Twins for a Christmas Bride
Page 14
But how could she tell him how she felt?
At this precise moment he was still married to her sister … or at least still legally connected so that he couldn’t marry anyone else …
She stopped in her tracks as a sudden thought struck her.
Perhaps that was the problem! Perhaps the fact that he’d been married to her sister was the reason why he wouldn’t even consider marrying her.
She stared out of the window into the late autumn darkness, a tiny corner of her brain telling her that she should have closed the curtains to keep the heat in, and had to concede that there would be many people who would think it creepy that he could switch allegiance from one twin to the other, as though they were as easily interchangeable as a pair of identical socks.
‘When, in fact, we’re more like a pair of shoes,’ she muttered under her breath as she began pacing again. ‘Fit perfectly one way and complete agony if you put them on the wrong foot.’
Oh, but she and Dan would have been such a good fit, she mourned as her steps gradually slowed. If only she had been just a little more like her glamorous, confident sister instead of her quiet bookish self, perhaps Dan wouldn’t have been so dazzled when Zara had deliberately set out to attract him. It was all too late now, she admitted with a sigh, and her feet were dragging as she started to make her way to the chair on the other side of the fireplace, too downhearted to sit next to Dan again.
‘Uh-uh!’ Dan shook his head as he caught her hand and pulled her back to his side. ‘That’s too far away when there’s still so much to talk about.’
It wasn’t worth fighting about so she gave in and sat down in her corner again, resigned to listening to his plans for the rest of his life then wishing him good luck.
‘Are you ready now?’ he asked, and used a gentle finger to turn her head to face him.
‘Ready?’ she repeated listlessly, her last forlorn hopes already faded to nothing.
‘Ready to listen to the biggest most grovelling apology I’ve ever had to make in my life.’
‘Apology?’ She frowned. ‘What have you got to apologise for? It was your marriage and it’s your right to end it. It’s got nothing to do with me.’
‘Oh, but it does if it should have been you I married in the first place,’ he said softly, the expression in those beautiful green eyes so sincere that her heart did that crazy stuttering thing again.
‘I was a stupid, gullible idiot when Zara came on to me like that,’ he said bluntly, shocking her with his brutal honesty. ‘My only excuse is that she seemed to have tapped into the way I was wishing you felt about me—that you enjoyed my company, that you found me sexy, that you desired me—and the fact that it all came in a package that looked identical to the woman I was already attracted to seemed to completely scramble my brains and short-circuit any attempt at rational thought.’
He hesitated a moment before he picked up her hand, as though he was expecting her to refuse to let him hold it, but she couldn’t refuse him, not when he wore an expression of such despair.
‘I knew I was doing the wrong thing even as I was standing waiting for the ceremony to start,’ he admitted in a defeated voice so at odds with the dynamic man she knew him to be. ‘I saw you walk in looking like a princess, wearing that beautiful dress—’
‘My grandmother’s dress,’ she interrupted briefly, so glad that at least he’d noticed her when she’d been looking her best. He’d seen all too much of her at the end of gruelling twelve-hour shifts.
‘I knew what I was doing was wrong,’ he continued, ‘but I was convinced that I’d completely burned my boats with you … and, besides, I couldn’t just walk out and leave Zara at the altar, so to speak. If she hadn’t killed me, your parents would.’
‘You’re right there,’ she agreed. ‘My mother had moved heaven and earth to get everything organised so quickly. She was convinced that the reason Zara didn’t want to wait was because she was pregnant.’
‘Hardly!’ he scoffed. ‘Even when we were supposed to be “trying for a baby” she was on the Pill. Then, so I wouldn’t “waste my energy”, she started taking the packs consecutively so it seemed as if she never ovulated and I was never invited to go near her.’
‘But … she seemed so heart-broken that she couldn’t have a child with you.’ This was one facet of Zara’s deception that she hadn’t known about before. If she had, her parents would have had no chance of browbeating her into acting as surrogate for her sister … except …
Except in her heart it had never been Zara’s child she’d agreed to carry but Dan’s. It had been his sadness she’d wanted to banish with her gift.
‘Sara, there isn’t really a socially acceptable way of bringing this up but … your sister and I haven’t … haven’t been intimate for a long time … About a year before you became pregnant or even more than that. It certainly wouldn’t be as if I were leaping out of one twin’s bed and into the other …’
‘Leaping into …’ Sara felt her eyes grow wide. She seemed to have missed part of the conversation somewhere along the line because it had almost sounded as if he was saying … as if he was asking … And to her utter shock he slid off the settee onto one knee in front of her, taking both her hands in his as he looked up into her face.
‘Sara, I’ve had to live with the knowledge that I made an utter mess of everything when we were just starting our relationship … when I was falling in love with you. I’ll never be able to forgive myself that I’ve completely wasted the years between when we could have been married, because it was all my own fault. Can you ever forgive me for being so stupid?’
Sara wasn’t certain whether she was laughing or crying … probably both, with her emotions in such turmoil.
‘Oh, Dan, if it means the difference between not having you in my life and being married to you and making a family with you … of course I can forgive you.’
She quickly realised that pulling her into his arms really wasn’t a possibility with such a large bump getting in the way, but she’d loved him for so long that missing out on any more of his kisses wasn’t an option.
‘I want to hold you,’ he murmured when they came up for air a while later, then smiled at her with that same boyish grin that had always set her pulse somersaulting. ‘This settee definitely isn’t big enough for the four of us.’
He helped her to her feet, the process taking far longer than it should have, in spite of the fact she no longer sported a cast, because neither of them could resist another kiss.
She was a little uncertain that this was the right time for them—after all, it hadn’t been very long ago that she’d believed he was going to hunt for someone else to be a mother for his children. But she was wrapped in his arms and she knew that if she led him through to her bedroom she could trust him to be gentle with her because he loved her.
Then, almost at the foot of her bed, he hesitated, as though having serious second thoughts.
‘Um, Sara … would you think me very strange if I said I’d rather we didn’t make love yet?’
Disappointment had her heart plummeting to her feet. She’d honestly believed that he was just as aroused as she was, but, then, he was a handsome, fit man while she … she was a vast bulky blimp who would soon need a marquee to cover her enormous belly full of babies—definitely not anyone’s idea of an ideal sex partner.
‘It’s not that I don’t want to,’ he said hurriedly, and squeezed her hand, apparently only realising that there must be something wrong when she hadn’t managed to find the words to tell him she didn’t mind the delay. ‘You only have to look south to know that’s not true.’
Her eyes followed his directions and she couldn’t help blushing when she saw the evidence that he definitely found her desirable, despite her advanced pregnancy.
So why was she feeling a strange sense of relief that he wanted to take the decision out of her hands, that he wanted to wait for another time to become intimate with her? But she still had questions.
‘It just doesn’t feel right to be together yet,’ he explained quietly, and gave a self-deprecating shrug. ‘I know it’s not really logical and there isn’t long to wait before I can apply for the decree absolute and I’ve been wanting to make love to you for so long that even my hair aches with it, but …’
Suddenly she realised exactly what he was saying and that she felt the same way, too.
‘You mean, you don’t want to make love with me until you’re completely free of Zara, so that there’s a … a separation between those two parts of your life and a real new start,’ she suggested, and felt like the brightest pupil in the class when he smiled at her.
‘Exactly,’ he said with patent relief. ‘Do you mind?’
‘How can I when I’ve just realised that I feel the same way?’ she admitted. ‘But I would feel more than disappointed if you were also putting an embargo on kisses and cuddles.’
‘There’s no embargo on those,’ he reassured her as he finally guided her across to the bed and laid her down on it, quickly joining her there. ‘You can have as many kisses and cuddles as you want.’
In spite of the fact that the hospital was very busy, due to a combination of increasing numbers of patients with seasonal ailments and the resulting staff shortages, the next weeks simply flew by.
Sara had shared a wry joke with Dan that almost as soon as she’d be signed off as fit to return to full-time work she would be eligible to start her maternity leave.
‘And not a minute too soon,’ Dan growled, when he saw how exhausted she was at the end of a full shift.
In a move that had become a daily ritual since she’d accepted his proposal, he pushed her gently in the direction of the bathroom and flipped the taps on full before he turned to help her out of her clothes. ‘You’ve got to make allowances for the fact that you’re carrying twins,’ he scolded gently, his eyes already scanning her from head to foot as he searched for any external signs of problems such as pre-eclampsia.
‘Nothing untoward?’ she prompted when he’d finished checking, but she could already tell from his face that he’d found nothing new to worry about.
‘Grab hold of me,’ he directed as he offered her a hand to steady her while she climbed into the bath, but she opted to throw her arms around him and share a heartfelt kiss with him first.
Next in the ritual was a leisurely soak while he made preparations for their evening meal, then an equally leisurely foot massage that, more often than not, resulted in Sara falling asleep.
It was such a relaxing routine and so devoid of anything stressful that at times she wondered if she was the only one who was aware of the gradually building level of tension. It was worse when they slept together, curled up on the bed on a day off duty when he managed to persuade her to take a nap, or latterly even in the bed when cramp and backache made her nights misery and it was easier to have her own personal physician close at hand to administer the relevant massage techniques.
Finally came the day that he arrived with an even bigger bunch of freesias and a mysterious parcel that he presented to her with a smile from ear to ear.
CHAPTER TEN
‘WHAT’S this?’ Sara asked as she took in the fact that the parcel looked rather hastily wrapped … most unlike the meticulous way he’d wrapped the present they’d given to her parents when they’d visited them to announce their intended marriage. ‘It’s a bit early for a Christmas present. That’s nearly a month away.’ Although it didn’t look very much like it because the paper wasn’t in the least bit Christmassy.
‘No, it’s not for Christmas, but I’m hoping that what’s in it will make this the best Christmas ever,’ he said, managing to look as excited as a child on Christmas morning. ‘And I hope you’re not going to take for ever to unwrap it,’ he added, clearly impatient for her to see what was inside. ‘I can’t bear it when people unpick each knot or peel off the tape.’
‘Well, then, this is just for you.’ She chuckled, infected by his air of excitement, grabbed hold of the wrapping paper in both hands and pulled.
He groaned as the contents of the parcel flew in two directions and he had to retrieve them one by one.
‘These first,’ he directed. ‘I took that packet of ugly harvest festivals back and swapped them for the sexiest ones I could find,’ he said with a grin, and waggled his eyebrows when she blinked at just how risqué the delicate lingerie was.
‘Harvest festivals?’ she repeated with warmth in her cheeks, remembering the vastly oversized knickers she’d bought to fit over her cast and then never worn.
‘My grandmother used to call them that,’ he said with a laugh. ‘She said it was because they were so all-encompassing that they reminded her of that hymn that’s always sung at harvest festivals, “All is safely gathered in”.’
‘Well, if they were harvest festivals, what are these?’ She was almost embarrassed to look at them while he was watching for her reaction. She’d worn that thong out of sheer necessity when she’d first broken her leg, but these definitely had a different purpose if his expression was anything to go by. There was absolutely nothing utilitarian about them.
‘Those are definitely Mardi Gras, or even Copacabana,’ he suggested, ‘and I can’t wait to see you modelling them.’
The heat in his eyes was enough to send her temperature and pulse soaring and it wasn’t something she was used to from Dan. While they had their agreement to wait until he was finally free of his marriage to Zara, she’d recognised that he’d been walking a torturous tightrope. On the one hand he’d been at great pains to make sure that she knew just how sexy he found her ripening body and how much he desired her while preventing the situation getting out of hand.
This, today, was so out of character that she scarcely …
‘And this is the other “Happy Christmas” present we’re going to share,’ he said, more seriously this time, as he handed her the other half of the parcel. It was a bulky envelope and looked quite official … almost like …
‘The decree absolute,’ she whispered, hardly able to believe what she was seeing when she slid the document out. ‘Oh, Dan, you’re free.’
‘Exactly,’ he said with delight, flinging both arms around her. ‘And tomorrow morning we’re both going to present ourselves with all our relevant documents and information and we’re going to book our wedding for twenty-one days later.’
‘Twenty-one days?’ she repeated, quite shocked that everything suddenly seemed to be moving so fast. ‘But that’s so close to Christmas and … and … Dan, you’ve been crossing off the days until you’d be free. Don’t you want a little while to get used to the idea that you’re not married to Zara before you tie yourself to—?’
‘Sara, my love,’ he said as he tightened his arms around her and settled her head on his shoulder, where it belonged, ‘there’s only one reason why I’ve been counting every last second until I could get this decree in my hand, and that’s because I can’t wait to be married to you.’
‘But …’
He stopped her speaking with a hungry kiss, although that was becoming more difficult without some careful positioning as her bump grew ever larger.
‘And don’t you start trying to come up with all sorts of ulterior motives, such as “he’s only doing it so fast because he wants to be married before the babies arrive to make sure they have his name.” I can tell you categorically that, while it would cut down on a bit of paperwork, I’d be in just as much of a hurry to marry you if you weren’t pregnant at all.’
He gave her another kiss that went a long way to convincing her just how much he desired her, then cupped her face in his hands and drew back, but only far enough for her to focus on green eyes that now blazed w
ith all the love she could ever want. He drew in a noticeably shaky breath then declared fiercely, ‘Sara, I just can’t wait to be able to tell the world how I feel … that the woman I love to distraction has given me the best Christmas gift in the world and is finally my wife.’
In the end, it hadn’t mattered in the least that she’d been feeling as if she was the size of a small house, because Dan had been right—all that mattered was that they were married at last, and there wasn’t a dry eye.
With so few days to go before Christmas there was evidence everywhere from the beautiful display of scarlet and green poinsettia around the room to the fine streamers of red and green ribbon spiralling down from Sara’s bouquet of Christmas roses.
Sara suspected that her mother probably hadn’t been able to resist comparing this small gathering in the nearest registry office with Zara’s elegant ceremony. No doubt she was regretting that neither she nor Dan had been willing to give her the chance to arrange something similar for them.
This was far more intimate and more meaningful, with just their closest friends in attendance to wish them well; and she didn’t have to look much further than Sean O’Malley to guess who had suggested that they should all celebrate the unique time of year by wearing red or green.
But there was no way that even Audrey could miss the loving way Dan had ushered her into the room or the supportive arm that had encircled her throughout the proceedings.
Even the registrar had looked ecstatic when she declared them husband and wife, but that was probably because the poor woman was so relieved that she hadn’t had to witness a precipitate delivery all over her brightly polished floor.
‘Still, it’s a bit of a shame,’ Sean teased when he came up to congratulate them. ‘It would have been so handy for registering the birth.’
Sara was the only one who didn’t laugh.
All morning she had been feeling ominous tightenings and Dan hadn’t completely been able to convince her that it was just more Braxton-Hicks’ contractions. She’d been horribly certain that she would never get this far before going into labour.