Nicole had never raised her voice at him. She'd never nagged him or gotten angry with him in all their years together and he was stunned at the change in her attitude. He'd never seen this side of her before. Pain and anger flashed across her face and he was quite taken aback by the force of it.
"It didn't mean anything, Nicole, I swear to you. Please believe me," he pleaded with her.
"It didn't mean anything to you, Paul! Nicole shouted. "Well, it meant everything to me! How could you have kissed me and made love to me knowing what you'd done? It makes my skin crawl to even think about it." She suddenly ran out of steam and sat deflated on the edge of the bed. "Do you love her?" Nicole asked quietly, afraid to look at him and dreading his answer.
"No! You're the only woman I have ever loved and will ever love. I've never known anyone like you and I am hopelessly, eternally in love with you. I can't tell you how sorry I am."
A tense silence descended upon them.
"Why did you do it, Paul?" she asked eventually.
"I don't know," he replied, running his hands through his hair, a familiar gesture when he didn't know what to say.
"Why did you not break up with me in private? Did you get some sort of a sick kick out of annihilating me in front of everyone?" she asked.
"Of course not! I hate myself for what I've done to you. I'm desperately sorry for the way I treated you. I wanted to tell you when we were alone, but I kept putting it off until it was too late. I couldn't find the right time or the right words. You were always kind and good to me; the perfect girlfriend, too perfect sometimes."
"I was too perfect!" Nicole shouted. "What does that even mean? You obviously didn't think I was good enough for you."
"Of course you are good enough for me. I didn't deserve you. I didn't want to hurt you. I'm a coward. I couldn't face telling you the truth." He had the good grace to look away.
"You didn't want to hurt me?" Nicole spat the words at him. "Well, you couldn't have hurt me anymore if you tried. I feel ashamed. Everyone knows that you cheated on me and they're probably having a good laugh at my expense."
"Nobody's laughing at you, Nicole. Everyone hates me. I haven't seen anyone since the wedding. I've had numerous phone calls from our friends telling me that they never want to see me again. They've tried calling you but there was no answer."
"I can't find my phone," Nicole said distractedly. "I think I might have left it at mum and dad's house. I'll get it later."
"I see, that explains why you didn't call me back." Paul seemed a little relieved.
"Why would I have returned your calls, Paul?" Nicole asked. "You left me on my wedding day for my friend! Could you not have chosen someone other than her?"
"I didn't choose her. It just happened. Neither of us planned it."
"It’s so romantic! You didn't plan it," Nicole's voice dripped with sarcasm. "Where is Simone, anyway? I expected that you'd have her moved in here with you by now. We know how much you hate to be alone."
"I haven't seen her since the wedding. It's over between us. There never was an "us"."
"Why?" Nicole asked.
"Why?" Paul asked in confusion.
"Why did you cheat on me with her? Was I not pretty enough or skinny enough or interesting enough for you?" she asked.
"Oh, Nicole, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I was a fool to treat you badly. I wish I could rewind time. I wish I'd never cheated on you."
"When did it start?" Nicole couldn't help herself. She had to know. She'd been imagining Paul and Simone together for weeks, desperately trying to figure out how long they'd been together. How long had they been laughing at her behind her back?
"We only slept together once, Nicole, I swear to you. It was a terrible, drunken mistake that should never have happened."
"I see," Nicole felt sick. "When did it happen?"
Paul shifted uncomfortably. "I can't remember exactly, sometime in the summer. We bumped into each other one evening after work in the pub. You and Helen were in Dublin for the night, looking at wedding dresses. Simone couldn't join you because she had work commitments. Anyway, we had a few too many drinks and one thing lead to another. You know how flirty she can be." Paul tried to defend himself.
"Don't even attempt to blame her!" Nicole snapped viciously. "You were engaged to me. We were planning our wedding and YOU chose to throw us away for a fling!"
"I know. You're completely justified in feeling the way that you do."
"Do not patronise me with your psycho-babble!" Nicole yelled. "It’s very generous of you to say that I'm justified, thank you very much."
"I didn't mean anything by it," Paul stuttered. "I don't know what to say."
"Don't say anything Paul. I think you've said and done enough at this stage. I'm leaving. I'll send Ev up to come and get the rest of my things." Nicole flounced past him and stormed towards the front door.
"Please don't go," Paul begged, following her down the hall. "I still love you. Please, Nicole, I know we can work this out." He tentatively touched her shoulder as she pulled open the front door.
"Don't touch me!" she screamed at him. "I hate you, Paul. I hate what you've done to me, what you've done to us! You betrayed me! "Nicole slammed the front door loudly behind her and ran towards the elevator. She pushed the button and jumped inside, banging at the button as if to close the doors faster. She wanted to get away from Paul as fast as she could. It was all she could do not to break down in front of him. She was overwhelmed with emotion and her head was spinning. She burst out of the elevator and ran towards her sister's car and flung herself into the passenger seat.
"What happened, Nicole?!" Ev stared at her sister in shock. "Where are your things?"
"Oh, Ev, I don't know what to do. I feel very confused," Nicole cried, burying her face in her hands.
"You don't know what to do about what?"
"Paul says he wants me back and that he still loves me."
"Of course he wants you back!" Evette sounded outraged. "The cheek of him! Who does he think he is? Why wouldn't he still love you? You've done absolutely nothing wrong! I've a good mind to go up to the apartment and give that asshole a piece of my mind!" Evette was livid at Paul's audacity.
"Ev, you don't understand," Nicole sniffed. "I still love him."
"Oh my goodness, Nic," Evette gasped in shock. "How can you still love him after the way that he's treated you?"
"I don't know, Ev. I wish I hated him, but I don't. It's not easy to switch off the love that I felt so strongly for him. It was all I could do not to tell him that I'd come back, that we could start over again. Somehow I managed to summon the courage to get out of there. I ran out of the apartment as fast as I could. It must be some self-preservation instinct, but I knew I had to run."
"Good for you." Evette sounded proud of her sister. "You'll get through this, Nicole, I promise you. We'll get through this together. You deserve much more than Paul. I hate to say it but how could he ever have loved you if he was capable of treating you so badly?"
"I don't know," Nicole answered quietly. "Nobody's perfect. People make mistakes sometimes."
"Nobody was asking him for perfection. Sure, people make mistakes sometimes; mistakes like forgetting to put the garbage out or mow the lawn or maybe even forgetting your birthday, but dumping your fiancee on her wedding day AT THE ALTAR is a lot more serious than a mistake!" Evette's voice was getting more and more high-pitched.
"He says that they only slept together once. Anyone can make a mistake or have a slip. Should I really throw it all away for one mistake?"
Evette could tell that her sister was desperate for her to say that she should at least consider giving Paul another chance. "Ok, so maybe it only happened once. Let's imagine for a minute that you do forgive him and decide to try again. How will you ever trust him again? If he's late home from work or has a business meeting overnight away from home you'll secretly wonder if he's telling you the truth. Don't do it to yourself, Nicole, plea
se. Promise me that you won't take him back."
"Please, Ev, my head is spinning and my heart is racing right now! I can't promise you anything. Can you please not lecture me? The only truth I know is that I still love him and I'm finding it very difficult to let him go. If I let him go now, I'll never see him again. It's over forever. Should I simply forget about the years we spent together and the happy times?"
"Of course you shouldn't forget the good times," Evette conceded, "but you cannot take him back. You must let your head rule your heart in this instance. I know that sounds odd coming from me, of all people, but you must trust me, Nicole. You cannot go back to him. He will have no respect for you if you go back and I firmly believe that he would completely destroy your self-confidence if you give him another chance. You are a wonderful person and you will find someone else who is worthy of you. Paul has proven that he doesn’t deserve you. I've never liked him. He's always struck me as a sanctimonious, smug bastard. He thinks he knows everything about everything just because he's a doctor, well guess what, he's proven that he's as messed up, if not more messed up than the rest of us combined."
Nicole burst into tears. She'd tried hard not to cry but despite her valiant efforts the floodgates were open and she couldn't stop the tears. Evette reached out and pulled her sister into her arms.
"Cry it out, Nicole," Ev whispered. She hugged her sister close and held her while she cried. Slowly, Nicole's tears began to subside. "Will I ever feel normal again?" she asked Evette through her tears. "I feel sick most of the time. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I keep longing to get back into bed and stay under the safety of my duvet forever."
"Of course you'll be ok again, sis," Evette said earnestly. "It may take a while, but everything will work out. You've had your heart broken, but I promise you that it will heal in time."
"Well, I'm never allowing myself to fall in love again," Nicole said with determination in her voice. "It's not worth the risk of ever feeling this bad again. I won't do it to myself."
"Oh, Nicole, life and love have a habit of sneaking up on us when we least expect it," Evette smiled as she gave her sister a tissue. Nicole blew her nose loudly.
"Shall I go and get your things?" Evette asked gently. Her sister nodded in between sniffles. "I'll be right back," she said, patting Nicole on the back.
Nicole sat alone in the car looking unseeingly into the dark garage.
"Is this what my life has been reduced to?" she asked herself. She felt utterly desolate. Her world felt like a bleak, dark place without Paul and she mourned the loss of the hopes and dreams that she'd had for their future together. She was nervous and downright scared at the thought of being on her own. It was the loneliest place she'd ever been."This is it," she whispered. "I'm back at the beginning again."
She'd known Paul since she was nineteen years old. He was her first and only love. When her friends were experiencing love and heartbreak she'd been happy in the safety of her relationship with Paul. She sighed and thought about what her sister had said to her earlier. She knew that Evette was right and that she couldn't go back to Paul. She couldn't be weak.
Evette waved as she approached the car and Nicole got out and helped her with the numerous bags that she was lugging behind her. "Don't worry," Evette smirked. "I gave that moron a piece of mind. He won't be bothering you or making declarations of fake love again."
"Oh, Ev, I hope you weren't too hard on him," Nicole said doubtfully.
"Nothing more than he deserves," Evette smirked as she loaded her sister's luggage into the car.
Chapter 6
"I've made a decision," Nicole announced.
"It's too early for decisions," Evette yawned loudly and struggled to sit up in her bed. "What time is it anyway?" She reached out for her alarm clock and squinted to see the time. "It's five o' clock in the morning! It's practically the middle of the night!"She tried to protest at having been woken at such an early hour but her sister was having none of it.
"Here, drink this. It will wake you up." Nicole stuck a steaming mug of black coffee under her sister's nose before she could make any further complaints.
"Hmmm, it will either wake me up or put hairs on my chest." Evette peered into the dark abyss of the mug. She took a tentative sip and spluttered."Hairs on my chest," she smiled as she gulped down the coffee. "Well, what's your grand decision?"
Nicole took a deep breath and paused for dramatic effect.
"Spit it out. I can't stand the suspense any longer." Evette placed her mug carefully on her bedside table and leaned back wearily against the pillows, doing her best to give her sister her full attention. This was the most animated that she'd seen Nicole in weeks. It was good to see her smile. "I forgot you were such a happy morning person, like mom."
"It's the best time of the day," Nicole laughed. "The birds are singing in the trees. The sun is rising in the sky. The day is fresh and new and we can start over again."
Evette made gagging noises.
"Ok, I get it. You're in an exceptionally, nauseating good mood. Please share your excitement with me."
"I've decided to start my own business."
"Ok," Nicole said, desperately fighting the sleep that was threatening to overwhelm her at any minute. It was much too early in the morning for her. She tried to force some enthusiasm into her voice.
"Fill me in on the details."
Nicole cleared her throat for dramatic effect. "I've decided to start my own business," she repeated.
"It’s an excellent idea. Congratulations. Well done," Evette said sarcastically. "You couldn't have waited 'til a more civilised time of day to share your news with me?" She snuggled further under the duvet.
"Sorry Ev. I was excited to tell you. I've been awake half the night thinking about it and putting my ideas together." Nicole looked crestfallen by her sister's reaction. She shuffled her papers together.
"It does sound like a good plan." Evette resurfaced reluctantly from her cosy, warm cocoon. "You're so organised and efficient by nature, that I'm sure whatever you turn your hand to will that it will be an absolute success. What exactly is your business idea anyway?"
Nicole's face brightened immediately at her sister's interest. "I want to start my own wedding planning business and I want you to be my business partner."
Evette shot bolt upright in her bed. "You want to start a wedding planning business after everything that you've been through? Why on earth would you want to plan other people's weddings?"
"Why not?" Nicole retorted sharply. "I loved planning my own wedding and I've made lots of contacts in the area. Did you know that the wedding industry is worth an estimated seventy million dollars a year?!"
"I did not know that," Evette admitted. Her interest was piqued.
"You know how organised and thorough I am. I think it's an inspired idea. Now that I'm free and single again I thought it would be a good idea to set up my own wedding planning agency. Why not? I've gained a lot of knowledge from planning my own wedding. I've saved many ideas and I've made lots of contacts in the industry already. I love the idea of organising two people's dream wedding.It would almost be cathartic in a way; just because my own dream wedding didn't work out, doesn't mean that I can't make other people happy. I know I would be a brilliant wedding planner. Every last minute detail would be perfect. I think it might even help to heal my own heart a little."
Nicole's face was alive with her new plans. It was the happiest that Evette had seen her in a very long time. She'd fallen into a deep despair after her last encounter with Paul and this was the first time that Evette had seen her sister smiling in weeks. She groaned inwardly as she forced a smile on her own face.
"Jack is a whizz on the computer," Evette said. "I'm sure he wouldn't mind building a website for us and Ben is a marketing guru. He could give us lots of tips on how to market and sell the website and our service. He won a trip to Paris last year after he led a campaign for his company that won them a very lucrative contract with a top cloth
ing brand."
"Wow!" Nicole clapped her hands in delight. "This gets better and better."
Nicole produced a notebook which was full of designs and drawings for the website.
"When did you start this?" Evette asked as she flipped through her sister's notes. There were pages and pages filled with detailed lists and drawings.
"I saved the notebook with my own wedding plans and I've added more thoughts overnight. I've had the idea for a few days but I stayed up most of the night last night drawing and planning. I really want to move on with my life and I think that this is the way forward."
"What about your journalism career?" Evette asked, glancing up from her sister's detailed notes for a moment. Nicole sighed.
"I like journalism. I enjoyed it to an extent, but it's not my passion," she said. "Sarah and I had a conversation in the pub a few weeks ago and she really inspired me. She said that I need to let loose, start enjoying my life, that I need to find my passion. She was right. I've been living most of my life on auto pilot; always doing the right thing, being the perfect girlfriend, planning everything in the minutest detail. Well, my obsessive plans and doing the so-called right thing ruined my life. I've decided to pursue the unconventional. I have some savings set aside and I want to open my own business. I know I'd love it and I want you to be my business partner."
Evette hesitated. "I'm not nearly as organised as you, Nicole. What could I possibly bring to your business?"
"You would be a perfect balance to my obsessive nature," Nicole said quickly. "You are artistic and easygoing. You're in touch with yourself and your emotions. You'll be amazing and I want you to be on board with me. Say you'll do it."
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