Many evenings I have sat in my little apartment by myself with the curtains closed and nothing but the crackling of the wood burning in the fire for company. I’ve sat there watching the sparks and letting my mind wander. I’ve discovered so much about myself from just sitting in silent contemplation and experiencing utter peace. It has been so blissful.
I feel like I am slowly but surely getting to know myself, my wants, my desires, what makes me “tick”. I’ve learned that that the more I know myself, the more empathic I am towards other people, and the more I genuinely want to get to know other people.
I’ve had a few dates and I treat the experience as an adventure in getting to know someone new. I am much more open and honest and above all else, I am true to myself. I know I will eventually meet that special someone, but I have a little more work to do on myself first. I’m enjoying the journey, and look forward to see where it takes me.
How to date when looking for a serious relationship
My mother gave me a piece of advice once which I think is very wise. She said “treat every relationship as if it were your last.” I was a bit stunned by her advice at first, but the more I think about it and the more experience I have of dating, the more I realise how correct she was in her advice. I remember saying to her that not all romantic relationships are going to be serious.
She looked at me with a knowing smile on her face and said, “ah, but it's amazing how a so-called casual relationship can suddenly turn into a long-running, serious relationship.” She is an old fashioned woman with old-fashioned morals and principles, but when it comes to matters of the heart there's nothing like some good old-fashioned common sense advice sometimes.
My main piece of advice on looking for a serious relationship is to know yourself and who you are. There's no point looking for a life partner if you don't know yourself very well. Make sure you have an idea in your mind of what is important to you in a partner. Know which areas you are prepared to compromise on and which areas are non-negotiable. Value yourself. Look for someone who is your equal in intelligence, emotional maturity and finances. Try to find someone who is kind, for when all else fades if you are left with kindness then that is a gift.
Get to know your potential future partner slowly. What's the big rush? After all, if this is going to be a serious relationship then you will hopefully be spending a lot of time together, maybe even the rest of your lives. If your partner values you and themselves, then they won't want to rush the relationship at the early stages. It takes a while to fall in love with someone.
We fall in lust fairly easily, but not in love. It's better to get to know each other slowly and really learn about the other person before giving your heart away too soon. Spend time with each other. Do things together, whatever you have in common; like cinema, shopping, restaurants, walking, exercising.
Don't rush into bed together. Sleeping together too soon is a mistake, in my opinion. The relationship is elevated to a whole new emotional level, which may cloud your judgement. It is wise to build the foundations of a relationship before sleeping together.
A friend of mine said to me that she could never sleep with a man unless she loved him. That sentence of hers made me stop in my tracks. It's such an obvious thing to say, but how many of us truly wait to sleep with another until we love them? Imagine saying that sentence to your date; “I can only sleep with you when I know that I love you.” It would make them feel special and let them see how much you value yourself. So, I will end by repeating my mother's wise words, “treat every relationship as if it were your last.”
How to eliminate baggage from past relationships
It is important for our emotional health and also the health of our future relationships that we try our best to eliminate or at least minimise the baggage from past relationships. Of course, this is a lot easier said than done, but it is essential that we at least try.
All of us carry baggage with us from past relationships. It's a fact of life. Once we accept this fact then we can start doing something about letting go of the baggage and moving on. I don't think that it is possible to completely eliminate the baggage from past relationships, and to be honest I don't think it's necessarily a good idea to try to completely eliminate it. We learn from our past, including our mistakes, some would even argue that we learn more from our mistakes than from our successes.
Every experience in life, whether good or bad, has a lesson for us to learn. If we approach life with this philosophy then it makes the hard times a little easier to bear and the good times even sweeter. When we experience negativity in a relationship, then we need to acknowledge what has happened. Even though we may have overcome an obstacle in a relationship, we will often continue to carry the scars.
All we can do is to learn from the experience and then try to let it go. We need to make an effort not to let past negative experiences influence or affect our current relationships. It's just not fair to put that baggage on our new friends or partners. There will often be a similarity in people's personalities, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they are going to treat you as your previous partner treated you. It is unfair to you and your new partner to assume that they will be like your old relationship.
Communication is the key to any relationship. If you feel that baggage from your past relationship is beginning to influence your attitude in your new relationship then I would recommend that you speak to your new partner about your feelings. Once they are aware of your previous experiences then they will be more understanding of you and will try to help you to overcome your feelings. Do not feel that you are alone. All of us, including your new partner, carry baggage from past relationships, some people just know how to deal with it better than others.
About the Author
Joanne Clancy is a writer from County Cork, Ireland. She is an avid reader, a self-confessed Kindle addict and a tea fiend!
Joanne is the author of The Wedding Day, Unfaithfully Yours, Unforgettable Embrace, My Love and The Secrets & Lies Trilogy. Secrets and Lies is the first book in the trilogy, Aftermath is next and Redemption is the final book.
She is currently working on her next book which will be available in November 2012.
You can purchase Joanne Clancy's books on Amazon, Smashwords, Kobo, Barnes and Noble, Sony and Apple.
Read more about Joanne on her website and follow her on Facebook and Goodreads.
Click here to buy Joanne Clancy’s books
Amazon: http:/www.amazon.com/author/joanneclancy
Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/5105133.Joanne_Clancy
Website: http://www.joanneclancy.com
Facebook: http://facebook.com/joanneclancyauthor
Books by Joanne Clancy
Unforgettable Embrace
Unfaithfully Yours
The Wedding Day
My Love
And
The Secrets & Lies Trilogy:
Secrets & Lies, Book 1
Aftermath, Book 2
Redemption, Book 3
Click here to purchase Joanne Clancy’s books
Secrets & Lies
Book 1 of The Secrets & Lies Trilogy
by Joanne Clancy
Synopsis:
Kerry Darcy has loved Conor, her childhood sweetheart, for more than twenty years. They’ve built their dream home, raised a happy family and are still madly in love.
Hope Kennedy seems to have it all; a fabulous job, a luxurious apartment and best of all she’s married to her soulmate, Niall.
Two very different women, two perfect husbands; but what happens when their lives horribly collide?
The terrible force of chaos ensues; a force that takes its fateful hold on time and place. It ruptures the present, warps the future, replacing order with confusion, confidence with trepidation and control with powerlessness. Lives are ended for some, changed forever for others and a most significant chain of events is about to unfold with catastrophic results.
Reviews for
Secrets and Lies:
Secrets & Lies was a wonderful story. It kept building momentum as the stories of Kerry's and Hope's lives unfolded. The author described the characters in vivid detail and you felt as though you knew them by the end of the novel. There are also hints as to their lives possibly intersecting in the following sequels, which promise to be very interesting considering the cliffhanger of an ending! I feel compelled to read Aftermath to see exactly what lies ahead for these characters...
~ Michele H., Amazon
Having read a few previous books by this author, which I'd also enjoyed. I have to say that Joanne Clancy just gets better and better every time and as a result this is a polished and well thought-out, intriguing story. It follows the lives of a couple of female main characters. Kerry who's married to Conor and Hope who's married to Niall and it sure makes you wonder how these two, very different ladies are connected and I don't want to spoil anything, but could it be their husbands? The sex scenes were handled really well as I've come to expect, for Joanne Clancy has a knack of making them downright sexy without being 'cringey' which is a major skill in itself. I got stuck into this novel right from the start and raced to finish it, seeing as I was carried away on a simple basis of wanting to find out what happens next. In fact, it's such a page-turner that I nearly missed my doctor’s appointment when they'd called out my name, but I was so engrossed in reading it that I didn't hear them until the nurse tapped me on the shoulder and I nearly dropped my Kindle. I can't wait for the second book in this trilogy to be produced and if you read it too then you'll understand, why! ~ Maureen Reil, Amazon
Aftermath
The second book in The Secrets and Lies Trilogy
By Joanne Clancy
Synopsis:
Kerry Darcy has survived the fateful day in March when the tsunami struck, but she is struggling to pick up the pieces of her shattered life.
Pregnant and alone, Hope Kennedy is left wondering what happened to the man she loved so much.
Two very different women, two perfect husbands, but what happens when their lives horribly collide?
Reviews:
Again I have nothing but praise for this author. This is such an intriguing story, the 2nd part in the trilogy. I read this book in one sitting. I couldn't put it down.
The first book leaves off to see if Kerry and daughter Saoirse are alright. And what about the fate of Kerry's husband Conor and Hope's husband Niall?
It is difficult to imagine what it must be like to experience a tsunami. When Kerry returned to consciousness, she was clinging to a tree. Her survival instincts had taken over. But where was her daughter Saoirse. The last thing Kerry had said to her was "Catch the Roof". We then learn that Saoirse managed to haul herself onto the roof. Hours passed for Kerry and then two Japanese rescuers tried to assist her, but she had two broken legs and couldn't be moved. They came back with others and loaded her on a mattress/raft. Kerry was brought to a room in the Hotel with other survivors, but no doctors or nurses. Eventually, she was transported to a hospital along with other injured. Kerry experienced such great acts of kindness from complete strangers. She was sent to another hospital and told she had a fractured pelvis and broken legs, but wouldn't require an operation. Back in Ireland, her twin sister, Maura and family contacted the authorities in Japan to locate her whereabouts. When Maura located Kerry, she flew directly to Japan. In the interim, Maura located Saoirse, soon to be reunited with her older sister Emer and her mom. But Conor was still missing.
Kerry learned to control her unbearable pain with her energy, cutting back on her morphine. Finally the day came for her and her two daughters to fly back to Cork, Ireland from Japan, to continue her rehabilitation. Kerry felt a deep sadness about leaving Conor behind, but she knew she would return to Japan as soon as she could. But returning to Ireland made her feel guilty for being alive...but what about Conor. The aftermath of the tsunami had shown her what was important in life.
Hope was 6 months pregnant, with her son, with her husband Niall still missing. She couldn't grieve him, because she didn't know if he was dead or alive. At the time of the tsunami, Niall was in Japan on business. Following the devastating news, Hope and her mother had flown to Japan to search for him...but no such luck.
Halfway through the book, the author throws us a left curve...which totally blows us away. I can't say any more, or I will spoil it for others. Just read this book. I was then glued to the book until the end. I can't wait for the 3rd part of the trilogy, "Redemption", which I believe Joanne said will be available in the winter. These are well written novels and so enjoyable to read. Thank you Joanne and keep up the great work. ~ Coccotorro, Amazon
Redemption
The final book in the Secrets and Lies Trilogy
By Joanne Clancy
Synopsis:
In the ebb and flow of every relationship, there sometimes comes a tide which can sweep in the most profound changes. Kerry Darcy and Hope Kennedy sense such a tide washing over them now. It’s a swell which has propelled them on the long road to discovering the truth.
Both women refuse to give up on their husbands, believing that the tumultuous events of the previous months will be resolved and their lives will be restored to normal.
They want answers. But what is the truth behind the secrets and lies that have been buried deep for so long?
Unfaithfully Yours
by Joanne Clancy
Reviews:
The story really got me emotionally involved - I'd find myself saying to my husband, "You'll never guess what this total scumbag's up to now!" while he was trying to read his own book, like it was someone we both knew! ~ Lacey Dearie, Amazon
The writing is vibrant and pacy and carried me along. I found myself becoming involved in the story and excited to find out what would happen next. I found the book to be very entertaining while at the same time making me think about how fragile our personal relationships can be.
~ Nat, Amazon
"Unfaithfully Yours" is a riveting read, full of intrigue and suspense. I loved it and I can't wait to read more of Joanne Clancy's books. ~James, Amazon
Synopsis
Four scorned women, one adulterous man and the price he has to pay for their revenge. Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.
"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned/ Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned." By William Congreve in The Mourning Bride of 1697.
Shona Morgan is in love with a married man. She finally realises that her married lover, Mark McNamara, is never going to leave his wife for her. Heartbroken, she resolves to break up with him and try to move on with her life.
Jackie Fitzpatrick seems to have it all; a loving husband and two beautiful children. However, she can’t escape the sneaking feeling that there’s more to life and embarks on an illicit affair, but at what cost?
Penelope Garrett has had enough of being treated badly by the men in her life and is determined to seek revenge when her latest boyfriend lets her down.
Rebecca McNamara thinks she has the perfect marriage but when she discovers her husband’s dark secrets her idyllic life comes crashing down around her.
Four scorned women, one adulterous man and the price he has to pay for their revenge. Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.
"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned/ Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned." By William Congreve in The Mourning Bride of 1697.
Unforgettable Embrace
By Joanne Clancy
Reviews:
A really refreshing writer, very easy to read. I love the little twists that make it hard to put down. I have to say I really enjoyed it, looking forward to the next book. ~Glen, Amazon
If you are looking for a great read you do not need to look further. I highly recommend this.
~Gigglesilly, Amazon
Like sharing a cup of tea with a friend. Familiar and heartwarming.
> ~Margaret, Literary Chanteuse, Amazon
Synopsis
Unforgettable Embrace is a story of a woman’s journey in self-discovery with many unexpected and often hilarious encounters along the way.
Rachel’s life has become a boring and monotonous routine. Life is just not what she expected it to be, so she decides to make some drastic but exciting changes.
A significant event occurs during a friend’s hen weekend, the seriousness of which wouldn’t be unveiled until later.
Tense moments arise that are suddenly and brutally made to look miniscule compared to the serious events, that unknown to Rachel, have already taken place, in which she is unwittingly but dangerously involved.
Click here to purchase Joanne Clancy’s books
Bestsellers: Duo - the Wedding Day and My Love Page 22
