about to face the rejection her mother warned her about. Her

  mother had her buy the return ticket to Maine, and that only made the situation worse. Her

  mother hadn’t even believed someone would marry her. It was one thing for her brothers and

  sisters to feel that way, but it seemed a mother shouldn’t think such a horrible thing for her

  daughter.

  Neil turned to face her and offered her a smile she guessed he reserved for people he’d rather

  not talk to but had no choice. “Miss Peters,” he began in a stiff but pleasant tone, “you are not

  what I expected.”

  She paused for a moment and then made eye contact with him. “Your ad asked for a

  hardworking and dependable woman who can provide you with children. I assure you that I’m

  not afraid of work, and I wil prove myself loyal. As for children, my mother has borne my

  father twelve of them, myself included. I am able to do what you ask. I have in no way misled

  you.”

  Why was she tel ing him this? In hopes that he’d change his mind and give her a chance? And

  a chance to what? To find out there were redeeming qualities in her? That though she wasn’t

  what men considered beautiful, she was worth marrying? Why would she want to confine

  herself in a marriage to a man who took one look at her and didn’t want to be with her? Was

  her opinion of herself that low?

  Neil shifted from one foot to the other. “When I wrote that ad, I did not expect…I wanted…I

  don’t doubt that you can work hard and provide me with many children. But…”

  “But?” Her stomach twisted into an al -too-familiar knot. She wasn’t what he wanted. He

  wanted the same thing al the other men did. He wanted someone beautiful, and beautiful was

  something she couldn’t give him. “But you had a different kind of woman in mind?”

  “I couldn’t get drunk enough to get you with child!”

  Her face flushed from shame at his words. She hadn’t even considered being intimate with

  him. To think his thoughts were going in that direction…and in broad daylight and in a public

  place! No. It was much better she didn’t end up with him. If he was so crass in public, who

  knew what else he was like? With a deep breath, she managed, “Then I surmise that this

  arrangement won’t work.”

  “You’re right it won’t.”

  Despite the sting from his harsh tone, she determined it would be in her best interest to not let

  him know it. “Very wel . I won’t trouble you any further, and you may have your money back.”

  With shaky hands, she opened her purse and handed him the money he’d given her when he

  asked her to come to Omaha to marry him. She couldn’t stand the thought of using any more

  of his money. It left her feeling tainted. “I don’t wish to have anything from you. The trip here

  is enough. Thank you, Mr. Craftsman.”

  He glared at her for a moment before he snatched the money from her. Not trusting her

  wobbly knees to keep her standing, she sat on the bench, wondering why her mother had to be

  right. She set the travel bag at her feet and focused on fighting back her tears. Why couldn’t

  she just come out here, get married and have children? She wasn’t asking for a man to love

  her the way Calvin loved Grace. She just didn’t want to spend the rest of her life in Maine

  where people either pitied or mocked her inability to find a husband.

  With a sigh, she debated what to do next. She couldn’t go back to Maine. Not only did she not

  want to bear the humiliation of going back, but she also didn’t want to tel her mother she’d

  been right. The latter was much worse. No, she had no other recourse than to stay in Omaha

  and hope she could find employment that would sustain her for the rest of her life. Maybe she

  would just tel her family that she married Neil. That way she wouldn’t have to hear her mother

  tel her, “I told you so.”

  As much as she hated to lie, she didn’t see any other choice. For sure, she didn’t want her

  mother to send one of her brothers to get her and drag her back to Maine. Then she’d never

  get a chance to make a clean break. She was tired of being Plain Mary Peters. She wanted

  to be just Mary Peters.

  She caught a movement out of the corner of her eye, so she turned her head in the direction of

  a good looking young man who was walking toward her. Not sure of what he wanted, she

  asked, “Am I in your way?”

  “No, ma’am. Considering the fact that you’re sitting on a bench that’s stuck in a corner, you

  aren’t in anyone’s way.”

  She stared at him, noting his kind eyes and friendly smile, and wondered why in the world he’d

  even bother talking to her. Then the answer dawned on her. He needed the bench. Of

  course, that would be why he talked to her. That was why every man talked to her. He

  wanted something from her.

  She hopped up from the bench to oblige him. “Oh. Then you wish to sit? I can find

  somewhere else to go. I should get a newspaper anyway.” She left out why she wanted the

  paper. He didn’t need to know, and she was sure he didn’t care why.

  “I can buy one for you and bring it here.”

  She stared at him for a moment, not believing her ears. “Why would you do that?”

  “Why not? You’re a stranger in this community and it would only be fitting if someone

  welcomed you to town. I notice that Neil Craftsman did a lousy job of it.”

  Oh good heavens! He not only knew the man she’d come to marry but he also knew
what Neil

  said! She didn’t think anything could be worse than Neil proving her mother right, but she was

  wrong. This was much worse. Unable to look at him, she turned her attention to the travel

  bag. “Oh. You overheard?”

  “I overheard Neil giving up a decent woman. You know, I couldn’t help but be impressed with

  how wel you handled yourself.”

  Stil unable to look at him, she shrugged. “I figured, in the long run, he did me a favor.”

  “He did you a bigger favor than you realize. I guarantee you’re much better off without him.”

  She knew he was right, but she sensed there might have been some unsavory characteristic

  about Neil that was implied in his statement. Not that it mattered. Her future wasn’t with Neil,

  and she’d most likely never see him again so whatever he was like didn’t concern her anymore.

  What she needed was to find suitable employment. Deciding she might as wel put an end to

  the conversation, she said, “I should get a paper.”

  “May I buy it for you?”

  She hesitated for a moment, figured he was being polite, and final y dug a coin out of her

  purse. “This should cover the cost.”

  “That’s not necessary. After what you went through, it would be my pleasure to show you that

  one person in Omaha knows how to welcome a lady. I’l be back faster than you can say Dave

  Larson.”

  Before she could respond, he darted off for the newsstand that wasn’t too far away. She

  slipped the coin back into her purse and glanced around the station. As much as she tried not

  to think some people kept shooting pitiful glances her way, she couldn’t help it. It was

  ridiculous, she knew, but she felt as if they were wondering how a poor woman like her could

  ever find a husband.

  She recal ed overhearing Katie, Leah, and Stan on Grace’s wedding day. Everyone at that train

  station must have been thinking the same thing her relatives were on that day. Her only time at

  the altar was when she was Grace’s maid of honor. They figured it would be the last time

  she’d be up there, and as it seemed to be turning out, they were right. She wiped the tears

  from her eyes before the man returned to her with a paper in hand. She’d take the paper, and

  he’d be on his way. She’d have plenty of time to cry over the situation later.

  When he handed her the paper, she cleared her throat so her voice wouldn’t betray her

  emotions. “Thank you, sir. I should al ow you the space on the bench.”

  “Please stay. I wish to speak to you and it’d be easier to do that if I’m sitting next to you

  instead of yel ing at you from across the room.”

  Despite her mood, her lips turned up into a slight smile at his joke. “I can’t argue with that

  logic.”

  Since he looked at her expectantly, she sat on the bench to see what else he might wish to

  discuss. Perhaps he’d be wil ing to tel her if there was a good job in the area. If that was the

  case, then the fact that he happened to overhear the conversation with Neil might’ve been a

  good thing.

  She took a deep breath, figuring once she answered whatever query he had, she’d ask him

  about a job offering in town. “What is it you wish to discuss, Mr...?”

  “My name is Dave Larson.”

  Her cheeks warmed from embarrassment. “Oh. I’m afraid I missed that when you told me the

  first time. I must be having one of those days.” A kind smile crossed his face and she relaxed.

  Good. He wasn’t one of those people who got particular about things. Katie and Leah

  would’ve given her a lot of grief over her blunder.

  “I’m not graceful at this sort of thing, Miss...?”

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Larson. My name is Mary Peters.”

  “Miss Peters, the truth of the matter is that while I overheard you and Neil talking, it occurred to

  me that you’re the kind of woman who would make a man a good wife. Now, I know it’s

  strange that we just met this way and you’re likely to think I’m crazy, but you’re the kind of

  woman I’ve been looking for. You’re kind, strong, and generous. You told Neil you were

  hardworking and dependable. I’m sure you have other admirable qualities as wel .”

  Her jaw almost dropped, but she managed to hide her surprise. The man couldn’t be serious!

  “Surely, there are other women in town that are more to your liking.”

  “You’d be wrong to assume that. The women I know who are of childbearing age are already

  taken, too young, or a relative. I need a wife. It can be tough to keep up a farm without help.

  In fact, I was trying to come up with an ad asking for one.”

  She glanced at the paper resting in her lap. “I don’t know, Mr. Larson. I real y am not what

  you are looking for.” Especial y since he was the best looking man she’d ever seen. Surely, he

  could have his pick of women. There had to be someone he could marry besides her.

  With a resigned sigh, he shrugged. “I’m forced to write an ad since you said no. Would you

  help me figure out what to say? I want to make sure I have the right woman. There’s no sense

  in sending for her if she can’t handle what I need on the farm.”

  That sounded fair. And in return, he could help her find a job. “Alright. I can do that.”

  He searched his pockets before he shot her a charming smile that sent an unexpected chil

  racing through her. It wasn’t any surprise the mention of even being his wife—even if he

  couldn’t possibly mean it—would make her acutely aware of her attraction for him. A woman

  would have to be blind not to go weak at the knees if he chose to look at her as if she wasn’t

  as plain as others thought. In fact, he looked at her as if he didn’t mind the way she looked.

  “I didn’t bring anything to write with or to write on,” he said.

  Shifting her mind back to the matter at hand, she gave him a pencil from her purse and helped

  him come up with things he might want to post in an ad. Even so, she had a hard time

  concentrating. She tried not to give into the temptation to say she’d be his wife, but she kept

  seeing herself holding a child. It was something she’d wanted for years. She’d watched it

  happen for her brothers and sisters, and it was something this man was offering her now. She

  watched as he wrote the things he was going to put in the ad for his wife and drummed her

  fingers on her purse. It didn’t seem right to deny another woman the opportunity to be with

  someone so kind. But why should she deny herself the chance to be with him, especial y since

  he’d offered?

  As he told her about his farm, she bit her lower lip on the urge to throw caution to the wind and

  marry him, even if it was such an impulsive thing to do. Perhaps he was used to doing things at

  a moment’s notice, but she’d always been careful. Wel , maybe this one time, it would be good

  to act on impulse. Besides, what were the chances another man would offer her a home and a

  family?

  “Where did you come from?” he final y asked, interrupting her thoughts as she weighed the pros

  and cons of taking another woman’s place so she could marry him.

  She cleared her throat. “From a smal town in Maine. My father owned the grocery store, and

  my brothers helped him with it. My sisters married as soon as they turned sixteen or

  seventeen. I worked at a restaurant.” She stopped herself from saying anything else. No need<
br />
  in tel ing him what they said about her or that her mother hadn’t been supportive of her decision

  to come out here.

  “How old are you?”

  “Nineteen.” By nineteen al of her sisters had already been married. She wondered if he’d be

  disappointed that she wasn’t younger, but he gave no indication that he was.

  In fact, he offered her an irresistible smile and asked her the question she longed for him to say

  again, “You’d real y help me out if you save me the time in placing this ad and marry me.”

  Even as she wanted to say yes, she found herself arguing with him once more, just to make

  sure he meant it. “You may want someone who is more acceptable to look at.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with the way you look.”

  “Wel , I’m not thin.”

  “Considering the intensity of the Nebraska winds on some days, a thin woman could easily get

  blown away. At least I wouldn’t have to run after you to keep you safely on the property.”

  She giggled at his joke. So he real y didn’t mind the way she looked. Her heart sped up.

  Perhaps the future she wanted was real y going to happen after al .

  “I’d like to get back to my farm and make sure everything is fine out there. If you’re wil ing to

  be my wife, I’d like to marry you right away.”

  After a couple more questions, she was assured that he did, in fact, mean it and agreed.

  From there, he took her to the courthouse where his brother-in-law married them, and after

  that, he took her home. The memories began to fade but not before she recal ed how nervous

  Dave had been that she would find his sod house lacking.

  She didn’t fight the memories as they slipped from her. She knew that in time, she’d remember

  the rest of her past, and surprisingly, she liked the idea of remembering her time with Dave and

  their children in smal pieces at a time because it gave her something to look forward to.

  Turning from the ocean, she faced Dave and chuckled when she realized he’d dozed off. “It’s

  nice to know being with me can put you to sleep,” she teased.

  He jerked awake and straightened on the bench. “What is it?”

  She giggled and kissed him. “I love you.” And truly she did. He not only gave her a home and

  his children, but he gave her his heart, and for that, she’d always be grateful to him.