Realise that your partner is human. They will make mistakes. If the mistakes aren't too serious then you should try your best to forgive easily.
If you are experiencing a serious rough patch, then sometimes counselling can be a helpful option. Again, an outsider’s viewpoint can bring balance to some situations. It is easier to listen to a professional explain where your partner is coming from than to end up fighting with each other.
A counsellor can play the role of referee in a sense, whereby each person gets to express themselves until they feel truly heard. The counsellor will often discuss a plan of action, which when implemented honestly and fairly by both partners, can be very helpful in overcoming a rough patch in your relationship.
I will finish by repeating that communication is key to overcoming a rough patch in your relationship; just keep talking and trying to hear each other and with time most rough patches will pass.
Why is infidelity so painful?
Why is infidelity so painful? I think the answer is in the question really. Nobody enjoys being cheated on or having their trust betrayed. There is no such thing, in my opinion, as a minor infidelity. You can feel just as crushed by one betrayal of trust as you feel by several. When you give your heart to someone, and they promise to love you in return, then there is probably nothing worse than to have your love thrown back in your face.
The most obvious betrayal is when your partner sleeps with someone else. You think that you are building a life together with mutual love and respect. You share everything with your partner; your hopes, your dreams, your aspirations and you think that they are sharing themselves with you and only you.
When you discover their affair, your whole world comes crashing down. You cannot believe that someone who you thought cared for you so much could hurt and betray you so badly. They may protest and say it didn't mean anything. It was over before it even began. You may even try to forgive them for their infidelity and betrayal of your trust and love, but there will always be a part of you that never forgets.
They will have revealed themselves in an entirely new light to you. When they declare their love for you, you won't be able to help wondering if they truly mean it. When they call to say they'll be home late from work or have to go away on a business trip, some small part of you will probably doubt them.
Then, in your quieter moments, usually when you are alone, and when the raw hurt of the open wound of your partner's betrayal has healed a little, you'll sit and ponder why they actually cheated on you. You'll wonder if the other person was more attractive than you, more intelligent, more fun to be with you. You'll start to doubt yourself. You'll wonder if they'll cheat on you again, when and with whom. Ultimately, you'll feel very sad and very lonely and very alone.
I've experienced infidelity in my relationship. I thought that I was with the love of my life, but his actions proved to me that he wasn't. I tried to live with his infidelity for a while. I managed to convince myself, briefly, that his infidelity was somehow my fault and I went out of my way to be a better girlfriend.
Eventually, I found living with his infidelity too demoralising. I was getting more and more paranoid, wondering where he was and who he was with. It got to the point where I couldn't face myself in the mirror. So, I ended our relationship. It took me a while to get over him, but I'm so glad that I broke up with him. Everyone deserves better than being treated like second best and in my opinion infidelity is too big a deal to forgive.
Why women cheat on their partners
Unfortunately, women cheat on men for many reasons. Whoever assumes that men are the biggest cheats in a relationship are sadly mistaken. Women cheat just as much as men, if not more. I know that this may be a bit of a sweeping generalisation but women cheat on men for very different reason than why men cheat on women. Most men cheat for sex and as an ego boost whereas most women cheat for emotional reasons. If a woman feels truly loved and cared for by her partner then she will rarely cheat. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule.
Women need to feel wanted sexually and emotionally. It is also important for a woman to feel that she is truly loved and understood by her partner. A woman likes to talk about everything, often a lot more than men. She wants to feel that her partner is fully engaged in her conversation. She will soon start to feel disheartened and unheard by her partner if he only half listens to her. This will slowly start to build resentment within her.
Women like to be made a fuss of. Anniversaries, birthdays, Valentine's Day and other special occasions are important dates to her. A man who remembers these days and makes a fuss of his partner on these special days will make a woman feel loved and special. However, if her husband or boyfriend treats these days as just another day, she will slowly start to feel that she is not very special to him.
It is important to compliment your wife or girlfriend. Women love when their partner compliments their appearance and notices litte changes they may have made. If her partner continuously ignores her then she will begin to feel insignificant to him.
Generally, it takes quite a long catalogue of events and hurts before a woman will seek solace elsewhere and cheat on her man. Often she will cheat with someone who has been showing her the love and affection that she has been lacking at home. She will feel guilty about cheating on her husband or boyfriend but will find it difficult to resist the attentions of another man if she is being treated like a piece of furniture at home.
We are all the same, men and women, all we want is to feel truly loved, understood, wanted and appreciated by our partners and if we don't receive the love and attention that we need from our partners then it is often difficult to resist the admirations and attentions elsewhere.
How to know when a relationship is over
The end of a relationship is very sad. Relationships end for many different reasons; sometimes the two people involved just drift apart, sometimes there is someone else involved. Maybe one partner changes too much for the other person. Whatever the reason for the breakup, it is important to remember that you both loved each other once, enough to want to be together, to live together and to plan a life and a future together. Relationships end, that's a simple fact of life, but it is best if both partners try to treat each other with respect and dignity at the end.
There are several signs to become aware of when you suspect that your relationship is over or almost over. You'll find that you are not confiding in each other as much as you once did. You're no longer planning for your future together. You may even be planning a life without your partner, without even fully realising it. Both of you may be spending more and more time alone, without the other. Suddenly, your friends are more of a priority than spending time with each other.
You may find that your partner begins to irritate you with little things which you were happy to overlook before, but now begin to get on your nerves more and more. Their idiosyncracies and eccentricities which once were so endearing are slowly becoming more annoying. You snap at each more and bicker a lot or you'll go the other direction and just not want to even bother fighting anymore because you don't think that it's worth the effort or the drama.
You start to think about life without your partner and, where once the thought of life without them would have devastated you, now all you want is the peace and quiet of being alone. You have probably tried to overcome your differences on several occasions; you've explained how you are feeling and both of you may have made an effort for a while, but soon the same old status quo is resumed.
When you realise that your relationship is over and is not redeemable, then it's best to admit the inevitable to yourself. The next step is to put yourself and your partner out of your mutual misery as soon as possible and as amicably as possible. It's best to have some sort of an exit strategy in mind, just in case your partner doesn't want to accept that you are done with the relationship. I would recommend just telling them frankly and honestly that you it's over.
How to be strong enough to let go of a
relationship and move on with your life
It's never easy to let go of a relationship and move on. Taking that final step to end the relationship can be one of the most difficult things anyone has to do. There was a time when you both loved each other very much. You made plans for your future together. You laughed and talked and joked. You were intimately connected to each other. Neither one of you thought your love for each other would ever end.
Slowly, but surely, tiny cracks begin to show in the relationship. You forget to kiss each other goodbye on the rush out the door to work. You start snapping at each other a little more carelessly. The quirks and habits that once you thought were sweet and endearing start to get on your nerves.
Does she have to stir her coffee like that? Is it so difficult for her to remove her hair from the shower? Why doesn't he trim his eyebrows or nose hair? Does he need to cough like that for no apparent reason? Instead of usually looking at the good in your partner, you start to focus more on the bad points and build up a little mental catalogue of annoyances against them.
Anyone can get irritated by their partner. It's a natural consequence to being so close to each other. After all, you live together, eat together, sleep together. Big decisions have to be decided upon together. I believe it is important to get your relationship back on track, but if, after much effort, you decide that your relationship cannot be saved, then the kindest and bravest thing is to end the relationship as quickly and painlessly as possible.
Once you have made the decision to end the relationship, then you must be strong, focused and honest. Be honest with your partner, and kind. Be honest and frank with them about your reasons for leaving. Advise them that your mind is made up and you believe that it is time to end your relationship. Tell them the reasons why you want to leave. Listen to their reaction, but don't allow yourself to be swayed from your decision if you truly believe it is the right decision for you. Your partner may take your decision calmly or they may be completely shocked.
It is important to have your friends and family around you at this time. You will need all the support and love you can get in order to stay strong enough to let go of the relationship and move on with your life. You should take some time to heal your heart and come to terms with the break up.
Yes, you may have been the person who ended it, but this is the end of a relationship you had with someone who you were used to seeing every day. Just remember that the feelings of pain and loss will pass. Stay strong, surround yourself with friends and family and focus on the bright future you have ahead.
When you love Mr. Wrong
The first step in resolving the issue of loving Mr. Wrong is actually realising that he is in fact Mr. Wrong. Once you realize that he is wrong for you, then you can do something about moving on, but until you have your epiphany you’ll spend a lot of your time wondering what the problem is with your relationship and why it isn’t working.
You’ll read countless books on how to fix your Mr. Wrong, in the hopes of turning him into Mr. Right. You’ll waste hours talking to your friends, looking for advice and solutions. You’ll probably even try to change yourself in the hopes that it will result in a change in him.
However, after much heartache and deliberation, you’ll eventually come to the conclusion that the problem is that you are in love with Mr. Wrong. It takes a lot of honesty with yourself to realize the truth, but after you’ve exhausted every possible avenue of trying to “fix” him, you’ll admit to yourself that you have fallen in love with Mr. Wrong. He may be Mr. Wrong for you and Mr Right for somebody else, but while you’re spending time with him, you’re losing out on time that could be spent with your Mr. Right.
I fell madly in love with Mr. Wrong, and was in love with him for years, but when I forced myself to be brutally honest about our relationship I saw that it was fundamentally flawed. He didn’t want to change, and I was tired of trying to change him. I was also tired of always being the person who compromised, who did things his way and rarely my way. We had a lot of good times together, but I always felt that there was something lacking in our relationship.
It took several attempts for me to finally end our relationship. We’d split up and be apart for a few weeks, then we’d get back together and I’d be so relieved to be with someone again that I’d overlook the inadequacies in our relationship, for a while. Sooner or later the old doubts and questions came back to haunt me, and I couldn’t allow myself to continue ignoring them.
Eventually, I ended it for good, and I’ve never looked back. I feel like I’ve gotten to know myself again. After years spent compromising and giving into someone else’s whims, I’d forgotten what I liked and disliked. I spent a year living on my own, reflecting and also enjoying my single life. I got to know myself again. Everyone said how much happier I seemed, and I felt happy, happier than I’d felt in a very long time.
I met my Mr Right a few months ago, and he truly is a wonderful man. Our relationship is relaxed and easygoing. We have so much in common and can talk to each other for hours or just sit together in comfortable silence. He is a joy. I realize now how wrong Mr. Wrong was for me, especially when I compare him to my Mr Right, so do yourselves a favour ladies, and release Mr Wrong from your life; you owe it to yourself.
Starting over
I’d just broken up with the self-declared love of my life and was slowly coming out of my period of “mourning” when I decided to try Internet dating. So, all on my ownsome again, one Saturday night, and feeling rather tipsy, having single-handedly drunk the best part of a bottle of wine, I blearily decided to try my hand at Internet dating. Several attempts at trying to remember my password and I finally managed to get online. I drunkenly typed “fun, love, romance, dating” into the search engine and up popped a dating website.
I registered my details, and chose the Gold membership, which offered unlimited text messages to other members, as well as voicemails, chat online and video messaging. Gold membership was a happy medium between the Silver and Platinum memberships, in my tipsy opinion.
Anyway, without going into too much detail, I managed to upload my profile and a fairly decent photo of myself-some feat, given I had demolished the last of the wine during the process. I got chatting to a decent enough looking guy. Hmmm, I wondered how he’d look in the morning when my hazy glow had worn off…never mind, I was safe in the comfort of my own living room. We were still chatting a few hours later, and were getting on very well. We arranged to meet the following weekend and I tumbled into my bed that night quite proud of the fact I had “pulled” in my pajamas
So, D-day, in other words Date-day, or should that be night, arrived. I was a mix of nervous anticipation and excitement. Could he be “the one”? Only joking, I was hoping for a bit of fun and romance at that point in my life, given the fact that I’d just come out of a very serious relationship. We had arranged to meet at 8pm in the city centre, my friend offered to drop me off and collect me again later, so I was all set to have a good night.
There I was hair straightened, makeup on, dressed to impress when I caught a glimpse of my date for the evening…hmmm…not so good. I told my friend to keep driving, but she screeched the car to a halt right in front of Brian, my date. I tumbled out of the car and tentatively offered my hand in greeting, which he took and proceeded to lean in closer to kiss me on the cheek.
A distinctive smell of urine greeted my nose as he kissed me, not a very good start or first impression. Oh well…several gin and tonics later and I realised that Brian was not going to be the man for me. I was trying to work out a polite way of exiting but I found myself being whisked off to dinner, and it was sushi, my favourite… things were starting to look up.
There we were sitting perusing the menu, our orders taken, and I found that I needed to use the loo. I attempted to stand up, but I couldn’t move without trailing my chair behind me. It appeared I was stuck to the chair. Somehow, my dress had become entangled in the metal of the chair and ripped a hole in it. The waite
r and my date had to remove the chair from my ensemble, and I hurried off to the loo to check the damage to my dress.
That was the first and last night I saw Brian, but not yet willing to give up, I logged back on to the Internet to continue my dating adventures or misadventures!
Prepare for dating by dating yourself
I find the best approach to dating successfully is just to relax, enjoy the experience, but most importantly to be yourself. Being yourself is a lot easier said than done. In order to be yourself, you must truly know yourself. I was in a long-term relationship for several years, and I knew my partner’s favourite colour, favourite wine, favourite food, favourite film, favourite everything.
It wasn’t until we broke up that I realised that I knew very little about myself. I had spent so much time and energy finding out about my partner’s likes and dislikes and moulding myself to what suited him that I had completely forgotten about me.
I’ve been single now for a year, and I can honestly say that it’s been the best year of my life. I have gotten to know myself. I’ve taken the time to reconnect with my friends and through their friendship and also quite a bit of time spent in my own company I have slowly but surely discovered who I am.
I set aside a certain amount of money once a month and take myself on a date, alone, into the city where I treat myself to lunch at my favourite restaurant, and eat exactly what I want. If I just feel like having dessert, then I will just have dessert. I then buy myself a new outfit, and if I want to spend an hour looking at earrings, then that’s exactly what I will do. I don’t have to wait for someone else or wonder if I am delaying them.
Bestsellers: Duo - the Wedding Day and My Love Page 21
